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Financial Domination

Discussion in 'The Pedestal' started by Mistress Watchful, Apr 1, 2011.

  1. Mistress Watchful

    Mistress Watchful Dont believe the hype ;oP Staff Member Admin

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    WARNING - Potentially HOT :jumping0039: topic. Please try and keep it a friendly, informed debate.

    I understand how ProDommes work, they provide a service for which they are paid. I DON'T under Financial Domination.

    1. Why are some men happy to empty their wallets for women (!?) they will probably never meet, or even speak to on the phone or webcam?

    2. Why do FinDommes apparently experience no feelings of guilt?

    My general ponderings/ramblings...

    I guess if someone wants to empty their wallet over a pretty picture, and the woman behind it wants lots of freebies it's a win/win.

    Maybe it is one of the ultimate forms of control.

    Maybe taking money/gifts IS a kind of service! Supply and demand.

    I've seen a huge increase of cashpigs and Princesses around the net lately. They all seem to get along happily and the Princesses are raking it in.

    Does it take a certain kind of person to be able to gold-dig?

    I just can't get my head around it!

    I have a couple of wishlists because people ask me if I would like something for my birthday/christmas/etc or because I've played with them at a club. I'm not very good at accepting gifts (even from pet!) so the wishlist is a "distant" method for me. If someone buys something it's because they wanted to.

    I take a percentage of pet's wages, but we live together and have a house to run and bills to pay. I don't go off splurging it on kinky boots (much as he probably wishes I would!)

    I used to be materialistic. When I was with my (hopefully soon to be ex) husband I could have whatever I wanted. I went shopping for fun, left the bags on the dining room table and would return to them 2 days later and think "oh, I don't remember buying that!" I had numerous items in my wardrobe with the labels still on.

    My "aha!" moment was when he was away for Valentines, and I had my heart set on a beautiful pink sapphire and diamond bracelet. It wasn't cheap. I knew he hadn't bought me anything and I'd hinted and hinted at this damn bracelet for ages. So I rang him and said "I'm in front of that bracelet, I want it for Valentines, can I buy it?" He said yes, and I bought it, and I realised that it meant absolutely nothing to me.

    I still want nice things, I still want to make this house a home, and I still need to pay the bills, so I'd lie if I said money wasn't important... but how do people get off on being bestowed with gifts 24/7?

    I have nothing against the whole FinDomme thing, I just can't understand the psychology.
     
  2. Divine Mistress Angelique

    Divine Mistress Angelique Divine Mistress Angelique

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    I have also marveled at this phenomenon. I have never heard of such a thing in the real world, nor have any of the dommes I know. I'm not even really sure if it exists on the internet. I mean I know the sites exists, but are there really men who give their money away just to feel used? I find it hard to believe, and I certainly can't understand it. But it has also been my experience that if you can reach a big enough audience, you can always find someone who will agree to even the most bizarre idea.

    Call me naive, but I sincerely doubt that these are really true dominatrices. I think they are simply con-artists, criminals, probably not even women. There are countless scams on the internet, just ask my banker friend in Nigeria who used to be a prince.

    I've never know a pro domme who would knowingly cheat a client. Why risk losing a client and potentially years more income. I find most dommes have personalities completely opposite their professional persona's. They are some of the kindest, gentlest, most understanding and compassionate people I know. They provide a service that men, and some women, cannot live without. They offer something their spouses are unwilling or unable to provide.

    I suppose this post is self-serving, but I think true dommes have a heightened sense of honesty. I think it is a requirement of the job. Of course, there always is some asshole or idiot, but they never last. A good example is these hustlers who open a "dungeon" and stock it with prostitutes. They make a lot of money for a few months, don't pay their rent, utilities, etc., and then they disappear.

    Ok, I'm done ranting now.

     
  3. Mistress Watchful

    Mistress Watchful Dont believe the hype ;oP Staff Member Admin

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    Oh rant away! :)

    Going down the "friend of a friend" route, I know at least 2 FinDommes, and have met one of them in person.

    Gorgeous girls I have to say, and more power to them. They are 100% genuine and very good at what they do.

