How do open up to my wife about my cage?

Do it gently. I wouldn't wear a cage when I first discussed the subject. She needs time to think about it. Good luck

 

Be gentle but honest. You need to tell her before she catches you with it on though and poisons any chance of a positive conversation about it. No better way to ruin a lifestyle based on trust then to sneak wearing a cage.

 

The next time the convo comes up, ask her what she thinks about putting you in chastity. If she likes the idea, then tell her you have a cage already ask if she'd like to see it. Having her hold it in her hand will be an important step in making her want to be your keyholder. If you can get that part down, then it's downhill from there.

 

I would agree with replies you have received to date and especially PornAddict103 reply.
I would have your cage wrapped as a present and if the Open and Honest Discussion proved positive I would present your cage as a gift to her. That way she can see it feel it play with it and finally fit you with it. I would by that point say that she will be hooked and you are locked.

 

The other way it goes is she handles the cage and freaks out. My wife was very vanilla had I said here's my cage lock me in, I'm convinced it would have went another direction Have a conversation speak openly, maybe give her option to help pick one out. Here's my cage lock me up likely to turn her off whole idea.

 

I was saying to only present her with the gift rapped cage if the chat was positive

 

You totally misread my suggestion...

 

As you both like her using her nails on you, it would seem she is open to kinks, so just sit down one evening with a few drinks and talk about it.

 

I would take this suggestion... Communication is key and it cannot start without an initial discussion.

 

Okay, I am also facing a similar issue but how do we communicate?

If I were to speak with her about Chastity, then how do you recommend I start. Also for her to make her see that Chasity has benefits she needs to first try it right? Any recommendations here.
What if both of us like to be submissive and no one wants to be dominant. What is the usual scenario, does female like to be dominant? Should I confess that I have been cheating via masturbation?

 

Ok, here's what I'd do... Wait for a conversation involving "kink" to come up and then slowly nudge it into the subject of chastity and T&D role play. If she sounds like she's interested then tell her you have some fantasies about being locked up just for her and ask her what she thinks of that. If that goes well, then discuss about the both of you would make it a possibility. If you're both submissive and don't really want to be dominant, then (this is risky but could be rewarding in the end) talk about maybe looking for a dominant keyholder for the both of you to submit to them. The only alternative I can think of is you can try to take turns in who is the keyholder and who is the chaste by swapping roles for each lockup session. You may have a better time exploring that option than finding a professional keyholder.

But you need to have that initial discussion to get the ball rolling... Point is you need to ease her into it and that's why I suggested you wait until a kink topic is brought up. You could bring it up yourself but be sure she's feeling horny and not in a sour mood or anything. Keep it positive always.

 

I have informed her once, we did give it a try for 6-7 hrs but then it died off. I was expecting that she would force me to get locked again but it didn’t go as planned, one of the major reasons may also be the toddler in our house, but not sure

 

Toddler in the house? Oh, yeah that brings a whole new factor into play... I don't have kids, so I can't be any help in that regard... But do keep talking to her about it and encourage her to try new things so you can find a way that works for both of you.

 

Is there some reading material or website which I can anonymously send to her inbox so that she knows the benefits and may try that again

 

Anonymously emailing her seems rather underhanded. The whole basis is communication and honesty. Talk with her. I'll never get all these borderline devious approaches to what should be an open honest conversation.

 

There's alot of stories of other people's experiences here in CM who discuss how chastity has improved their marriages and some have indeed mentioned they have kids and needed to make some adjustments to the lifestyle so it doesn't interfere with raising them. You just have to look through the forums and you'll find them.

 

My thinking was once she gets to know more about the benefits of chastity, I may introduce this to her

 

I think he has a point there... I would speak to her first and then use email only if you want her to see it for herself. You can reference what you find here in CM by simple convo but that's where I'd start.

 

Sure let me try this

 

I wouldn't wait for a conversation, I'd create one. I spent too much of my life "waiting", and wasted time.

Do y'alls wives enjoy kink? Do they know what it is, aside from assumptions they learned growing up? Often that it's a bad, taboo thing that inflicts pain through non-consensual activities that they have to adopt a persona and then have to do nasty things to you?

How open and communicative is your relationship when it comes to sex and her desires? Does she have issues with her own sexuality, desires and ability to ask for what she wants?

If you are comfortable talking about sexual desires (if only vanilla ones), maybe start with a simple conversation that you would like to try something new. Ask (maintain boundaries here so she feels safe and not cornered) if she would be willing to have a conversation. Tell her your fears and apprehensions in asking...maybe you're afraid she'll think you're weird, reject you, laugh at you, whatever. Be vulnerable and honest and ask her to hear you out and not to judge.

Make it real, and about the both of you...doesn't need the "Secret to a better marriage" website, stories off the web, etc. Just expression that you have a desire to share with her.

