Hello All and Happy New Year. I am approaching the one year mark (Jan 24) during which my lovely Wife/Keyholder/Mistress has only permitted me ONE orgasm (this past October). I must admit I never expected a shut-down like this way back when we first started our venture into chastity "play" back in 2004. We had come off of yet another long, abrupt angst-filled sexual "hiatus" as a result of my incessant topping from the bottom. We men always think we can outlast a woman but they can truly be a camel regarding sexual activity when they dig in. That said, I broke and meekly approached Her and asked whether She missed our chastity play. I was told to lock up. Several days later (Jan 23, 2012) we had great sex and was told to lock up the next day...and so it went with my promise not to have ANY expectations, no pressuring, no demanding the key in a snit (or accessing the emergency key) because I did not like how She was running the show. My year has been filled with rubbing Her back, worshipping and maintaining Her feet, preparing snacks, keeping Her stocked with vibrator batteries, holding Her close and stimulating Her breasts and kissing Her neck while She has buzzed Herself to 100s of orgasms. I have been allowed to anally milk myself and edge myself many times and I have been allowed to slide into a plug harness, while wearing things like bodystockings, unitards with thigh highs, and leather cuffs and chokers while pampering Her and grinding with Her (only occasionally)...but ONE orgasm via intercourse in October 2012. So this brings me to my question: as a man, can I legitimately call these goings on a "sexlife"? I am curious about everyone's thoughts. I was actually unlocked for one 5 day period and I did not try to masturbate once, although by that last day the thought came to mind ...I guess She has "broken" me like a horse? All thoughts are appreciated. Thanks! allaboutHer
sounds like the perfect sexlife as you both seem to be getting what you both wanted from it in the first place, although maybe you had expected release a little more than you are getting but against that you have someone who has took full control of you and ultimately that was what you longed for. Surprising it can be less of a pain going without the actual sex than it at first seems when you begin the journey and how you are able to get pleasure from other things in compensation, such as feeling the pleasure you give your partner so much more intensely. Congratulations to you both.
One cannot blame Mistresses for being a little sceptical, there are so many fantasists about. I do tend to give newcomers the benefit unless it is too silly.
Hello. I must admit I am surprised that there is doubt about the believability of the journey I have recounted. I say this because I live it and compared to the many WILD, EXTREMELY HARD-CORE narratives I think that our "chastity lifestyle" is rather mundane and vanilla. To anyone around us I am just a very attentive, helpful and unselfish husband. Actually, a recurring part of our failed attempts stem from my expectations that our relationship SHOULD be filled with things like I read about here, i.e. , constant teasing, humiliation, the B&D, the feminization, the general "bitchiness" on Her part, etc., etc.. I guess I don't "get" the mentality of some of those on this site. I have withdrawn from playfully commenting on one member's journey because of other's apparent disdain for my thoughts. Anyway, this IS MY journey, "vanilla" as it may be. On topic, I was musing about whether it could be considered a "sexlife" partly because it doesn't include many of the more extreme things others dare I say it, "supposedly" have as a part of their chastity lifestyles. I also think of the guys I know that complain about the lack of sex they get and how they would love to bed any woman they could and wonder how they would react to our "dirty little secret". I have had intercourse once in nearly a year. No handjobs, BJs or even much oral on Her as She prefers her trusty vibrator. I look in the mirror and wonder...it is a truly unique relationship which I enjoy, but I DO wish for "more". She knows this, but reinforces that IF this is to be our lifestyle it is not up to me to determine how it should be lived if I TRULY want Her to be a part and assume the additional roles of Keyholder/Mistress. Anyway, I DO appreciate everyone's comments and hope to hear a few more. allaboutHer
If as you say she's "broken" you, and she's got what she want then she may not want any more. And if she does, she can take it. So what you want isn't the point really, is it?
IMO, 'sexlife' is more about intimacy and closeness than penetrative sex. A good massage can be more intimate than sex. At least for me, penetrative sex doesn't always feel as intimate as other 'activities' we engage in.
Sounds like what we are doing, I approached my wife in September after we were in a rut. She said she didn't want to be my keyholder, but agreed to be my keyhider. After taking about a month to get the fit right, I've been locked since Oct 7. I travel a lot, and the only time she can find the key is when we swap the lock for the numbered ones for travel. When I'm home and mention the key, she just smiles and says she'll get it, and never makes a move. During this time, she has gotten lots of back and foot messages, she steps into the shower with me pretty regular, and most nights we go to sleep spooning. She seems to prefer this over the sex. Guys don't seem to be wired for "cuddling", but we are spending a lot of time in each others arms. It drives me nuts! I guess there is no "normal" way of doing this.
It all depends on agreement on the nature of your (pl.) lifestyle. Sometimes it just doesn't work and a serious conversation is required! This idea may not fit with the "classical" understanding of a Mistress-slave relationship, but it's reality! ...Speaking from experience, I experienced my wife/Mistress's criticism and disapproval as somethign that was simply ruining my spirit. I chose to challenge what was going on. I told her that this mistress-slave lifestyle wasn't working for me. ...And the whole thing came to a screaching halt for weeks. Two things prevailed--first a deep and real connection between us that transcends any lifstyle dynamic and second a natural desire and willingness on my part to serve her and defer to her. Did sex return? (I had been kept in a Lori chastity device off and on) ..It returned somewhat. She received oral sex one or more times weekly and I experienced 2 orgasms in a month's time. ...And finally we talked about my frustration--that I needed encouragement, teasing, seductive looks, clear communication that she desired that I not cum. We achieved that "meeting of the minds." I'm back in a tube, not cumming. She's getting more oral sex than ever and quite happy and being a tease and clear that she appreciates that I don't cum and truly likes it that way. Some bondage gets thrown into the mix and life has returned to "normal." Moral -- Try talking to her and share your frustration. Though it might prove difficult, for me it was theonly way to go.
