Wondering what she wants ?

Discussion in 'Chastity and orgasm denial' started by Funtell1, Feb 23, 2018.

Random Thread
  1. Funtell1
    Offline

    Funtell1 Active member

    Joined:
    Feb 23, 2018
    Messages:
    53
    Likes Received:
    57
    Trophy Points:
    18
    Gender:
    Male
    Local Time:
    4:31 PM
    Hi all, I'm in my 40s and happily married over 20 years with a few kids . Sex life is good with no complaints from the both of us (I think lol) but after twenty plus years of family life I think we could add some new excitement in our lives . We both are dominate by nature but we both give in when we see an issue means alot to the other (I give in more than her but ..) . She's a extremely competitive ,independent person that likes sex but i always initiate it first . Awhile back I mentioned that she should read something in the erotic genre and she did after I continually asked . ( 50 shades). Sex was amazing and she actually had a higher sex drive than I did for that month . Anytime she read a chapter or two she wouldn't take "no not tonight " for an answer . After she finished the books, sex diminished . This I why I think the chastity kink may be interesting to explore . Chastity within a relationship may bring some talk or make mention of sex in a manner that is continually reoccurring. Has anyone found this to be the case ?
    I have bought a cage and wore it with her holding the key and she seemed to have fun with it . It lasted a day or so and again a few weeks later . I drop some hint about it but she seems to nervous to talk about it so she changes the subject . I really don't mind if she would like to pursue something else but she really started to get into it and enjoy a little bit of control regarding sex . I found myself just wanting to touch her skin or massage her hands even . Very strange after just a few days locked in it . I can't say how it would be after a few weeks with her having the control or if she would take interest in the tease and denial aspect which I really seemed to enjoy and I really wasn't expecting that from me but... Anyway she probably saw the CM email on her phone when I just signed up . So babe if your reading this as your probably investigating the email (or maybe not) surprise .
     
  2. Shepherdsflock
    Offline

    Shepherdsflock Long term member

    Joined:
    Mar 10, 2016
    Messages:
    1,679
    Likes Received:
    3,808
    Trophy Points:
    143
    Gender:
    Female
    Local Time:
    3:31 PM
    Sexual things seem to be very mental for women. She got into sex for a while after reading the Shades book because her mind was thinking about sex. Women generally don’t think a lot about sex without something stimulating their mind to think about it. There are obviously some women who are exceptions (and are members here), but in general women’s interest in sex varies according to what their mind is preoccupied with.

    We men on the other hand are forced to think about sex because our prostate gets full and tells us to seek sex. We have a nearly constant reminder to think about and seek sex.

    So, your observation is a good one. Variety or novelty can create a positive reaction from a woman sexually. They don’t have a it prostate urging them to have sex, so it gets monotonous and boring for them. Introducing something new (like chastity) can be intriguing and interesting.

    However, after two and a half years of doing this, I will tell you that it doesn’t keep things exciting forever. Chastity is actually my wife’s fascination, and she likes it a lot. But she still loses interest occasionally. We’re going through one of those times right now. It’s hard, because I can’t add more chastity to freshen things up.
     
  3. Funtell1
    Offline

    Funtell1 Active member

    Joined:
    Feb 23, 2018
    Messages:
    53
    Likes Received:
    57
    Trophy Points:
    18
    Gender:
    Male
    Local Time:
    4:31 PM
    Just writing a update on how things are going . Yesterday evening I told her it's been 7 days wIth out a O and she started to play with it and got close to a O . I told her I kind of like how intense I feel toward her . Her skin felt so soft and she smelled incredible . This seems to be the case as my mind sees sex in a elevated state . So last night she locked me up and did a little more teaseing . I have noticed the things she says in a sexual nature seems so hot. It don't come easy to her to talk about sex or kinks she likes . Today after the gym I said I'm ready for mine now but she said. You have awhile . I was blown away . If anyone has some ideas or light info for her please share . I will show her my post and see what she thinks . And babe you can sign up if you want to .
     
  4. LesterBallard
    Offline

    LesterBallard Long term member

    Joined:
    Oct 2, 2016
    Messages:
    15,490
    Likes Received:
    5,488
    Trophy Points:
    143
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Management
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    United Kingdom
    Local Time:
    8:31 PM
    sounds like you might be at the start of a big adventure...
     
