Slave v Sissy?

Oh yes

 

Me too

 

Me, too!

 

I find that my role has changed over time. When I was first caged, the power She had over me related more to Her having the key to my cage. Since being a sissy, though, Her control is less about the cage and more about Her femining my sissiness and femininity. Having me in a more humiliating and submissive role, as a sissy, empowers Her to use this to better and more subtly controo me. I am often "inspected" (makeup, hair, deportment, voice, etc) to be certain that I always know my sub standing. (And I have come to really enjoy that!)

 

I agree! I feel that, once I accepted my sissy role, the whole power exchange became less of an "exchange" and more of a "surrender". It's a much deeper commitment, but also more enjoyable. At least for me it is!

 

I think its maybe all "shades of surrendering"? Could that be?

It started with my Mistress ordering me to wear high heels for a few minutes. So I gave up my pride of "I would NEVER do this". Once I had them on my feet there was no way back into the land of "I never wore women shoes". Shje then lured and pushed me into the phase of "I wear women shoes on a regular basis, but each time only for a short time." , then it turned into "I wear women shoes daily for 15 min and there is no option of going a day without".

Then tights were introduced and I sunk deeper and deeper into the direction of giving up all my pride and willpower. I still despised the women cloth a lot, but I was caught.

Then my second Mistress took over. She was not into dressing me up at all, so I was back for some time into the land of feeling masculine. When she realized how much women cloth tortured me and made me obey more, she became interested in the topic. The key moment for her was the hat she realized that I did not feel "feminine" in womens cloth, but rather felt like living in a void of "beeing striped off my masculinity". She considered being feminine a superior state that was not for me as a slave.

She realized that I feel "sexless" and like "a perverted piece of trash" in that oufit. That was when things really took off for her. She made me dress more and more detailed. Having to wear a full outfit and over the top cheap makeup as well as cheap plastic jewlery. I had to paint my toes as a permanent reminder of who I was.

She introduced the rule of me having to kneel for long periods of time in my outfit in front of a mirror, followed by having to sit like a girl on the floor, once my knees could not take the kneeling anymore. I had to go through mantral in my head or "thinking homework" as she labeled it. Looking at myself, and accepting the fact that I was not "dressed up for fun", but that I simply should accept that I am this desperate chatse always horny sexless creature. That it was for real, that I really was wearing that and that it was my RALITY and not just some kind of game. I WAS that creature that I saw in the mirror.

She ordered me to think about the fact that I was sitting there for hours, all alone, without anyone directly forcing me to do so. I should think about how this is who I really am, because why would I let her dress me like that, if not some repressed part of me knew that it was exactly what I deserved and how I should be dressed?

Through this "acceptance" my will and resistance were lowered more and more. I learned that she was in a sadist way helping me to accept who I truly was: a disgusting, horny slut that should be grateful for every second she invests in me and every tiny bit of her dealing with me at all.

She was not my life and love partner. Back then I had this strong urge to find a girl that would be my girlfriend and companion. So my Mistress introduced the "thinking homework" of me having to think on my knees in my outfit about what woman on this earth would want a piece of trash like me. To think about scenarios where any sane woman would hoestly say "yes, I would like to be penetrated by you like a man does and offer you sexual pleasure with my body".

It was very painful to think about this and it was a period of training and learning for me. At some point I accepted the simple truth that no woman would ever desire any sexual contact to me. That in fact even the thought about using a woman for my sexual pleasure was already a form of fictional abuse that happened in my head. She made me accept that being locked away by her in chastity was a big favor she did to me, because that way I would never end up in a situation where "I tricked a wonderful woman into thinking that having sex with me would be ok".

She repeated in our sessions over and over how wrong it is when I desire women as a source for sexual relief. That the thought itself was basically a crime. I was a sexless sissy slave for real. She taught me that being allowed to fuck myself with a pink plastic dildo was a big reward for me, since it allowed some form of sexuality for me (even though I never managed ever to orgasm that way, but at least during the self fucking my mind could trick itself into thinking that I was "on the way towards an orgasm").

She taught me that I have no worth as a human being and only can generate a tiny bit of feeling worth something, when I serve her. But she paid a lot of attention that it was not serving her directly, but instead she planned to lend me to friends of her for cleaning and garden work. Without her being present and most of the time her friends also not being present.

My reward was to fell the brief moment of time when that stranger showed up home, inspected my work and gave me a disgusted look that clearly showed that she does not respect me at all, but truy despises the dirty perverted creature that I was. My Mistress had me take cleaning equipment with me in a special suitcase when I was traveling for my job. I had to check in each day in a different hotel room, clean that room to the highest standards at the evening/night and then check into a new room the next night.

She said that this is good training for me because I learned that way that I am not doing those chores because someone forces me to do so or because I was hoping for sex from someone. Yeah, not even attention of anyone way to be expected, since the cleaning staff of the hotel probably did not even realized that I did their job over night. She taught me that it all was to form my mind further and bend me into the person that I was meant to be by nature.

I am very very grateful for all the education and training she invested in me. She made me discover my true deep self. She helped me to accept my fate.


So when I look at my experiences then I would say its a constant journey of sinking deeper and deeper to the ground. So thats why I think there is no "on2 answer to the question if it is "submission" or if it is "a fetish" or if it is "ones true self" ... for me it was always a journey towards finding "true zero".

 

Not sure that most of us would want to go down your path peter7447. You lost me with " teaching me I have no worth as a human being."

 

I'm basically a sissy slave for my Miss. I'm not always dressed as a sissy, but every opportunity we get I'll throw on something sexy and get all dolled up while I'm serving my Miss.

I sometimes feel a little ridiculous having a very masculine body and features, but I very much enjoy the feel and headspace it brings to my submission and my Miss loves it when I'm sissied up! It's becoming easier all the time to just enjoy it without feeling like I just look silly.