YACJ (Yet Another Chastity Journal)

It's been a long time since I've written here because... well... life. But I need to dump my brain a little, so here goes.

It was December 1st before the cage finally came off, making it about 24 days or so. I was starting to get depressed, and my wife finally took pity and we had a date night. I was finally unlocked, and we had a memorable evening.

Needing a break from the cage, I didn't immediately lock back up for a few days. In the meantime, my wife got a double dose of unfortunate health and family news, and our mental efforts became focused on that. The holidays came, the holidays went, and although we managed to resolve the health and family challenges, chastity never came back up. It just wasn't on the priority list given everything else going on.

Months later, things have calmed down. My wife's interest in sex has picked back up as her stress went down, as has mine. I've been thinking about bringing the chastity angle back up again, as it has been starting to get into my mind again, but then I remember the last experience, which while it was something of a fantasy of mine turned out to pretty much suck in reality, and while I fantasize about being locked up again the rational part of my brain has so far kept kicking the fantasy part.

Being locked and denied that long went from 'sounds like fun!' to 'do not want', and given my wife's actions last time I'm not convinced that it wouldn't happen again, either on purpose or just as a matter of happenstance, as with last time. I'm worried that just bringing it up to discuss with her would re-trigger an interest on her part that I might regret. The tiger may look soft and furry and fun to play with, but it is a tiger...

I need to find a gentle way to re-approach it that allows me make sure she understands the concerns, without leading to the prior situation. I was hoping that writing here would help clarify things... but it hasn't... so, maybe next time.

 

So, I'm up at 4am, in pain. I'm locked again, and apparently after about 6 months out of the cage, my body needs to re-adapt. Now I'm up, Walking around and trying to calm down so I can go back to sleep.

After a very long bike ride today, I was taking my shower when the door opened, and my wife put my cage on the sink, told me to put it on, and left. I was quite surprised... I had forgotten that she knew where is was, we hadn't done anything in a long time, and she was very rarely the one telling me to lock.

So, I locked up, got dressed, and went to see her. She asked for the key, which i gave her.

She explained that today she had cleaned around the toilets, and there was pee everywhere, and she was grossed out, and that apparently I had forgotten, and so I needed a reminder.

Now, I hadn't used the downstairs toilet that she was complaining about in a long time. We had some friends over for dinner on Friday evening, and I rather suspect that I'm paying the price for one of my friends misdeeds...

In any case, I've calmed down, and can hopefully go back to sleep... So I'll write more later.

 

This morning when I went into our bedroom toilet, I realized that my wife's monthly supplies had taken up their place in our bathroom. That explains a little about her actions, and why she reacted as she did... it also means that I'm likely locked for about a week.

I talked to her to understand why she had chosen to lock me now, and her response was that I had gotten more and more lazy about sitting to pee, and her displeasure had been growing for a while. Between her... urm... grumpiness due to her period, and having to clean up the guest bathroom, the final straws had been added.

It won't be until next Saturday that a bike ride, or the hope of sex, would provide a reason for unlocking, unless she has other plans.

Whelp, guess I'm back on the wagon, like it or not.

 

Last Thursday evening, about six days after my wife surprised me by asking me to lock up, we finally sat down and talked.

As I mentioned before, most sex-related aspects of our relationship were on hold due to a combination of events and situations that took all our time and energy for many months. Recently, though, things have gotten better, and we have both gotten back into the swing of things. Unfortunately though, I had slipped back into my old habits. Without my wife being available, 'self-relief' became more and more common. She was (generally) aware of this, and she doesn't have a problem with it, as long as I'm able to satisfy her... and since she was very much not in the mood, there was no problem, until recently.

What she did care about, though, was splash around the toilet... without the cage to force me to sit, I had started to revert back to the habits of standing to pee, which she tells me she started noticing months ago, but it wasn't that bad, and she didn't bring it up. Over time it got worse... and worse... and reached a peak last week when she found a yellow puddle beside the toilet. (I still swear it wasn't me.)

Combine that with a returning desire for sex that I wasn't addressing, and she decided that it was time to bring back the cage. Since I had been thinking more and more about it over the last month, I agreed that it was time, and she had done the right thing.

