I am a married man who is interested in learning more about male chastity and female led relationships. The idea of chastity or being submissive turns me on like nothing else does. The problem is my personality. I have always been an assertive personality, the kind of person who dies not take any shit from anyone. It makes me mad when my wife scolds or yells at me, but sometimes it turns me on. It's just who I am. Do I ignore or stuff away who I am just because submissiveness turns me on?
It's not about ignoring or "stuffing away" the feelings, it is about changine who you are and how you see the relationship. I'm living the FLRsubmissive lifestyle 24/7/365, and it takes a LOT to even come close to maintaining my place sill. Read, learn, and be sure of what you desire before you go there... it is also VERY hard to go back.
I think it's a long journey and you don't know where you will end up! There's no need to go FLR. However, if it is FLR you want, you first need to establish an actual working part-time Femdom relationship anyway. So my advice would be work at creating a female-centred Femdom corner in your relationship and see where that leads. (For what it's worth I am not so dissimilar to you. However, submission has granted me a certain tranquility that is worthwhile in itself. Blog series here.)
I agree with Giles and Wolf. I am also much like you I have to be alpha all the time in my daily work environment. We try to live a FLR as full time as we can but life often gets in the way work and family. Aside from each other and a few very close friends our entire life around us is quite vanilla. It is a journey and often will evolve from what you set out to achieve. Work on getting started with her and find a little space in your lives to move the relationship into a FLR. Remember she will have needs and desires and probably her own idea of where the relationship should go and end up. So in short embrace your submissiveness and her dominance don't over think it and have fun.
True. 'changing myself' is kind of a hang up for me. I have changed myself a little in the past year because of my desire to be submissive. I put up with 'attitude' and 'aggressiveness' from my wife more than before. I guess the hang up is that I let her get away with more and more until at some point she really pisses me off and then I lose my temper and we have a fight. So then, I'm back to my own feisty self again. But then a few days later I find myself wanting to be submissive again. Kind of like a strange cycle. ????
Welcome to the club. I am very Alpha male outside of my home. My suggestion is to forget about most of what you read about FLR. A FLR does not have to be a D/s relationship. Most of that stuff you read is purposely slanted towards male fantasies and to sell books for men to give to their wives. If you present a FLR like a Mistress/sub relationship, she may run for the hills as many do. I presented it like a business arrangement. My wife is the president and I am her valued V.P. whom has certain responsibilities and am free to work as I wish within the corporate guidelines. Only, when I did that, did she agree to try it. She does not want a slave for a husband or want to be called Mistress, Goddess or any of that stuff, best reserved for professional dominatrices and not housewives with submissive husbands. If that were the case, many of the vanilla couples would be run by Mistresses because the wife is the dominant one in the marriage with nothing sexual about it. I would start off with a Wife led Marriage as an arrangement where you feel that your wife is best able to run the marriage but can assign certain responsibilities to you as not to overwhelm her or make it seem like you are dumping all responsibilities on her shoulders. A fear my wife first had. I explained to my wife that she actually did run the household in most areas anyway and that I simply wished to have her supervised all of it but can assign areas of responsibility to me with her having the final say. In this way, she controls how much is on her shoulders. I then told her that now that I no longer travel on business, I should be assigned more household chores. She thought that was fair. So we started off slow. We hit some bumps in the road but talked a lot and worked them out. I next started to act more submissive by asking her of she needed a drink or snack, I asked her if she would like a massage. Sex is mostly in your head so it was more what I said, than did over the following months to open her up to a little D/s, as a game within our relationship. I deferred to her on many things until she got used to it. The turning point was when I talked to her about Chastity and she loved the idea. In my case, my wife is not a fan of my penis as a source of pleasure. It is too small and she prefers women to men, most times, unless the guy is hung like a horse and knows how to use it. She treats semen like it was acid and always complained about it getting on her and the sheets in bed. It was easy to convince her to prevent me from having an orgasm. The hard part was convincing her to let me have some. We treat all of our sexual fetishes as fun games. We know we are equals but do things to feed our sexual needs. If one of us steps over the line, we can call a time out and then discuss the problem outside of our sexual roles. Unless you have mental issues, no one wants to be actually treated like a piece of garbage and feel that they are for real, 24/7 and in all things they do. As I posted elsewhere, the game is to attack my male ego, not my self worth. The ability to call a time out, is very important to our relationship as it insures that we really do not hurt each other or drive us apart. This has worked for us over the long haul. Chastity play forced us to bring my sexual submission from the bedroom to the living room, kitchen and the rest of the house because it was with me everywhere I went and my wife realized this and assumed the role. My wife is very sweet to me most times. She still cares about what I like and want and shows me love all the time. However, when it is time to take off our adult clothes and assume our sexual roles, I am her bitch dressed in panties and wearing makeup. We reached this point by taking baby steps. Do not make the mistake that some make in wanting to go from dominant husband to slave boy overnight and expect your wife to change her personality and belief system all at once. Balance giving her control and her taking control on her own carefully and over a long enough time period that is comfortable for her. Sometimes your wife just will not do what you want and you have to accept that and perhaps limit your submission to bedroom games as we did for so long before we got to where we are now. Do not think that you really will like 24/7 submission because even the guys I knew that wore hoods and were led around by leashes, did not play 24/7 and usually left their mistress/wife in a matter of a few years. Approach this slowly and with realistic expectations and the knowledge that your wife will not share your exact fantasy and you have a good shot at succeeding. Good luck and take it slow. Keep in mind that you will not get all that you want most likely, so learn to be happy with what she will give and work from there.
That's why it's better to approach this part-time. Agree some discrete marker like a bracelet or wrist band. When you wear it she's in charge. Have a set end time so you know you only have to get through X hours without losing your temper.