My route to experimenting with Chastity

Thought I'd start a journal.

Having only recently joined the Mansion and posted an introduction a few days ago, I've appreciated all who have taken the time to read the entry along with those who have left welcome messages.

I kept my introduced short due to not knowing what to expect or what was the norm. After reading through a few threads my thoughts now are that I should put some "meat on the bone". This may well be therapy with some outporing of emotions as no one untill now knows of my activities least of all thous that are close to me.

More to follow.

 

When looking back I suppose it started during my early pre-teenage years. Why I started to have desires to bind my cock and balls is still a mystery. All I remember from becoming fascinated with my tackle and started to play around with it all.

My method was threading my cock through an empty toilet roll and using long boot laces around the base of my cock and balls before tightly binding my balls. I also had a military belt that was about 6 inches wide. I enjoyed having this on it's smallest size around my waist. I used loft spaces and under the eaves cupboards within the house to hide while experimenting. Thinking back one experiment was pretty dangerous. This was dripping candle wax on my "little fella" and jewels while in the loft space surround by loft insulation. I did progress to really enjoying pushing a metal rod down my urethra. One day I pushed it too far and bled profusely and I ended up in the hospital for examinations but denying putting anything down my urethra.

In these early years, I can not remember ejaculating while playing, think it was all to do with the feeling and look of having my tackle tightly bound and played with.

 

These experimental episodes quietly continued through my teenage years into adult life. I found different objects to use, adapting many to do different things with my tackle. In my first digs, I had sole access to two rooms, plus an attic room that my landlady could not access. I used the attic for pleasurable purposes including discovering how to bind my body and legs. This was with a rope that I used to wrap around my legs from toes to waist, in doing so parting my buttocks. This heightened my sexual feelings and ejaculation. During this period I started to investigate anal play with different objects along with body bondage and self-suspension. The suspension was from around my groin and chest to hooks in the ceiling of this attic room. At times this included anal plugs being tied hard into my anus.

While I was satisfying physical and mental sexual desires needs I struggled with the reality of what I was doing. Socially I felt my activities were wrong and unnatural so kept my activities very much a secret.

 

When I moved into a rented house with my girlfriend. My private activities became a regular occurrence on Saturday mornings while she was at work. I rigged suspension devices from the loft hatch and continued with anal play, along with body, cock and ball bondage. All objects/devices were well hidden so to this day I doubt she ever knew.

After we married, opportunities to go the whole hog with bondage became extremely difficult to find especially after the children arrived. PIV was satisfying and reasonably regular, however, I still occasionally felt the need to visit cock and ball play with some anal intrusion thrown in for good measure.

This all changed after we separated and the bondage fun began again.

When dating different women, bondage did come into conversations but only for all of them to state that they found it off-putting and hoped I was not into any Kinky stuff. In the hope that these liaisons would develop, some did others didn't, I kept quiet. As I didn't find any woman who was into any kinky play it confirmed to me that I must be in a minority and my private sexual activities were unnatural and wrong.

 

I then met my "current" wife. She is very vanilla and sex is missionary position only mainly due to injuries suffered during childbirth. Anal sex has been discussed but discounted as weird which leads me to keep any other kinky thous to myself. My cock and ball play continued in private moments along with anal insertions, I had opportunities when she was away, for work or visiting family, to rediscover body bondage and self-suspension, still with ropes and cords along with any household items or tools that I could adapt.

Gradually over the last few years, I have gained less and less satisfaction from PIV which has ultimately reduced my interest. Masturbating has been the only release though ejaculation has dramatically reduced. My reduced interest in PIV and masturbation issues have been medically diagnosed, partly due to an enlarged prostate and medication I'm currently on for anxiety/depression. To help my wife satisfy her needs, I have purchased a vibrator which, surprisingly, was received well and is used regularly.

What led me to discover Chastity devices was an event about 1 year ago. I had a colonoscopy, while it did not go too well, it felt good having something go that far into my colon. After this I thought about my enlarged prostrate, a few google sessions later, I purchase some vibrators to massage my prostrate from the anus (which my wife knows about) and urethra (which she doesn't know about). This opened the door to looking at e-stim (front and back) then chastity devices and the purchase of a number of cages. I do enjoy the feeling of the cage constricting my "little fella" as well as the tightness of the base ring. I've adapted a couple of harnesses to hold cages closer to my body, along the way discarding a few cages due to excessive pinching. I've also enjoyed using weights around my scrotum rather than cords along with different anal plugs. The longest I've been self-locked is two days, it felt great and I really wanted to go longer but if I had my wife would have found out. I feel like I'm only playing at chastity thou feel it might open a few doors to improve our relationship if I come clean.

But...as far as I know, my wife is still in the dark about all of this. I would like to be caged longer than two days and experiment further but feel she would not cope with the whole chastity/bondage thing. I also feel I'm currently doing this for my own pleasure and wonder how I'd cope if keys are passed over to my wife. That makes me sound like I want to be in control thou one fantasy of mine is to be tied up and bound then milked.

So that is where I am at the moment...Think I have ended up trapped at the end of a cul-de-sac and need to get my head straight. to find a way out....