I just want to start by saying that Im not looking for sympathy or to detract from mistress watchfuls predicament, I just need to put this in writing, god knows why. This is what happens when you drink to much coffee and then have an hour or so to think to yourself. It started by me trying to think so something constructive and helpful to write on mistress watchfuls latest thread and then I realized theres not of advice I could really offer. I already wrote a short message but I think it just read back as the words of a young inexperienced wannabe sub. I must admit I hadnt really followed mistress watchfuls story so didnt know the full picture. My world were honest and thoughtful but all in all not really that much use. I came onto this site a bit cock sure thinking I was submissive and saying how I have been trained not to want to cum. But after a couple of weeks on this site I realized how much further I have to go on my journey. I still get urges to cum, wish I didnt but I do. While Im being honest as MW has been throughout her experience. I dont wear a CB or any device, one reason is the bulge when Im at my most fem I hate it but another big reason is that I have developed and irrational fear of some how a blood clot forming in my balls when the CB is on. I think it started when I got hard one night my balls went blue and then I had what I know now was a panic attack, not a hart attack (dont laugh to yourselves). Im a natural worrier anyway and had to come up with some story at the doctors in order to get some help, wasnt gonna tell her I wore a chastity device :tongue:. Anyways so thats part of the story of the CB. I think my point is we all have a lot to learn and there are many ups and downs but we can all make compromises. But above all we should embrace and enjoy our chastity experience either as a master/mistress or as a submissive/sissy/dog/slave. For me its not a lifestyle anymore it a way of life and the more master takes control of me the more control I want him to have. Its not play it is our relationship for the most part (but playtime is great fun). Its helped us get to know each other better in many respects. I think that will do for now. May keep this open for when I next drink to much coffee . There may be many grammatical errors in there but I rushed back from a job I was doing and had to quickly write it down.