Do You Throw Your Dummy Out of the Pram?

Mistress Jules · Jul 3, 2017

PouchPantyLover said: ↑

@Mistress Jules I appreciate this thread and your feedback even though I was the author of one of the posts you found fault with. I will play devils advocate here and point out a few things worth considering in this conversation.

First off I'm sure some of the people like myself and my wife are very new to this lifestyle. We discovered chastity by accident and our FLR emerged organically. We have no contracts ssc or otherwise. Give us the space to resolve what works for us rather than tell us we must march to the beat of the drum you are beating.

Secondly you are clearly a powerful woman with great confidence in her role in a chastity relationship. For many women this doesn't come naturally. They are used to thinking of their husbands in a different way than this. For example I am the bread winner of our family. I run my own successful business and have always been in charge of many aspects of our life. Where I have not been dominant we have always been equals. To simply say OK your dominant now and expect her to know what to do and be comfortable in that role is unreasonable. Call my feedback topping from on bottom if you like. We call it a learning curve.

Thirdly I think it's unreasonable to say this is only about her. This is about us. My feelings, needs and desires account for something. If your partners don't I feel sorry for both of you. I strive to put her feelings, needs and desires first. I strive to serve her and please her and yes I fall short of even my own standards for this on occasion. I don't insist that "she does it my way", but I struggle in my role if she doesn't make me.

Finally you make it sound like she is only doing this as a favor to me. We have had periodic discussions over the last 6 months of getting into this lifestyle. To help with the discussion I suggested we each make a list of three things we like and three things we don't like. This has resulted in my understanding what she likes about our new lifestyle and tailor my behaviors to give her greater pleasure. Some of that is sexual, some of that is service, but a lot of it has been simply the gift of time. Allowing her to sleep in by getting the kids ready for school. Allowing her to relax and read a book in the afternoon because I'm getting dinner ready.

While I am making a counter argument to your point I do appreciate your message. It is something I tell myself on a daily basis. I turned to CM when I started because I needed help figuring out just the simple mechanics of chastity. What I discovered in that process is an amazing community with a lot to offer. I have written things here that has truly been an act of bearing my soul for all to see and judge. The feedback I have gotten from that process has been amazing and I count yours among that. I hope that I have and will contribute to that community as well.
Click to expand...

If the message has given you pause for thought then it has served its purpose. Thank you for taking the time to make such a well thought out reply.

If it is any consolation, there are still hiccups in our journey as each of us tries to balance the needs and desires of the other. In that you are I suspect one of many alongside us.

Forums

Do You Throw Your Dummy Out of the Pram?

Mistress Jules Professional Dominatrix and Owner of Lockit
Staff Member Administrator Verified Female

Do You Throw Your Dummy Out of the Pram?

Mistress Jules Professional Dominatrix and Owner of Lockit Staff Member Administrator Verified Female

Mistress Jules Professional Dominatrix and Owner of Lockit
Staff Member Administrator Verified Female