Topping from the Bottom (Buying books and sending web links)

It’s only a form of topping from the bottom if she doesn’t approve of you buying those things for her or sending her the quotes. However, if you’ve bought these things for her and she hasn’t cracked a book yet or doesn’t seem like she’s looking at the quotes or links you have been sending her then now is a good time to stop. I bought my wife several femdom guide books in the first couple of years we started chastity. The only book she ever read was the one that helped convince her to give male chastity a try. I probably bought 4 other related books and she barely looked through them. I think the problem was that although I was trying to be helpful I was also trying to push the information at her instead of just letting her be and discovering the domme she wanted to create. Those books were more about the domme I wanted her to be versus the domme she wanted to be. Not saying they couldn’t be helpful to someone they just weren’t for her.

I would stop buying the books and sending her links unless it’s something you really think she’d like versus something that you like. You can also just ask her if she likes what you’ve been giving her, communication is a big key as I know you’ve read here. Don’t be afraid to ask her and don’t be afraid of what her honest answer. I feel like My wife and I grew leaps and bounds when I dropped gifting her the “educational” information. My wife is having fun with this and just wants to do it her way. Do I get everything I want? No! It’s a femdom relationship, she’s guiding us but I can make a polite suggestion and maybe she’ll listen to me or maybe not. But either way the way I look at it is that she makes our lives fun and she is truly my domme. And at the end of the day I really wanted her to be my domme wife. So I feel incredibly lucky that she has gone down this path with and in that perspective I am getting everything I wanted.

 

I’d simply ask her… ask her if she enjoys the “help”. My wife did and I still send her things now and then and she enjoys them. If she told me not to, I wouldn’t.

Also experience helps…my wife was very very vanilla for a time and the articles and ideas we shared she really loved as it helped her embrace her own power and start expanding her mindset and she’s thanked me for that.

As with all relationship things, communication is key.

 

My Mistress/wife isnt what you would think of as a strict, dom-ish in our relationship. Most probably would call it FLR "light". However I have a separate on-line KH who is very experienced and takes care of the more strict and dom side of my submissive role. This actually frees up my Mistress for all the benefits and direct attention.

My KH controls my cage/keys/lock (Mistress only has an emergency key and guards it closely) and is very strict with orgasm denial, tasks, punishments, etc as needed. Mistress ensures I adhere to all the KH demands too.

Works out well for all of us...I guess except for LONG periods of no orgasms ...but then I know that is part of my life now.

 

Working on showing her how being caged to her makes you super attentive, work to do extra chores to please her, she should see and like the new unselfish you like mine did, now she won’t unlock me … only when she needs me.

 

I think you have to initiate it as the man, unless she's initiating it (which is rare). If you ARE initiating it you need to make sure she understands what you want. But we men tend to go too far and dump too much information on them and they're too busy for all that. I guess start with finding a book, read it yourself, make sure it's what you actually want or eliminate parts you don't want.

My KH and I started with "Femdom for Nice Girls: A Self Guided Manual for the Caring Mistress" by Lucy Fairbourne. It's pretty mild/tame compared to a lot of the stuff out there. I knew if my KH caught wind of any sissy maid cuckolding stuff she'd run in terror. I think the book does mention cuckolding in one paragraph though, so it's not completely vanilla.

I do recommend that book in particular because I've read it at least 3 times myself and my wife also has read it. It's short, covers the basics. But it covers more ground than just male chastity but addresses male chastity and chastity devices more as a part of femdom overall.

 

See my post "second time around". I fe**ed up first time around and did exactly what you are doing. Sent her links, ebooks etc etc, hoping it would help her discover what it meant for me. But it pushed her the other way and wanted nothing to do with it. I'm going to learn my lesson this time around.

 

The best thing is to sit down and talk to her about it, ask her how she feels about it.

 

Topping from the bottom is a very popular myth and a really inaccurate misnomer for what people think it means. So quit worrying about it and start working on improving your communication with her and focus on what she has to say and what she is interested in don’t be so focused on your chastity goals focus on exploring her kinks in return she’ll likely be more receptive to yours.