Ok, so up until wednesday, I'd been under my wife's total control since the beginning of November. A large portion of this time was spent locked up, but all of it was spent under a no-touch rule. During last week, and especially last weekend, I found myself being highly cranky, for no apparent reason. I was the proverbial pressure cooker, it seemed. On tuesday night, I was relocked because my wife was travelling away on wednesday for the rest of the week. When I got home from work on wednesday, I started really wigging out. Creeping panic, cold sweat, the works. It got so bad I would have taken the hacksaw to the lock in order to get out, but instead I explained my situation to my wife, and she let me have the code to the lockbox with the keys so that I could get out, take a break and blow off some steam. The next few days, the idea of chastity and submitting did not even remotely appeal to me - although I'm slowly starting to get some of the cravings back. Does anyone have any similar experiences? How did you overcome? I'm actually somewhat disappointed, even though this is the longest time I've ever been controlled to this degree. Or maybe we just need to accept the fact that my fantasy of long-term chastity does not translate well into reality and instead take these short breaks while suspending disbelief during the periods I'm locked? Anyone here living out their chastity like this?
I believe the goal is to find a balance. First between your needs and those of your wife. That said, I interpret your reaction as a fear of not being controlled, and fear you can't control it on your own. Often, I consider the question "do I really want to cum today"? What's the best way this could end...and more than anything, I secretly hope it ends in denial. Messing around with human sexuality is a huge turn-on for us. I consider myself bigender but still experiencing dysphoria. My wife LOVES my female look and how submissive I get when Meghan gets to sub... I tend to get some release every 1 to 2 weeks. We are working the cb6000s belt in mostly on he weekends. I spent thanksgiving to now in he cage, and I was somewhat hoping I would not be released today! However, the cage is really helping us dampen the male side and enhance the female side of me. I know not everyone uses chastity this way, but we are actively working to make it a very big part of our power exchange. It feeds her need to control, and my need to experience the world in a feminine way! Hope this helps! Meghan
If your wife keeps unlocking you each time she is asked by you, it seems to me that you are the one who is actually dominating her.
A month in chastity is long term; it's more than most of us have done or get to do. I've managed just 9 days. So, perhaps the trick is to set yourself realistic goals. That would also give you motivation to hang on until you reach your target. Beyond that - and bearing in mind I have less experience than you - two things might help: 1. Look at mental techniques for managing pain. They're all about accepting that the pain is there, acknowledging it, but then not responding to it. The same can apply to sexual frustration. 2. Remove the element of choice. At the moment you keep revisiting the lock/unlock decision. Possibly this also puts pressure on your wife, taking the fun out of it for her. How about a time lock safe, or using time lock software to encrypt the combination of a key safe? Good luck. Keep us posted!
I think everyone has hit very valid points. Be realistic and use chastity to get wherever the two of you wish to go. I know if I was let out simply because I wanted out, I would be the one in charge if my chastity. There really isn't any point to having your wife hold the keys if she turns them over to you the moment you want them. As with any aspect of marriage, managing expectations and honest communication can really help you here. Do you want chastity on your terms or hers? The biggest kink for me is when I want to get out and she says no! Having said all that, if you are in real pain, or think the device might be physically harming you, it needs to come off. If you are horney and want to induldge in naughty little boy activities, you need your wife to be strong for you and tell you no. If you trust her then let her decide what's best for you. You will thank her and maybe try a little harder to earn your release next time! A final thought is to have her hop on here and read a few threads about being a keyholder. She may just discover how much she can really get out of denying you, and turn your life completely upside down! Good luck and keep us posted.
Thanks for all your feedback! I agree that I definitely should not be let out "whenever I feel like it". In this case, it was a matter of taking a break - not just from chastity, but from the entire submissive mindset - or having a panic attack or nervous breakdown. Stress at work, shitty day, wife gone, chafing cage not feeling sexy at all, definitely not feeling submissive - all the little things add up sometimes. A good point was made that one month is actually a long time, so maybe it's an expectation issue. Neither me or my wife consider ourselves very "hardcore", so if one of us isn't having fun, then the other isn't either. So maybe we can just settle for living the fantasy while it's fun, and take breaks whenever real life hits hard and our headspace is different.
