Wish I Started this Life Long Ago

Hello everyone,

I'm thrilled to finally have a community where I can be understood without hiding who I am. I'm 42 years old and have been married for 16 years. Our relationship has endured its share of challenges. To put it succinctly, my wife and I were under the grip of my narcissistic mother-in-law (MIL). Thankfully, she and the MIL are out of the picture for over a year now. Our relationship was on the brink of collapse due to the extreme stress and borderline depression my wife experienced. However, with time and healing, our relationship has finally found room to breathe.

My wife and I have started communicating openly, expressing what truly makes us happy. I've let go of the animosity I harbored over the years due to the influence of my MIL. We've had glimpses of wanting to explore different lifestyles before, but something always held us back. Recently, I discovered that my wife had a deep psychological connection to a fear of her mother's judgment, which hindered her from fully embracing change. It may sound strange, but if you're familiar with narcissists, it makes sense.

Fast forward to today, and I never imagined my wife would start exploring new things. I thought I'd never get to experience a different lifestyle because my wife seemed too "vanilla" and resistant to change. I even considered divorce at one point, thinking I'd have to find someone who shared my desires. However, to my surprise, my wife has embraced chastity for me. It's not as strict as some, but she enjoys it when I'm not around and lets me out when we're together.

What I've always desired is to explore feminization and eventually enjoy pegging. My wife, who once refused to even consider visiting a sex store, now suggests going and lets me pick out different toys, hinting at the possibility of pegging in the future. Additionally, she recently asked if I could wear earrings again, something I hadn't done since before we met. This led to a transformative evening where she helped me dress up, revealing a side of myself I had hidden for years. I finally feel like I can be myself around my wife without fear of judgment or being labeled as "gay."

Our conversations have been positive, and I've reassured her that I only want to be with her and see her as my "Beautiful Queen." This led to her suggesting a "girlfriend" night and even expressing interest in attending a male strip show. I'm fully supportive and excited to indulge her desires.

I apologize for the lengthy message, but I'm in a much better place now than ever before. I feel more secure in myself and our relationship. For too long, I carried guilt and shame for my desires, but it's incredible to see this lifestyle finally becoming a reality. Although I sometimes fear reverting back to old patterns, I believe my wife has evolved to understand that it's okay to be different and have our own kinks.