The question that has always plagued me is, "am I living a fulfilling life, a rewarding life, a good life?" How do I define a "good" life? The most important part of my life is my relationship with my wife, and in particular, our sex life. I know that among the normal population of people there are folks who are oversexed (like me and my wife), those who have a vanilla or average sex life, and I have met folks who are truly under sexed. Thus, my sexual relationship with my wife is at the top of "our" list of important things to do each day. The problem for me is defining a rewarding sexual relationship with her. I am so damn attracted and lusty for her. I want desperately to be her lover, I want to feel her lust for me. I want to fuck her to a dozen Os while I come in her pussy with my own explosive orgasm. I truly want this to be my sex life with her. I define fulfillment as exactly this kind of sex life. This has never ever happened with her or any other woman I have known. I have fucked about a half dozen women in my life. Not one of them ever had an orgasm with me through intercourse. A couple of them fucked me once and never came back to me. My penis is three and a half inches erect. I grew up with a very submissive attitude (matches my dick size). When I am with women I am lusting for I act foolish. Women can detect my submissive attitude a mile away. This turns off women who want to fuck and turns on sadistic women who want to deny me sex. I found my life a constant wandering among women looking for sexual fulfillment and always finding rejection. It is true, I am attracted to "bad" girls. It is true, I am attracted to curvy women who report themselves to be size queens. I always end up kissing their feet or worshiping their asses. I am living the life I was meant to live. It is destiny. All of my life experiences led me here. I can no longer deny the truth of my life. I am a submissive male who has an inadequate penis and deserves to be locked in permanent chastity. I serve my wife as her "eunuch" servant. I regularly worship her lover's cock and balls. I kiss her balls as he pumps his cum in to her. I clean his cock and balls with my mouth when they are done fucking. I rush around the bed and clean my wife's pussy lips (never ever am I allowed to put my tongue in to her vagina - she wants to keep his cum in there until it all drains away in to her panties). Then, she will get doggy style and I will clean her sweaty ass and he puts his strong hand behind my head and pushes my face in to her ass. This is my sex life. I help my wife and her lover have the most intense sex and Os. I am a "eunuch" who has his tiny testicles and still has lusty urges. The two of them literally get turned on by my lust which is never released through orgasm. They are both sadists in this regard. The problem for me is that what I am living is my fantasy sex life. I am a submissive "eunuch" who lives to serve an Alpha couple. I look forward to every opportunity to help them have intense sexual experiences. I literally adore worshiping my wife's ass every day. The scent and taste of her ass drives me insane with lust. She will turn to me then and say, "Get away from me, your face smells like my asshole." I crawl away, lust surging through me, almost humping the air trying to relieve some of my lust, and sit several feet away from her so we can talk or have coffee. I want to be a woman's lover. I want to cum in her pussy. I want to feel the fulfillment of pleasuring my woman, hearing her scream in delight, and getting pleasured in return. What I have is the fulfillment of my long held fantasy. My penis is locked away and unused and undesired by anyone but me. Meanwhile, I am granted my wish to help an Alpha couple of have sex. I am in a constant state of arousal. I feverishly worship my wife's ass which only pushes my lust levels in to outer space. A good life? Destiny? I am learning to feel honored when they invite me in to their bedroom to help them have sex. I am learning to find pleasure through their pleasure together. I am learning that my presence makes their sex life perfect. I am needed. My fulfillment is fulfilling them. Is this crazy? I will write more later. Comments are appreciated. marcus