In other thoughts its her sex life what it is for a sissy maid is to serve for her sex life. As I have heard what do I care about your pleasure sissy??
I've for a long time had an opinion that a sexlife consists of many different elements. I've met some ppl who do not engage in "regular" = penetrative sex at all. Whatever feels like sex is sex. It is not about what others consider as sex but what it is for you. I'm sure you cannot deny that being locked up makes you much more aware of your own sexuality than missionary position twice a week. (Pardon my English, it's been a while I've written any)
The problem is holding on to that thought. I may be fine with denial and being locked in a tube ...for awhile, but then when I have social contact with others or when I don't receive that much appreciation or acknowledgment regarding the chastity from my spouse/Mistress, I begin feeling stupid and ridiculous for foregoing orgasms.
Hello All. Thank you for the interesting perspective and input. Aniyan put it succinctly when he mentioned that sometimes being around others (and I assume hearing sexual discussions) and going through periods of being stuck in lock up with no attention does make me at least feel somewhat stupid. Before chastity thats when I could take matters into my own hands, so to speak, but now...well, its play with my nipples or finger myself in the shower. If I really get hard up I will ask for the key to our toybag to go for a ride on a dildo in conjunction with playing a wee bit of dress up. Most of the time I get the OK without any interest from her...sometimes however I get the flat out "No, give me a backrub, you don't deserve to play."and rarely I get the "If you want to play I get to watch the whole thing from dressing to undressing". It is quite a unique situation that really makes one question themselves, their sexuality and sometimes even one's sanity. That said, get me out of this thing and in 24 hours I can't wait to be back in...I just don't understand it. BTW, today is the completion of a 365 day period during which I have had but 1 orgasm. I have made my Wife aware and she said maybe I will get some more attention (didn't say intercourse) the in the next 365. I sent her a long email thanking her for our breakthrough year and voiced my appreciation for what went right while mentioning what I thought I could do better with as her "pussy slave" and that in doing so perhaps my effort might encourage her to embrace her role in a more creative and engaging way with a few examples tempered by the words that I was VERY happy and not complaining. Funny, as I read this an idiot could see I have painted myself into a corner and shaped my so called sexlife. I look forward to more responses. allaboutHer
...Well said, allaboutHer, the hormones seem to enforce such contradiction--willingness to serve and willingness to be chaste, but post-orgasm, within 24 ...well maybe 48 hours, ready to for days, weeks, or months of frustration. My spouse ...who prefers "Mistress," has kept me in chastity for up to 2 nearly two months. Whether locked or not, orgasm have diminshed to less than a dozen a year. I've watched myself try to manipulate her into release from chastity--begging, pouting, pleading, sullen demeanor, anger... I think we've both learned from the interchanges--me, that I'm being childish; She, that I can't escape from the desire for her control & chastity & serving her. ...And in the process, She's grown far more confident. As for your sexlife being "so called," if a man can unlatch himself from the stereotype that sex means penetration and male orgasm, you/we have a robust sexlife, full of strong feelings, potentially lots of physical contact and much sexual release for at least one of the participants. ...As for the other, well, it's a choice.
Aniyan said: " My spouse ...who prefers "Mistress," has kept me in chastity for up to 2 nearly two months. Whether locked or not, orgasm have diminshed to less than a dozen a year. I've watched myself try to manipulate her into release from chastity--begging, pouting, pleading, sullen demeanor, anger... I think we've both learned from the interchanges--me, that I'm being childish; She, that I can't escape from the desire for her control & chastity & serving her. ...And in the process, She's grown far more confident." Wow, spot on! This is all so true for me as well. Might I add to your last sentence..."....without any real concern for how I ever envisioned my existence in chastity." I too have seen my yearly orgasm totals which in the early years of chastity were at least once monthly to but 1 in the last 365 days. I attribute that to my assurance to her that this time I would do and live this HER way without all of the coercion, etc. from "the bottom". It is also funny that my wife too, likes to be called "Mistress" when we are interacting intimately in our "roles". That said, on occasion I will throw in a "Mistress" into general text or email conversation and even in discrete moments in actual conversation with acknowledged approval. Well, anyway, the 24th was my "1 in 365" mark and the lockup continues. At this point I don't know what to expect...and maybe thats the rub, if it is "all about her" as my name says, I guess I should NOT expect ANYTHING to hold true to my promise. It all becomes very cerebral at this point! Right now we have a great deal of exhausting external crap going on in our lives so the sparks are more like quiet embers. Of course, as a man I think there is always time to fan those embers but even in vanilla relationships women don't seem to see it that way. Perhaps she is just happy knowing she has her man on hold and gains delight in knowing that my days of blowing off my sexual tensions (and tension in general) by masturbating to other images and thoughts are long gone and moreso that those things now torment and frustrate me...and boy do they, right from the image of the hot weather babe on local TV down to her leaving a pair of her sexy day-worn panties on the bed (which I used to steal from the laundry basket for masturbatory "quickies) knowing I am likely to pick them up and sniff them so I may smell the aroma of her sweet, musky womanhood...and so I leak! LOL! Oh well, I look forward to more comments from all. I guess this is my "sex life" as I have helped shape it. At least I have never hidden my many fetishes from her like many men do...granted I still have a few dark fantasies here and there I have not shared with her which I may do someday and granted she definitely has exploited her knowledge of my fetishes for her benefit, but if I have any complaints I should probably just look in the mirror...this WAS all my idea. allaboutHer