newbie

Welcome to the mansion. First I suggest your wife join the site and read some of the stuff other wives have said. Most importantly is that every ones relationship is different so there is no right way. I am in the midst (42 days) of a 60 day no ejaculation period imposed by Majesty. We still have intercourse often, just no cumming for me. It takes time and practice but it's worth it in so many ways. Start off slow and try short periods of time first. Are you submissive or just want to try chastity? Is your wife dominant? If not it might take a while for her to get comfortable in the role as keyholder. If she is naturally domme, let her go and watch out. Oh and be careful what you wish for!

 

Welcome P and Mrs P,

First, as Smaug said, there are no rules but those you and your wife agree to. First and foremost, it should be something that is fun and that brings you together as a couple.

You should expect that finding a chastity device that works for you will be a process. Don't expect the first thing you buy to work perfectly. Some people go through several devices before they find one that works. While it seems expensive that you may go through that, consider other hobbies. People buy boats, motorcycles, golf clubs, RVs. Those things cost thousands or 10s of thousands of dollars, and many are used for just a few hours per year. Investing hundreds or even thousands of dollars in the process of finding a chastity device that will make your daily sex life SO much more interesting seems like a trivial investment. So, don't get put off if you spend money on the Bon4 and you find it doesn't work right. Learn what works and doesn't, and use that to inform your next purchase.

You will need to communicate up front on how you want to play together with the chastity device. Is this just a sex toy to enhance your intimate time together? Is it a D/s tool, for you to begin exploring Dominance and submission together? Is it something she's accommodating because it turns YOU on, or is it something that turns you BOTH on? Be honest with each other about that.

1) Suggestions for your wife:
- Give P time to adjust to the CB. It may literally take months to get to the point that he can wear it for a week at a time.
- If you're agreeing to hold keys to make HIM happy, think about compromises that he can make for YOU. It can be anything. Turn off the football game and come cuddle. Breakfast in bed. Draw a bath for you and attend you. Read you your favorite book. Take the kids for the evening so you can have "me" time. Whatever.

2) Coping with premature ejaculation:
- Who says you only get to cum once? lol
- Practice teasing. Perhaps your wife should unlock you periodically, bring you to the edge and stop. Build your skills at not "slipping". Decide on rules and conditions if you DO slip. Maybe you get locked up for longer. Maybe you have to do the dishes. Whatever.

3) Good time to not be allowed to cum:
- This depends on age, I think. For a young guy, 3 days is an eternity. For a middle-ager, it might be a few weeks.
- There are two schools of thought, I think. One is to build up. The other is to do a "cold turkey" long haul. Some of the serious Dommes suggest 3-6 months. If you're going to do SERIOUS D/s, then perhaps that's the way to go. Personally, I think most couples should just build up.

4) Regarding fucking with strapons while locked up:
- What would your wife like? Does she need penetration? Does she prefer oral? Maybe she wants to use a vibrator? Maybe she just wants a foot rub. Again, I feel this is a give and take arrangement. She's "giving" by offering to hold your keys. Let her "take" in a way that gives her pleasure.

So, my general thoughts:
1) Start slow
2) Make it mutually fun
3) Don't fill your wife's head with a ton of fantasy stuff you found on the web. Treat it like a sex toy that you're both wanting to play with on your OWN terms, not some wank-off fantasies you found on the web.
4) Be Good, Giving and Game.
5) It's all a game. If it stops being fun, communicate.

Those are my thoughts! Best of luck, and welcome!
mikecb

 

I have a Bon4, it definitely works for what it's meant for. I'll admit that I can slip the thing off in the shower if I really wanted to, but I can never get the thing back on with the cage put together. So basically my Significant Other would know if I got out which is what's important.

Other than that, it's super comfortable when wearing. No complaints about it so far.

 

Well, mike said it all really, not a lot more to add!

I echo the thought on getting your wife to join and talk to the other ladies here and ask for advice and ideas.

We all started at different levels, some of us became Sadists (oops!) and some of us just like the control and attention... it is a very personal thing.