Does one sided chastity REALLY work???

Discussion in 'Chastity and orgasm denial' started by Snaggle, Nov 7, 2008.

Random Thread
  1. Snaggle
    Offline

    Snaggle Mistress Snaggle....

    Joined:
    Oct 15, 2008
    Messages:
    11
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    1
    Local Time:
    3:27 AM
    I've read a few threads on here recently, including my own (!) and I'm starting to ask myself if this thing we call chastity can really work when only one half of the partnership is intersted??

    Is it really possible to convince your partner to love chastity and embrace it??

    I can't see what possible fulfillment you can get from it... I'm struggle with Mr Snaggle a the moment because i know deep down that he's really not into it, but I keep pushing him in an attempt to get him excited about it.

    And surely there's no fun being locked up by somebody who's not really bothered about holding the key either is there... if you know they'll hand it over to you as soon as you ask for it, then it can't work.

    Your views please.... thank you :)
     
  2. maidmisty
    Offline

    maidmisty Senior Member

    Joined:
    May 16, 2008
    Messages:
    132
    Likes Received:
    1
    Trophy Points:
    18
    Local Time:
    10:27 PM
    I was woundering the same thing. i've locked myself several times & gave my wife/Mistress the key. All she really did was hide the key.
    What was exciteing about the hole thing was the fact that i was know longer aloud sexual release when i thought i needed it ( a lot.) , i had to wait for Mistress to unloock me for that privilege . All i could think about was' sex ' and when i was going to have it , if ever. When locked i'm just always in a state of " sexual excitment ".
    What i'm trying to say is " yes " you can still have fun but i still i think it's a lot better if you have a keyholder that enjoys seeing you locked up.:smilies_xxx02:
     
  3. Miss D
    Offline

    Miss D Expert In Femming

    Joined:
    Jul 23, 2008
    Messages:
    775
    Likes Received:
    17
    Trophy Points:
    18
    Home Page:
    Local Time:
    7:27 PM
    The point of chastity is surrendering CONTROL to your keyholder. Chastity might in some cases create an almost overwhelming sexual desire in the subby which may or may not be desired by the keyholder. The frustration can be nearly intolerable... It probably has the most profound effect when the keyholder taunts and denies. Is that what you need?
     
  4. richard
    Offline

    richard Just me

    Joined:
    May 17, 2008
    Messages:
    1,224
    Likes Received:
    595
    Trophy Points:
    133
    Gender:
    Male
    Local Time:
    3:27 AM
    Just be patient. The road is long with many winds and experiences.
    rich
     
  5. cks
    Offline

    cks Banned

    Joined:
    May 18, 2008
    Messages:
    322
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    0
    Local Time:
    10:27 PM
    yes Miss D :innocent0002:

    snaggle i understand from my own past, but not at present (winks), experiences in long past. indifference to the gift given is a hard pill to swallow. patients is indeed the greatest virtue a true sub must endure and master to achieve its reward.

    Cleveland Browns fans know this by heart :mad0218:
     
  6. Hagan
    Offline

    Hagan unconstrained Member

    Joined:
    Nov 10, 2008
    Messages:
    37
    Likes Received:
    2
    Trophy Points:
    8
    Gender:
    Male
    Local Time:
    3:27 AM
    I guess each of us has different tastes, but that the act that your hub is sub has to be a good start. Trick him into locking him up and let him experience it for a few days, you never know. Btw he is a lucky sub!
     
  7. locked away
    Offline

    locked away Member

    Joined:
    Nov 5, 2008
    Messages:
    33
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    6
    Local Time:
    4:27 AM
    Hi I am going through the same thing with my girlfriend at the moment and she is finnaly coming around to the idea. She thinks that my member looks rediculous and is a turn off when it is in the cage and we have been trying this on and off for some 2 and a half years now but now she realizes that when I am in the thing she has a much better life.
    What I am trying to say is if you want to be locked away make the difference between locked up and not locked realy count and one day your partner will realize which is better
     
  8. bcc
    Offline

    bcc Wanna-be

    Joined:
    Oct 23, 2008
    Messages:
    66
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    6
    Local Time:
    9:27 PM
    Does one sided chastity really work? My opinion is "no, not really." It becomes something else entirely if you attempt it.

