i guess this is the preface....

After lurking for a month, i joined this forum yesterday. My introduction and starting hypothesis is presented in the foyer.


http://www.chastitymansion.com/foru...-coax-the-dominant-side-our-of-my-wife.13816/


Oh, and i apologize for the spellings and typo's - i should have proofread my last post, but was eager to commit just in case i backed out after reading it.


i hope you don't mind, but i need a way to explore my interest in FLR while also venting out some of my energy as i am finding that my mistress is not growing into her role as quickly as i would have liked. Which to be fair, that is expected as i am the kinky submissive one and while it has only been one month for me exploring this forum, there have been more than 20 years exploring and developing these fantasy's in my own head.


i am not sure if i will be successful in helping my mistress evolve as i might hope. It would be a miraculous metamorphosis to see her change from being the supportive mother, home maker and full time professional woman into the dominant head of the house-hold and owner of my sexuality. However, for reason i mentioned in the foyer - i feel that she has the capacity and will ultimately value and enjoy the position - once she has been able to break free of the cultural insecurities that burden her today.


i plan to use this thread as an archive of my journey. Perhaps for the sub and want-to-be chaste (like myself) it can be valued as a resource that hopefully outlines how one vanilla non-kink woman grew past her own barriers and fears. That is my hope at least.

 

As noted before, my conscious decision to move in this direction was made one month ago. As many before me, i read as much as i could and developed a plan. My plan is mapped out in a spreadsheet, with weekly goals for me and information i would share with her. This all intends to progress and lead to a formal proposal for a WLM in the new year of 2015. Much of what i planned included me doing more around the house and family, while also pushing information and written materials on her with the hope that she might read them and start to think about exploring it further herself. As things have evolved some of the actions have gone to plan, but in most cases i was far to optimistic about the timing. Today i think that it may be Feb or March before we progress through much of the details i mapped out.


Knowing my starting position, my primary goal is/was to encourage and support my wife through the process of getting used to the idea that she can and should tell me what to do. In the future i hope that to evolve to a much more rigid power control in that she dominates and punishes as needed, but today, enabling her character to grow such that she thinks to first tell me to do something, rather than do it herself is my sole goal. Yet, like all eager sub/chaste want-to-be's, i am acutely aware that i am running like this is a race, while she is still crawling in her infancy to understand all that is happening.


My journey may not be perfect and i will likely make the mistake of pushing to far - for which i will then need to stop, pause and possibly even back down. But, as any Dom will explain, that is what is expected of me. i must allow this to grow at her pace as she is in control - even if it is not a position of control that she formally has adopted with some fantastical ceremony.


For those in a similar position to me, i will start by laying out the resources that i found useful and to some extent these are in the order that i have released the information to my Queen. Future posts will contain other steps in the process, this is the preface...

 

First - I wanted to introduce and explore the concept of Female Led Relationships.


Both my Queen and i are from traditional and conservative families. While my Queen is at the top of her game professionally and competes (and wins), daily, in a male dominated work environment, neither of us had considered or heard of FLR / WLM. In reading material on this topic, it was hard to find things that avoid fantasy, BDSM, S/M and any significant kinks. In some cases just the name of the blog, or the advertising on the website has kink components to it, which i knew would distract from the main message and discourage her open consideration.


i compiled the following list of resources. Some of which i copied paragraphs and sections from and shared with her via email during the day. Others i used 'tiny-URL' to change or hide the true name of the blog so that she would open it and read it on her commute. In a few cases, when linking to Blogger, i would pre-open the webpage on her iPhone or iPad so that the cache memory had already accepted the 'this is adult material' content warning. Over a period of three weeks (including a week of vacation), i was able to share a number of snippets of information that encouraged us to explore a FLR with the mindset that it was not fair that she ran the home and worked as hard as she does and that i should support her more.


While she has spend the past 5 years telling me this message, it was surprisingly difficult for her to understand that i was serious about wanting to make this change. i presented it to her as her controlling the relationship and channeling my sexual energy and interest into making our marriage work. In these one on one conversations, i do find that my language needs to be careful. Words like, control, dominate, ownership ... are big faux-pas. Instead i have come to learn that i should say, guide/guidance, manage, support, encourage me etc..


Below are some of the sources i found useful.

 

Introduction to FLR:


After i had already broken the ice by spending a few week taking on more of the house work and asking to rub her feet in the evening - my Queen didn't understand what was happening or why. I used her questions as an opportunity to formally introduce the concept of FLR and share an e-book with her.


Here is the URL to an e-book: https://sites.fastspring.com/aboutflr/instant/mgtihwpogtflr-women


While there is nothing that is not already published on their website and other sites - it is useful to put it in one place.