    Slave to a Goddess and Funtell1 like this.
  5. PrincessK
    Offline

    PrincessK [Not Seeking] Owner & KH of SaraLovesChastity

    Joined:
    Sep 8, 2017
    Messages:
    48
    Likes Received:
    453
    Trophy Points:
    63
    Gender:
    Female
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    San Francisco
    Local Time:
    1:31 PM
    I hope she does sign up! There's a lot of great insight and inspiration for her here.
     
  6. Funtell1
    Offline

    Funtell1 Active member

    Joined:
    Feb 23, 2018
    Messages:
    53
    Likes Received:
    57
    Trophy Points:
    18
    Gender:
    Male
    Local Time:
    4:31 PM
    Wow , the feelings are so intense . I would of never thought that being chaste for the ninth day (two days locked ) would bring back sexual tension like the early days of intamincy with her . Im thinking she feels it at least a bit . I feel like putty in her hands sort of . I hope she is or learns how to enjoy the power that she has but is unaware of .
     
    Breathe and JiL like this.
  7. Funtell1
    Offline

    Funtell1 Active member

    Joined:
    Feb 23, 2018
    Messages:
    53
    Likes Received:
    57
    Trophy Points:
    18
    Gender:
    Male
    Local Time:
    4:31 PM
    I sent her your text and she said "we will see lol".
     
  8. Nicoftime
    Offline

    Nicoftime The suspense is terrible...I hope it lasts

    Joined:
    May 24, 2016
    Messages:
    5,233
    Likes Received:
    14,081
    Trophy Points:
    143
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Railroad
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    South of Lacrosse Wisconsin
    Home Page:
    Local Time:
    3:31 PM
    In our experience it’s gradual. She took to it great, but I think it was a little while before she could only play with it for her needs and not worry about mine.

    She is a giving person and taking without automatically reciprocating was difficult for her, and sometimes she did it out of habit. Eventually she stopped placating.
     
    Rectrix and Funtell1 like this.
  9. bondinchas
    Offline

    bondinchas Long term member

    Joined:
    Feb 15, 2016
    Messages:
    2,149
    Likes Received:
    3,120
    Trophy Points:
    143
    Gender:
    Male
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    UK
    Local Time:
    8:31 PM
    She obviously enjoyed "50 shades", so you might get her another hardcopy book or two, one of the female guides to being a chastity keyholder or how to set up an FLR, easy to find on the usual auction sites. They'll be a gentle and structured introduction to the lifestyle, and will give her some ideas about how to do things and what the benefits might be.
     
    Funtell1 likes this.
  10. JiL
    Offline

    JiL servitude4u

    Joined:
    Sep 7, 2016
    Messages:
    1,004
    Likes Received:
    1,203
    Trophy Points:
    133
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Professional
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    southeastern mass.
    Local Time:
    4:31 PM
    There is one author who compares living in a FLR and chastity to living in a permanent state of courtship with your partner. Maybe someone can recall the author. But it is an easy read with good insights. Sounds like you are both enjoying your new found roles. Hope she accepts your invitation to join CM.
     
    Rectrix and Funtell1 like this.
  11. Funtell1
    Offline

    Funtell1 Active member

    Joined:
    Feb 23, 2018
    Messages:
    53
    Likes Received:
    57
    Trophy Points:
    18
    Gender:
    Male
    Local Time:
    4:31 PM
    Well , things went for about ten days or so and then sex was so crazy good . After that she didn't show any interest in it so I stayed unlocked . She made mention about locking it up a few times but I said that she should read up on the key holder part of it but she hasn't responded . Not sure what she wants .
     
  12. DonnaSue
    Offline

    DonnaSue Long term member

    Joined:
    Mar 17, 2015
    Messages:
    2,940
    Likes Received:
    4,676
    Trophy Points:
    143
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Retired
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Southeast US
    Local Time:
    3:31 PM
    Communications is the key! Learn what She likes and wants and tell Her what you like and want, then leave it up to Her for action. It will take quite a while, but open communications is what its all about.
     