    I am struggling with my own partner who essentially is uninterested. I lock myself in a CB-2000 in the morning sometimes, and unlock myself in the evening before my partner returns home from the university. He tells me that he doesn't want me wearing it when he is home. I have the key. It sounds silly, doesn't it? Maybe so...

    My rationale was that if he ever said 'Yes", then it had better fit and I had better be comfortable because the first stint could be longish - his test of my resolve was what was likely. After a few intermittent weeks of this "chastity tourism", I have to admit that my CB-2000 feels comfy, and that I LIKE wearing it - that is feels like it belongs on me, and I don't really want to take my CD off in the evening. So my incentive has changed some since I started this - what is THAT all about? Heck if I really know... I can just tell folks here what I think and do, and what is going on inside my own head to the degree that I can figure it out.

    Miss D states the framework of Chastity that I believe is the correct one - surrender of control to someone. I think that "tease and deny" is the essential ingredient, and consistent with Mistress Watchful, that release is a reward - I really believe that this is what chastity is all about. Without a keyholder to surrender my control to and engage in the "game" with, I am obviously going down a different road - selfish gratification from a little bondage something or other? Maybe that's it.

    If your partner is cool toward chastity, I can't imagine that you can easily bring in an outside keyholder without alienating your partner in some destructive way - a good friend of mine has volunteered to be my keyholder, but I can't possibly imagine how this would work, and I won't rock the boat in my own relationship in that way - I just won't do that to my partner, so I have said "No" rather resolutely. I think that the best you can do without threatening your relationship is to be self-locked, which omits a critical ingredient. Maybe I am wrong, but that's my opinion?

    If you are looking for real chastity, I think that Miss D has it correct, and I don't think that it can be one-sided. In my own case, heck if I know what I am really doing this for...
     
  9. locked away
    Offline

    locked away Member

    Joined:
    Nov 5, 2008
    Messages:
    33
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    6
    Local Time:
    4:27 AM
    Yes miss D is correct and your situation is not really achieving anything for either of you just like mine. My partner is trying to get used to the idea because she knows I want this (unsuccessfully again) and I am frustrated with an unhappy sex life as my sex drive is far greater than hers which leads to unfulfilled sex most of the time. My thoughts on this are that we need to find pertners that fit together as we only have one life which we should not waist. But how do we find the perfect partner without getting so involved that it is difficult to split again? I think those questions will take that lifetime to find out!
     
  10. Mistress Watchful
    Offline

    Mistress Watchful Dont believe the hype ;oP

    Joined:
    May 11, 2008
    Messages:
    5,259
    Likes Received:
    597
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Gender:
    Female
    Occupation:
    Professional Dominatrix
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Basingstoke
    Home Page:
    Local Time:
    3:27 AM
    Oh my word! We love asking these questions don't we!?

    One-sided chastity? Hmmmm....

    KH willing, sub not. Tough cookies! KH is in charge, sub will do as told. I think that is one-sided chastity that *could* work as long as the KH can pay due care and attention to their sub and is using the chastity to back up their role as Dom/me.

    sub willing, KH not. In theory this will not work. But I wasn't willing. Admittedly I'm kinky and it was something new to try, I did the research and did my best to get on with it! I go through phases of being willing and not, and we just go with the flow.

    If the KH is NEVER going to be interested, then I don't think it will work at all. It may lead to resentment, feelings that you are a pervert/deceptive/selfish.

    In a good relationship with excellent communication I think anyone can work a balance. Play on the weekends or birthdays/anniversaries... if those experiences are good, it may take off and no longer be one-sided. :animal0008:
     
  11. pollyinms
    Offline

    pollyinms Junior Member

    Joined:
    Sep 20, 2008
    Messages:
    3
    Likes Received:
    1
    Trophy Points:
    1
    Local Time:
    9:27 PM
    I showed my Wife a picture of a CB2000. She thought it was cute and may be a fun toy. She thought it was for short term wear. When She realized I could wear it for days, She became hooked on the cage. I wear it all the time and the key is always hidden.
    Once your Lady realizes the change in you when denied for many days, She will probably grow to love it. Don't whine or be annoying, big turn off for the Lady. Use that pent-up energy for housework and foot rubs, Shell love it.
     
