Chastity, love it, hate it.

x

Yes, I have these same periods of love and hate for chastity, and for Mistress’ complete control over every aspect of my life. It seems that every time I reach a level of acceptance of my chastity, the loss of my manliness, and the destruction of my dignity, my ego sets about torturing my thoughts: “If only I had a bigger penis; if only I could talk to women; if only I had normal sexual desires.”

But I’ll never have a bigger penis, and I’ll never be interested in being a proper lover for a woman. I don’t want to be a woman’s lover; I want to be her toy and her tool. The only way for me to enjoy sex is for Mistress to have complete control of my sexuality, which means I am completely dependent on her mercy for my pleasure. She may allow me to enjoy an orgasm next week, or she may make me wait a year. Even if I could cheat and find a way to masturbate, as you point out I would never enjoy it. Not just from the feelings of guilt, but because Mistress had no role in my orgasm, and therefore it has no meaning to me.

I gave up trying to escape my chastity cage after we moved into the home that now serves as Her dungeon. First, there is no way to escape my cage and then get it back on, so I would be severely punished (having an orgasm without permission is the worst infraction there is). And I have no privacy. Every dungeon, my bedroom, and my bathroom have security cameras that record 24/7. And, as I said, what’s the point; the joy is in Mistress’ benevolence, not my pee-pee’s pleasure.

I think it is the nature of everyone’s mind to wish things were better, or at least different. Even “normal” people with “normal” sex lives must feel this. My love/hate relationship with my situation has become an emotional roller coaster, a roller coaster that makes me scream but gives me a thrill all the same. Thanks to Mistress’ discipline and training I am learning more and more not to question my “good fortune” as she calls it. I’ve spent countless hours in solitary confinement thinking about why I’m living the life I do, whether it’s worth it, and whether it really is what I want.

I could leave any time I want. I can have my freedom back just by leaving. But what would freedom bring me: loneliness, a lack of purpose. Where would I find another woman who understands me and my needs like she does? So every day I willingly choose to surrender my freedom to her. I choose to live at the very lowest level of existence in her world, just so I can live in her world. Even though I am rarely allowed to gaze upon her face, I love to hear her voice, and sneak peeks of her pleasing peaks and never ending legs.

And I confess that when she is in the throes of ecstasy, wrapped in the arms of one of her lovers, as my heart is being crushed by the weight of my own disappointment with myself, as I am about to vomit myself inside out from jealousy, her joy becomes my joy, her pleasure my pleasure. For one brief instant everything is perfect, and all is right with the world. Then, it’s time to start licking her lover’s cock clean, and I wonder, “When the hell am I going to get to cum?!”

x

 

You are not alone cagedslave in your feelings, they are entirely normal and just as everyone has highs and lows in a normal relationship ours is just a tad more complicated. I find the absolute thrill of the thought of being locked up is overwhelming and then the reality of what is happening kicks in a week or so later and as you say it can seem silly even to myself . But the fact is that someone out there has chosen to share your fantasy with you and in a lot of cases they had to deal with the total shock of finding out that something that struck them as silly originally got you turned on and chose to play along with you. I long for being locked up by my wife and the look and thought of it drives me wild with excitement but when all is said and done no matter how serious we try and make it this is still a game of sorts, hopefully one that brings an element of fun and excitement into what could otherwise be just a mundane life. Just enjoy the priveledge you have been granted by your partner and satisfy yourself with the knowledge that nothing lasts for ever so make the most of it now while its there for you.

 

I am on the same "roller coaster" and I feel the same "sickness" from jealousy. There are times I want to end it and be a woman's lover, my wife's lover. It can never be that way for us. I must be her chaste submissive or I am nothing.

My wife and I have been together for ten years and we began as Domme and submissive. We are very attracted to one another. We are great companions for one another. She is not a "whips and chains" kind of girl, although we've played with discipline. No. She gets a thrill from sexual torture of me. She told me right when we first met that she is a "size queen" and would never be interested in sex with my tiny penis. But, she loves Domme and submissive play and greatly enjoys denying me sex. We use chastity devices, months of orgasm denial and she's had my penis pierced multiple times. She absolutely wants me in permanent chastity. Over the years, her interest in me sexually has pretty much gone away. She watched me jack off only once a year for the past four years. Instead, she loves how I literally pamper and spoil her constantly, worship her feet, and she especially loves how much pleasure I give her (and me) from worshiping her ass.

