Getting started without my wife knowing [ ...she knows now! ]

@Jasmic68 yes, things are going great. I think that she is slowly realizing that this is not just a kinky game for me. She realizes that is important for me as a lifestyle. She is also enjoying all the pampering she gets from me.
Mmmm good to know that my posts make you so horny! ;-)

@CagedAnimal2 thanks!!

@windrush Yes, I will ask her to join when the time is right. But I doubt she will ever enjoy writing to much here. Maybe she might like reading some stuff. But who knows.

 

Again a short update.
A couple of days ago, after 16 days in chastity, my wife wanted to see me cum. It was THE FIRST TIME that I had an orgasm in her presence after being in chastity for a while.
We discussed the options of ruined orgasm or prostate stimulation (milking). We both agreed that it was better for me not to have a strong orgasm as that would affect my mood in the following days. This was the first time we were "working together" in my relief. We decided to go for the ruined orgasm with blowjob and handjob.

First she wanted me to lick her for a while. She didn't cum (never cums from oral) but it definitely turns her on. After that, she teased me for some time alternating sucking and stroking. She edged me several times until at some point my cum started flowing out but then a HUGE ORGASM was somehow triggered. It was one of the most intense orgasms I ever had. It left me a bit dizzy afterwards. I have to learn more about ruined orgasms and prostate milking so that I can explain my wife how it works. We both didn't want me to have an orgasm. After 16 days I was feeling to my pressure in my system and I was having too many erections with my head being hypersensitive all the time. I was afraid I would cum by accident and we both thought it would be a shame if the hard work after 16 days would be lost by accident. So, we only wanted to drain mys system a bit, but we ended with me having a huge orgasm.

After draining me she wanted to have PIV sex. But I was so exhausted and knocked out from the intensity of the orgasms that I would get no erection. We had an appointment later that afternoon and we had no time to wait until my cock would work again. So we left the PIV part for another day.

Yesterday, after 3 days of my huge orgasm, she wanted to have some PIV sex, she wanted to reach orgasm , but she didn't want me to reach orgasm. She is REALLY ENJOYING the way I behave when kept in chastity. We both realized how "down" I feel after orgasm. She wanted me to be in a good mood for the weekend. But she also wanted to have her PIV sex and orgasm. So we went for it. After 3 days without orgasm it was not that difficult to control myself. I wore a condom with desensitizing cream. It worked quite well but I had to be very careful not to go too far. There are still many things for me to improve, but after a combination of PIV sex and masturbation she reached a nice orgasm.

The discussion about getting a device for me is getting more and more serious. She thinks it would be best for us both if I remain in chastity for 3-4 weeks at a time and we realize that things get really difficult for me after 7-9 days, not because I touch myself. But because I get too many morning and evening erections, I start dripping precum and my head is hypersensitive all the time. Having a device would help me avoid unwanted and unintentional stimulation such as might be caused by tight panties or jeans.
I explained, in detail, what's the idea and concept behind ruined orgasm and milking. Reading this articles about The Neurochemistry of Sex helped us both understand the biological and physiological functions of male orgasms and why we both want to avoid me having such intense orgasms.
Then, as far as I understood and learned about the subject, it seems to be healthy to drain/empty your system every once in a while.
So our idea at the moment is to go for 4 week chastity periods, doing milking or ruined orgasm after 2 weeks.

Tonight my wife will enjoy a nice pedicure and manicure from me!! She really loves the idea of having a private spa at home and getting all kind of spa and beauty services at home as often as she wants, as much as she wants. She also said, and she meant it very seriously, I should follow a course for professional massage. She would like to get professional massages at home as often as she needs them.
Sames as I read in @Jasmic68 's thread and other journeys around the mansion, women need some time to understand how this works. Then they need some time to try it out and see how it feels. Finally they need some time to develop more confidence and make sure that they really are in control. I see she already understands and enjoys the benefits of chastity. Her confidence is also growing, slowly but surely.

A couple of hours after we had PIV sex, I hug her and really thank her for what we are doing. I said I really feel great with what we are doing and that It feels like a dream coming true for me. She said: "I'm also enjoying this more than I thought and I'm starting to think this will work very good for us both, it might be a good solution for us"
What can I say? I'm very, very happy!!!

 

@Jasmic68 ohh that would be great if our wives could be in touch!!

 

Yesterday night (after only 6 days in chastity) I was horny as hell. In the middle of the night I went upstairs and had a nice play session with my dildo resulting in one of the most intense anal orgasms I ever had. I still have to tell my wife about this. :-( I'm a bad gurl.