  12. craigl
    Offline

    craigl Junior Member

    Joined:
    Oct 6, 2008
    Messages:
    11
    Likes Received:
    1
    Trophy Points:
    3
    Local Time:
    3:27 AM
    I agree with Mistress Watchful's analysis.
    In short, yes it can work, but the likelihood of it working I feel is low.
     
  13. Ms Tinks wand
    Offline

    Ms Tinks wand Member

    Joined:
    Aug 26, 2008
    Messages:
    152
    Likes Received:
    8
    Trophy Points:
    18
    Local Time:
    10:27 PM
    Ms Tinks is a natural pleaser, she is very much in love with me after 20 years of being together, oh, and she loves sex. When I brought up the subject of chastity she didn't get it, and as the CB3K simply cut me up badly, it didn't work out. Ms Tinks was also in a place in her mind after being a homemaker for many years that didn't really let her see herself as an owner. She saw me, as everyone does, as the dominant alpha male, and didn't get the fact that I also needed to feel that there is someone more important than me.

    Even though the first attempt didn't work out, the needs still existed. These started to shape us in ways we didn't like, I became more borish and she drifted even more into the wallpaper. I hated it, she hated it. So over the last few years we have worked it out between ourselves. Ms Tinks has found a job that allows her to grow. She gave me time to explain why I needed to have an owner, and responded to my requests. We started by practicing orgasm denial, were she would use me anytime she like but I had to cum only when allowed. She agreed to try other things and I agreed not to push to hard.

    Are we there yet? No, I still need to improve my resposiveness to her, and she still needs to move towards being more self-centred. Are things better, yes, definately. Well we get there? Well, life's a journey so I don't know where there is, but I'm enjoying the trip more than ever!

    So, in summary, introducing something like chastity to a relationship is a lot more than just a kinky sex game. You need identify the needs ON BOTH SIDES of the relationship that require addressing. Your partner needs to understand who you are, and you have to provide benefits that answers the needs of your partner. In then end, a relationship is give/give sitution, and if one side is holding back or asking too much, the relationship is heading for stormy waters.

    regards, Richard
     
  14. bcc
    Offline

    bcc Wanna-be

    Joined:
    Oct 23, 2008
    Messages:
    66
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    6
    Local Time:
    9:27 PM
    Hi Richard,

    Thank you for this post. I couldn't agree with you more - both partners in a relationship uniquely have needs to be met, and the relationship has to be built on a foundation of trust and "give-give" (well put). As I talk to my partner about chastity and our individual needs, I feel like I need pliers to get him to expose his unmet needs. And we are working on that, but not too aggressively... We have been quite happy for eight years, and I know most all of my partner's subtle signs by now. My hope is to have chastity be something that grows our relationship for both of us, but if my partner never takes a "shine" to it, well, it won't be tragedy for me.

    Just wanted to say that your post resonated with our relationship and wish you and your partner the best!

    Brian
     
  15. Ladynsniffer
    Offline

    Ladynsniffer Essentially a eunuch

    Joined:
    Jun 24, 2008
    Messages:
    108
    Likes Received:
    32
    Trophy Points:
    18
    Gender:
    Male
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Las Vegas
    Local Time:
    7:27 PM
    Hello all,

    This thread has migrated in a good direction. Both partners need to be involved in chastity play. For some couples, a weekend of kinky chastity play is just the right amount of spice. For other couples, it may seem perverted or too far out there.

    Here's my take on it. I am a cuckold and I am often in chastity. I am very submissive to women in general and my wife in particular. What was so very different about this relationship than my past relationships was that we were very honest with one another about our likes and dislikes BEFORE we decided to have a relationship and marriage. I only wish I were this honest earlier in my life with women I dated. So much about sex is out in the open (on the internet) that future generations may be able to confront their fantasies much earlier in life.

    The reason I think cuckolding is an important part of a long term chastity & FemDomme/sub relationship is the denial of sex towards the male in chastity relationship also denies sex for the Domme.