X As you can imagine, I have a lot to say on this subject. It is a question I ask myself at least once a day, and ponder for days on end while in solitary confinement. The question can take many forms, but since Mistress's Angelique and Dominique have defined our relationship as primarily spiritual, with all sexual overtones being secondary, I usually find myself wondering: "Am I in heaven, or am I in hell?" On a scale of 1 to 100, if 1 is rock bottom, and 100 is Nirvana, my answer could be anywhere in between at any given moment. But since becoming Mistress' cuckold, servant and plaything, although my perception may vary, the one thing that is constant is the intensity of my life, and the intensity with which I experience emotions and orgasms. For that reason alone, even though I constantly wish I had a big cock and suitable sexual skills, I would not trade places with anyone in this world. Sometimes I have the clarity to explain these things, but not today. Let me just say that I am aware the reason my mind sometimes resides in heaven is because of the hell Mistress puts me through. To way, way, way, way oversimplify it: to a masochist, hell is heaven. But I'm still not convinced I am a masochist. I very much look forward to hearing from others, but to answer the question in the form in which you posed it: "Am I living a fulfilling life, a rewarding life, a good life?" How do I define a "good" life? I have learned more about life, love and liberty as Mistress' cuckold than I ever did in my previous life. My body may be a slave to Mistress, but so many of her lovers are imprisoned by their own thoughts. I like to think I live a good life, I know Mistress does. I define a good life as doing unto others as you would have them do to you. X
Outed? Goddess and I live along the edge. I am trying to document our lifestyle as we stumble through it. I write stories that are essentially true about our history. And, I write stories that project our lifestyle in to the future. I take lots of photos and videos. I only wish I had more time to put all of these projects together so I can share them with others in the lifestyle. When I was younger, I had a desperate need to find other males who had physical limitations and submissive attitudes like me. Nowadays, it is so much easier to discover via the internet that you are not alone. It is comforting to me now. I have always tried to live two lives. To the outside world I am married to a beautiful woman, I am well educated, and successful at work. Inside our home, I am her eunuch companion and we live the lifestyle I have described in other posts. But, the very same internet that allows me to seek out others who share our interests also "outs" me to the "real" world as her weak and very "pussy whipped" husband. These two worlds have collided in the past. The merging of my private and public lives is terrorizing and thrilling at the same time. We do not flaunt our lifestyle. We do not provoke rude responses while in public. We are just who we are out in public now and it feels good to be honest. Living our lives in public ranges from simple to complex. We live in a cul-de-sac. We are friendly with our neighbors. James works nights and frequently comes over to our home during the day. Our neighbors are certainly curious that a very handsome black man in his mid forties has been driving up to our home several times a week, and of course on Sundays when I am home, for seven years now. I wear an 8 ga ring through my nose. It is always there when I am not at work. When the three of us go to dinner, my Goddess wife and James are the perfect couple. Both are dressed to impress. They have likely just made love and my Goddess wife has that "glow" of a well fucked woman. James is very charismatic and engaging with everyone we meet. I sit across from the two of them, my nose ring (in my mind) identifying me as their submissive. Certainly I look out of place with such a handsome couple. There are plenty of "family" photos of the three of us. We vacation together and we do lots of activities together. We are a "poly" family. My co workers know us as "swingers." I have admitted to being impotent to them when I was asked about "the black man" in our photos on facebook. They know, and all our friends know, my Goddess wife gets her sex from James. Our families have long known us to be "those perverts in the desert." They also know we are happy and have been together for more than a decade now (astonishing to them as our past relationships never lasted very long). Our families still visit us regularly. On a purely relationship level, we are a "poly" family of three people. No big deal. The outside world knows only what they need to know so we can function in public instead of always "hiding" in the bedroom. It is liberating. It took some courage but it is liberating. We have long sought other couples in the lifestyle. We've met a few but nothing has worked out. Everyone has their own lives and "life" is very time consuming. We've gone to a few clubs that cater to the lifestyle but that has not helped us meet other couples either. Now that I have this description of our lives out to you, I will write about a few of our experiences in public. It is a true "mind fuck." marcus