I find myself in a point where I realize that things are finally getting started, and that makes me very happy, but sometimes things move just too slow for me at the moment. It's really good to know that this is a normal part of the development as I read in @Jasmic68 's old thread.
My wife is just getting started with this and is getting used to the idea of chastity and FLR. I realize there is something going on in her head. Her attitude towards me is also changing slowly. I realize she feels more comfortable, more confident, but she is still a bit insecure. Only time will hel her confirm that this is not just a kinky game for me, but that I'm really committed to change our relationship into a FLR and that I really want chastity as a lifestyle, that I really want to be at her feet.

She is asking many things in order to understand how all this works. Each time I explain the same, she is the one deciding how things will work. There is no recipe to follow. She is having trouble with the idea of focusing only on her needs. She explained she was always considering me also, but for many years she was also either completely disconnected form sex or having sex with me just because I asked/initiated it and because she knew I needed it.
There are a couple of things that she said she already like such as:
- Feeling desired all the time.
- Knowing that she will never be rejected again when she wants sex. That's something that made her feel very insecure in the past. Typical situation of sexual disconnection in a couple. For weeks/months nothing happens. I masturbated intensively. The she would initiate sex a day after I had masturbated 3 times. Of course I had no desire. It's obvious that she will feel only more insecure if she takes the "risk" of initiating sex after weeks or months of nothing and she gets rejected. She likes the idea of me being horny and ready for her all the time.
- Deciding when and how we have sex.
- Getting lots of non-sexual attention.

But we are still too soon in the development of things. She is getting used to the changes. I'm still getting used for her to have the control. It was a very bad action form me yesterday night to play with my dildo and to reach orgasm. It's obvious I will have to hand over all my sex toys to her at some point. If I'm in cage and still can reach orgasm with my dildo... mmm... she will have to take control of all toys too.


We had PIV sex last Thursday. I was not allowed to cum. She had a nice orgasm. Yesterday night I was horny again. I was cuddling with her, she realized that I was horny. She suddenly said: "we just had sex last Thursday" meaning like it was too recent and there is no need to do anything now. The thing is, I could lick her every day, I could give her massages every day, I could assist her with masturbation every day. Our huge difference in libido has always been a problem. I have my doubts now if keeping me horny all the time will help things or will make things worse.


One things is surely improving: premature ejaculation. I'm really learning a lot about self control, I'm doing lots of edging on my own and I'm improving my skills on how to avoid going over the edge. Again body and mind connection are crucial for this. Knowing that I'm not supposed to cum and really wanting not to cum is already the most important thing. Then my mind control my body and I realize I'm able to walk on the edge for 10-15 minutes and not loose control. This is something I never thought would be possible ever. Let alone having PIV sex and not cuming withing 3 minutes. Now we have 5-10 minutes of PIV sex and I don't cum (we only tried this after 2-3 days in chastity, I still have to improve my skills to be able to have PIC sex after 15-20 day in chastity and not cum)


Anyway, a lot of random thoughts today. But I just needed to share some of this thoughts somewhere.

 

@nvrsaynvr63 thanks for the feedback! I appreciate it and I admire your commitment.
After reading your feedback, I had to think about some stuff before answering. More in the nest post.

 

CONFUSION, CONFUSION, CONFUSION

I think that's how I would describe my thoughts after reading @nvrsaynvr63 's comment.
First of all, after my orgasm I feel terrible in two ways

1 - Physically. As I already mentioned before in my thread and as I discovered along my journey, orgasms have a very depressing effect on me. For decades I masturbated a lot and also suffered a lot form depression. 4 months ago I started exploring chastity and I never felt better in my life before. Each time I have an orgasm I realize how down I feel the next day (or couple of days). This is very obvious today.

2- Emotionally. Confused because of my commitment. On one hand I would love my wife to take over completely and be very strict with me. I know this is more a patience game and a fading process. And then, sometimes, I panic and I worry things will never work. I also realize that after having a very selfish sexuality for most of my life, hand over control is not as easy as I thought. I already know that it is better for me if my wife controls my sexuality. I know I feel better. I know she will enjoy me more. But then, sometimes, the old selfish me wants something and wants it now. I was craving for my dildo like crazy for a while now and I went mad. I couldn't wait for it any longer. Then there is another issue here. Since I accepted my cross dressing and embraced my very strong feminine side my sexuality is shifting faster than I thought. My experience during the last 4 months is that after 1+ week in chastity I start feeling horny and then I crave for my dildo or any form of anal stimulation and I really don't care about my cock being stimulated or not. I'm also having great anal orgasms lately. Yesterday night was just mind blowing.
And then I'm confused. Very confused. What's the point in having my cock in a cage if all I want is anal stimulation and anal orgasms? I'm not wearing a cage and I if I break my commitment and have an orgasm, I don't have to think twice about how I prefer to reach my orgasm. Anally, all the way. No doubt about it.