Talk turned to the logistics... I've been doing a lot of biking this spring, and she agreed that we didn't want to affect that. So, I'll be able to request to unlock as needed for longer rides. Of course, she also wants sex, so she'll of course unlock me for that. Other than that, we agreed I'd be wearing it indefinitely.

Friday evening we headed with some friends into the city until Sunday. Due to the length of the car ride and some discomfort I've been having, I asked to have it removed before we left, and she obliged. We got to the hotel and I of course needed to pee when we got there, so after we checked in I immediately went into the bathroom, and like a complete idiot stood to pee. My wife's comment was, "I was going to ask you whether or not you wanted to wear it this weekend, but you used your one strike within one minute of walking in the door," and she handed me the cage. Sigh.

 

Yesterday morning was one of those times that makes wearing the cage pleasant. We both awoke early and were cuddling, when my wife suddenly got up and locked the door. She went into the closet, and returned with my key. She told me that since she knows I can't jerk off now, she thought we should have some together time. It's been rare over the last few months, and having her initiate is super super rare.

When I saw the key, I was ready, to say the least. I went for a very quick shower to clean up and lay back down on the bed. Before climbing on top of me, naked, to unlock me, she gave me the, "you know that this will be going right back on, no arguments, right?"

Uh huh.

We had a very pleasant little time together. A little while later, when we were both done and cuddling, she reached over to get the device on the bedside table and told me to lock back up, which I did. She told me that she had forgotten the 'fun' aspects to me being locked up during our months away from it, and was glad that I was willing to continue for her.

And that was that.

 

I had been looking at the Chastikey app for a little while, but recently we've taken to using it on a more regular basis. My wife continues to be not interested in the day-to-day aspects of key holding, mostly interested in making sure that I stay locked so that I have to sit. The unlocking to deal with bike rides, or cleaning, or other things tend to be viewed as annoyances at best.

I got a cheap safe at Lowe's that allows 8 digit entry, and started experimenting with the app. Once I had it figured out, I told her about it and she installed in on her phone.

The way we use it is that she has shared two ChastiKey locks with me. When I want to lock up (or if she asks me to), I put the key in the safe and load one of her shared locks in the app. I use the combination it provides to program the safe, put my key in it, and close it. She'll get a notification on her phone that I loaded the lock, so she knows I'm locked. I have a horrible memory anyway, so the chance of me remembering an 8 digit combination for more than about 3 seconds is non-existent. (Yeah, I could write it down, but... why?)

One of the shared locks is 'variable', and one is a 'fixed'. She has hidden the information on both from me, but I can choose which one to load... I'm told that the fixed lock is "shorter" (I don't know what that means in absolute terms yet...), and the variable lock is much longer (on average), but I have a chance to get out early (and am allowed to do so if I was so lucky.)

The convenient part is that if I want to go for a bike ride and want to unlock, I can ask and she can unlock the ChastiKey lock from anywhere... no telling me where the backup key is. If there's another reason for unlocking, she can unlock the lock and simply tell me to go unlock. I haven't yet made it to the end of either lock from her; she's always unlocked me early for various reasons.

It just makes things a little easier for her, and so far she likes the idea.

 

Things this summer have rather slowed down.

At the beginning of the summer we did a lot of international traveling with the family, and neither of us even bothered to broach the subject of wearing a cage through the multi-week, multi-flight trip around Asia... there was more than enough to worry about without adding that to the equation!

Since then, though, it's been an on-and-off thing, so to speak. We've continued to use the Chastikey app, which is convenient... but it's almost too convenient. Since she isn't involved in the locking (other than seeing a little notification that I've loaded the lock she shared), and the unlocking is just clicking a button to virtually release the lock, there's not much she really needs to deal with. She likes that, of course, but it means that I essentially often end up being locked and ignored... and this in turn means I don't lock back up after being released until either my own guilt/desire causes me to put it back on, or if she notices I'm not wearing it when I'm coming out of the shower or in bed. Since it's not on her mind, she often doesn't notice immediately that I'm not caged, so it might be a day or three.

I think I'm ok with this. The 'fantasy' side of my mind tells me, "She should make sure you're locked up immediately!" but in reality, having a few days off work fine for both our goals. Since I'm usually unlocked for a bike ride, or PIV, or both, on Saturday or Sunday, my drive isn't high for a day or three. If I notice that I'm starting to slack off during the day when I'm supposed to be working (like now...) I'll lock up when I need to, and I'll remain locked until the weekend. The break helps me keep things clean, too.