    I've spoken to one of them and she said it's not really her thing, but when men ask for it, she'll do it. The other one is too scary to ask. LOL.

    I agree, odd phenomenon, but then why should anything be more odd (taking money) than another (eg, changing a grown man's diaper).

    Each to their own I guess!
     
  4. Missy Tanya

    Missy Tanya Senior Member

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    Here's my take, from the males side. Money is a very powerful!! Maybe more than Sex/Orgasms. I would bet that the men that play this game have "been there done that". Meaning, done the pay for sex, Pro-Domination, and every other kink they could think off. Now someone controlling there wallet is the next kink.

    Many Dominated Marriages that I've read about, controlling their man's money is just another way of control him. So for the Single Man, or Married that isn't getting what they need from home, maybe this is the next closes thing they can experienced.

    We all know there is a Scam Artist around every corner. Even though some FinDommes might be 100% legit, I bet the money is the deciding factor in their involvement.

    But too each his or her's own. I know I never say no, till I've walked in their shoes. Meaning, you never know what you might enjoy till you've tried it. I personal know that Crossdressing and Chastity are two things I never thought would become such a part in my life. Now I dream of both 24/7, and wish I would have "tried" them both many years earlier.

    My wife was asking the other day about the Crossdressing and where did I think it would be going for the longterm. In short, do you want to be a woman someday. I told her the same thing I've always said about anything. Not sure, haven't walked in those shoes Yet!!! But unfortunately, for this old gal, father time has pasted, I'm afraid. If only I was 20 years younger, where would I be at this age.

    Have been giving some thought too what if, and I should pass away. Wouldn't being locked in Chastity and dressed up pretty to start your next life be wonderful. I think so, at least I would have a start of my new wardrobe.

    Too each his/her's own, Missy Tanya
     
  5. susie q

    susie q Dear friend of the Mistress Michelle clan

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    I'm not sure myself but i feel that many get the concept of this lifestyle in their minds and aren't sure where to turn and you see it quite abit here on the mansion and other places "I want a Mistress please take me" which is totaly the wrong way to go about it but turn to the pro's hence they will do it just for the money so they can feel the experience.Possibly for some this is the correct approach as the correct way in my opinion according to ones life as it may be and decide from there ,the correct way takes time and effort and trust to build the other goes pretty quick i suppose ..hence to each their own ,love hugs and curtseys :)
     
  6. Mr Gee

    Mr Gee New Member

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    Tanya &Susie Q,
    Your statements pretty much echo my feelings. Money is power and nothing can corrupt like power...we all need to be careful around this one.
    My sentiments are that most people here in the mansion lean towards 24/7 long time cultivated relationships...time effort trust, rite on Susie!
    My S.O. is content with the crossdressing, & the value of chastity devices is slowly coming home. We both know I am solidly anchored in maledom,and that I will be walking to the pearly gates in heels!
    If there is one issue that can stirr the rancors of dis- content in this relationship, it is money. Now that I'm retired and we are both on the same path,it is much easier, especially if it is never discussed!
    Mr Gee :mellow:
     
  7. sissy_maid_melody

    sissy_maid_melody Active Member

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    I think there's a couple of different aspects here, though they can probably be boiled down to one thing, the male sub seeking attention.

    It's interesting to see how a site like CollarMe degenerated in to a largely FinDom site. Originally, quite a lot of dommes were genuine but got bombarded by requests. As we all know, the vast majority of online sub contacts melt away the moment something looks as if it could turn real, so many dommes started asking for a small tribute to indicate a sub was potentially more than a timewaster. After that it became a free for all as the college girls found a way to make easy money.

    At it's root many male subs can be very insecure about their worth to a domme. I find that very few of what I would call genuine dommes subscribe to the idea of a sub being a worthless doormat and calling them worms and piggies. Instead, they value the sub and looking after them is a top priority. This doesn't gel with the vast bulk of the FemDom literature out on the Internet. Someone who feels attracted to BDSM in some way learns a lot of myths from that wank fodder, especially about inferiority and their lack of worth within the D/s relationship.

