Discussion in 'Introductions' started by JIm Brown, May 25, 2008.

  1. JIm Brown

    JIm Brown Junior Member

    May 25, 2008
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    I am a sub male married to a vanilla wife. I would enjoy role play but think that real time would be very difficult with work, family, etc. Would like to have Her discipline me when necessary and take control of my sexuality. We do play some denial games where She is allowed to come and I am not for short periods of time but only on the honor system. I would like to be locked up giving Her complete control but at the same time it is very scary.

    For me I think it is the desire to be submissive and the humiliation that drives my interest but it seems that there is something else at play but I can't put my finger on it. Would appreciate any help with figuring out the mental aspects of my desire.

  2. Kinkish1

    Kinkish1 Senior Member

    May 15, 2008
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    I can't say what other factors may be motivating you, but generally speaking, I think that turning over some degree of control of your life to someone you love deeply is a liberating experience. Because you are in love with that person there is a level of trust that allows you to just let go of some burdens and responsibilities. Even if it's just for a relatively short period of time, a few hours or a weekend, the benefits are still there.

    Quite some time ago I came across an article that discussed the parent-child aspect of long-term adult relationships, like a marriage, and how that affects the interaction of that partnership. Essentially the idea is that one half of the relationship fulfills the adult role in certain situations and the other member takes on the child role. In other situations the roles may be reversed. That flip-flopping of parent-child, child-parent roles for both partners allows each person to have down time and control time. In strong, successful relationships that dynamic is at work regularly. A relationship becomes unbalanced when one person is forced into one role or the other for excessive amounts of time. It leads to resentment and ultimately an unhappy union.

    I believe that in a D/s scenario both the Domme and the sub are provided a venue in which they can lose themselves in their preferred role. As a sub you're allowed to be the child in the relationship, and you have the opportunity to shrug off the adult burdens of modern life. That act transports you back to an age at which you were completely unaware of all the pressures that adults, and even teenagers, have bearing down upon them. I don't think that theory transfers well to a more committed D/s relationship, but then at that level there are other, and perhaps richer, rewards.

    That leads to the question of whether or not some male subs are seeking to rectify a problem they may have had within their own Mother-child relationship. Maybe a D/s-Female Dominant/male submissive relationship somehow corrects some early pain in our lives. Rebalances the scales of our psyche.

    I think it very well may do so for some, as I believe it does for me.

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