So, there is a lot of confusion here at the moment.
I see my wife and I are making progress. I see she is slowly understanding how chastity works and she is enjoying the benefits. And now I'm really confronted with handing over control for real. Until now I was exploring chastity on my own terms. If you go back and read my thread you'll see I decided each time how long I would go. I decided when I would cum, I did it all alone, with the exception of a time I had a coach/KH here on the Mansion and even then I had difficulties with waiting until he would tell me when to cum.
My conclusion is that I feel much better if I have no orgasms for weeks. So I really know that I want that.

I think the next challenge for me here is to really hand over control. I must be honest. A couple of days ago my wife said she find it difficult to forget about my needs and focus on her needs only. She said she wants to understand my needs as well. My very honorable answer was: "it's all about you. If you want sex once a week, you'll get it and I will have to deal with it if you want sex but don't want me to cum. And if you suddenly don't want sex for 4 weeks, then I will have to wait". Right after I said that I felt a bit of fear.... and thought.... ups... what if she locks me up and forgets about sex for months at a time.

And it's not that I'm getting no attention for weeks in a row. As my wife pointed out, we had PIV sex last Thursday. Suddenly, on Sunday, I was extremely horny and went for my dildo. I really feel terrible about it. She were right. It was only 3 days since my last teasing, since last time we had sex.
I find myself cuddling with her on the couch and caressing her in a bit sexual way... like me asking please to give me some kind of sexual attention.

Maybe it's time to get a device. I hope that wearing a device will make things more clear for me. Once I wear the device and she has the key things will be very clear for both.

A lot of confusion at the moment, combined with a very down feeling after orgasm. I never thought I would start hating my orgasms so much. It's horrible. I feel great for a couple of seconds and then I'm depressed for days. And I have to wait at least one week until I feel good again. This is horrible.

So, that's it for now.

 

@Jasmic68 thank you so much for replying!! What you explained helps me a lot right now!! Thanks, thanks, thanks!!! Thank you for being there!!
It's exactly what I needed to hear/read in this moment of confusion.
You know I went through your entire thread. Knowing that you also went through all this moments of confusion helps me really a lot to keep going.

I realize it's my turn now. The time for the real commitment arrived. This journey is amazing. I'm learning so much about myself, my wife, our sexuality... but it's a difficult journey.
You're right, we are wired to crave for orgasm. And although I want to trick the system, the system is sometimes stronger than I can be now. My wife said that she wanted to have a look st some devices with me to start getting an idea of what to buy. I think I don't have to wait too long for that. I'll invite her to have a look at them soon.

 

TELLING THE TRUTH

After a couple of days of hiding, I finally decided to tell my wife about my orgasm from last Sunday.
She didn't like it. She was disappointed. She said that she wants to be present each time I ejaculate.
Her reaction is already a good sign.
She also said that she noticed me being a bit different after Sunday. And yes, I thought I could manage to hide my bad mood after orgasm, but I feel so bad after orgasm that I just can't hide it.
She mentioned again that maybe we have to buy a device.
I wish she had came up herself with some punishment idea. But I guess it's too soon for her to do those kind of things. I don't want to push her development either.

We used the chance also to talk other chastity and sex related thoughts. It was great. I explained to her also how I feel now that I know that this is becoming real. I was exploring chastity alone until approx a month ago when she started to get involved. We had only one experience together of me having an orgasm after 16 days in chastity. We tried a ruined orgasm but it didn't work.
I realize that now the time has come to REALLY hand over control over my orgasms. I must be honest, I thought it would be easier for me to do. It scares me a bit also. But I know I need it as well. I need to stay in chastity. I feel much better.
The reality is that now I realize that I will never have a say again about my orgasms.