In the book/website they talk about four stages of FLR. My Queen was quite intimated by the concept of level 4 and some of level 3. She did note that she thought level 1 and level 2 were acceptable, but she is hung up on a fear that i want level 3+.


In subsequent weeks i also shared a few additional blogs with her. There are others that i believe have superior content, but thinks like the color scheme of the web page (black with red or pink text) or paid advertising on the top or sides, prevented me from using them.


In the beginning: http://queenandknight.blogspot.com/2011/10/in-beginning.html?zx=b39a012d2e8a2e58


Empowering my wife: http://lovecherishobey.wordpress.com/2014/05/04/empowering-my-wife/


A married woman's guide to a happier relationship: http://toy4her.wordpress.com/


At this moment in time, my wife has started to take ownership of my chores. We have a process in which she identifies lists of things for me to do - from house work to home repair etc.. We discuss how hard things are to make sure that they fit within the time presented and each week i am working towards getting the chores done.


In the past, she would not ask me to do things as i would either not do it, or argue with her about why i don't have time. When i started this journey she slowly started asking me to do things and was very polite - "it would be nice if you could...", "I would like it if you would...". Recently she was quite commanding in her emails to me - "I want you to...". It is not all the time, but i am starting to notice this dominant side emerging.


i have been discussing with her the challenges we have with my hyper-sexuality. In fact, i took an online quiz about sex addiction. In the range of being clinical and non-clinical as a sex addict, i am far outside the normal non-clinical range. Which explains why our sex drives and tolerance to kinks are misaligned have have caused us friction in the past.


To address this, i have presented different ways to control my libido. We've joked about castration, i recently joked (?) about the use of estrogen or anti-androgens to curtail my testosterone levels. Which - in retrospect was a tad to far for our comfort level right now. But, i do believe that my Queen is starting to understand that i have a sex-drive that can be 'managed' and 'directed' (not owned or controlled) by her. In a recent email exchange she said that she would be willing to try - what she calls the 'stick and carrot' approach. She will give me my list of things to do and will reward me with sex. This weekend when i returned from a work trip i was motivated and focused on getting my list of things done over the weekend so that we would have sex last night (Monday). She was very proud of me for doing everything on the list, but on Monday night she was tired and not interested in sex - after playing with me for a bit she asked for a rain check. Little does she know that, while not in as dominating a way as i would have liked, that this was an amazing decision.


Since we discussed the stick and carrot approach, i used my CB6000 while traveling to restrain from masturbation. i thought that by telling her that i have held back, she would be excited for me, instead, she is confused and thinks i am being weird. So, right now, i am backing off on any discussion of chastity - in fact i should hide my CB6000 and when the anti-androgens arrive in the mail, i will hide these too. They might come back out in the future as consequences for improper behavior - but we are not ready for that today (and perhaps never will be).


My Queen did comment that she is very busy and work and that i have been overwhelming her with 'read this' requests. i have to remind myself that this is the fantasy world that i have been evolving into for over 20 years and she has only been exposed to it for one month. Writing this post is a helpful reminder that progress is being made - and that i must proceed at her pace. i have promised not to push any more materials on her and i have told myself to focus on executing what she asks of me around the house, home and in our relationship. But.... i did leave one last thing with her. I thought the content titled 'Real Women Don't Do Housework' was an ideal explanation of how to keep my motivation up and to refocus my extra sexual energy into doing things that she wants. I presented it as using my sex drive as motivation to help re-train me to be a better husband. As such, we've agreed that she will read this - on her schedule - and i will not burden her with any additional content until she comes back to me, after reviewing this.


Real Women Don't Do Housework: http://www.rwddh.com/

This is the URL, i was able to find a pdf of the content on the site as the visual design and aesthetics of the site would not encourage her to read it - the pdf as an e-book is ideal.

 

Hello Jemima, thank you for the note. i value your comment. i have no intent to take anti-androgens in secret. Rather, i present this as the ultimate form of punishment that she could chose to bestow upon me, should my sex drive and male disobedience warrant her discipline to this extent. i do think, however, that with some waist training, that i might make quite a good girl. What do you think?

 

All - I just realized that the continuation of this story should continue in "the vault". The next post will continue the thread in that location.

 

@Usul , thank you for the comment. i expect that the scientific and logical planning and execution that I have undertaken is an indicator of the way my mind works and perhaps my professional training. i recall in my high-school days, my teachers telling me i could do great things if i applied myself - if only they had told me this is what i was training / practicing for.

As noted above, i have moved the continuation of this blog to "the vault" it can be found here:
http://www.chastitymansion.com/forums/index.php?threads/the-journey-continues.13831/