Our first couple of years together, she did have several lovers. She enjoyed the sex and I enjoyed helping her prepare and listening or watching her get pleasure from her lover. I was not prepared for her to get in to a relationship with a lover. Neither one of us knew this was going to happen. He came to a "swinger's party" we were hosting. My wife really was not in the mood for sex that day. There were plenty of guys around but nothing was happening. Then, he came in our home and met my wife. The lust in both of them zoomed off the charts. He is a big guy, very well muscled from body building, and he has a huge cock with heavy hanging balls. He is a complete Alpha male while I am at the opposite end of the spectrum. The sparks were flying as they made love. Condoms were used for the first several months and then forgotten. He has been coming over to our home several times a week for all these years. His seed, and only his seed, has been filling her constantly ever since.

The only time I am present is on Sunday. After several minutes of talk, I crawl over to him and suck his cock hard for my wife. She absolutely loves this. It doesn't take but a few minutes and we are all in the bedroom and he licks her to an O and then has sex with her missionary, while I watch. They both have an O. I am instructed to lie face up on the bed with my head at the edge of the bed. She throws a blanket over me as my chastity covered penis distracts her. He walks up to my head and begins fucking my mouth. She gets "doggy" style over me and backs up towards him. He pulls his cock from my mouth and begins inserting it in to her pussy. Her thighs cover my ears and muffle their voices. All I see is his huge erection moving in and out of her pussy. I strain to lick her clit and his rod. While they are cumming, I am kissing his balls, feeling him shoot his load in to her. They can do this several times in a row.

I am so jealous, so envious, so completely humiliated with strong feelings of inadequacy. What's worse? After they have had so much sex they are "fucked out" we all go in to the living room and talk for a bit before he leaves. There is never one time that they turn to me and invite me to have a turn. I am a sex toy. I have begged her (and him) over the years to let me have a turn. Even if just to jack off in front of them so I can have an O. They have no lust for that at all. Now, it is never even considered.

The roller coaster of emotions still gets to me. To this day, I do not know why I do it, why I endure the sheer sexual torture of it. She has no lust for me at all. I do find joy in her fulfillment with her lover. But, it is never my turn.

marcus

 

X
Ladysniffer,

As I started reading your post I felt warm and comforted knowing I had a soul mate. But as I continued to read on I actually felt sorry for you, really, truly sorry for you. I hope I’m misunderstanding what you wrote.

I am so fortunate that Mistress and Frank understand this is a three way relationship. A very bizarre, atypical relationship, but at the core of our relationship I believe we are equals. It has never been discussed, and perhaps I am mistaken, but at no time have I ever gotten the impression from Mistress or Frank that my contribution to the relationship is any less valuable than theirs. I am very jealous of Frank sexually, but I do not believe that Mistress loves him more than me, nor do I love her more than him.

Our roles in the relationship are of course very, very unequal. But that is what our relationship is about. Frank fulfills Mistress in ways that I simply cannot, and I fulfill her in ways that he never could. I kind of understand why Mistress is pleased when I suck one of her lover’s cocks. I act like it’s the most wonderful thing I’ve ever tasted not because I like it, or to please him; it is purely an effort to please Her. She knows I hate it, and that my enthusiasm is my meager gift to her.

I too am as far from an Alpha male as you can get. I am the dog that rolls over and spreads his legs, letting the alpha dog sniff my genitals, and then piss all over me, marking me as his property. I may be the lowest dog in the pack, but I am still part of the pack.

I understand I run the same risk of my wife/Mistress finding another lover and running off with him as any “straight” man. But neither Mistress nor Frank as ever made me feel the slightest fear I will be abandoned. Trust me; many men have tried to win Mistress’ heart. As soon as she senses they are looking for something exclusive she cuts it off with them. If they are slow to take the hint, Frank can explain it in a way they can understand, or at least in a way they don’t refuse to go along with.

