Need advice please

Nothing is meant to be anything

Life is just our attempt at controlling the uncontrollable and dealing with the chaos of unpredictability

Go find what you're looking for and don't worry about what is or isn't normal

What's important is if it feels right and safe for you

 

Although the bar is low, this is the most interesting thing I've read on this site in awhile. I would draw some gaurd rails as to what isn't normal (serial killer for example) but I think you're right on. Thanks.

 

An FLR is a Relationship in first instance.
https://5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/love-language

 

@Cocklockedloser well i think that you thinking this stuff cos you on your own and when you with a Lady She will tell you what She wants and what She dont want.

 

I think it depends on whatever your partner and you make of it and how you want to grow in FLR. It's also very demanding on the female partner to run such relationship.

I'm a proud slave to my wife and She's a happy Owner. That being said our FLR didn't just drop out of the sky. First there was the enormous difference in experience; I was a male ropebunny and had been very active in the kink scene, while she had mostly interests but never dared to explore anything. This situation initially led to my Wife being very self-conscious about dominating in a "am I doing it right way."sense. We found a balance but also continue to grow and work on our relationship- which is healthy.

With regard ro the selfishness you describe: most if not all subs I've met regardless of gender exhibit a certain greediness about seeing their fantasies fulfilled. This is normal I guess but for a sub and potential slave it just may feel wrong because your kink is to serve and please. Exploring how you can serve your partner best, communicating a lot about what they want and expect is crucial here. Build your need to serve around their desires.

My wife enjoys a lot of things I do for Her, some being ordered , but most because I know Her desires: foot massages, baths, cooking, all household chores, use of honorifics, commitment to chastity and so on.

But there's also areas where we are still trying to find a balance. My Wife is still hesitant with physical discipline although She realizes it's for my own good. It goes back to the difference in experience and patience is the key. I will not push Her towards harsh beatings, instead She prefers I occasionally show Her things or make suggestions to discipline me.

We have one ritual we observe every night: I bow down to Her, head to the floor and kiss Her feet. After that we usually kiss, although it's not part of the ritual. That moment - regardless of how busy or vanilla a day was - reminds both of us of our roles and gives mutual gratification.

I'm still a greedy slut, I still desire to be fucked, punished, bound, and humiliated in all kinds of ways. But I also know I am my Wife's slave and that Her desires come first and that serving my superior is after all my biggest desire, and not selfish but loving.

 

Are you dating a dominant woman who is interested in having you as a slave? These women are rare

 

Sounds like you are on the right path, and it sounds like you have a great lady to do it with, I don't think it's selfish to want to please her in any way shape or form, I mean that is the goal .
If she listens to you and does things to you that please you, well that's also amazing that you have a strong women who will also fill some of your desires

 

I love the ritual concept. Most women aren't really inherently dominant, but they enjoy making the men in their lives happy, so putting in a little time as Mistress Cruella - though it's work for her - is something she might be willing to do to make her man happy. A ritual that reminds her of how she can make you happy is great.

 

The kindest and most ultruistic people do what they do because it gives them pleasure, so don’t overthink it.

 

perfectly put!

 

It is meant to be however She decides it will be.
And how She decides it will be could change drastically.
I introduced chastity to Wife along with FLR, almost a year ago.
She was hesitant at best but agreed to hold the key.
She made a bunch of disclaimers such as, “I’m not going to be a dominatrix”, “this isn’t going to mean kinky sex”, “ I like it when you cum inside me, I still want that”
“You’ll have to cum once a week”

fast forward to yesterday. I haven’t had an orgasm in like 50 days or something insane like that.
I am told to do laundry, clean floors, clean kitchen while She watches TV downstairs.
I am made to wear panties and bra (I like this but She initiated it which She had never done before.
All morning, every time I’m bent over working on a task, She is slapping my ass, pulling on the cage, etc.
After a few hours She tells me to get up on the bed. She pegs me until I'm a pile of goo.
At this point, She has to go run an errand and She instructs me to figure out how im going to make her cum when she gets back.
30 minutes later She walks in jingling the keys.
Puts them behind her back and tells me to guess which hand.
I guess wrong. She goes to the other room, comes back without keys. I can’t believe She has teased me this way. She says, “you had a 50/50 chance, sorry”
I make some whiney sad noises.
She wastes no time and tells me to drop my pants and get up on the bed.
She proceeds to go to town, first with Her crop, and then a heavy wooden paddle. I take about 130 strokes. She sees there is some wetness on my legs.
“What is that? Is that cum?”
I say, it was dripping a little.
“Wrong answer”
More spanks, heavy bruising.
She lays on the bed and pushes my head in between her legs to give her head.
“Don’t ask me about those keys again”

so the point is, you want chastity, you get chastity. And your chastity might not be as easy or fun as it was in your fantasy.
I can safely say, for me, it’s turned into, well, not what I wanted.
But Wife will never Never go back.

this is a cautionary tale

 

glad I could help

 

But (a) do you like where you are and (b) would you have it any other way?

 

I’m not sure, depends on the day.
At first I liked it, there are still many aspects that I like.
I think I just need to slow down maybe. I wasn’t ready for Her to go full Dom. I thought I was, but I have occasional regrets

 

Rather than selfless, maybe you're just not quite as submissive in reality as you think you are in fantasy. And that difference creates a conflict in rational thinking.

If you were totally submissive, then you would demand nothing of her, everything would be her desire and wish, your wants or needs would be completely irrelevant to you.
Likewise, if she was totally dominant, your needs or wants would be completely irrelevant to her.
None of us is so extreme that we are totally one or the other, and very few couples would want themselves and their partner to be so in practice. In reality, we enjoy being submissive, but the reality is that we also have our own needs and desires. If some of those hard-wired needs (eg to be loved) conflict with other needs (eg to be masochistic), that can often cause an illogical conflict of ideas that is unresolvable if you try to analyse it too much.

Which reminds me of the old joke...
Masochist: "Hurt me".
Sadist: "No!"

 

It sounds like dialogue from the movie Taxi Driver.

 

You talking to me?

 

I don't see anybody else here.

 

@Cocklockedloser when i first come and live with Mistress i was gived a list of everthing in the flat where we live then that She want me to clean and do. So i dint have to keep ask if i cud do thingys like what you sayed. If you ask Her for a list then you know then dont you. If it not done rigt She soon tell you

 

I don't see anybody else here.