Zero to 60 overnight

Day 89

Nothing happening because I've been ill with a nasty virus for the last 10 days. D has been makiing comments for days about how much she's missed me. Our roles have completely reversed as she's trying to find ways to serve me. My only way to serve her has been to move out of the bedroom so I don't disturb her sleep since she's taken on a lot the past 2 weeks and so I don't further expose her to my germs.

Tomorrow, we'll hit the 90 day goal of chaste and denied, but I suspect it will pass verbally unrecognized since it will be a few days before I can fully recover from this bug. First thing will be to move back into the bedroom.

 

Day 91

Our objective of a 90 day Initial Lockup Period quietly came and went yesterday.

Slept in bed with D last night though she/we kept the physical contact to some limited toe touching. I was hoping she'd spoon & tease me this morning but she was up & out of bed before I realized it.

She questioned me as we sat and had coffee about how I'm feeling and I told her I only have some residual drainage, a bit of a cough, and a slight headache from the sinus infection. She asked me when we could resume cuddling and I told her I feel 110%! LOL

Then she asked me how long it's been since she doesn't keep track. When I told her 91 days, I topped from the bottom and told her I didn't want to break that streak too soon until I was 100%, we had found our rhythm again and I was back on the razor's edge. She informed me it wouldn't be soon!

 

Day 0

I wasn't sure if that should be Day zero or Day "O". D decided that I am well enough to resume intimate relations. When we woke this morning, D immediately started to cuddle and tease me. Having had nothing for 2 weeks, my body responded a little more slowly than normal. But she soon had me at a heightened state of arousal. I told her this really felt good and her reply was "Shhhh". When I began to squirm she stopped and asked me if it was time to take the cage off and give me that orgasm I've been waiting so long for. I swallowed my tongue because I was hoping to wait a couple more days until I am back on the razor's edge. But I said "Sure". She told me to take it off but I reminded her that she had to get me the key out of the lock box in her drawer beside the bed.

Part way thru, she asked for the lube and whether or not we needed a towel. I said I have some tissues on my end table and she said we might not need them if she decided to lock me back up. Really???

Wheeeee!!!! She took her time slowly building me up. (Where did she learn to do this????) When I finally came, it was very, very pleasurable.... not as much as the 3 previous full orgasms back in April & May. She jumped out of bed to clean her hand off and when she returned she declined to let me pleasure her. She wanted to know how it felt. I told her and she said "maybe we needed to wait and allow you to build up to it". I told her I was very happy!

7 hours later, I'm feeling very motivated and anxious to please her in any way I can. Hopefully, I won't feel the Drop this time after such a long period of abstinence.

Tonight I hope we can talk about what happens next over dinner. She already knows to watch my behavior. And we already have a daily check-in to discuss things including any urges & temptations I might be feeling. I want to reaffirm that she is in control of my body and sexuality and that I want to remain denied as long as necessary to maintain devotion to her. From there I can only share with her the self-reported data from this and other forums that suggest that many men don't experience a drop if they've been denied for 2+ weeks but that there are some that report a drop regardless of the duration. I'm sure she'll begin to figure it out. I'm just happy that she enjoys playing with her toy and making me pop.

 

Day 2 - Under the microscope

I had been feeling very good the last couple of days until late in the afternoon yesterday. It was my first long day of work / activity in two weeks since getting sick. I started to feel tired, still had a couple of hours of work, and was in a rush.

About 4 pm, I fired off a quick text to one of my daughters & wife to see if they and my SIL would like to go to a local winery, get some take out, and enjoy the evening sipping wine together this Friday.

I was expecting a response of either "Sure that would be great!" or "We can't because we have another commitment". Instead, I got a reply "Are they open on Friday?" I responded "Yes of course". The next reply was "They haven't always been open on Fridays. Better find out for sure." I had checked their website for hours of operation so I knew in advance. With these two replies, I was feeling rejected (Did they really want to go?) and a bit like they thought I hadn't carefully thought thru this. My reply was "I wouldn't have asked if I hadn't checked." WRONG RESPONSE!

When I got home from work, my wife asked if I had been snippy in my reply. I admitted that I was. She said she and my daughter had both thought that. I managed a weak I'm sorry but began to try to explain how I felt. She wasn't having any of that. That coupled with the fact I hadn't texted anything thoughtful to her all day had her immediately accusing me of slipping back into my full pre-chastity mode. I was aghast! How could such a little slip change the dynamic so quickly.

We watched some TV without the now usual cuddling and then headed to bed. I apologized fully for my snippy replies and asked if there were other bad behaviors she had been noticing that led up to this. She said No but that she was so worried about the Drop that she is hyper focused.

I guess I let my pride get in the way! Dumb! No woman cares for that, especially one that is holding the key!

Incidentally, she exercised dominance in how the rest of the night went, what we would watch on TV and when we would go to bed. She didn't even ask me to get the coffee ready for in the morning... there was a silent understanding that I would be taking care of it.

 

The outcome of all of that was vulnerability on my part, admission of fault, an admission of a lie on my part, and a long conversation that led to greater connectedness & emotional intimacy.

This opened the doors to talk further of one of the benefits of chastity that we hadn't considered before. Erection control. I mentioned that this might be a consideration for making this a long-term practice. I told her I found it arousing & sexy that I couldn't have an erection except as a direct result of intimacy with her. I asked if she felt the same. She clearly agreed. One of her complaints about chastity has been that it limits her access to my littleguy! This is a stunning admission because he has never been an object of her affection before now. I suggested we place the key on my nightstand in the evening so that when we woke up for our now regularly scheduled cuddle time in the morning, I could remove my Guardian and not have it in the way. She liked that idea and quickly added "and you'll put it back on immediately afterwards". There hasn't been an option for "cuddle time" the last two days because life gets in the way sometimes, but I'm hoping she won't forget this when we get back into our routine.

I seriously don't feel like I encountered the dreaded Drop... physical fatigue after a long day of work after and extended illness proved to be my downfall, otherwise, I've been back on the edge.

 

Day 6

Earlier this week, we talked about how long we'll go between O's for me. I suggested a 2 week minimum based on other advice / threads I had read and that it would take some trial & error to find the right rhythm. She said she really wasn't going to be able to or want to keep track of how long it had been since the last time. I told her I think she'll know if it's been too soon based on my behavior and all she has to do is ask because I will always know how long it's been. She again repeated that she likes denying me because she doesn't have to deal with the mess afterwards.

I mentioned previously that prior to starting my journey and full time chastity that I had found that I could get myself aroused via nipple play. After reading a lot about nipple stimulation, I began to experiment. Thru a process of trial and error, I came up with a formula (nipple suction cups a few times a week + rubber tipped, coarse sand covered clothespins once a week) that made my nipples very sensative for nipple stimulation. Because this proved so successful, I wanted to resurrect my sex life with my wife. But when faced with being away from her for 3 weeks, I turned to a chastity cage in an attempt to save myself for my wife.

So, fast forward to 3 weeks ago. When I got sick and was out of commission for 2 weeks, I stopped giving my nipples a workout. I really noticed a difference this past week when my wife went to tease me. So I went back to using the cups & clothespins. This morning, D teased me and I was moaning in no time. My reaction only increased the level of her activity to the point I was soon a quivering lump of jello. I came so close to begging her to release me (a NO-NO in our agreement). As she headed to get a cup of coffee afterwards, I said I think I got my nipples back in shape after neglecting them for two weeks. She said sarcastically "Oh, that's good to know!" But when she came back in from getting her coffee she remarked "But that's a good thing because it makes my job much easier!"

D hasn't mentioned releasing me in the morning for cuddle time yet. After our teasing session this morning, I told her that it had been really intense. She asked if that was in a good way or a bad way? I said "YES"!!!!! I said we had talked about releasing my littleguy for cuddle time and she finished my thought by saying "but that might have been a mistake". ("NOOOOOOO! PLEASE!!!) Our monthly chastity check-in is coming up in the next couple of days so I'll have an opportunity to plead for a trial period if I promise to be on my best behavior.

Yesterday, D went to a monthly breakfast / bible study group of ladies that she has been good friends with for many years. Each of these ladies have been in long-term monogamous marriages. At one point, the ladies started talking about how their husbands will never do anything they ask them to unless it's beneficial to him as well. My wife told me she just remained silent because our relationship has changed so dramatically and she didn't want to brag and make the other women feel bad. While I feel like I'm bragging in sharing this, it makes it all worthwhile to know that my wife sees, feels and recognizes the difference this lifestyle has made.

My daughters are starting to notice the difference, mostly because of comments and observations I've made over the last several months. One of my daughters commented to my wife that I have a tendency to go thru phases and get all excited about something and become laser focused on whatever that thing might be before tiring of it and moving on to something else. This certainly has been true but I don't really think I'm all that different than others. But my wife and I both recognize that this is a lifestyle change and that neither of us wants to go back to the way things were. While certainly my focus won't be as intense a year or two from now, I expect our lifestyle to remain the same unless life throws a curveball at us and one of us starts to experience serious health issues. I think chastity is here to stay for us.

 

Unfortunately, there is not any good neuroscientific research to understand what happens with most men. I am relying on a lot of anecdotal data. From what I can gather, it can vary widely from man to man but there seems to be some consistency for at least a 2 week denial. Here's one thread from another site that focuses on this question: https://chastityforums.com/viewtopic.php?f=2&t=64809

 

I've read that purported research about the relationship between dopamine / oxytocin and prolactin.... I have read additional research from within the last 5-7 years that now that seems to contradict the prior research findings, unfortunately I don't have any of it bookmarked.

Unfortunately, there is no research money to study what happens after an orgasm. Most research stops within minutes of an orgasm, not hours & days later.

Another aspect that has never been studied or included in the limited research reports that exist is the affects of tease / arousal & denial after an orgasm. Most researchers assume that all sexual encounters will end in orgasm. It is clear that teasing / arousal produces a surge of dopamine and that non-sexual physical intimacy such as cuddling, kissing, massages, etc produces a release of oxytocin. I suspect that this affects what happens after orgasm for me because we don't take a break from these activities. My biggest challenge is that orgasm makes me very horny & heightens my desire for more gratification; it's this feeling that makes it difficult for me to maintain a self-less focus on my wife & others.

 

If I tried to share with D all of the research and anecdotal data around this topic, it would just start to make her head spin and she'd become quickly disinterested. We've both come to believe that a longer period of denial is best for both of us for a variety of reasons despite my intense longing at the end of a teasing session.

Does your wife say verbally "your better in chastity" or anything like that? I don't think D is willing to verbalize that exactly, but her actions and other comments seem to confirm that.

Unlike you, I'm blessed / cursed that my wife loves to tease me. Nothing gets her more aroused than making me moan & twitch. I'm convinced there are mornings she isn't interested in an orgasm for herself, but by the time she finishes teasiing me, there is nothing left to hold her back.

 

Day 8

I was sharing with D an email about chastity & our relationship that I had written to a friend to make sure she was in agreement with what I had said. She affirmed that we had already discussed everything and she was in sync with the exception of one thing. I mentioned that we had discussed that my next denial period should start at a minimum of 2 weeks as we try to find the right rhythm that keeps me from the dreaded Drop. The conversation went something like this:

D: When did we agree to two weeks?
Me: I know we talked about it after we finished my 90 day lockup. It's only been a week.
D: A week? How do you remember that?
Me: Oh, that's something that isn't hard to remember since it comes along so rarely.
D: 2 weeks? That nothing for us. We can go much longer!
Me: (CHOKE / GULP / COUGH)

 

I've read summaries of Dopamine Nation but now I'm going to need to get the full book.

 

Day 11

Has it really only been 3 days since my last update??? The calendar is crawling again.

We had our monthly chastity check-in last night. She put me in my place...

1. She told me I've been talking about chastity too much!!! I'm not supposed to bring it up in conversation but I guess I have indirectly.... A LOT!!! I had to apologize repeatedly. Talk about feeling pathetic @Proud to be chaste .
2. I asked if she's tired of chastity and wants to just unlock me. She said "No, you're not ready for that". I didn't ask her to elaborate because I had two more questions that I thought would reveal her thinking a little.
3. I asked if I could be released for cuddle time in the morning. She said something like "Maybe" or "We'll see" I asked for clarification. I got the sense that a) she doesn't wanted to be bothered every day, b) she's happy the way things are, and c) she's not confident I can control myself and not have an accident. What she did say was "I'll decide when we release you".
4. I asked if I could order a replacement cage in a different color. The one I have is pink and she said originally that she didn't care for the color. It sounded like the color is a little distasteful to her. I suggested a clear version of the Vice Mini. It has proven to be very secure; it fits like a glove, it has never slipped off and it caused much pain and bleeding when I tested it to see if I could pullout.

My conclusions:

1. I think she really wants to be in control and isn't about to relinguish it.
2. She's not feeling guilty anymore about denying me orgasms and it's extending to denying me erections. (WHIMPER).
3. She still sees room for me to improve my behavior. I'm still in training!
4. This could go on indefinitely. She didn't hesitate to let me order a new cage. She's not expecting the money to go to waste.
5. This is NOT A GAME! I repeat, NOT A GAME!

So that was last night's discussion over dinner. Today is our wedding anniversary! I was really curious what would happen during morning cuddle time. She teased me until i was a dripping mess and then allowed me to please her manually and orally. It was obviously very pleasurable for her but it took quite awhile to bring her to orgasm but when she did, she shook and I heard her whisper "fireworks". She later said "I wasn't going to be denied on our anniversary." She was denied for sooo many years before we found chastity that I'm not going to complain about being denied today.... I owe her more O's than I can possibly expect to pay back in the time we have left!