I also confessed that I was a bot worried about her not being really interested in chastity. But I also explained that getting started needs some time for both to get used to the new situation and that this emotional roller coaster seems to be normal until both get used to this and feel on the same page. I mentioned several things I learned from @Jasmic68 's journey. She said that she is very happy for me that I have Jasmic and other friends to explore all this. She mentioned she would feel a bit overwhelmed if she was all alone exploring this with me. I hope one day she feels comfortable enough to join the Mansion and exchange also some thoughts with other guys and specially ladies.


WET DREAM
Yes, it happened again.
Short ago, I had my first wet dream after ages. Now the second. It's funny that this happened because I had a very good and intense orgasm only 4 days ago. I wont reset my ticker as it was not my intention to cum and I did nothing to provoke it. Although technically I feel my balls very empty again.


NEXT PERIOD
I want to go for 3-4 weeks now. I want to compensate my wife somehow for my mistake last Sunday. @Steviepie recommended to go for a month without milking as a punishment for my misbehavior. I think it's a good test of my commitment to this. I should be able to do it. I will discuss it with my wife later.

 

@jemima you're also a horny gurl and have wet dreams too, sister! ;-)

@Steviepie I must admit, since I joined CM I wonder why @jemima writes the way she writes... is that the way little girl would talk in english? As english is not my native language it's a bit difficult for me to place the way she writes. But I guess it's baby talk / little firl, talk, right jem?

 

SHOPPING SPREE AND AFTERCARE
A couple of days ago, we were in the city with the kids. At some point my wife said that she wanted to go shopping for some clothes. Shopping with little kids is no fun. Our car was parked very far away. I proposed I would slowly walk back with the kids to the car, then drive a couple of circles until she would send me a message to pick her up somewhere.

She had a better idea. She proposed I drive back home with the kids so that she could do shopping with no time limit. I said, that's a great idea! So I drove home, played with the kids, made dinner, bath them, put them to bed. While I was busy with all that I get a message from my wife saying that she had pain in her feet and her back from walking around so much in the stores. I immediately replied: "honey, a foot and back massage will be waiting for you when you arrive home. She answered with a many smilies and a short text saying "I'm really starting to like this".
I immediately had a hard-on. I replied: "you have to get used to the idea that you are probably the only women in that store that will get such a treatment when she arrives home from shopping"

She came back home with the train. I told her to please tell me when she would be arriving so that I could pick her up from the station and save her to walk 300 meters with her feet hurting. (yes, we are only 300 meters from the train station).
Before I picked her up I prepared a container with warm water for her foot massage.
She was wearing tight jeans, she took the off to put her feet in the warm water. I was sitting on the floor massaging her feet and I had a great view of her lovely panties. After a long foot massage session. She got also a back massage.
After finishing the massage, she was already feeling much better and relaxed. Then we continued with her pedicure that was left unfinished a couple of days before. I still had to do the top clear coat on her nails. I did it while she watched TV with a drink I served her.
After finishing all the aftercare, I sat next to her for some cuddling and caressing and soft kissing. My fantasy was flying high imagining the situation where I do the same aftercare when she comes back home after a hot sex date and she tells me how good it was and how many orgasms she had while she relaxes with my massages. This might remain fantasy forever. I doubt she would ever want to do any cuckolding. But I couldn't stop my fantasy from flying high.


PUSSY SHAVING
Yesterday evening, While I was doing all evening chores (cleaning the kitchen, bathing the kids, putting them to bed)
she was lying in the bed reading a new and very interesting book. I love the way things are developing.
After finishing with all my work, I went to the bedroom and laid in bed next to her.
She surprised me with something I didn't expect at all. "Would you like shaving my pussy here in bed while I continue reading my book?"
I was amazed, my face spoke for itself. Before I could say something she said "I knew you would like that idea"
I immediately went for all collect all the things I needed, a towel, lady razor, perfumed foam and warm water.
She had already mentioned many times that she wanted me to do this several weeks ago, but I said I would wait for her to directly ask me to do it. Yesterday was the great day.
I was hypnotized while looking at her pussy. I must say this is not the first time we do this. We shaved her pussy many times before my outing and before we started with FLR and chastity. Before getting started with FLR I knew I would always get to lick her after shaving her. Now I didn't know if she would ask me to lick her. And i didn't dare to ask. It was really exciting. I had to make a huge effort not to ask for her to allow me licking hr pussy. After I finished shaving and cleaning her, she inspected the work. She was satisfied. I didn't ask for licking her pussy, she didn't offer it either. So I asked her if she wanted fresh panties or is she wanted to wear the ones she was wearing before. She said she wanted fresh panties and I could choose one from her drawer. I noticed that she was wearing a sanitary pad in her old panties. So I asked if she needed a sanitary pad in the new panties, she said: "yes please". I picked one of my favorite panties (polka dots) went to the bathroom, placed a sanitary pad in it, went back to the bedroom and put her panties on. All while she was reading her new book.
I cuddle with her a little. Then we went downstairs to watch our new favorite series (Breaking Bad)
I was horny as hell. I was sure she knew that. But i did my best not to bother her with my needs.