Jaime/Tina, I will have to go and reread your posts so I can get a better grasp of how this all came to be for you. We are in a similar position and for me it is often very painful - emotionally. My Goddess wife and I talk about our lifestyle a lot and I write her HOT fantasy emails to keep the flames of her sadistic lust burning. A good result of our conversations is that we have come to understand one another and there are few misunderstandings. We are very "New Age - Spiritual" and strive to maintain a good connection with the spiritual universe. We conduct a Full Moon and New Moon ritual every month. We have several Tarot decks and we use them to gain spiritual insight in to our lives. We also consult our daily horoscope to understand how our feelings might be affected for the day. I also own a few books on understanding our life's purpose. My Goddess wife's sign is LEO. She is a Lioness! She does demand adoration from all around her. I am a Pisces. I am very empathetic and can get moody. I am a dreamer and feel completely connected to the spiritual universe. My Goddess wife (and she is threatening to use my sign on to make comments - so be ready - lol) and I are in a different situation than many couples in the lifestyle. We never came together as a "vanilla" couple. She understands submissive males and their fetishes. She is all too willing to cater to an "unworthy" male's fetishes for her own benefit. She does not have sex with unworthy males. But, she will purr as I massage her feet or worship her ass. She loves sex but only with a man she has lust for and can deliver to her the deep vaginal orgasms she craves. Countless times, when an Alpha male is not around to stir up her lust, she will simply go sexless. I can parade around the house nude all I want and she has never once in ten years approached me with lust in her eyes and wanted sex from me. I hate "mercy" sex and so does she. But, I have tried to guilt her in to sex and she turns it all around on me with stinging comments like, "You want to fuck me? Well, okay but I can't look at you so I will get doggy style. You have to wear a condom. Let's find out if you can keep your tiny dicklet hard long enough to get it in to me. You know I have a big ass and your three inches won't even reach my pussy." If I proceed with her in to the bedroom, and I am talking about only a handful of times in ten years, I get so consumed with guilt for trying to guilt her in to sex I always look at her doggy style and end up getting on my knees beside the bed and worship her asshole. She laughs every single time. I have very little time to write today. But, I am taking a very long holiday weekend this weekend and hope to write much more. I did get a membership to this forum because I enjoy it and I want to create a gallery of photos for everyone's amusement. Here are a few links that I use and I hope you find helpful" For Full Moon and New Moon rituals. We order the kit because she gives you everything you need. My Goddess Wife actually performs the ritual and I assist her as her eunuch priest. http://www.throughnightsfire.com/ For daily horoscopes we use the following website. They are free but you must know your exact date, place and time of birth. I have also purchased many of their relationship readings. The results are instant and downloadable. Worth every penny for the entertainment value alone. http://www.astro.com/ For monthly horoscope readings I use the following website. I have emailed the author several times over the years. She is genuine, friendly, and has published several horoscope books. http://astrologyzone.com/ Lastly, a book I adore for understanding one's life purpose is available at book stores and as a kindle edition on Amazon. It is a numerology book. It is good. http://www.peacefulwarrior.com/store/dans-books/43-the-life-you-were-born-to-live Bye for now. marcus
Our Tarot Decks: Manara: The Erotic Tarot (Great for cuckold couples when the cuck still gets to fuck his wife). http://www.aeclectic...ic/review.shtml http://www.amazon.co...29356687&sr=8-1 Decameron Tarot (Caution. Only for a lusty wife and her lover. Cuckolds and slaves must NEVER even touch these cards) http://www.aeclectic...ards/decameron/ http://www.amazon.co...29356927&sr=1-1 Tarot of Sexual Magic (These are the cards I use for me and my Goddess Wife) http://www.aeclectic...s/sexual-magic/ http://www.amazon.co...29357022&sr=1-1 There are several books (all available on Kindle) regarding sex magic. Sex Magic is all about making your wishes known to the universe as you and your lover explode in orgasm. Sex Magic can also be created if your wife denies you orgasm. The longer you go under orgasm denial (and especially while your wife is having lots of orgasms with her lover), the more powerful the Sex Magic. This is extremely difficult to do but trust me, the power put out to the spiritual universe is great. Your rewards will be many. Are you willing to give up orgasms for Karma? marcus
