Just starting out. Was anyone else petrified at giving up their orgasms?

Of course, I know I certainly was concerned. It's not an easy path but if you communicate and talk with each other you will be fine.

 

Oh yes. it took me a long time to go from playing with cages and holding off, to embracing it more fully, i never imagined going so long between orgasms. But the wait makes them so more rewarding. and if you have a partner in the play, it really amps them up. Good luck and enjoy.

 

It is a giant step giving up control that you and your keyholder need to talk about. I was desperate to give up out an of control masturbation habit . Think of what is your motivation for giving up control. One thing to also consider is how and why your keyholder wants this. My wife did not initially want anything to do with the cage now she will not even let me have a break because she loves what it has done for our marriage. Again communication is everything.

 

You don't have to give up anything. It's always your choice. If this is a type of play you and your spouse want to explore, go for it. If it doesn't work for your relationship, stop and be up front with your spouse at the start. My wife actually wanted to try this type of play but it didn't work for us. I looked at as an exchange of one form of intimacy for another and she was a more lock and forget girl. I found it to be unacceptable and after discussing it with her, discontinued. She wasn't happy but it wasn't a surprise since we had discussed the matter before starting. Also remember that being submissive is not the same as being a wimp. You still need to be the guy she married.

 

Sure, was somewhat of a concern. I wasn’t a big masturbater but always knew I could if I needed to. That is no longer an option.
(I know it is not the same for everyone) to me, it feels exhilarating to have my wife/keyholder totally control my orgasms.
I find myself “needing” to please her and keep her happy almost constantly.

 

Giving up control is very difficult, and being submissive was as well. But if you find the perfect woman, it is amazing. I find myself trying to be more submissive to my Mistress (@Destiny103181), it gets me so aroused it is hard to explain to anyone not here. Good luck on your journey and enjoy!

 

I found it quite unnerving to, especially as chastity was all my madams idea, and it was at her insistence that it should be 24/7.

 

think of it as a personal challenge

like trying to learn a new skill or get into shape

set a goal, work to meet it and then try and exceed it. thats the fun for me

 

It sounds like you have a good start. I think you will find a large variation of people here with different goals and expectations. I am not a submissive guy but the cage has definitely changed my focus and intimacy to my wife. She has also become more confident in her sexuality and also enjoys my pleasuring her without needing to give anything back. What happened in my relationship is that with my attention focused on her her desire for sex increased and the sex was greatly improved for both of us. After about a year my wife started occasionally to take the cage off in the middle of the night and orally pleasuring me wanting nothing in return then putting the cage back on. This would have never happened before the cage. She loves that I am always ready when she is and does not need to have sex just to please me if she is not in the mood. I would recommend loosing your fear of loosing control and see where it takes you.

 

It really helps if she is interested and you both decide on some ground rules for a “breaking in period”. It can be very difficult because so many women will “click it and forget it” if there isn’t a desire to play this game.

For most women, it just feels wrong to get you all excited then leave you hanging or to initiate sex play with a solid intention of denying you completion. So decide on the period for “breaking in” (30/60/90 days) and let her get used to being the one to initiate play with no one expecting YOU to have an orgasm during this time.

Make a few simple rules like:
No touching her erotic zones without permission
No means no and don’t ask again
No asking to unlock cage
No asking or hinting for sex or play
You must warn her if you are getting close to O while playing
You will beg her not to let you O while playing
You will stop all action if you get close to O to avoid accidents

You can add other things to it like positive rewards for her benefit, like chores, massages, pedicures etc. you can even put a $100 on the nightstand so that if one of you breaks the rules the other gets the $.

But try to keep it simple and fun and not create a chore for her. Don’t obligate her to do anything unless she wants to do it.

 

Why do you think your libido has dropped? Age , meds, stress, health? Many men over 40 have low testosterone and low libido is the least worst side effect. Do you still get erections in your sleep?