    Breathe, Chaste J. and Funtell1 like this.
  13. Funtell1
    Offline

    Funtell1 Active member

    Joined:
    Feb 23, 2018
    Messages:
    53
    Likes Received:
    57
    Trophy Points:
    18
    Gender:
    Male
    Local Time:
    4:31 PM
    We talked for a bit more and she thinks joining a forum might be fun . I put on the cage just now and left the key on her dresser but was roaming the web and got a bit excited so decided to lock up but don't have anywhere to hide the key from myself ,lol . I'll leave the keys in place and see if she has interest or not . She will be back in a bit .
     
  14. Funtell1
    Offline

    Funtell1 Active member

    Joined:
    Feb 23, 2018
    Messages:
    53
    Likes Received:
    57
    Trophy Points:
    18
    Gender:
    Male
    Local Time:
    4:31 PM
    I like communicating about sex with her but she finds it hard to herself
    I like communicating with her about sex but she gets a bit nervous or quiet. I think an impersonal approach like joining a forum where it's anonymous is going to help. I figure many of you will ask questions to both of us to help draw us out with things that interest us both as it would make it easier for her to answer a question about the different facets of chastity or even any other sexual likes not thought of by her/us .
     
  15. Shepherdsflock
    Offline

    Shepherdsflock Long term member

    Joined:
    Mar 10, 2016
    Messages:
    1,679
    Likes Received:
    3,808
    Trophy Points:
    143
    Gender:
    Female
    Local Time:
    3:31 PM
    One of my biggest frustrations in our marriage has been my wife’s inability to communicate about sex. For all the stereotypes about women wanting more communication, you would think they would be happy to talk about sex. But not my wife. She will bend your ear clean off your head about anything and everything...except sex. Even during sex she doesn’t really want to discuss it.
     
  16. Funtell1
    Offline

    Funtell1 Active member

    Joined:
    Feb 23, 2018
    Messages:
    53
    Likes Received:
    57
    Trophy Points:
    18
    Gender:
    Male
    Local Time:
    4:31 PM
    I completely understand my friend !
     
  17. Giveitup
    Offline

    Giveitup Long term member

    Joined:
    May 10, 2017
    Messages:
    256
    Likes Received:
    564
    Trophy Points:
    103
    Gender:
    Male
    Local Time:
    2:31 PM
    Amen, Brother!
     
  18. LockedPom
    Offline

    LockedPom Long term member

    Joined:
    Oct 12, 2016
    Messages:
    1,063
    Likes Received:
    1,051
    Trophy Points:
    143
    Gender:
    Male
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Australia
    Local Time:
    6:31 AM
    Some women (and men) find it difficult to communicate verbally about sex. If so, communicate desires by email or letter. The latter can be quite sexy in itself, and a good way to communicate with less embarrassment.
     
    Funtell1 likes this.
  19. PouchPantyLover
    Offline

    PouchPantyLover Long term member

    Joined:
    Mar 6, 2017
    Messages:
    1,203
    Likes Received:
    2,258
    Trophy Points:
    133
    Gender:
    Male
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Hawaii
    Local Time:
    10:31 AM
    Wow @Funtell1 you sound almost exactly like me about 15 months ago. I'm a tad older having just reached 50, married 18 years this July with a couple of kids. I stumbled into chastity as well and had many of the same awakening moments you're experiencing. I will tell you right now that this can be a very confusing thing for a new key holder. What you are asking for is in her mind "mean". There is also a degree of self doubt she will experience along the lines of "why doesn't he want to have sex with me anymore?" I will offer you my three thoughts on starting out -

    1. Communication is key, but you'll want to talk about it all the time and she'll get tired of it. Ration your communication to no more than once a week. Do it in writing or in discussion, whatever works for you. Just don't over do it.

    2. Take some of the pressure off of her by playing a chastity game. There are tons of games out there with dice, cards and even smart phone apps. This allows the game to do the mean work of denying you. There's also a degree of fun to it.

    3. This is all about her. You mentioned the courtship and the re-awakening of feelings and things you notice about her. Act on those. Bring her flowers, write her love notes. Cuddle, kiss and snuggle. Offer her massages.

    Now I'll hit you with the warning, be careful what you wish for. Giving her this control can make some pretty big changes in your lives. My last orgasm was in early February. Our relationship is now controlled by her and I provide a high level of domestic service as she demands. Not saying you'll end up in the same boat, just be prepared for Mr. Funtell's wild ride.
     