    For example: My wife is a very oversexed woman. This is great except that sex to her includes penetration. Everything else is just foreplay. She simply loves getting doggy style and having a very hard cock pound her in to many delicious orgasms. I would suspect that most women (especially younger) see penetration as a necessary part of lovemaking with their husband (or lover). Generalizing about this is difficult because we all know there are gay women, women who are asexual or with a very low sex drive, etc.. But, my point is that I have always felt it was unfair to a woman when her husband, after years of tender lovemaking which included penetration, suddenly wants to spice up their sex life not with romance and flowers ... but with chastity. He is caught up in the fantasy while she sees it as denying herself sexual fulfillment. If she is in the mood for sex it most likely (in her mind) should include penetration. As I said, a kinky weekend is not what I am talking about.

    Enter cuckolding. When I met my wife (via the internet) she was honest about her high sex drive and being a size queen (adores large and hard cocks with hanging balls). This is what turns her on. But, she also adores being worshipped by a submissive male (she is a Leo afterall!). Enter me in to her life. I have a very small penis and testicles but a great tongue. I am submissive to women with a chastity fantasy. We played with this and she loves it ... but she also loves being with a true Alpha male. So we began cuckolding. It was difficult and emotional at first. But, after a while, I culd see her get so turned on by an Alpha male with a great cock. I could see and hear her passion with his cock penetrating her. Over time, I knew I would never be capable of such bedroom heroics. Her lover savored sex with her and I savored kneeling before her and worshipping her.

    My wife can (and often does) lock me in chastity and it has no impact on her sex life (except added excitement). She has her lovers for sex with a "real" man. She greatly prefers me to worship her, adore her, pamper and spoil her, and provide her the companionship she craves from me.

    This works for us because I agreed to a relationship with her knowing "up front" that she had no interest in sex with my penis and a great interest in "cheating" on me so she could find sexual fulfillment. I agreed and now I am married and very committed to her. I am locked in chastity.

    For what it's worth, those are my thoughts. Chastity should be introduced at the beginning of a relationship. Cuckolding is likely to be a part of it if a woman agrees to chastity for you.

    marcus
     
  16. Mistress Kate
    Offline

    Mistress Kate Senior Member

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2008
    Messages:
    112
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    16
    Local Time:
    3:27 AM
    As someone who had it introduced to me by my partner, I think one of the problems is the sheer shock when you first learn what it is he's after ! I'm sure that many women never get past that point to properly research the subject - let alone give it a try. And that's a pity because I nearly fell into the same trap myself when I have to say that, now, I'm really enjoying myself - and the love & attention that should go with being a KH. I think, where the wife/girlfriend isn't interested it could then lead to a self perpetuating downward spiral with the partner fantasising, watching porn and, dare I say it, spending a lot of time in chatrooms & on sites like this, all of which is probably not good for the relationship.

    Unless my own experience is unusual (which I don't believe it is) then I can't really understand why it seems that so many women are reluctant to get involved - yes it is probably pretty kinky but I certainly wish I'd been getting the attention I'm getting now over the last 20 years and if it takes a steel contraption round his genitals to achieve it, then its fine by me (particularly when he has requested it !). Never mind - at least I'm making up for lost time !!
     
  17. Lean Period
    Offline

    Lean Period Junior Member

    Joined:
    Nov 24, 2008
    Messages:
    13
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    1
    Local Time:
    3:27 AM
    I'm not a frequent visitor to this site but, having read this thread, felt moved to comment as the chastity in my relationship is pretty much one-sided but my wife has really made an effort to make it work.

    Before I met my wife I had been involved in chastity play in a previous relationship which had been at my instigation but my girlfriend had ended up a very willing keyholder. When, after a few months, I broached the subject with my new girlfriend (now my wife) she made it fairly clear that she thought it was a bit weird and was not interested in getting involved.

    To start with I missed it but I really liked her and we got on well. Eighteen months later we got married. Literally a fortnight after we got married she asked me if I still had the CB and then told me to put it on and hand her the keys. She told me her period had arrived and that, as she was out of action anyway, she thought it was a good chance to indulge my fetish. Although she has a good appetite for sex, she always has been moody & totally off limits during her periods. So, for 5 days, I had no teasing and didn't do anything for her either. Before she handed me the keys back she gave me a fantastic three hour teasing session.