But to have my sexual needs ignored completely! I too am never allowed to join in. I don’t get “sloppy seconds.” Up until a week or two ago I wasn’t even allowed to clean Mistress’ lover’s semen from her vulva with my mouth; I’ve had to use a straw or tube or funnel gag. But at least I’m allowed to masturbate every once in a while. There has been a couple of stretches of six months and nine months without an orgasm, and talk of trying for a year of celibacy. But at least they throw me a bone every once in a while. Sometimes I am even allowed to masturbate while watching them make love, but 80-90% of the time it is while they are watching me, or I have to entertain guests by giving myself a blow job.

But this is exactly what I need. If Mistress did not control my orgasms they would have no meaning for me. I need to pay for their pleasure with my humiliation. I need to compensate for my lack of lovemaking skills by becoming the best cuckold, sissy and servant I possibly can. But not to be allowed any orgasms at all? I can’t even imagine.

Mistress gives me the humiliation and subjugation I need and crave. I am not aroused by dating and conquests and sexual prowess. I am aroused by the complete domination of the alpha male and alpha female of our pack. My fulfillment comes from fulfilling their needs. Every once in a while, when the bitch is in heat, I am allowed to sniff her swollen vulva, but I know better than to try to mount her.

But it seems like you’re an outcast, a straggler, trailing the pack, feeding off of rotting carcasses, and sniffing their scat. I truly hope I’ve misunderstood your post, or that this is some elaborate plan by your mistress to torment you, or that this is what you actually want your life to be. Whatever the case may be, I wish you love and luck in your journey.

Your soul-brother/sister,
jamie/Tina

X

 

Jaime (Tina),

We are soul mates (you have said this to me before and I believe it to be true). You are misunderstanding our relationship. It is not sad and the possibility of us breaking up has long passed. All three of us are completely committed to one another. The problem for me is that I never thought it would be so intense moving from fantasy to reality. When it was just fantasy, after a few days or weeks of self-denial, I could just make myself cum. But, living alone and giving myself permission to cum was not fulfilling. Now I am living the reality of being (through chastity) a "eunuch" servant to an Alpha couple. I cannot believe we came together by accident. I have a strong sense of "spiritual destiny" that brought us together. All three of us are perfectly suited to one another.

Are all three of us equals? This is a great question! Rather than three equals though, I prefer to think of all three of us as "broken" toys. We have concluded that our past relationship tell us we cannot function in a "couple" relationship. All three of us need each other to make this relationship work. We've talked about it many times. What stops us from fulfilling our need for a full time "poly" relationship is simple logistics. He works nights and I work days. My weekend is Saturday and Sunday while his weekend is Monday and Tuesday. My wife is a pampered and spoiled (this is all my fault - lol) woman who does not work. He can make it over to our home two or three times a week while I am at work. They miss me when I am not home with them. Don't get me wrong, they still have sex, but, they both savor Sundays when I am home. That's the day I am a part of their lovemaking and it thrills the both of them to orgasmic highs they have never known before. If this were a perfect world, all three of us would be living together. We have vacationed together and the intensity of being together 24/7 is overwhelming.

So why did I spill out all the angst in my previous post? We all have to deal with the reality of our lives. I cannot stay in my fantasy world all day (much as I cling to every minute). I have to face life's challenges. I have to pay the bills. I have to go to work. When I am functioning in the real world I begin to let my selfish feelings creep in to my head. I start to think that I am the breadwinner in this family and I am entitled to sex. Real sex! But, when I do eventually come home, I show up with a three inch erection. My attitude instantly changes when I am near her and feelings of inadequacy overwhelm me. And she will spread her legs for me except instead of spreading her legs so I can fuck her, she spreads them so I can kneel and sniff her well fucked pussy. Then, later in the eveing, she will grant me the pleasure of worshiping and licking her ass.

Speaking of life... My Goddess woke up early and needs me (and a cup of coffee - lol). More later if you are interested.

marcus

 

X
Soul mate Ladysniffer,

I believe I understand now. You knew what you were getting into, and you wanted it, but you did not realize it would be so intense. This has been my experience also. I had been to professional dominatrices, and paid them to dominate, punish and humiliate me. To give me a vibrator job or force me to masturbate only after I had earned my pleasure by degrading myself. When the session was up, I would get dressed and go back to my normal life. That's how I expected it to be with my wife once she agreed to dominate me. I thought once a week she would tie me up, punish me, then allow me to cum inside her. I hoped that occasionally she would pick up a man and fuck him with me watching, either in bondage or in secret.

She realized, wisely, that domination was not domination if it was a game. It had to be as real and as total as she could make it, with real, serious consequences. She realized that picking up a man to fuck so that she could please me would leave everyone unsatisfied, her, the man, and me. She had to be absolutely free to fuck whoever, wherever and whenever she wanted, and I had to accept the consequences, no questions asked. Even if the man were my best friend, boss or whatever. And I had no idea there was going to be forced chastity until one minute after our cuckolding agreement went into effect, when she locked that first cage on me.

I thought I was going to play in the wading pool, but she threw me straight into deep sea free diving. At first I thought I'd made a horrible mistake, getting in way way over my head. I thought I was getting a screwing, and not a sexual one. For the most part I've learned that the life Mistress has created for me is just what I need, even though I would have never chosen it for myself. But there are, as you say, those days when the angst overflows, doubt rules the mind, and you think you're going to go crazy. As you suggested fantasy is one thing, you can control every aspect of your fantasies. But once you have surrendered to your Mistress control is all but non existent, and you can't suddenly ask for a time out, or a vacation.

I'm glad I was mistaken about your relationship. You're probably a luckier man than either of us realize!

X

 

Cagedslave,

From my life experiences with cuckolding and FemDomme, I have warned others away from the lifestyle because while the fantasy is great, the reality can be devastating. When your penis is locked away and your spouse chooses another man to fill the void, the consequences of your desires become all too real. Listening to your spouse scream to her lover during sex, "I love how your cock feels inside of me!" To hear her tell him after an entire weekend of sex, "You are amazing!" To then be alone with your completely fucked out wife who now has not the slightest thought about anything sexual. Meanwhile, you are literally crawling around with powerful lusty urges. It is sheer insanity. To go to work on Monday morning knowing that you have not had one sexual experience all weekend except for watching and listening to your wife and her lover have orgasm after orgasm while you are locked away, and no longer desired for sex, can drive you in to a submissive space of utter unworthiness as a sexual being.

Yes. It can get that intense. Remember, your wife can only have so much sex during any given week. The more she has with her lover, the less time or desire she will have sex with you. Think about how you feel after orgasm. Doesn't the need for sex lessen? Your cheating spouse will have the same feelings after her lover has given her numerous Os. Every relationship is different. Male chastity could be just a weekend thing. Or, you could be a cuckold husband with "sloppy" seconds. We all crawl down a different path with our Dominant wives.

marcus

 

Jamie (Tina),

Thank you for your reply and understanding. I have read through your posts and the posts of your beautiful Mistress. I too have hired dominatrixes (rather than prostitutes). One was while I was in Germany. She was a true sadist. I was not prepared. She pushed at least twenty long needles through my tiny testicles before I could take no more and ended the session. I am not a "pain" pig. I know my limits. I have read how you suffer and I cannot imagine myself in your position.

My own hell (and heaven) is happening to me now. The odds of my meeting my wife who is the perfect Goddess (and sadist) for me is astronomical. We should never have met and yet we did. Then, a couple of years later, for my wife to meet James who is the perfect vision of her ideal lover, is another impossibility. Then, for James to overcome homophobia and now greatly enjoys having me worship his cock and balls, astounds me.

Surely, this is destiny. None of it makes sense any other way. It is too perfect for the three of us to find one another.

If you don't mind, I am going to begin a new thread. I truly hope you and others will make comments so we can all learn from one another.

marcus