  20. Funtell1
    Offline

    Funtell1 Active member

    Joined:
    Feb 23, 2018
    Messages:
    53
    Likes Received:
    57
    Trophy Points:
    18
    Gender:
    Male
    Local Time:
    4:31 PM
    Knowing her for as long as I have , she would probably take it further then I would expect . I think after about a week locked I couldn't put up a good fight against her as I only have one mission on my mind . Lol
     
  21. laferrij
    Offline

    laferrij Mistress' symbol

    Joined:
    Jan 26, 2013
    Messages:
    203
    Likes Received:
    195
    Trophy Points:
    53
    Gender:
    Male
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Boston Area
    Local Time:
    4:31 PM
    One thing you may want to show Her is your attentiveness and willingness to put Her first through being willing to serve Her while in chastity. If She notices the changes which are not sexual, She may gravitate to engaging further in your being locked and exploring the lifestyle more.
     
    Rectrix likes this.
  22. Funtell1
    Offline

    Funtell1 Active member

    Joined:
    Feb 23, 2018
    Messages:
    53
    Likes Received:
    57
    Trophy Points:
    18
    Gender:
    Male
    Local Time:
    4:31 PM
    I have always had the mind set of "her first" during our relationship . We have talked more about sex then before and I realize that it takes time to find each other's likes and dislikes concerning new sexual fetishes or ideas. She really is a very cool , fun and exciting person . Just need to keep maintaining our likes as we change and get older . Open communication is what I keep hearing and believe is the key . I really could get into WHATEVER she finds interest in . Funny thing is that every time my CM friends reply she gets a email alert to her phone and reads it lol . Your so cool babe !
     
  23. Funtell1
    Offline

    Funtell1 Active member

    Joined:
    Feb 23, 2018
    Messages:
    53
    Likes Received:
    57
    Trophy Points:
    18
    Gender:
    Male
    Local Time:
    4:31 PM
    Uh, probably shouldn't of put the hey on her car keys this morning. Lol
     
    Rectrix likes this.
  24. simplysub
    Offline

    simplysub Junior Member

    Joined:
    Sep 16, 2008
    Messages:
    40
    Likes Received:
    56
    Trophy Points:
    18
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Professional
    Location: (Country, Region - and perhaps even City?):
    Midwest USA
    Local Time:
    8:31 PM
    Repeating others (and myself) it's not always the easiest thing to do but communication is key. The internet and this site in particular for this interest makes for a great resource tool as well as providing some talking points that may help open communications that much more. The emailing each other is another good idea of a way to help express thoughts or ideas with a bit less pressure.

    In my early days exploring (way before my marriage) I was encouraged to keep a journal as well about thoughts, feelings, whatever. Both my now wife and I got back in that habit fairly early in our marriage. It wasn't something we shared with each other at first--again you need to take things slowly. Writing things down makes me think about them more and eventually helps me to express those feelings orally.

    Take the little steps slowly and one day you'll wake up and see that you're well on the way in a wonderful journey!
     
    Rectrix and bondinchas like this.
  25. Funtell1
    Offline

    Funtell1 Active member

    Joined:
    Feb 23, 2018
    Messages:
    53
    Likes Received:
    57
    Trophy Points:
    18
    Gender:
    Male
    Local Time:
    4:31 PM
    Just a update , I put on the device a few times and just handed her the key and told her exactly why I was wearing it and ( I didn't want to get lazy for the day and get some things done ) and she laughed and said ok. At the end of the day I asked for the keys because the purpose was fufilled and don't want to put any pressure on her and I've also decided that if it's not her kink style then that's ok with me . I didn't want to use it as a kink either but just as a tool to curb a habit that makes me lazy and a bit moody after the act . This happened a few days and then we went on a family vacation so I didn't need it . Fast forward a few days brings me to yesterday and again put it on again and used it as a tool only (so I thought ) except she wouldn't give the key back . I'm certainly on that strange high of being extremely aroused by her touch or even when I rub her feet I get so lost in her cuteness . This is such a strange thing as rubbing her feet was a chore without the high of being sexually frustrated but now I want to massage or touch her in anyway I can . I really thought people were streching the truth about orasm denial and even thought they were nuts . This is very strange . I really can see the power that a women can have . Anyway last night she said "I like you locked up ". Who knew !
     
    borbulls1961, WEC, b_quark and 4 others like this.
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice