Hi! For the second time of our lives, my wife and I have started engaging in our chastity journey. The first time around, we only did it for a few weeks, probably because I wasn't "ready". During those initial 2 weeks of our first attempt, I got to cum, probably 2-3 times, but on the 3rd time I came, it was hard for me to get back into the cage and embrace my chastity kink, so we gave up on it. Now we're trying to get back into it and I feel like I'm way more "ready" for it this time. We both love it so far. Obviously, I'm looking forward to my first release, but I'm also scared it might be hard for me to put myself back into the chastity mindset after my first orgasm. How do you make sure you, or your caged partner, gets back into the mindset and doesn't back out of the kink afterwards?
You should not even be thinking of a release. You should be thinking of satisfying your Key Holder and making Her happy. Chastity should be treated more as a lifestyle and needs to be lived long term. You will get a lot more from your chastity journey if it becomes no longer a "kink".
When hubby and I first started with chastity, it was a "once in a while" thing. I'd lock him up, tease him for a while, then when I finally let him have his orgasm, we were done with the game. The cage would go back in the drawer and we'd return to our normal routine. Switching to full time chastity was a big leap. I was on the fence about it myself, but hubby wanted to try. Like you, he didn't really want to go back in the cage after an orgasm, and even once I locked him up he wasn't really in the right mindset. For us, two things have helped: 1) I lock him back in the cage right away. Not a few hours later or the next morning, but immediately afterwards. I'm firm about it. Not a request or suggestion, but a demand. I think the attitude might be just as important as the lock. Hubby is at his least submissive immediately after an orgasm, and the sooner I reassert my dominance, the better. 2) Fewer orgasms. It seems like the longer I make hubby wait, the quicker he adjusts afterwards. A week or two wasn't long enough. A month worked pretty well for us, and several months is even better. You'll have to find the schedule that works best for you, but I think it comes down to making it so long that a single orgasm "isn't enough".
Congratulations. Some good advice has already been shared. My wife and I stumbled on some good first choices (IMHO). When I went 24/7 our first sexual encounter was focused exclusively on Her. The next evening, it was only about a 3 day first lockup, she released me for a hand job. Almost immediately after she got close to me, looked me directly in the eye and gently told me to put the cage back on. I'm summary, I think the 3 things we did right: 1) stay locked during the first sexual encounter 2) Hand jobs kept the things to a simmer 3) Her, in a loving way, not giving me an option Ultimately, you have to be comfortable giving up control over your body, and she has to assume that control. It isn't a instant thing, and can be difficult. I struggle with it still. But it is worth it if you are both bought in.
You need to develop your D/s relationship a bit more so it's always there even when you're not horny. That means coming up with rituals and procedures that remind you both of who you are within the relationship. It can be something simple like wearing or not wearing an item of clothing/jewellery in certain settings or wearing your chastity device, repeating a mantra, bringing things for your partner, your partner acknowledging these gestures and encouraging you to submit, kneeling, collar use, speech conventions/restrictions like titles, rules, all that sort of thing. Chastity is a powerful tool within your relationship but making your relationship more D/s ensures you both stay in your roles and feel comfortable in them which will include your acceptance of terms like chastity. Don't base your whole relationship around chastity is what I'm saying, focus on letting your partner take the lead and making an effort to submit whenever you can. When you do that you will have something more powerful than an orgasm or simply being horny and you will remain interested in getting back into your device because doing so is an expression of your submission to your partner which in my humble opinion is the real goal/pleasure that is to be had.
My wife basically just retracts my liberty of free will. She just tells me to do it, usually accompanied with a critique of my behaviour. e.g. “No, you’re not staying out all night. You’ll masturbate, and we know what a wreck you were last time…”
I have told my wife I consider it a privilege to be locked and she will keep me locked if I can constantly pleasure her and be more dutiful. She is prepared to wait. I really do prefer to be locked 24/7.
The few orgasms I’ve had from penile stimulation over the past while, I’m immediately commanded to put my cage back on. I do if without any hesitation. I definitely don’t want them to stop however few and far in between they are.
This is all fantastic advice. I'm going to highlight a few of the more indepth ones, but thank you so much to all of you! That's amazing - I think that's the road I'm attempting to "head" to, but at the same time, I think, we're doing so in a gentle and slow way. But I truly am starting to get pleasure just doing chores at home that she would normally do, while I still do the same chores I usually did pre-chastity. I haven't been in chastity for a long time yet, but experimenting with it as a lifestyle is our goal right now, but at the same time, we both don't know how we feel about it e.g. after a month. But I guess we'll see, so far it's one hell of an awesome journey, where the upsides definitely weigh up for the downsides - at least so far. Your first experience with chastity is pretty similar to how we did it the first time we attempted it, several years ago. Your advice is really helpful, your first point is one I've seen repeated many times, so this will definitely be something we will be doing. When I finally do get out of the cage for any kind of sexual play, whether I cum or not, we'll be sure to lock me back in the cage. Point two makes a lot of sense when I think about it. I've always found the fantasy of my wife being completely in charge of her own sexual pleasure extremely hot and now I think I'm starting to also truly enjoy "the real thing" - so I'm not for a second in doubt that, at least when we've played for a while, there will be a long period between my orgasms. This is a really interesting perspective and one that I find really appealing. However, at the moment, I think my wife needs just a little time to get into the role of actually being a true keyholder, taking what she wants and not caring about my sexual pleasure, before I can introduce her to a more "FLR" kind of relationship. Once again, really good advice - I truly appreciate it!
These things work for us too, not so much the “several months” part (for now), but even just one full orgasm a month works well for me. It leaves me feeling like I still need more, so once I’m back locked right away, I’m still in a submissive state and eager to please my Wife and craving more attention. We also try to use piv only for her orgasms, my ruins and full orgasm are granted almost always by handjob. While still satisfying, I found they cause much less sub drop than when I am allowed to cum from piv. Your results may vary of course. When we started using the cage a few years ago, we tried many different methods for release, lengths of lockups, then a week or two of freedom, etc to see what benefits there were for both of us. Now in the fourth year, it’s a ruin or two and one full orgasm per month at most. And other than that, locked all the time, piv only a few times a month and oral for my Wife every day. She’s decided to push my lockups longer now, restricting erections longer, and possibly going longer without any orgasms. But she keeps it fun and interesting, so I’m having fun no matter what. Keep trying different things and talking about it, you’ll get to where you both want to be. And once your Wife enjoys your being locked, and enforces it, Good Luck!
Nogasms is the best way. Ruined and milking good. I personally dont get back into chastity cage myself now. I prefer not to be locked by my own. It needs to be her who does it. Who brings me onto my knees. This works everytime. Let me knee for her.
This is perhaps the most important piece of advice (thus far) in this entire thread. Chastity needs to be seen as your new lifestyle, not something "you're into" in terms of play and whatnot.