My wife's goals in this are enforcing that I sit to pee, which I do mostly habitually now, and a day or three break is unlikely to cause that habit to slip... but since it did slip when I didn't wear over a multi-month break earlier this year, I think she's a little wary of letting it get to that point again. A day or two she's said she's doesn't care about, though.

I do wish she'd pay more attention to me when I'm locked... but she pays the same amount of attention whether I'm locked or not... I guess it is what it is...

 

Well, it's been a while. A long while. I find myself needing to write.

Things had been going meandering along in the vein of my last post when the whole world took a dump, and suddenly both my wife and my interest in chastity, and sex in general, took a dump along with it. Sick family members, jobs at risk, kids stuck at home; well, most everyone in the world knows the drill. Having my dick locked really wasn't at the forefront of our minds, to put it lightly.

As "the new normal" started to settle in, so did old habits. In particular, my wife's lack of interest re-ignited my masturbation habit. It was a creeping problem, which I didn't even realize was becoming a big problem, until just before our anniversary we had the "Do you not love me anymore" talk. She had been dropping hints that I had not noticed, and interpreted my lack of interest (due to jerking off every day, because I thought she was not interested in me) as me not wanting to be with her anymore. Classic married couple communication.

As I understand it, the discussion was kicked off because on a zoom meeting with some of her girlfriends, someone had found out they were being cheated on because the husband caught covid, and it was traced to someone they knew, but were not supposed to be seeing, so quite the little scandal. During the girlfriend-zoom-meeting, apparently the wine-infused conversation went to marital infidelity, how everyone's sex lives sucks, and how husbands should just be locked up in a chastity belt like that internet controlled one that had been in the news recently. (Cellmate). Apparently, something clicked for my wife.

During the long and emotional chat with me that followed, she asked if I was cheating, or didn't love her anymore. Of course I told her that I did indeed still love her, but had taken things into my own hands, so to speak. She was the one who asked if I needed "help" to break the habit I confessed to, and suggested that maybe it would be better if I went back to locking up. The cage was retrieved, cleaned, and although I tried to get her interesting in some quick sex it was denied, and the cage was installed and locked. We cuddled, talked, and reconnected emotionally for the first time in several months.

The first few weeks were great... she was involved, we had great sex, and everything seemed like newlyweds again.

Things are starting to slow down, again, though. The holidays are upon us, and she's stressed and depressed about not being able to see family. The newlywed-like infatuation has cooled, and we've been going longer and longer between romps in the sack again. She's been diligent, though, in making sure I'm always locked, except when unlocked specifically for biking or sex. As I get more needy after a few days, or a week, or more, I try to get her interested, but I'm increasingly met instead with a request for a tired request for a backrub, cuddle, or glass of wine, and no key. Then, suddenly, she'll be in the mood and we'll have a few rounds of great sex, and then back to being ignored for a while.

I guess on the one hand, it's probably better on average for both of us, in that we're still occasionally connecting - more than we had the previous many months - but in between now I'm not able to get any personal relief, so I guess the delta is more negative for me. I really do want to reduce/eliminate my masturbation and focus on her... but in return I was hoping for something in return (attention), which I was getting at first, but now less so.

OK, enough rambling. I'm sure we'll work it out.

For anyone that read this far, sorry for that. :/

 

The thread about "permanent" chastity got me thinking about my current situation, so I decided to write. It's been a long time since I've really thought in dept about my situation, so consider this a public musing rather than any completely thought-out post.

These days, the assumption is that I'm locked. There are two main exceptions... if she wants PIV, or most Saturday mornings when I go on my long group bike ride. Other than that, the cage is on.

The actual cage key is in a small metal box in our bathroom vanity, the key to that box appearing and disappearing as she sees fit. Saturday mornings the padlock on the metal box will be left after she leaves the bathroom, and when I get back from the ride I'm expected to replace the cage key and lock the padlock on the box. If she wants to fool around, she just needs to wave the key to the cage. Usually she'll want the cage back on shortly after we're done.

It's been like this for the year so far, going back to our anniversary last year a little while before the last post.