LEARNING NOT TO ASK
This morning I was awake very early and all I could think was her recently freshly shaved pussy. I waited until she was awake in the hope she would ask for some kind of sexual attention. After more than an hour she was awake. We cuddled. The kids walked in and out the bedroom several times. At some point they went to play alone. We stayed in bed, spooning. At some point she said: "well... I think it's time to go have some breakfast".
And the I couldn't hold it anymore and I dared to ask: "don't you want some special attention before having breakfast". She was annoyed and immediately said: "If I need of want something I will ask for it"

And then I thought "omg I ruined it all". We had a short conversation. I said: "you're right honey, we agreed that only you would initiate sex, I'm sorry". She answered: "that's right"
She also took the chance to explain a couple of things that she didn't like about my behavior lately.
- She loves cuddling but she said she hates it when it's obvious that I'm extremely horny and I cuddle with her in a way that feels for her like I'm initiating sex. She said she want cuddles but she doesn't want to feel "sexual pressure" with my cuddles.
- She also said that she doesn't like me sticking to her like a post-it each time I get the chance to be close to her.

I must say it felt REALLY GREAT hearing all this from her. I know she is taking control of things. I asked and she confirmed that she likes having the control of when and how we have sex. She said she is starting to really enjoy the freedom to say what she likes, what she doesn't and to decide when she wants to have whatever kind of sexual attention.
She said: "I know now that your are available and willing to do whatever I want all the time. I don't have to worry anymore that you will reject me if I need whatever kind of attention. Now I want you just to wait until I feel desire for sexual attention and don't ask for it anymore."

OMG, OMG, OMG, OMG. Today I really have the feeling that she is taking control. I wrote a lot, but it's very difficult for me to find the right words to describe how great I feel now that I know that she is really taking control of my sexuality. I was NEEDING THIS ALL MY LIFE. I feel so submissive towards her, I love this. I can't believe this is happening.

We talked a bit about the situation. I offered my apologies for asking for sex this morning. She said it's not a big deal. I explained that I made a huge effort yesterday while shaving her not to ask for licking her. She said: "I know darling, I'm very aware of that. I knew it all the time. I also noticed that you were awake this morning and that you were patiently waiting for me and I must say I love to know that you're there, patiently waiting and always ready for me"
I was amazed. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I thought she didn't notice me this morning. But she was more than aware of what was happening. And while I thought she was just sleeping, she was already practicing her control.

We both agreed that we need some time to adjust to this new situation and that maybe we have to discuss clear rules, and that we probably will need some time to adjust the new rules until we both feel comfortable with the new situation.

I said that I'm very excited that this is happening. But also confessed that I'm a bit afraid. I always wanted to hand over control and now this is real. I said that I'm afraid that after I hand over control she will forget about sex for months at a time. She said that she understands my fears but that if I want to hand over control, I will have to accept that she decides now.

So, I have to learn not to ask. Not to ask speaking. And not to ask with my behavior. I have to behave normal, don't show any sign of being horny and wait for her to ask for whatever attention she wants. If it's a back massage, then that's it. If it's more, great. Whatever happens I will have to learn to be satisfied with what I get.

 

OMG!!! OMG!!! @jemima please darling!! Don't get me wrong!!! It was by no means my intention to make you feel uncomfortable in any way!! I just saw @Steviepie correcting the way you write and my intention was only to SUPPORT YOU, no criticize you. All I wanted was to explain @Steviepie that it's not necessary to correct you. I thought he doesn't get your writing style.
I must admit, each time I read your posts I try to figure out what's the intention behind your writing style. It was obvious to me, since the very beginning, that it is a very special writing style. But as I said, as English is not my native language, it is difficult for me to understand or to place your style. For example, a while ago I was reading something in a forum where someone had a very special writing style as well. I could not identify what was the idea behind it until someone said it was supposed to be English with German accent. If I hear it in a movie (English with German accent) I immediately identify it. If it is written, it's very difficult for me to identify what's the intention of that special writing style.

