Was wondering how everyone's expectations differ from their current reality. I know mine were certainly different. When first I introduced her to chastity and that I was sexually submissive, it was to generally have her hold the key, be kept locked until she wanted it out, and she would be in charge of how and when sex occurred. Fast forward to over a year. 1. I have gotten pierced and have an inescapable cage. Never would have thought I would do it. 2. I thought that I would have endless hours of uncaged teasing and fondling. It really doesn't get out much. 3. I consume all my mess. Was a playful meme we sent back and forth, now it's part of getting me back into subbie mode, and happens every time. 4. I agreed to discipline, and as hard as she thinks is necessary. Pain was a hard limit, we have torn that limit down. 5. Domestic service. That was also a hard limit for me, but have agreed to once a week maid service. (I have been slacking in this due to scheduling/my son/other obligations such as needing a handyman more than a maid lately). 6. Cuckold. She doesn't want this, and I do not either. It was also a hard limit, but like the other limits, I felt it was necessary to open myself up to the possibility. So have agreed that if she so chooses, she can, with the understanding that it will not be sneaky or lied about. 7. I thought we would end up having certain time limits, release dates, safety measures where I would get to be uncaged or orgasm at least ___ amount of times. There is no schedule, there are no dates...it all happens when she feels it should happen. 8. I will still be able to jerk off. Well I haven't been alone touching myself since I locked up in May of 2016...I used to jack off at least once a day. She's told me it won't ever happen again. 9. This going to be fun 24/7 !!! Well it's not. Yes we all get sexually frustrated but there are many emotions besides arrousal. Sometimes it's just a pain, pinching, and in the way. The piercing makes any pullout impossible and frankly I sometimes just miss being hard. It just hangs there and sometimes I feel asexual. It's a spout for pee and that's it. Would love to hear of others expectations vs realities.
Absolutely not! I didn't mean it to sound like complaining, just different from what our ORIGINAL expectations were.
right. I was joking about the complaining lol. Well unfortunately I think our expectations go out the window once we hand over the keys.
Things went a little opposite of how I'd thought they'd go for my mistress and I. It didn't really take a lot of convincing to get her to try chastity. She had to think about it for a week but then she was all in. I had high expectations that she would go further than vanilla and for a long time I pushed hard for more bdsm play. In the end it's just not her thing but what I really respect about her and it took my a long time to appreciate this but she never gave into me. It was always her way and her way only which in the end really ended up being a turn on and I respect her that much more for standing her ground. It caused a few fights and she couldn't understand why I was getting upset because the truth of it was that she was giving me exactly what I asked for. I asked her to be in charge in our relationship (flr) and over our sex lives. I stupidly assumed that she would gravitate towards bdsm but she isn't interested in porn or sharing a tumblr account or being a member here. I thought if she was able to connect with other dominant women here she might be more apt to try being a bit more sexually open. I'm not in the slightest complaining because there is always room for change down the road. She did say that we would try strapon play and see where that goes, that's good enough for me for now although I hope she ends up liking it because I know I will. I doubt we will ever go as far as domestic service as a maid but she has me as her butler lol.
Our expectations for chastity was teasing and denial and that is what we have been doing. I have been into fetish play since I was 14 and had a 17 year old kinky girlfriend. With all of my sexual partners and my wife I have always left the fetish in the bedroom and had a normal life. A regular relationship is hard enough without adding more expectations to it. Plus we try not to make sex a currency in our marriage. Within the confines of our bedroom yes, but not otherwise. In my time there was no internet or cable TV. I got short glimpses into fetishes from Penthouse Forum and Screw magazines. Sometimes it was gleamed from the Wanted Ads looking listing the things they were looking for. Due to this I got used to fleshing out our fetishes based on what worked for us and our specific needs. No ready made fetishes to lift off the internet so no expectations. What we have been doing over the last few years is the result of trial and error, not so much expectation. Our version of chastity suits our current circumstances and is fun for all. When you have no expectations you cannot be disappointed.
