New to chastity but somewhat experienced with orgasm control/denial, and I'm starting to notice a pattern where I get involuntarily grumpy and distant for a day or so after being allowed to orgasm. Anyone else get this? Any advice on how to deal with it? I'm in a 24/7 D/s relationship and I don't feel like I'm being a particularly good submissive by getting grumpy every time she decides I should orgasm..
That's pretty normal I feel. That is one of the reasons to leave you locked up and never let you orgasm. Sounds like your Mistress needs to change how she lets you orgasm and only let you have ruined orgasms or tease you until you dribble out without the orgasm release. That will fix your problem I think. I am not a Dom and will be interested to what others think. Dianne.
One of the issues with that is that she enjoys making me orgasm to completion. She enjoys T&D as well, but suggesting that she always do some sort of denial or else I'm going to act mopey is less than ideal...
Sadly, and I say this as I'm in the same situation, you're both just going to have to accept that fact. There is a compromise to be made, and where it lies is entirely up to you. By you, I mean her, of course. Here's the thing though. I accept her grumpiness and coldness during her periods for what it is, a psychological effect with a physical cause. Surely post orgasm grumps are the same, so, put in that light then I'm sure you'll both manage. If she wants to see you spurt hard then you gotta expect a come down. My wonderful loves to see me spurt, and emptied me fully in the days before Christmas, which was a bit of a mistake tbh. I was grumpy for nearly a week, and it sucks, but hey, we all know about suffering for pleasure, right?
What she could do is post orgasm torture. get you to completion, then keep going after you've cum. Theres literally no feeling on earth as intense as that, so make sure your properly secured before she does it because you'll be in for one hell of a ride
Technical wording is "Post coital depression " a bit of brain hardwired to make you have a bonk and move on to the next receptive female and spread your genes about . Xx Wendy
This is just what I am doing with my husband now Dianne, I find it works a treat. I keep telling him this is going to be the big one he has been wanting and asking for and when he starts to dribble I just let go and laugh, I don't mean to laugh, just the look on his face makes me laugh. It's so funny. That's why I now call him Officer Dribble, even in front of his friends now. When they ask what's all that about? I just laugh and giggle, and tell them it's a private joke, I'm sure they know what I am on about.
For what it's worth my KH and I have noticed this is in my post-orgasm behavior as well - I become grumpy and self-centric. This is something I hate about myself as a sub but I know that even if I try I'm not strong enough at this point to overcome this feeling. Recently when I had been locked up for two weeks She asked me if I had any solutions to this problem (and when She asks for solutions She doesn't want any speculative answers) so the only solution I brought forward to her was to deny me any orgasm (even ruined ones) until I properly deserve one. I left my answer open-ended because I hadn't figured it through at that time but later I even went so far as buying an isolation hood for myself for Her to use on me post-orgasm that I will be unable to simply wander off into my own dwellings. The isolation hood hasn't yet arrived, I will present it to Her once I'm satisfied with the quality (online shopping, you know). The hood is lockable with three locks and I will be unable to remove it on my own.
A hood can see that having an effect, however a nice heavy leather strap to beat the grumpiness out of you would be another way . . Xx Wendy
This is a strange one, as many men do seem to suffer from post-orgasm grumpiness, self-centred behaviour or general lack of submissiveness. I suppose if you are prone to that behaviour, you have to try extremely hard to counter-act those tendencies. My husband is never in the slightest bit grumpy, distant or less submissive after orgasm, so it isn't an issue I have had to deal with. I love Paul to orgasm sometimes so I would never place him in a permanent state of chastity. I have no idea if pauls feels grumpy or non-submissiveness but he doesn't allow it to show if he does. I genuinely feel we are all capable of controlling our own actions, even if we cannot help our inner feelings. So a man could ensure his Dominant/Mistress doesn't know how he is feeling, by controlling his external actions so he acts and behaves as he normally should. I personally wouldn't pander to what I consider to be poor self-discipline.
@Kasaru I entirely agree. It is simply male arrogance emerging and has no place in a female led arrangement. It usually occurs in the early stages and will disappear after a while.
I can endorse everything that has been said above. The phenomenum is real..certainly for me, in a big way. The longer i am locked the more obvious it is and the longer it seems to last... sometimes for 3 days...i have written about it elsewhere in here. As others suggest, the constant feeling of frustrating/horniness/attentiveness/willingness to please is something special that comes with chastity and i for one have come to love it...losing it just breaks the spell and although there is a brief moment of amazing brightness and elation as i soar the heights on orgasm, the plunge to darkness and flat affect on recovery is something that i would be prepared not to have again.. by remaining locked and chaste...and serving... cj
if you gets milked the grumpys don't happen. I spose they dont if you don't get milked as well tho. just don't have a spurty, then it wont happen.
I too have experienced the grumps for the first time last week. I do not know where they came from. I have never suffered before and had a real rotten time. I wasn't grumpy I just felt a little low, as though I wanted to be alone for a while. I was actually going to post today but came across this thread and was rather amazed at the comments previously posted. My last orgasm which was ruined was 23/01/2015. I cannot remember when I had a full blown orgasm. My KH picked up on my mood and I explained I believed it was after our last session, I further explained I would like to go longer without any kind of release whether full blown or not. We have been enjoying chastity for nine months and I am constantly locked between cleaning and satisfying my KH. Therefore we are still new to it and we are learning as we progress. I feel at the time of writing that I do not want any kind of orgasm whatsoever in the future. I just want to serve my KH and if she wants to ruin my orgasms or bring me to a full blown one I should just have to be brave and get over it. Brilliant Site Rob