To make it clear. @jemima I LOVE THE WAY YOU WRITE, it's reads very cute. Please sweetie, please, please, please don't get me wrong!!! If you felt offended in whatever way, please accept my apologies. Lots of hugs and kisses for you!!!
You're also by no means a nuisance to my writing. If you feel uncomfortable in my thread, I find it very important to be also clarified in my thread. I don't mind if it takes 2 posts or 4 pages. For me it is very important that everyone is respected for the way he/she is (that's all I wated to reach with my comment to @Steviepie). I really hope I could clarify this misunderstanding with you. I'm still curious about your writing style, you don't have to explain anything if you don't want to.

@Jasmic68 I absolutely agree. I already realized many of @jemima 's subtleties and also realized that she can bring complicated subjects to the point in one sentence and with a sweet kind of humor at the same time. Many of her one-line posts kept me thinking for a while. Or I had to admit to myself that she was saying a big true, with not so many words (sometimes I need pages to reach the same result). @jemima dominates the art of "less is more". And of course I don't mind you writing this here on your thread. As I said, it is very important that we clarify this.

 

@jemima I'm glad is solved now!! Hugs and kisses!!

 

EXPLORING OUR BASELINE

Last weekend we had a very good conversation. She confirmed that she is enjoying this, specially all the pampering she gets from me and the fact that she now knows that she will never be rejected again. She loves the idea of knowing that it doesn't matter when, what and how, I will always be ready for her, in the way she wants at that given moment. That's also a great sign.

We also discussed other chastity and sex related things. It was a very open and honest conversation about length of chastity periods, device, milking, ruined orgasms, edging, teasing, etc. But the most important thing for me was to know if she was enjoying what we are doing and if she is really doing things because she enjoys it, or if she is doing things for me. The answer was clear: "don't worry, if we did something it was because I really wanted to do it". She explained that it is a bit difficult for her to focus on her pleasure only. She said she always took my pleasure in consideration. And she mentioned that she is getting used to the idea that not having an orgasm gives me pleasure. Or that I really enjoy things like being left completely horny after shaving her pussy.

She said that she doesn't want to force nor to rush things. She said she wants to explore things, letting things happen very naturally focusing on her desire to define whats our baseline. How long can I stay in chastity, how often she wants sex, how often she wants pampering. And then build up from there.
She also mentioned one thing that was also an eye opener for me. She said that she wants to discover and understand what excites me and what makes me really horny. I realize now that since we are together she always saw me as a traditional guy, the typical alpha male. I remember many times she doing things that would not excite me at all (because of my hidden sub nature). Only since a couple of months she knows the real me and, of course, she now wants to discover which buttons to push.



EDGING - ACCIDENT

I had an accident again. This time it was really not my intention to cum, on the contrary, I was training myself to be ready for her when she asks for sex. But it seems I went just one stroke too far and it happened.
As I mentioned before, she loves PIV sex and that's the way she cums best. So I will have to learn to control myself a lot to offer her PIV sex without me having an orgasm.

Edging is helping me a lot to improve my premature ejaculation problems. Last time we had PIV sex my wife was amazed of how long I was able to hold, specially while being so horny after almost a week in chastity. I was never able to hold that long, even if I had masturbated the day before.

We are just getting started. I don't know if she ever will enjoy tease and denial games. Our sex life was very, very, very bad for 10+ years to say the least. So, at this moment, it's a bit difficult for me to imagine that she will enjoy teasing/edging on a regular basis. But things are improving a lot now.

We are seriously considering to buy a device for me. This will make my chastity periods surely much easier and longer. On the other hand it will be for me impossible to train myself with some edging. I will have to discuss this with her when the time is right. I love the idea of having a device and not being able to touch myself anymore. But if we want to improve my premature ejaculation through edging, she will have to take over... I hope.



AFTER ORGASM DEPRESSION

It's HORRIBLE how bad I feel after my orgasm from last Sunday. This time I'm not just a bit down, but really depressed. This depressive feeling is so familiar. It seems I was suffering this all my life but didn't connect it somehow with masturbation.

Anyway, I see it very clear now that each time after having an orgasm I feel really bad and depressed. I don't know now if my depressive feelings are more intense since I started chastity, or just the fact that I feel the contrast more clear now. For 1 or 2 weeks I feel great, then I have an orgasm and I feel really depressed for 2-3 days.
I wonder if anyone here is experiencing something similar.

 

OMG. Just had another accident while edging. This is not going well.