Hello from a curious new guy

From someone who tuck the wrong advise once. Make it fun and tell her that you would like to be locked for a few days only just to stop you from taking the matter into your own hands. don't tell her that you want her to lock you up for ever or she will run a mile from it and by the way if someone came up with a way to convince the partners to become key holders, they could retire rich. So good luck with that.

 

Hi @New virgin slut and welcome to CM. I believe when you look around, there are threads here that address different ways others have introduced their wife/gf or partner to chastity and the lifestyle. The one thing I can say is to take it very slowly with lots and lots of communication between the two of you. Have fun and enjoy the Mansion.

 

yeah I agree, start out slowly, make it fun. You dont want to throw too much at her all at once. Definitely make sure she is involved from the beginning. When I told my wife about my desires after months of self locking she was upset she wasnt a part of it from the beginning.

 

Forget all the fantasy stuff you read online by so called chastity experts. Most chastity web sites are about D/s with chastity as just one way of asserting dominance. Few treat chastity as just chastity. There are those who simply lock up in-between their regular orgasm schedule without practicing any teasing and denying.

After a few failed attempts, chastity worked when we threw out all of the D/s stuff. That can always be added later. My wife was just frightened with taking charge of our relationship when I am better at doing that, and not because I am a male. She did not want a submissive husband because she married an alpha male who makes her feel safe and secure.

You have probably read all the benefits to your wife from chastity. They sound good but we did not find much of that to be the case with us. What worked is what others posted about just asking her to try it for a few days or simply between your regular sex days. I started out with just teasing and orgasm denial on the honor system. My wife liked that since it did not mean wearing something on my penis that she had to get involved in. So we simply made sex about her orgasms and not mine.

I will admit that I did a pretty good acting job. I minored in Psychology and keep up with the basics as it helps me deal with people in my life and career. I was actually diagnosed with a Machiavellian personalty which is basically get others to do as you wish. It is really just knowing what people want and using that to get what you want. For me it was my wife missing her longtime girlfriend and not enjoying sex with just a penis anymore. So I presented it as a way for her to control when we have sex and to not worry about my orgasms. At first she had a very difficult time not giving me an orgasm because a lot of women use our orgasms as validation of their attractiveness or sexual skills. My wife used to call sex without my orgasm, fake sex. She had given me orgasms for 39 years and did anything I asked in the bedroom. She even shared me with her girlfriend for most of our marriage.

My wife was like a fish out of water when we first tried this but we took baby steps. Just skipped my orgasm every other time we had sex until she got used to it. When she did get used to it, she wanted me to skip my orgasm more and more until I told her that I could not control my masturbation that long. That is when she said it was OK to buy a chastity cage. What I did was ham it up when she was teasing me. I moaned more and thanked her after not giving me an orgasm and never thanked her for giving me an orgasm. I acted like I regretted having an orgasm after she gave it to me. Soon she learned that it was better to deny me orgasms and I could drop the acting at that point.

I also offered to massage her feet (knowing what she liked and using that to my advantage while she also got something good out of it too. I voluntarily cleaned up after dinner but never after I got an orgasm. It actually took her 3 years before all traces of guilt over denying me long term, went away for good. So my suggesting is to just start off with orgasms denial short term. When she gets to like being in charge of sex and not having to worry about your orgasm, then you can tell her that you would like to try to go longer but you need a chastity cage to do so.

Do not complicate things by tossing in all sorts of other fetishes with chastity. Most women are not born dominant or wanting to dominate their husbands. Most will feel guilty about denying you. My wife asked me if I did not find her desirable anymore because I did not want to orgasm all the time. You really need to take baby steps if you want long term success. Too many guys start off with a chastity device and then expect their wives to jump at the chance to dominate then while ignoring their orgasms. Try the honor system for short term orgasm denial. I was masturbating as much as 5 times a day and yet I was able to go two weeks controlling myself because I promised my wife that I would not masturbate.

Someone here suggested that you approach it as needing help controlling your masturbation. That is also a good approach. I did a little of that too and found that my wife had no idea about how much men masturbate. For a kinky wife into threesomes and group sex, she did not know much about male masturbation or the science of sex and orgasms. So I educated her. I gave her things to read and she read them. It was a very slow process for us. I did not even start wearing my chastity cage all day until 3 months after I got it. It took almost a year before I wore it 24/7. It took 3 years before I was OK with just 8-12 orgasms a year. Now I get whatever she gives me which scares me because she has made it clear that she does not need my penis at all and could care less if I did not have orgasms anymore. Yet she is practical. If she takes away all of my orgasms she loses any control over me that she has since I have nothing to gain by altering my behavior.