If you want to ease into it, maybe propose tease and denial games (if you're not already doing them), or orgasm control (for a day, days, a week, whatever you both are comfortable with). Something to let her feel into the idea, and give her time to explore it for herself, how she feels about it, and ask questions.

Explain why you like it ... "been dreaming about it since I was a kid, I like the feeling of belonging to you, I want more intimacy between us, games for us to play, the feeling of building up my sexual energy until I want to explode, etc".

Tell her how you want it to work...in an easy way, don't draw up contracts, just explain in simple terms, and a basic starter way, how you see it working. That's where tease and denial or orgasm control can be great places to start...a cage throws a whole new complexity into what may already be a wildly foreign and confusing dynamic. You want me to what? I thought guys want to orgasm. You want me to be in control? Why, how, when...what? What if I do it wrong? What am I supposed to do again?

She will likely need time (maybe hours, days, week(s)) to think about it. Be available to answer questions, don't nag about it, but agree on a time when you will follow up.

Ask her what she needs to provide to you in order to give it a try. "What do you need in order to provide this to me?" She may have more questions, re-assurance she doesn't need to become someone she isn't. She might want a desire fulfilled in return, it's all part of the discussion.

But keep it real, respective of who she is and her boundaries. Especially if she's very vanilla there are likely a lot of assumptions and voices in her head saying it's not normal. Maybe talk about what kinks mean to her, and to you. Explain she doesn't need to change who she is, or do something that doesn't make her feel comfortable.

If you go down the "benefits" path, you have to sell her on the idea and what's in it for her. Then you have to live up to those benefits because if she doesn't see them, she'll get frustrated and feel deceived. And it's quite likely she won't see those benefits until you both get to the point where you can comfortably fall in to a dynamic that works for both of you. You want her to take control, and anything less than the control you desire will feel like not enough and you may feel resentful that she's "not doing it right" and not deliver the "benefits". Likewise if she assumes these benefits will just show up without her finding her voice and truly taking control.

"Not doing it right" - I have learned that for myself, this does exist. And it is simply this - finding a way for her to fulfill my desire that is done in a way that is genuine for her.

If you go down the path of "cure masturbation" - Masturbation (and porn) isn't the issue. Masturbation is the shadow aspect of your actual desire - to let your kinky freak come out and be seen and played with. Going down this path can lead to resentment for her, shame for you, arguments, etc, etc. Yes, talk about masturbation, porn use, etc, create a venue for that, but making that the focus for trying chastity makes that the focus. That said, addressing this shadow can bring all the real issues out in the light, and chastity can be a fantastic way to create a new, more open dynamic.

This is all assuming super vanilla future keyholders here...ymmv for your given situation.

On dominance and submission - these don't have to be about Power dynamics. Take the BDSM aspect out of it to start (let that grow naturally). Explain it in terms of submissive is the one who is receiving the attention (your attention is focused inward to receive what she is providing through doing chastity with you). Dominance (in her case) is putting her attention on you...she is being the keyholder (and whatever dynamics grow with that).

And this can shift back and forth...almost constantly and in real time. Sometimes you are receiving the attention (she gives you a look when you did something wrong and you know that you're not getting any play time tonight...that's still fun and kinky, right...and what you asked for. She's playing her role in the dynamic). But the next moment you're putting all of your attention on her to put her focus back on herself and her pleasure (back rub, conversation, sex, whatever she wants in the moment". You're dancing in dominance and submission between you all the time, think of it in a new way.

 

If you paid attention you’d note that I clearly said he could start the convo himself under the right conditions and not wait for her to bring it up.

 

OK. Between

"Wait for a conversation involving "kink" to come up and then slowly nudge it into the subject of chastity and T&D role play."

and

"But you need to have that initial discussion to get the ball rolling... Point is you need to ease her into it and that's why I suggested you wait until a kink topic is brought up. You could bring it up yourself but be sure she's feeling horny and not in a sour mood or anything. Keep it positive always."

I must have missed the emphasis on "start the convo himself and not wait" part...cool we're suggesting the same thing.

Cheers!

 

Difficult questions are asked, good advises are given.
I will try to put my two cents here.

1. Communication is king, but sometimes not as easy as strangers might recomment.
2. Make your list, what is in it for you and her? Focussing on your locked penis, that is not chastity. Trying to be a better partner, that could be an issue.
3. Don't suprise her with a cage.
4. Serve her, obey her, be usefull to her, domestically and sexually.
5. If you masturbate and that affects your service level, tell her.
6. If suitable, try to ask about kink thoughts. Tell her that she does not have to feel guilty and that there is something you want to talk about.
7. Tell her that you wish her participation to guide your sexually motivated energy and actions.
8. From that point onwards, just be honest.