Need some help! Any advice, I cant lose my Wife

Hello everyone,
As of right now I am in a D/s relationship which involves denial, cuckolding, and chastity. My wife and I started of our relationship 2 and a half years ago. From the beginning I told her of my fantasies and she has indulged me in many of them, we had good sex, at least I had thought it was great, perhaps she didn't enjoy it like I always thought. Anyways, we where not serious in any kind of way with a D/s relationship, but I have reiterated it with that her over and over that I wanted a cuckold relationship. She has been okay with this from day one as she has been in a poly relationship with her ex. We started becoming mundane in our relationship about a year ago. I started smoking pot, which made me lazy I didn't function, and honestly wasn't a very good father or husband (we have 6 kids together none of them we have had together). I masturbated probably every day multiple times a day through out our relationship. It gradually became to a point where I would hardly get hard for her anymore. She ultimately became disinterested in my sexually. She had a few flings that were not serious at all, she had sex once with 2 different guys at different times. She even sent me videos with one. All while I fantasized about it, watched porn, jacked off and we didn't hardly ever have sex. I prepped her through our whole relationship to cuckold, deny, and chastise me. To make me here submissive, because I feel like I needed it. About a month ago, she decided to hook up with another man. She was really interested in this guy. This thanksgiving was the last time I have had sex with her and I did not get hard at all. In fact I didn't even cum, because she got upset with me and we gave up. She then told me I was wearing my custom chastity from now on. A week after that she had this new guy come to our house and introduced him to me. I knew about him, but I didn't really like him at first. I pretended like it was okay, they sat on the couch and where putting there legs and hands on each other. I played Nintendo with the kids. It defiantly bothered me, but finally I decided to tell them they can get privacy our bedroom. They did their thing and he ended up leaving. I was okay at this point because I figured it was onetime and done. Boy was I wrong. She became hooked on this man. At this point I was happy but sad, I told her lets make it real and we decided on a contract, I would stay in chastity and she would cuckold me and become my Dominant. It was made so I couldn't have sex with her but once a month. Since we probably had less sex then that before anyways. Now they are boyfriend and girlfriend and I have been denied by her endlessly. 2 week of chastitly I was losing my mind, I became extremely needy, she was spending more a more time with him. While I stayed home and watched the kids. She's become more Dominant before my eyes that I can hardly believe it. Now with out ejaculating I have been more submissive then ever. But I feel like an annoying teenage girl begging for attention. She's become cold and not wanting to give me attention. My jealousy spiked so bad, I told her I couldn't handle it that I wanted it to end. She told me no that it wasn't going to end. I told her it was him or me. She told me she chooses her happiness. Don't get me wrong she loves me, but she's saying that she's not giving up on getting her needs met. I realized I had no power, and the power exchange became complete, which turned me on immensely, now I crave her. She's gotten mad at me over and over again because I'm letting jealousy get in the way. She tells me she loves me and will not divorce me, but she cant handle me being jealous all the time. She wants to have both of us. She only wants to give me sex once a month, and with a CONDOM. Her new man does not have to use a condom. This was a huge turn on but at the same time I understand the dangers and it sucks really bad. I can hardly handle being locked up anymore. I have not been able to watch them have sex. Only hear them. I guess I never realized how Dominant she could be. I'm almost in shock. She rarely gives me attention and I am basically still having to function. I feel like its horribly punishing. I cant help but feel like I deserve it all but at the same time am still scared she will leave me.
Sorry for that long intro, now that you know some background. I am hoping to see if anyone has advice for me. I am at a loss, I feel like this is literally what I wanted, but I am finding it to hard to handle. I have cheated my chastity 3 times in the course of 3 weeks of chastity. I am trying really hard not too. We have fought a few times because of my neediness. She has utterly shut me down every time. If i even consider trying to complain she dismisses me. I feel like shit during this time, Even though its incredibly arousing's that she's so mentally Dominant now. She's not horribly into any other kink but I think she has learned that she gets off in completely denying me. I am almost afraid of her because I feel if I push back to hard I will lose her. She knows I will never be able to divorce her, I don't have it in me at all.
I now just want to be a good sub and give her what she wants, I love making her happy. Its just my anxiety from not Cumming as much and being so horny, and her renewed coldness that I have never seen before. She's overwhelmingly happy to hear from him over text or anything but when I text her she borderline ignores me. I have even been locked out of porn. I cheated once after we had fought by pulling out the back of chastity, then I did again 3 days later, and then three days later again I used her vibrator to get me off.
I have had a horrible porn addiction and masturbation addiction my whole life. So I also cant help but think this is all good for me. I need help with how I should be dealing with all this? I don't want to lose her. I will love to be her submissive 24/7, even financially, its all so fresh for me. I just know now there's no going back. So if anyone has advice on how to move forward to make our relationship better. Please I'm begging for help. I love her so much.