Do not make the mistake of jumping into the deep end of the pool when you want to learn how to swim. Take it a little at a time. Set aside 5 minutes a day or 15 minutes a week to discuss chastity and adjust things based on what you two find works or does not work. We used to agree to how many orgasm a year I could have. We also started off with all the little chastity games out there to determine when I got to orgasm. That is a good way to start off because it takes the decision away from your wife to deny you. She is only doing what the game told her to do and there is less or no guilt in that. However, my wife reached a point when she felt that the games we played took away her control over my orgasms and she was right. Good to start with but not for long term.

Three more things I can advise you of. The first is that when you first lock up your penis there will be lots of excitement. Most of us get erect trying to put our cages on. The initial excitement is great but then goes away in a few weeks and you get to feel what it is like to not orgasm as frequently as you used to. In our fantasies we do not feel anything but excitement and arousal. The other thing is to make key holding as easy as you can for your wife. Some men want their wives to be like wardens making sure they are always locked and not trying to escape. They supervise their showers and basically act like a prison warden keeping a watchful eye on their husband. My wife said it was a lot of work so we got rid of all the rules and only had one; my wife makes the rules and can change them whenever she wants. In fact she does not even have to tell me the rules. I also promised not to masturbate or escape from my cage. All my wife had to do is hold the keys and give me a key when I needed to unlock for a valid reason. Real simple for her.

The second thing are chastity contracts. They are arousing to write but most read like directions for the KH on what to do to the male. If I do not doe this, you do that which happens to be one of my fantasy punishments. Then you find out that some of the contract things do not work for you and you amend them, then amend them again and again until you reach a point were neither of you can remember which rules are still in effect and end up with some conflicting rules. As I said, fun to write and exciting to have at the very beginning but once again, it takes the full control a KH should have, away from her since chastity contracts box you into doing what they say. Do not make key holding be work for your wife. You want her to do it for you, not think of it as a chore.

Third is to remember that although you are aware of your chastity due to a cage rubbing your penis all the time and feeling horny a lot, your wife is not thinking about chastity as much as you do, if at all outside of the bedroom. Others, like me, tend to talk about chastity too much and it annoys our KH who are not thinking about it like we are. That is why it is good to reserve a few minutes each day or each week to discuss chastity matters. If not you will babble about it too much during the day. You basically just need your wife to acknowledge your chastity in some small way each day. It can be as easy as her cupping your chastity cage or penis, once a day.

I have been doing this for a long time. I tend to get very into my sexual fetishes. I was into BDSM for 47 years and a few others for 5-6 years. Right now chastity is perfect for a married couple in our circumstances and age. We tried chastity 3 times before it started to work for us. We talked about it and removed all the things my wife did not like. We grew into it rather than jump into the deep end. Good luck and just simply ask your wife to try it. She can still give you an orgasm every time you have sex but tell her it makes you feel hornier and makes your orgasms feel more intense when you are locked up in-between your regular sex times. All she has to do is hold the key and give it to you when needed. She does not have to supervise you or handcuff you when she unlocks you. Most of us are not going to grab our penises as soon as we are unlocked and uncontrollably masturbate. Even after no orgasm for 4 months I can go a few days unlocked if my scrotum is charred and during my showers. I do not view chastity as something to escape from. After all it is we who ask for chastity so if we cheat we are only cheating ourselves so what is the point?

If you want to add some D/s stuff, do it after chastity has been established. You can then add whatever you like but take baby steps. We tried the wearing of panties and even bras for me. We tried domestic discipline and a few other things but in the end those things did not do anything for us after the initial period of excitement. We just enjoy teasing and denial and keep it simple which is why we have been at this for so long. I am very alpha to a fault. I used to be a world recognized expert in my field and chosen to be an alternate U.N. adviser. I co-authored a book, was interviewed on TV and had a few hundred people working under me, including Teamsters, Warehousemen and Long shoremen. You have to be an alpha male to manage them or they will eat you up. All I have done is give my wife control over our sex life and for the first time in our marriage, she is the focus of our sex, not me. I owe her big time for the sexual freedom and a few thousand threesomes she let me have and I view this as paying her back since I always felt a little guilty that I was very poly while she was happy with just me and her girlfriend in her life. That and our advanced age and lower libidos make chastity work very well for us. Find a reason to make it work for the both of you too.

 

hello @New virgin slut and welcome to here.

 

I feel that, if you have strong enough communication going, you can decide, together, what to do and in what timeframe, etc. The more you try to deceive or trick or extort your mate, the longer it will take, if ever! People are just not going to to things which they are not interested in or excited about, for any length of time. With open communication, a partner is more likely to give things like chastity and cages, etc a try. A sub is not a slave! A sub decides to give up control, to some extent, to a dominant person who is interested in being dominant. For many of us, what you read here is a fantasy. But, in reality, a sustained FLR is only possible through communication and give and take on the part of each party, IMHO.

 

Today I finally was able to explain to my wife why I love being denied.
First it helps me put her first, second playing without me getting to make a mess makes me feel as horny as I was at age17. No doubt that she loves keeping me horny, but I don't think she ever understood the amount of drop we have after we release