Hi all, I’m a 52 yr old married man new to chastity and hoping to bring my wife along for the ride. I tried earlier this year to bring up the subject but failed miserably. Have done a lot of research since and am going to have another discussion in upcoming weeks. For the most part our relationship has been pretty vanilla and I think I tried jumping in too quickly.
Pretty much all women hate the thought of their man masturbating! Remember that as it can be the basis of your next pitch. Explain how badly you feel about your wanking, how you just can't break the habit and how you would like to have her help in getting things under control. Suggest a trial period of about 30 days, after which she can decide if it is working. During that time, focus all of your energy on pleasing her and do not ever attempt to tell her what to do or when to do it. She will assume control of your penis. Agree with her, upfront, on a schedule when both of you can discuss how you are feeling about it as you go along. Such a plan has worked for several others on CM, I believe. If nothing else comes from it, perhaps you will alt least open a discussion a little more. That's the most critical part of any relationship.
Thanks for the advice- I’ve found a couple of books on Amazon that gave similar advice and I feel better prepared to open up the discussion again. One book had also suggested a 30 day trial period with the keys put in a drawer for the first week or so. Letting her get used to the idea without “forcing” any responsibilities on her. We have a very hectic two weeks or so ahead of us but then we go on a short vacation and I’m preparing for my next discussion. Being such an extreme shift from our norms and not doing too good on my first go makes me a bit nervous but with the right approach this could be the start of something new and exciting
You're spot on DonnaSue! Women hate that men masturbate so much. That was my way to discuss chastity. She was all in as all the masturbating was affecting the love making. Remember the words.. "be careful what you ask for" LOL Good luck Joey!
Welcome. Just take it slow and let her think about it. Pushing will be a turn off. Make it all about her.
I understand your situation and it took the third try for me before she would even agree to try it. The advice of taking it slow and making it about her is great advice. The following things are things I learned along the way that helped convince her to try. 1. Let her know why you want to do this and what is in it for her. My situation was from the example above. I jerked a lot and it was causing issues in our relationship and sex life. She hated it and wanted me to stop. I tried with little success. 2. Let her know the cage comes off whenever she wants no questions asked. You are giving her control so let her know she will be in control. Be sure she knows you are locking up to keep you away from your penis not her away from it. 3. You know what your wife likes best sexually. Make sure she knows the cage will make it better. If your interest in chastity is to take away her favorite parts of sex to satisfy you it will never work. My example is my wife likes me inside of her, likes giving oral and loves the feeling when I cum. She needed to know none of those were being taken from her they would only get better. 4. If you get her to try, remember the is exciting for you, not her yet so do not continually talk about your penis, she will not want to hear about it. 5. Show her extra attention if you get locked up but do not go overboard. I became a pest for a while until I toned it down. I know these are specific examples hopefully you can think of similar things in your relationship that will help in the conversation. Just remember to go slow and let her know this is about her. My vanilla wife wishes we would have done this earlier. Good luck with the conversation.
Thanks again to all. All the advice is really helpful and mirrors the several books I found on kindle; Lee and Diane Spencer’s book on chastity and the 3 books by Mistress Jules Scott. I am more than ready to give it another try. I know you can wait your life away waiting for the right time but I really need to wait about 2 weeks or so. At that point HS daughter will be away at school and sons college apps should be done- plus a few work commitments for both of us. I think my biggest failure last time was when I brought the subject up she seemed to get angered or annoyed . I retreated at that point and I should’ve tried to not only explain what chastity is but more importantly what it isn’t
It sounds like waiting a few weeks makes sense. I got the same anger response the first couple attempts. I later learned that she viewed the device as me looking my penis from her and rejecting her. That is why I said above make sure it comes off whenever she wants it off and it will make everything she enjoys better. Good luck.
I never even thought about the aspect of locking up as possibly a sign to her of rejection and that will be remembered when we talk. I thought the anger came from her belief that I wanted her to change into someone she’s not which is not at all the case. One of the authors above mentioned suggested a 30 day trial period wherein she doesn’t even hold the key for the first week, to just put them in a drawer. At any point she can take the keys, if not reopen discussion after week is up. That way her first taste of chastity is completely free of responsibility. If the conversation gets that far I think we’d be in a good light to give it a try
Glad I gave you another area to think about in your conversation. But also do not loose sight that you are not going to make her into something she is not. I would not expect her to take the keys at the beginning. When she agreed to try I would put on the cage Monday mornings and put the keys on her nightstand to let her know she can take it off whenever she wanted. I was always hoping they would be gone but they were always there for over three months. Things were going well and she was really enjoying me being so willing to please her but never took them or even acknowledged them. I eventually got her to remove the cage when she wanted it off instead of me and she did enjoy that. After months I came home late from a business dinner and she had a card for me telling me how much she loved plus a little gift. I told her the same. When I went into the bedroom to change I noticed the keys were gone. I never asked why but have not seen them sense until she gets them when she wants to release me.
Yet another area to think about. I agree that leaving the keys there indefinitely is probably the right approach. But the 3 mos you waited sounds a little scary. I guess to get something you never had you have to do something you’ve never do Ever!!