 

I have quit smoking pot. That part is over. I am actively trying to stop the porn even with a porn blocker on my phone. I do have a few videos of my wife tho which I kinda feel is fair game. The cuckolding makes it hard, but it is making me much more into craving my wife. The pulling out is rather difficult too. Its just the jealously part. Perhaps I need medical help with the anxiety because it can get pretty sever. Then I wonder how much of the not masturbating has to do with my anxiety as well as the cuckolding.

 

Do you really think I should I should just give in? I do feel like if I maintained a good sub status, that she would learn to appreciate me more as we haven't been like this for but about a month. I am certainly not used to it at all yet. Do I grow, allow her to continue just to dominate me mentally, suffer. Will it get better before it gets worse if I submit? Her coldness now feels more like resentment then anything to me. I just want to learn how to make her happy. Maybe it will get better.

 

I just cant leave her. All in all it turns me on a lot on how I've been treated, sometimes I feel I deserve it. I guess I just how it gets better if I continue to submit. I really do Love her, probably now more then ever. It is quite complex. I think my real issue is that since she's been with this new guy, and she really likes him. Being domineering towards me has become natural for her. I know in a D/s relationship your suppose to at least have a say, but the Domineering aspect is actually a turn on? IDK its so hard to understand my feelings.

 

Its hard to say, because to be honest I was pretty terrible for a long time when I choose to smoke pot for so long. I didnt treat her with much respect. I feel like there's a ton of resentment, I just hope it gets better.

 

Porn is defiantly an issue for me. I don't know if that has been my issue with anxiety, and social issues. I certainly lack confidence. The cuckolding part of things is mostly because she enjoys the poly relationship, it fits her need and he satisfies her in bed. Her sexual needs are being met. Do you perhaps think that I could just use this as a tool to be a better person? I seriously do not want to leave her. She will not get rid of her current lover. She has told me, but she also told me she would not leave me. She's just fed up with my constant neediness.

 

I understand what you mean, its hard to tell if she loves me or not. She tells me she wants our family and wants both me and her lover. I at times think I just turn into a big baby and complain about things which pisses her off. I dont know how to not be needy, because my sexual needs have never not been met. I was always aloud to jack off and I would move on then I borderline probably treated her not so well. I wont divorce my wife. She will divorce me before anything. I am far to loyal and I love her far to much. The advice I need is how do I get through these stages of prolonged chastity, with her cuckolding me and me not getting any sexual attention, I need to know how to get through it, so maybe she will see me in a different light.

 

Its consensual I assure you. Its hard to understand but through the last few days things have gotten better. The kids are not being harmed, they understand that their mom and I are married. They also understand she has a boyfriend, and honestly don't seem to care. The thing is her relationship with the new guy is not a bad one. He is actually a pretty decent guy. I assure you again that this is all true, but I've been going on a bit of a mood swing lately. So when I originally wrote about everything there perhaps was bias. We have finally talked, I have to establish my masturbation and porn addiction. This has been the root of my problem with the anxiety and depression. We as a whole have a hard time affording therapy. So venting on here or we also talked about journaling, I think would help me. Even though the cuckolding might seem like it would negatively effect our relationship, I don't think at this point that was ever the problem. Im not typically a jealous person. She has cuckolded me before with no negative effects. Its the fact that now I am in chastity and actually been really trying to sustain from masturbating. When I cheated chastity I had doubts, shame, and anxiety. That is what has negativity impacting our relationship. I do want everyone to know that I have quit smoking pot. That has been extremely easy. Sustaining from masturbating's is extremely hard. I am 30 years old and haven't not masturbated since I was 12 or even younger. I can respect that my wife does not want to let go of a relationship that she has become intimate in. I apologize if I gave wrong impressions of my wife especially. She is a good person really, but I needed a hard lesson from her. She was being distant for a reason, and I needed to allow her space. However, just being on here and venting my issues seems to be helping me feel less insecure. I appreciate everyone's input, I really do!