I remember being pretty down last December when I wrote that. Things seemed rather one-way. I'm not sure what changed, but the holidays and January put me in a much better mood. She was in a better mood herself, so we were more intimate, but also I think it just took some months to get used to things.

The whole pandemic thing has, to some degree, really enabled wearing the chastity device continuously... we're not going to restaurants, so no having to worry about sitting on a dirty toilet, no traveling, so no passing through security, but also lots of sitting at home, with the door to the home office closed, where I could (and did) slip into bad habits way too easily.

The 'forcing me to sit' thing also plays big now, where I'm pretty much only using the toilet at home, so she is happy that there's no opportunity to revert to bad habits there either.

Do I "need" the cage? That's something I've been thinking about. The reality is, in the past when I've stopped wearing it, I've definitely reverted to bad habits, despite the best of intentions. I "should" be able to do the 'right' thing (be it not get into bad masturbation habits that affect our sex life, or not stand and make a mess), but in reality I'm not perfect. The bad habits come back. So, I have kind of concluded that yeah, I need the help if I want to not slip back.

Is it "real"? I mean, I know I can pull out if I try. I know I could cut the lock. I could cut the padlock on the lock box. But, all of those activities take time and effort, and would result in my wife finding out. (I can pull my penis out, but my balls won't fit through the gap, and I can't get back in.) Since the real goal is to help make sure I can't slip into bad habits because it's easy or comfortable, it's more than sufficient. It "keeps an honest person honest", as they say, and that makes it as real as it needs to be. The I'm locked in the cage, and will remain so until my wife decides otherwise.

Is it permanent? The various threads kind of make me laugh. The definition of 'permanent', and quantifying and defining what the experience is so important to some people. That's fine, I'm a pedantic engineer too. Nothing is permanent. In the short term, the cage is removed most weekends for a ride. So, the cage itself is not permanent. Is the chastity (meaning, orgasm control) permanent? No, we fool around all the time, whenever she wants. Is the lifestyle permanent?

Pause. Hmmm. Well... it's been this way for a year, and my wife has indicated that she like it this way. There's no sign it will end. I could easily end it, if I wanted to, and at some point I'm sure there will be a medical situation that will end it years from now. So, I have a hard time saying it's "permanent". I like the term someone used, "perpetual".

occurring repeatedly; so frequent as to seem endless and uninterrupted.
"their perpetual money worries"​

That sounds very much like the situation I'm in.

The most important things...

Am I happy? Yes! I am. I like where we're at. I wish we had sex more often, but, well... we have more sex when I'm locked up than when not locked, so I'm maximizing that, even if it means trading off the masturbation.

Is my wife happy? Yes, I think so. We have a good relationship. She's open with me. We talk. She seems happy.

So, there we are.

 

Yup, 'always locked' is a good word (phrase) as well. I could be really pedantic say it's not "always"... there are times it's not, but I agree it gets the point across. It doesn't indicate whether that state might, or might not, end anytime soon, or who is controlling the duration.

 

The menopause thread is a little scary to me. My wife is at the age, apparently, where her mother went through menopause, so it's an 'any time now' kind of thing. He mother did not have an easy menopause from what my wife has told me, which doesn't bode well.

I'm unlocked when she wants sex, which is usually pretty often (weekly), with the normal ebbs and flows due to life, etc. The times in the past when life got in the way have resulted in some very long times locked for me.

My worry is not that, "oh no, I'll never be allowed to orgasm ever again!", (which is silly) but rather, will the locked situation that we have break down if she loses interest? She's been pretty attentive at making sure I'm locked recently, which has been fun, but she's also been interested enough in sex to make it worth it, and that has been a positive for our relationship.

If she's not interested in sex very often during or after "the big M"... there will be minimal reward for me for staying locked. In the past, this hasn't gone well, and usually would mean that I'd push back and stop locking for a while, which would turn into a long while, which leads, rather invariably, to me 'solving my own problem', which means even less intimate time with her... which spirals down to where we were in early 2020, which was an essentially sexless marriage with little to no intimacy.

I guess the decision is whether to talk to her now, which won't be a fun conversation, and based only on speculation and fears... or to wait until things start to change, when it might be clearer how they will change and what the options might be.