    It is also very natural for a sub who finds a mistress to even talk to him tries very hard to impress by giving. And when he can't give more of himself the most natural thing is to want to give something material, especially money. The line between needing to give to impress and gain attention from the domme to only gaining attention from the domme by giving money is a very blurred one.

    The growth in FinDom suggests that a lot of people jump in to D/s having swallowed the guff in FemDom porn. At its worst if is complete objectification of both Domme and sub and has nothing to do with establishing a mutual social and caring relationship between two people, it's become a business relationship. Of course, one can say that pro dommes have a business relationship with their clients, but regular clients do establish a relationship with the domme and there is at least a service or play involved by two people. The FinDom side of things seems to be almost entirely online, no personal contact and generally no likelihood of peronal contact.

    I have a theory that BDSM attracts a lot of socially inept people because of the wank fodder stories. People who fail at social relationships in normal life find that the stories often reduce either the domme or the sub to an object. An object has no feelings or emotions and can not be hurt, it is something to have kinky sex with and there are no consequences such as the baggage of a relationship. Male subs with this complex, plus the idea that if they are sub then they must be worthless, are unlikely to find a "genuine" domme because they can't equate with her being an actual real person. Hence they easily fall in to the FinDom trap.

    I know how exciting it is during the first stages of a relationship when the domme pays attention to the sub, indeed, it never entirely wears off. Just think how addictive it is in the FinDom world. The sub pays some money and gets the attention of the domme who instructs her worthless piggie to do things that excite him (even if they horrify him). The session ends with him on a high and soon seeking more. No doubt in the extremes a sub will endeavour to pay more and more, often hoping that he'll get to be with the domme for real.

    Obviously we're talking in generalisations here and there's FinDoms spread all across the moral spectrum. I heard about a friend of a friend who admitted paying at least 30K over 18 months to a FinDom. As horrifying as that first sounds, it turns out that the guy in question was going through a bad crisis and the domme was spending a lot of time counselling him and talking him through his problems, up to 18 hours a day. That sounds like one of the better FinDoms, I'm sure there's many more who would have taken him for all that money and left him to rot.

    All I can say to end with is that in knowing D/s in real life I could not countenance ever wanting FinDom because it would be so fake to me. However, for those who can not or will not ever be able to know real life D/s, FinDom may seem like a valid substitute.
     
  8. Joroincharge

    Joroincharge Lock em up - 24/7/365!!

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    Very interesting thread.

    I've thought about this too. I'm noopt really into Financial Domination professionally.

    But I don't think it's that different from chastity.

    A subguy who needs to be sub has two major ways to have it done if he can find the right woman..

    Have a Domme who'll control his (O-O)s & sex life. Or his £$£$£, Or both.

    Either way the Domme is giving the subbie what he needs.

    What's the problem?



     
  9. Joroincharge

    Joroincharge Lock em up - 24/7/365!!

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    Very interesting thread.

    I've thought about this too. I'm not really into Financial Domination professionally.

    But I don't think it's that different from chastity.

    A subguy who needs to be sub has two major ways to have it done if he can find the right woman..

    Have a Domme who'll control his (O-O)s & sex life. Or his £$£$£, Or both.

    Either way the Domme is giving the subbie what he needs.

    What's the problem?



     
  10. Sissy_Aline

    Sissy_Aline Senior Member

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    Melody's post above largely sums it all up - it is business and there is a high on both sides of the bargain. The sub really buys into the taking care of the Domme (a sideways nurturer) and from this the Domme plays her cards and usually figures out how to motivate the sub to satisfy her needs and all the same ask and want for more. The cycle can become fixed and yet it can grow and grow - it IS the addiction and the need and the Internet is simply the perfect place for all of this to occur. It can be very powerful for both involved. IT really is a wicked game after all. Great way for a Lady to pay her way through school or simply lavish in a luxury that she creates a fantasy to a sub who needs to feel this need to support. Just my three cents on all of this BUT read Melody above.
     