    This routine has continued for almost 3 years now - in exactly the same way each month ! She never puts the belt on or takes it off. It usually stays on for 5 days - occasionally 6. I have to try to do the washing/cleaning myself with it on.

    I know she's not into chastity play at all - I can see that she gets nothing from it - but I have always felt that she had thought up a good way of trying to please me without it really having any great impact for her. We never did do anything during her periods - in fact, because I was used to such regular sex normally, I did sometimes used to self indulge - which obviously now I can't.

    I do have to try to disguise the fact that I look forward to the arrival of her periods - because she hates them - but the rest of the time I am more than happy without the chastity and I guess I probably feel more like making sure she has a great time between periods because she is doing something for me which I know she isn't really into at all.

    I don't expect to become a regular here but I do look from time to time - usually during the time when I am locked up - and I just felt that our case demonstrated that one sided chastity can be made to work.
     
  18. dollyanne
    Offline

    dollyanne Sissy who loves pink frilly things!

    Joined:
    May 15, 2008
    Messages:
    1,427
    Likes Received:
    50
    Trophy Points:
    48
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Dallas, TX
    Local Time:
    9:27 PM
    Your wife sounds very smart, Lean Period! It sounds like she has a fairly lengthy period, and by locking you up guarantees that not only will you not bother her, you won't be able to stray either! Then, by teasing you at the end, you get a nice little reward that makes you look forward to doing it again! And, when you are released, you are available to her for sex when she is more in the mood. Your wife is brilliant!

    Huggs,
    :animal0008:
    dollyanne
     
  19. Mistress Watchful
    Offline

    Mistress Watchful Dont believe the hype ;oP

    Joined:
    May 11, 2008
    Messages:
    5,259
    Likes Received:
    597
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Gender:
    Female
    Occupation:
    Professional Dominatrix
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Basingstoke
    Home Page:
    Local Time:
    3:27 AM
    Mistress Kate - I agree... and hopefully if any woman who is approached about the idea of male chastity stumbles across this site, she will see that all the women here are varied, have (had) concerns about chastity, and figured out what worked for us and our mates.

    I have a feeling that male chastity will become more mainstream as time goes on... as soon as it's in an Ann Summers catalogue, that'll be it!

    Vibrator is no longer a dirty word in the homes of women in the UK... and hopefully the same will be said of chastity soon. :animal0008:
     
  20. Mark121
    Offline

    Mark121 Nobody of consequence

    Joined:
    Nov 27, 2008
    Messages:
    274
    Likes Received:
    4
    Trophy Points:
    18
    Local Time:
    10:27 PM
    I am new to this forum, and in a similar situation: I like being in my CB3K more than my wife of 25 years likes putting me in it. I have always had a fetish for bondage, which she doesn't share. She will, on occasion, indulge me by letting me handcuff her to the bed, or (even better) have her handcuff me then rub her pussy in my face.

    While waiting for her to (hopefully) become more involved as a keyholder, I have found a way to gently remind her of my interest: I will start heavy petting in the morning, when she has to be somewhere. We won't have time to go "all the way", but we both get very aroused. When she finally says, "I have to go!!", I will point to my hard-on and say, "Well, you better lock it, suck it, or fuck it, because I don't think I can wait for you to get back." She usually picks, "lock it" <grin>. Of course, schedules being what they are, it will often be *days* before we get another chance to be together.

    A tougher problem is that she is always very keen to have me penetrate her. I love to bring her to orgasm with my tongue while locked in, and try to convince her that she doesn't *have* to unlock me that night, but she usually wants me in her. I have bought a strap on to use on her at those times, but she still wants the real thing. Perhaps when she is more comfortable as KH, she will be more willing to keep me in chastity for longer stretches as I pleasure her.

    Relationships are always a matter of compromise, and if something is important enough to you, she should be willing to learn what you want to please you. Try to keep in mind how it feels to her, being asked to be involved in a form of sex play that is not really appealing to her, and with a lot of expectations from the sub. Personally, I am taking it very slowly, being extra careful not to put pressure on her, but trying to make it very pleasant for her to have me locked up and horny.
     
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice