Slave's Journal

I am the Owner of a slave and I thought that it would give me pleasure to make my slave keep a written journal. Initially, my idea was to make my slave keep a hand-written journal and for me to read it at my leisure. The journal was to be just for me to read and to keep it private. My slave was to write thoughts, to write on topics of my choosing, and to answer my questions about various things.

Then I thought that this journal could be an electronic journal and that it could also serve several purposes. Essentially, this journal is for my pleasure – for me to read and for me to better understand my slave’s feelings. But I also understand that perhaps this journal can give me pleasure and be helpful in other ways if I share it with others.

It will give me pleasure to feel power and control over my slave by instructing my slave to write on topics of my choosing. It will give me pleasure to have another form of control over my slave since I intend to let my slave write but not reply to comments posted by others (at least not without my permission). It will also give me pleasure to know that my slave will have to read all the comments that are posted without the ability to reply – that my slave will have to accept these comments in silence.

Another pleasure I intend to have will be to instruct my slave to write on topics, to post photos, and to do other tasks that my slave would usually not be permitted to do. Not only will it please me to use this power by making my slave obedient to my wishes but it will also please me to feel my slave’s submissiveness grow, to feel humiliation in my slave, and to feel that my slave does this for only my pleasure.

 

Owner has instructed me to post the attached photo with her comment: "Here is the one of my first photos of my slave ... taken some years ago ... and it is still arousing for me ... with memories about the pleasure I have from my body".

Owner invites your comments and has instructed me to read them each day, but Owner does not permit me to reply to them. Owner has instructed me to write down my feelings in 14 days about having this photo posted here.

 

Mistress has instructed me to write down my feelings about having this photo posted here. Some of the emotions I feel having this photo posted here have to do with both me preparing to be chained by Mistress and also me being chained for others to see. Thinking first about preparing to be chained, when I am instructed to remove my clothes I feel some trepidation about what will come next. Removing my clothes as Mistress watches is a happiness for me. It confirms the feelings inside me that I am a slave and that I am obedient to her commands. Clothes can be a mask that we hide behind, that we use as outward signs or cues for such things as our personality, our status, and our worth. Of course, this depends on what clothes are worn. To remove clothes is part of a process, a ritual that strips me of my physical and psychological shield, the outcome of which helps to condition me as a slave. To be so naked is somehow exhilarating as I can be seen clearly for what I am – only a body, only a slave. To be made by Mistress to become only a naked body reinforces my feelings inside me of being a slave. And, of course, I am happy that Mistress has pleasure to look on Her slave.

I am so happy that this process of reducing me to and maintaining me as a slave gives Mistress some pleasure. I guess most people enjoy different forms of “ownership” to varying extents – either to own things from which there can be satisfaction derived solely from possession, or, in this case, a happiness to be owned. I am so happy to feel Her pleasure to own me as Her slave. I ache for this. I ache to feel Her pleasure from Her ownership of me. I am not a person who ordinarily is comfortable to be naked. But, as a slave I am “liberated” to be naked, to have no choice about this. Mistress sometimes looks at her slave’s body while Her slave undresses and I feel Her eyes as she looks at me as Her object. I am so happy when I feel she admires her slave’s body with Her feelings of possession and adoration. I am so happy to feel Her pleasure to look on me.
So, I feel as a slave, even before I am chained. I am so happy for Mistress to use Her control over me in posting this photo for others to see. I am so happy to be an object to be used for Her pleasure. My feelings of trepidation and anticipation are usually about the unexpected and the unknown. I am not to know whether to expect the feel of a hand or a whip on me, a caress or pain, or something I have never experienced before. What I do know is that until now, until I was displayed here, the source of Mistress’ pleasure was “between only us”. Now I feel how Her pleasure comes from a pleasure to display her possession and to demonstrate Her control in a different way.

To be displayed as Her possession makes me happy. To own or to be owned is one thing – this is to possess or to be a possession – to be “useful” or “used” is another thing. To be displayed here makes me feel both some pride and some humiliation. I feel some pride not only because am I a possession but because I am used for Her pleasure. As a slave, my need is not only to be owned but also to be used for Her pleasure. In a similar way to being happy about the pleasure others have in displaying their possessions (walking the dog, as an example), I feel happiness in Her pleasure from displaying me as Her possession. I feel the pleasure that Mistress has to display Her slave to ‘everyone’ and I am happy that Mistress has pleasure to humiliate her slave.
Perhaps a slave should learn not to feel pride. Perhaps as a slave becomes more and more truly an object, that slave should dispense with feelings of pride. Of course, I cannot deny that there are some feelings of happiness inside me that are about my pleasure – who can help but to feel happy if they think their body is being admired (which it may or may not be). Who cannot be happy to be useful? Some degree of pride is probably not only inevitable but desirable, so long as my feelings of pride are primarily about my happiness for Mistress’ pleasure and very, very secondarily about my pleasure.

I also feel humiliation to be displayed as this. My guess is that this humiliation is linked to my feelings of pride and submission – if and when I were to become only and completely an object, with only feelings for Mistress’ pleasure – I guess I would feel no humiliation. But until then, the feelings of humiliation I have are about how Mistress enjoys having others see Her possession. Also, it seems that this humiliation is derived from “unknown others” seeing. Perhaps to be displayed ready to be whipped or otherwise used and to be seen only by Mistress induces submissiveness but not so much humiliation in me because I know (or believe I know) that what Mistress feels and thinks when she looks on Her slave is about only us, our love, and making our love stronger. In this sense it is a truly beneficial or positive aspect of submission and humiliation. And I understand this is about only Her pleasure.
What others feel and think as they see me is unknown to me, especially if nobody responds with their feelings and thoughts, but to be displayed to others provides different emotions of submission and humiliation. I can hazard a guess about what others feel and think as they see me – I guess that some have down-loaded this photo, added me to their collection, and made me just one more body for their voyeuristic pleasure – others may think of the pleasure they would have to use this body. Irrespective of what others may feel or think, the point is that this humiliation in me arises partly because it is from other peoples’ interest whom Mistress derives Her pleasure. In other words, Mistress has further reduced the worth of Her slave as an object by enjoying another the source of Her pleasure – Mistress has pleasure to create and feel my humiliation – and the more the interest of others humiliates me, the more pleasure Mistress has. I am a slave.