Tonight, after work, I will begin a five day vacation. While I have a lot of projects to do, I am sure I will be writing and posting. I feel good about documenting my emotions and our lifestyle. My Goddess wife and I had a fun conversation last night. We are together now for ten years. This is the longest relationship either one of us have had. What's weird about it is our sex life. When I met her I was overwhelmed by her beauty. She wanted a submissive male to pamper and spoil her. I wanted her to dominate me. She was very familiar with submissive men. She is a LEO and expects to be worshiped and adored. I was all too willing to grovel before her and kiss her feet. Over the past ten years my penis was successfully hard and inside of her on one night, our wedding night. She told me, "This is what you have given up to be my submissive." We were together for about 18 months when we got married. My penis was never allowed inside of her. Plenty of times I was locked in chastity. The day we were married I was locked in chastity. I did not realize how serious she was about never fucking me after our wedding night. I had told her over and over that I would be happy with just sniffing her panties or worshiping her ass and feet. She took me at my word and married me. She let me fuck her that night. I had an O and she did not. She got a yeast infection. She was pissed at me for weeks after that. She'd never had one before. Several months later, she was touching my penis and some of my pre-cum got on her hand. She touched her pussy and promptly got another yeast infection. That did it. She wasn't interested in sex with me in the first place and now she discovered she is highly allergic to me. Our relationship did not end. Her lack of lust for me sexually combined with her fear of my penis being anywhere near her caused us to change our relationship. To this day I still want sex with her. I lust for her all the time. She will indulge me with her panties and let me worship her ass (I love to do both). But, every time we even consider sex as a couple it never happens. Our relationship is strictly Domme female and submissive male. Over the years, she has lost all interest in me sexually. She can't even motivate herself to watch me jack off. Instead, what truly turns her on is my being locked in chastity, complete orgasm denial, and my worshiping her lover's cock. The longer I can go without orgasm the stronger her sex drive gets. There is some kind of spiritual (soul mate) connection between us. When I am desperate for orgasm, lusting every minute of every day for her, and begging her for release, she gets powerfully turned on. If her lover is around, they will fuck all day long. If he is not around, she pulls out this great dildo I recently bought her and she will use it to give herself an orgasm. We are in this place now. A decade of living with her as her sexually denied submissive. Meanwhile, she is pampered and spoiled, and has a robust sex life with her lover. We have fantasy thoughts of being a poly family - an Alpha couple with their submissive. I fight this future. But, whenever I abandon the lifestyle and jack off to an orgasm, she goes sexless. She and her lover don't get together as often. She stops masturbating. We watch movies and move through life as a sexless couple. But, as soon as I go back in to chastity and orgasm denial, she becomes very sexual again. This is a life sentence for me. I adore her ass scent and every day I worship her ass. I adore her feet. I love licking and sucking on her feet, especially her foot sweat after she's been fucking her lover. This arouses both of us. She runs off to the bedroom to use her dildo or calls her lover over to fuck her. I must listen to her orgasms and try and get as much pleasure as I can from hearing her scream out in ecstasy. If I get moody and try and win her affections as a husband and lover, she always evaluates the possibility. But, if I stopped all submissive behavior, if I stopped worshiping her ass (she loves being rimmed but hates the thought of having sex with me afterwards) and if I stopped worshiping her feet, and took her out for a romantic dinner, I would still show up in her bedroom with a three inch erection. I would act with anxiety rather than passion. She wants real sex with an Alpha male who has a ten inch and hard cock. Every aspect of our relationship works against us being lovers and having sex. Every aspect of our relationship works very well when she is a Goddess and I am her eunuch submissive. We are taking this lifestyle right to the edge. This is where we were meant to be. marcus
Good post, marcus. Interesting that, despite the fact that she has no sexual desire for you, she needs you in sexual denial for her own lust and sexuality to emerge. You two do have a very special bond, I would say.
Thank you Strict Sir for your thoughts. We have always thought we have a special bond. Orgasm denial for me and plenty of orgasms for her makes our relationship run smoothly. She genuinely enjoys dominating me. No matter how much I battle within myself whether to cum or not cum, I end up on my knees worshiping her and going another day without orgasm. marcus
Hi Adam, Jerking off in front of my Goddess wife is averaging once a year for the past several years. Otherwise, if I jerk off in private I may go four or six months. I try very hard not to cum because she hates it. She wants me always horny and lusting for her. She gets angry with herself for the one time a year she lets me jerk off in front of her. My Goddess wife would prefer me locked in a permanent chastity device. We have one picked out. We are currently having conversations about this. Even though I rarely have orgasms, I do have them. I put off orgasm for as long as I can but after months of hearing her fuck and cum along with her lover, the intensity gets the best of me and I just let it cum. Whooo boy, she gets angry. Then we start the process all over again. We are headed out the door for breakfast. But, I do have more to discuss on this subject. Is it true that just as in the animal world, some men get to fuck and others don't? Some men get the pleasure of a woman encouraging them to cum through intense sex and pleasure while submissive little dicks like me don't? The question haunts me. I know living alone for several years before meeting my Goddess wife was filled with emptiness. No female companionship. No panties to sniff. No ass or feet to worship. All I had was jerking off to fantasies. But, living with her and helping her have sex with her lover send surges of lust and jealousy through me that sometimes is too much to bear. More later... marcus
Hello Everyone, Let me introduce myself. I am the wife of Marcus, the 4th wife, but the only one he'll ever need. Marcus has spent many years in denial of just how inadequate his tiny penis is for sex. He has been through about 6 relationships with woman that have always ended in failure because he was always thinking of himself as a lover. But deep down in his subconscious he had some very dark submissive fantasies that have leaked out over the 10 years we have been together. I have made it my mission in life to fulfill those dark hidden dreams & turn them into reality. As for me, well I spent my life cuckolding just about every lover I've ever had. So this lifestyle didn't seem to be so big of a change for me. But what I hadn't learned from past experiences is how much pleasure and sexual charge I would get out of teasing & denying my husbands orgasms. In fact it is such an intense turn on for me, I'd be happy if he NEVER cums again. Of course this isn't very practical, as I'm sure he needs release of some kind, at some point. But the intense sexual pleasure I get from the tease & denial is so complete for me that I find that I am always denying him & rarely denying myself the pleasures I get from the torture he receives. I know how selfish it is of me to never let him cum, but I cannot help but get caught up in my own pleasure. Don't get me wrong, someday I may let him cum again, but that day is not soon cumming (pun intended). I know that he is getting some very intense pleasure from his denial, as am I, so at this point life is very good indeed.
This is marcus, I was out running errands when my Goddess wife posted the above message. I often read to her a few selected posts from this message board. I guess she finally decided to weigh in with her own comments. I will chat with her today about making a separate profile for her. I would like very much for her to post here so you get both sides of our relationship. marcus
Thanks for the posts and for sharing your lives with us, marcus and wife. Wife, you mentioned slefishness, which I think is ok in some siturations, as long as you don't feel guilt. As Mistress Angelique pointed out in another thread, guilt has no place in a relationship, and tends to thwart growth and happiness. It sounds to me like you are both getting something positive from you arrangement. As you said youself... I've said it countless times, but every couple, every relationship, is different. I look forward to hearing more about your journey.
Comments unapproved. If you decide a thread is too good to be true, please do not comment, just pass it over. No-one knows what is real and what is fake unless the were THERE. I have a ZERO TOLERANCE towards people bitching, backstabbing and otherwise trying to derail threads on this forum. You have a problem with this? PM me. Otherwise, the Chastity Mansion way is to ignore those posts you do not believe in. This is a friendly community where all are welcome to post. We thrive on the positivity of our members. Constructive criticism is welcome, but out and out slagging off and negativity is not wanted here.
Thank you MW. Everything I have said about my relationship with my Goddess wife is true. I wish I had more time to post but this is a very busy time for me at work. I hope the links I posted in an earlier post are helpful to folks who are trying to make sense of their lives and their relationships. Our spirituality has really helped me come to terms with my own life. marcus