  11. Divine Mistress Angelique

    Divine Mistress Angelique Divine Mistress Angelique

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  12. cockislocked

    cockislocked Senior Member

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    I submit financially to CQ. CQ has blogged on this very subject http://celticqueen.co.uk/blogs/blog1.php/financial-submission

    My salary goes into a joint account that I have no immediate access to. In case of emergencies there is an envelope with a cash card and the account details. (you have to be realistic) All the online banking codes are unknown to me. CQ transfers 10% of my take home pay into a separate account to a maximum of £500.00 per month. I have to run my life from this account. I earn well over six figures a year and see none of the money. CQ makes all the decisons. All cars, we have a few, are registered in her name and belong to her.

    I am her property, tattooed to prove it with a registration number, therefore I am unable to own property. Financial submission was extremely hard. For example if we are in the pub, I have to ask CQ for moeny to go and buy a round. She holds my wallet that will have about £40.00 in it at anytime and she will give me money from it to buy friends drinks.

    I do not pay for meals when we are out. She always gets the bill given to her and pays from the joint account. I am allowed to treat her from my own account and often have to save up to do so. CQ monitors my account and all withdrawls from the account.

    For tax purposes one of the houses is in my name but I have no access to the details, I don't know the size of the mortgage on the second house. I have one credit card that I use for company business and I do all my expenses weekly to ensure that I meet CQ's demands for good cashflow management.

    I genuinely have no idea how much money we have. My works payslips are electronic and I know how much I have earned. Each month I print this off and hand it to CQ to show her how hard I have worked, how much commission I have earned and it is a great feeling of submission to know how much I am handing over. If I have a good month at work it can be a seriously big sum of money, hence CQ limits me to a maximum of £500.00, she has in fact been considering reducing this amount.

    I have always been very successful with earning money...not so good at investing wisely! Bought silly Itallian cars and planes, now CQ has all the control I am sure we will be better catered for in the future!

    In my opinion when you submit to your Domme/KH you should submit completely and as far as is practical.
     
  13. Sissy_Aline

    Sissy_Aline Senior Member

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    Well She keeps the books in order for both of you and controls the finances while you go out and earn. If this works for you, which apparently it does, there is nothing wrong with this assuming that you will be a team for life, otherwise you wouldn't know when the trap door is released. This is the question that Lady Emma is asking - what is it that makes this appealing for BOTH sides of this subject - financially dominating a relationship.

    i personally think it's grand that you do this. i was in a relationship, two ago, that would have put me in ruin and i had to run some tests to see if were to work. i still believe in a 50/50 being the healthiest relationship possible and that of course the numbers shift depending on the day - nothing in life is perfect. It's about keeping the relationship working and afloat and if yours is working and above water, then that's a good thing.

    Nice blog post, btw, by Celtic Queen.

    This is the ultimate in submission. But what can get subs in very hot water and that sinking feeling, is if becomes overbearing. If it works - then keep it, if it doesn't stop, reassess, and do something.

    Thinking that Ms. Emma posed this question to get the inner workings of this and this is a wonderful revelation of a post from BOTH sides. Thank you for sharing.
     
  14. cockislocked

    cockislocked Senior Member

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    Precisely... which is why submission for me is such a turn on and a complete commitment of trust too, CQ recognises my submission is a gift and the whole basis of our FLR is based on total trust. As I said in my post, you have to live within the real world and certain practical things occur, such as people getting separated etc. We have a plan for that. It might be hard to understand, but as I have submitted to CQ totaly and I see myself as her property it is not in my power to leave. I know that sounds trite, even stupid, but thats where I am in terms of submission to her and her alone. I think the only thing I could walk away for is infidelity. Our marriage vows and commitment to each other are hugely important to both of us. But as CQ says in her blog, it was much harder for me to hand over the cash than to hand over my cock and orgasms, my credit rating if she forgets to pay the bills on my allowed card and my tax returns etc all have a real world impact. The real world ie the taxman doesn't care about my submission to CQ, they just want their cut!!!

    I think our arrangement is somewhat different than Emma's question in terms of 'non related' Dommes getting gifts and cash from subs. I guess I do understand why they do that, being out of control and at the mercy of your Mistress is a wonderful feeling. I guess in a lot of real world respects the cash I earn is still in the family, my kids get their clothes and schooling, the new cars turn up when the old ones are knackered and nobody is knockimng on the door demanding bill payments!
     
  15. sissy_maid_melody

    sissy_maid_melody Active Member

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    Firstly, thank you for writing so well about your circumstances and the blog by Celtic Queen was very enlightening too. I think that most of us do understand why the two of you have arrived at this interpretation of D/s that works for you. Indeed, I think that if Mistress was ever to change her mind about ever marrying again that we would have something not dissimilar and for very much the same reasons. However, in your case the two of you are very much committed to each other and have tied your lives together in many ways and on many plains beyond D/s. Funnily enough, what you and Celtic Queen describe is not too far different from how my own parents operated, totally shared resources with my mother running the accounts and my father with little clue about what was in them. They'd be horrified to think this was a form of D/s and I suppose I rather see such sharing as a natural part of a committed relationship.

    Life is a wonderful thing, it throws up exceptions and surprises all over the place. In thinking about the original question from Emma about FinDom I really only have the vision of online women demanding money for a quick show of breast on webcam, a few dirty words and insults before the meter runs out.

    In your case you know you are loved and cherished, this is not conditional on the financial setup within your household. This is where I think one can probably define the difference that I believe we all see but have trouble expressing. These online FinDoms are given money by 'subs' who know they are not loved, certainly not cherished and indeed are liable to be abused and insulted during the online time with the domme that the money buys, after which time they are dropped and ignored until the next payment.

    I think we can all understand why you would want the relationship you have with Celtic Queen and more than a few will have read the words and thought about how much it appeals. What I have trouble understanding is with the latter case, why do the male subs want to be exploited as worthless worms and cash piggies with such women. What is the reward or pleasure from it ? Does it become an addiction to buy the attention of someone who doesn't care about them and around whom they build a fantasy world.
     
  16. cockislocked

    cockislocked Senior Member

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    You raise an interesting point here. What do they get? Well, one possible aspect is they crave some form of humiliation? I think it is definitley a case of some form of attention seeking and they are likely to be exploited mercilessly, I know I am not being exploited. CQ and I have explored humiliation and CQ did think that financial submission would add to it, indeed in some ways it has. Like me having to ask for my wallet and money to buy my round in the pub. My friends all think CQ controls the money, she does, but they don't know WHY!

    To perhaps add a bit more detail to how our dynamic works in this area... I am not allowed, under any circumstances, to make a purchase without reference to CQ (unless it is a business expense and I am away on business) for example I must seek her permission to buy say an iTunes song or a DVD or apps for my iPAD, things like that from my allowance.

    At Christmas and Birthdays I am allowed to purchase gifts without reference to CQ but these must come from my allowance. The £500.00 max per month is to get taxis when I am in London, buying toiletries, and days out with my son when he comes to stay with us and to buy flowers and chocolates for CQ as tokens of my love for her.

    You have to keep in mind where I have come from in terms of what I used to do... I was not hugely wealthy at all, but I was pretty well off and never had to operate on any kind of budget, now I do and it is difficult, as it is as much, if not more of a change for me than my chastity and submission to CQ has been. However it makes CQ very happy to be in control of the finances and that makes me happy to. A happy Domme means a happy sub!

    Also what you said about your parents struck a chord with me. My folks were very similar too in that respect.
     
  17. SissyBrianna

    SissyBrianna Junior Member

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    My beloved has a slightly different take on the FinDomme thing. She does phone sex exclusively and she knows that a lot of the "cashpigs" are really a chargeback waiting to happen. This can hurt her both financially AND professionally as she can lose her merchant account if she gets too many chargebacks in a year. So her general policy is to refuse any such person service unless he is a longtime, established client that she trusts.

    But she is in a slightly different world than a ProDomme ir any person who does this in person with a client OR a spouse.

    I just thought I'd add in a different perspective!

    Thank you for your time

    Pamela
     

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