I have been married for 30 years coming up in July. I have been hoping for my wife to understand my desires of a female led marriage with male chastity and bondage . My wife has tried to live out my desires but has never really understood my feelings or serious researched ideals on her own. I am not sure how to explain this without being accused of controlling. I am hoping someone will understand me. I love doing everything I can for my wife. I love providing for my wife ,I work many hours so my wife doesn’t have to. My wife loves kissing and cuddling. I have many issues with being held but I am open to hold her. My wife had an Emotionally affair earlier in our marriage Which crushed me. Here I was working to provide and trying my best to stay at a job I hated . I would work 10 hrs a day and drive 2 hours to get to work and when I was able I would work at side jobs so that I would be a good provider or at least feel appreciated. I was always Really tried but I was determined to be a good husband. I would come home and do the dishes and clean the house so that my wife could have some energy to play with me. Well this back fired on me. We went to get counseling and we are still together it seams if I don’t express my feelings everything is great as soon as I try to express feelings I am mis understood and I go deeper into depression. I became very angry and depressed. I just wanted to have my wife take some of life stresses off me by taking control sexually. I have tried to suggest many things that interested me in hope that my wife would enjoy and go with it so we could have a kinky marriage. Well fast forward 20 years She had decided to leave me three year ago after talking to her friend. Right after my father died. I had a melt down . My doctor sent us to a psychiatrist for help. When we went in for the first meeting I spook first and explained my thoughts and hopes for the future I explained what I know I have done wrong in our marriage and how I was trying to improve. When it was my wife’s turn she pulled out a three page Typed list both sides of all my faults that the kids and her had wrote out. After the psychiatrist listen to her list he said he could not help. I than went to my doctor and told him and he told me that the psychiatrist said that my wife had to be willing to change and accept that the marriage problem were both our problems not just mine. I had changed my anger major I have been trying to be more understanding . I have been supportive to my wife so she could have a business and go back to school which has caused some financially trouble I have been very supportive. So I have been asking my wife to buy sexy outfits for sex for years and been giving ideals again hoping something will click and she might understand my desires and find something that she didn’t think I was sick. I was hoping for my 50th birthday A couple of years ago that she would full fill my desires and it was a Hugh let down It was the second worst birthday. I was really hoping that being it was a birthday that most people make big plans that it would be well planned out to show me I was important to her. Than this past valentines Day we went away for the weekend and I wrote her a daily story of what I was hoping for and again it did not go well. Nothing was planned and she did not understand that this weekend was really important to me even after explaining my feelings. I have given up trying to explain because it is has been taking a toll on my emotions What hurts me is I been trying to give my wife her dream of having a hobby farm and having her own bookkeeping business as while as helping her. My wife will spend hour play computer games or researching any thing that interest her but she will not try and find something that she would be interested in building our relationship with my needs being addressed. I have done all kinds of reading to make thing work for her dreams and I feel left out not important. Am I wrong in expecting my wife to give a little for me ? Am I wrong in wanting to feel wanted? I tried to explain what I feel is romantic in female led marriage and it not working. I been giving my whole life for my wife and kids and I am finally realizing that I am not important to them. It has been a long 20 years trying to have a Relationship after the emotionally affair and now I am done trying. I am sad a lot now and my wife is constantly asking what’s wrong, I sat down and wrote a letter explaining my feelings and told her that I will be sad for a while. She never responded to me. I need to speak to a professional but I don’t have the money right know I am desperate to get female led marriage ideals out of my head and find something that will make me happy. Any advise ?
Sorry your having such a hard time. I don't think you can have a flr without a strong foundation. Your mrs may also just really not like beta males. Just be straight up honest with your Mrs, what do you have to lose. If she asks what's wrong tell her what's wrong. Ask her if she actually cares about you or not. Really listen to what she says, is there a theme ? If the marage has run its course accept it, and look forward to new exicting possibilitys. Life is short, don't waste it on people who don't deserve you.