It starts with the prospective single sub browsing the internet, looking at naughty things ... 1. Hey, there's this thing called male chastity. That looks pretty hot. I wonder what that feels like? 2. So I've bought a device and I like it. Shame there's no-one to share my experience with. 3. Oh wow! There are people on-line that will hold a key for me, and indulge in my fantasies, and they like doing this too. It's a win-win. 4. OMG. There is the most amazing person wanting to lock men up remotely. She is gorgeous, playful, intelligent. She would rather dress as Princess Leia than Princess Leather. And she keeps a global collection of locked subs and slaves. I'm not into receiving pain and she's not into giving pain. And this is all done anonymously. This sounds perfect. 5. Okay, so this is harder than it seems. It's not about me and my fantasy, it's about serving her (and if I get something out of it for my own fetish that's not something she wants to know about). And she mentions serving her non-sexually. How can chastity be non-sexual, even remotely? Isn't it about teasing me about my locked status for her kinks? 6. No, I can live with this. It's her way or no way. Actually it sounds really interesting to give myself up to another and be in their control. Sure it's a bit of a fantasy but nothing ventured, nothing gained. I hope I am worthy of being added to her collection. I will probably muck this up but hopefully she will see past my weaknesses. I am going to ensure I've read EVERYTHING she has posted and send a wishlist gift to show I'm serious. 7. The pink lock has arrived in a shiny pink envelope. And it's scented with her perfume. This is so fantastic. I've defied the odds given all the wannabe subs that approach The One True Goddess. Oh how I love her (n.b. this changes below but in a positive direction). 8. Okay. So she's not mentioning anything about a period of 'lock-up'. Bit odd. Maybe that comes in time. I better not ask. 9. Phew! This 24/7 chastity lark is going to take some adjusting. I'm getting so turned on and there's nothing I can do about it. I even have a emergency key in a sealed envelope but I'm determined having earned her trust to send me a lock that I'm going to spoil that now - then I would be just like the others - all empty words and false promises. I better divert my energies into more productive ways serving my Mistress. (then there's step 10a where I imagine most people fall down or 10b where the true path is taken) 10a. Nah! I can't live with this. I'm too addicted to masturbating (or I've been stupid and not tested out a device I can wear comfortably). I'll go back to my own little world of occasional self chastity for now. I hope she won't be too angry with me for failing. 10b. So this is what being a real sub to The One True Goddess means. This is what 'Ikneelbeforeher' talks about. I really have given up my "manhood", not because that in itself pleases her, but because I am submitting completely and only want to put her first. It's not locked to become a subject for discussion, it's locked to be well and truly out the way. 11. (Some weeks later) Hmm. I'm not feeling so turned on anymore. I don't really want to watch porn. Am I even missing self-abuse? Not as much as I thought. But I still adore and admire The One True Goddess, in fact the feelings grow stronger every day, I just don't need to feel sexual about it. Is this her power? I love her not just for locking me - but more for allowing me to be influenced by her power. I so want her to be pleased I'm in her collection. I just want her to be happy, because if she is then I am. She really is a Goddess.
Nice list. Having seen this process from the inside by helping my then mistress administer the endless stream of messages from prospective and locked subs, step 10a eliminates about 98% of them Between steps 9 and 10a there's a few more could be inserted. The primary one being - I've enjoyed these couple of days of tease and denial and all the attention she's given me, so why won't she let me orgasm when I tell her I need to ? This isn't fun now, she's laughing at me and won't do what I tell her. This is a poor excuse for a mistress so I'm going to take it off and cum to spite her. F**k her, I'll go find someone else who'll let me cum when I tell her I want to. Cynical ? Moi ? xx
I was also going to say that most men will give up as soon as chastity does not go exactly as they want it to go. They will also give up as soon as the novelty and excitement wears off and the reality of going with no orgasm for someone they do not love wears off. I do not buy that many men worship women to the point of giving up orgasms long term. I am a sexual submissive but that does not mean I think that women are superior. From what I read from other online key holders, most guys give up unless they can top from the bottom. I have seen this in 47 years of practicing many forms of BDSM with several Mistresses. I tried an online Mistress in my early 20's and without an emotional bond it was unfulfilling even before I found out the Mistress was a guy messing around with men for a few years. There are always exceptions but I still believe and have read from Mistresses online, that most guys will quit as soon as the novelty wears off or things do not go as they fantasize. Then there is really no great way to know what the sub is doing. I can masturbate even when locked up and can tell an online Mistress what she wants to hear. Just does not work for most men as far as I can see and have heard but that is based on my personal experience and no one else's so who knows?
I believe that a lot of problems and false expectations are formed from people reading online chastity forums, like this.