It sounds like you both are happy and I think that's the only rule that my Beloved and I have. A month is certainly a milestone, and I really hope I didn't come across too harshly. If you talk to ten people on this site you will get ten different definitions of what chastity should look like. A t the end of the day, chastity is exactly what you and your wife want it to be!
I also think that had my wife been at home, she might have been able to give me more direct help and support, and maybe even averted the unlocking. I've certainly found that chastity does things to your mind, some of them wonderful and some of them more challenging - and I guess it's only natural that we can't always beat all challenges, all the time no matter what. Thanks again for all the feedback! It's helped a lot.
Absolutely right @Disposable Hero at times it can be exhilarating and depressing in equally high amounts. On the lows, support is what is needed and if that's not available it is difficult to keep the focus. Being a KH and domme is hard work and we should not underestimate that.
Everybody experiences highs and lows. When you're low, the whole idea of chastity seems like a pain in the ass game, and you feel stupid wearing something on your genitals. These can be difficult moments, and difficult to work through. If you stick with it through short-term goals, like "I'll wear it until bedtime" or "I'll take it off first thing tomorrow morning", you might find you can deal with the harder moments. Eventually, and it may take months of on-again, off-again wear, you can look past the rough times. You begin to accept the device and chastity as part of your life, and it becomes the "new normal". You do all the things you did before - work, play, cry, laugh, mourn, even argue, and your chaste lifestyle is just another part of who you are. In many ways, it's like working out or lifting weights - your body has to slowly adapt to the extra demands you place on it. So too your mental adjustments won't happen all at once. It's okay to take breaks as you grow and change to accommodate being denied on a long-term basis. With perseverance comes acceptance.
I think everyone goes through that from time to time. I need to be dominant in my job and sometimes it is a hard mindset to get back to being submissive at home. I have found that telling your wife what the triggers are that expose your submissiveness helps a lot. If I am struggling I let her know and at some time in the next day she will take me aside and have me explain to her a particular scenario or event that had happened recently that gets me all gooey again. An example, this weekend we had a great session that ended with an orgasm for me and I thought I was going to stay unlocked for a week. She had me locked up in 3 hours however as she decided it was just easier during the silly season to have me under her control. Yesterday I complained that I was actually looking forward to being free and how did I end up locked up again. She came and met me for lunch and in the middle of the food court while we sitting having lunch we had this conversation Her: "What did you wear for me on Sunday morning" Me "Stockings, crotchless panties & Heels" Her "Tell me about the heels you wore hubby" Me "They were my 6" heels with no platform in black & red patent and mary jane straps" Her "Do dominant men wear shoes like that hubby" Me "No princess" Her "What did you do for me on Sunday morning" Me "I vacuumed the house, did the laundry and made you breakfast. Then I licked worshipped your pretty feet and gave you an orgasm" Her "All the time wearing lingerie and your heels" Me "Yes mistress" (starting to feel very submissive by now and have gone from princess to mistress) Her "Where did you cum" Me "On your breasts mistress" Her "What did you do after you came" Me "I licked up every last drop mistress" Her "Do you want to stay in chastity slut" Me "Oh yes please mistress, I am begging you to keep me in chastity" Her "Good boy, now lets go look at shoes." Needless to say I was bending steel on my cage and feeling very very submissive and happy to be sitting here now locked up and secure in my submission to her.
I'm usually locked away for far longer than a month (albeit I'm freed for cleaning/shaving every so often) with zero release. I've found that at around 20-30 days I get an attitude problem that lasts about a day, then it goes away. I realize it the next day and apologize profusely. We're both aware of the phenomenon so she takes it in stride. If we're into the D/S thing then she makes me regret it, but usually it's something she just ignores and knows will go away. My being aware of it helps me to know why I'm feeling like that so it helps me mellow out. Unlike your situation, we're always nearby, so I don't know what I'd do if I felt the frustration alone. YMMV