We both came into this blind and totally ignorant as to what chastity was all about. So at the onset there were no chastity lifestyle related expectations at all. Our first device was a toy off the shelf from a local shop. As with all such purchase the only expectation was that we have some fun with it. Then She started googling around. Found the Mansion and a few blogs. And things started to change. She developed a genuine love of the idea itself. And then she first tasted dominance, and liked it. Still stumbling blindly for the most part, she introduced me to CM. I started doing my own googling and realized we'd wandered into a whole new world. From then the only real expectation I had was the general agreement between us that I would continue to wear the cage as long as life with the cage stayed more interesting and fun than life without it. This expectation remains largely intact, however you might say it's been revised to read more like: "As long as life with the cage remains at least as fun and interesting as life without it". A seemingly subtle change, but in fact one that belies a massive shift. Just yesterday my cousin (one of just a handful of close friends who know about the cage and our lifestyle) noted that about two years ago I had said something to the effect of, "man, some of these dudes on there (CM) wear the thing literally non-stop, 24/7, unless their woman takes them out". He was referencing the fact that, today, I AM one of those dudes. The expectation that the cage remain a side-show to our sex life, and not be on for more than a few days at a time, has been obliterated. Those are the big ones. The ones that have changed the entire dynamic and that have formed the foundation of where we are now. But over time other notable expectations that have come and gone (or are all but gone) include: 1) That I could expect anything in the first place! While naturally I rebel (hard) against it, my subby side craves structure. While at times She's even acquiesced to this wish of mine and tried to establish some structure, it never lasts. The one and only constant has been that no routine, pattern, or otherwise clear set of rules, boundaries, expectations, or consequences exists for long. Maybe this is by design; meant to challenge me. Or maybe it's just a hassle for her to worry about such things. 2) That this will always be fun. - it's not always fun for me. I chafe at the cage (emotionally) often. At first the times when I was really feeling "over it" lead to major crisis. Now, she's more or less learned (as have I) that those times will pass, and she needn't be overly concerned. 3) That id retain actual control. While the whole evolution has been geared toward ever increasing control for Her, I honestly expected that in actuality I would always retain "end of the day" control over my penis and my orgasms. I'm not sure exactly when this slipped by me, but today I absolutely do not retain that control. She may be easier on me than she should be, and may allow me to orgasm more often than is ideal at times, but the undeniable truth is that She is the one making those decisions. Not me. In fact this has probably been true for much longer than I have realized it to be the case, and I'm just now realizing it because of how often her own desires align with mine anyway. 4) That I have any idea what kind of KH She will be / become. I don't. None at all! No amount of reading here or elsewhere can help me try to learn what to expect of Her. In fact it's probably counterproductive. I try very hard just to let it ride and trust that she's got SOME sort of plan or at least a sketch in her mind of where this is all headed. What she wants out of it. And that she's moving things along in a somewhat purposeful manner. Thankfully, we continue to have a lot of fun. So my constant pondering at this thing as a whole usually takes a back seat to simply enjoying today. I'm also beginning to appreciate the fact that not knowing the plan (or if there even is one) is its own form of submission, and little by little am getting more comfortable with the idea. But suffice it to say that where we are now is not a place I ever expected to be, in any way. I've learned that expectations are not a friend the locked male!
I hear ya @Thatguyontheinternet ! Maybe expectations isn't quite the right word. Maybe assumptions or changes in thinking...I don't know. I literally, kinda like you, had no real idea where this was heading. I knew I I liked the idea of locking it up and losing control, so bought a nice cage and asked her to be in charge of it. She also did her googling and took it in a direction that she needed. I guess deep down I thought it would be less of a permanent thing. I thought it would be more like a sex toy. I had been a lurker here since 09, so some of this stuff wasn't new to me, but really had no idea most of this stuff would end up applying to me. To tell the truth I think because our relationship was so young in the making and started so close to my introucing this, it kind of bonded us, and replaced whatever a "normal" relationship we would ever have.
I never thought she would not let me orgasm for a whole year when we first started that's for sure...