Wonder where members go

People come and go! Chastity sites come and go as well! This is like the 4th or 5th site I have been a member of. sometimes the owner of the site becomes disinterested or finds that it is too much work or too costly.
I have made friendships with some of the members here, and converse with some that no longer are active here. some feel they have outgrown the site.
Some have moved over to Fetlife.
Perhaps I am one of the lucky ones that have actually met some of the people here.
BTW, the author of the post I believe you are talking about, is alive and well, though I have not spoken with her in about six months.
Sometimes peoples attention span is short like children, and move on to something else.
Mistress Watchful, Goddess Jen, MrsL ( though she has had some health issues), and Mistress Michelle, are all alive and doing well.

 

Nico, as long as your happy with the CM thing and your wife is ok no worries. Problem is when you ( since you are the one giving up the most) get tired of the play. At that point she will need to accept that life changes or come up with an alternate form of play. My wife tried a form of "simulated chastity" by doing the denial thing for a couple of weeks. No T&D, mostly ignored. At the end of two weeks, I was not submissive but on such a hair trigger of anger ( and no I don't have anger issues because with my skill set that would be unwise) any little thing I perceived as being dis respectful almost resulted in harm. I would have to go out and run for a couple of hours to blow off the anger. Thats why I am reluctant to go down this route even though the majority of players seem to think it is wonderful. She keeps dropping hints but doesn't really seem to understand how dangerous a seconds lack of control could be.

 

Are you an assassin? Cage fighter? Ninja!?

 

Very simple. Most are living their fantasy life online and after that gets boring they move on. I have read many times that most guys into chastity play are single, no matter how they present themselves online. The market director of the CB line of devices said in an interview that his guess is that 60% of men give up on chastity after the initial excitement wears off and the reality of orgasm denial hits them.

Another problem is that chastity is mostly used as a part of a larger fetish like BDSM, cuckolding, feminization, etc. so why come here which is more focused on chastity rather than go to a BDSM site where you can talk about chastity and all things BDSM. Chastity is not a very popular fetish. Very low on the list, even below water sports.

Finally, chastity is the Seinfeld of fetishes. It is about nothing. It is about what does not happen; no orgasms which is counter to the orgasm seeking behavior genetically designed into men. How many times can you hear that someone did not orgasm. If there are any exciting posts, they read like the fantasy posts you find on website, word by word almost. They post, get their jollies and then move on to something else. I have been into fetish play for 47 years and Chastity has never been big so it has a very small audience. If you are running a forum, if even just to cover your cost, you need lots of page views. Unless you start providing masturbation fodder, you lose out on all the horny guys who cannot masturbate to what they read here.

My exciting news for the last 50 days has been that I was still locked up and denied and I had an orgasm sooner than my wife told me I would. The next 50 days will be the same unless I want to spice it up with fantasy play. I can add spikes to the cage, pegging every night. wife having unprotected sex with random strangers who all happen to be well endowed and can last all night. I can talk about all the punishments I get and how my wife became my strict Mistress and punishes me all the time. I can but I do not. The reality is we live our marriage like all of our friends do and the only difference is that I wear a chastity cage. That is it. Not very exciting. Chastity is about what we do not do more than what we do. That is my take on it.

 

I have wondered this as well. If we had more of the long standing members who really lived the life style posting, and we just ignored the frantic fantasists, the forum would be much healthier.

As for chastity being about nothing, that isn't the way it's being done in my house. Just because I'm not having orgasms it doesn't mean I'm not having sex. I'm having some of the best sex of my life. And it's not just about the chastity either, we have both embraced the life changing aspects that come with this level of control she has over me. Both of us, my Wife and I, are trying to be a better partner to each other. As a result our relationship is getting stronger all of the time.

I have seen the way I post change over time. At first I would describe our sex in very intimate detail. I'm less interested in that now and more involved in the transition to a true FLR. I don't write earth shattering posts that rock people's world, but I am honest about what I go through and this has helped quite a few people who are going through similar issues.

I enjoy interacting with other members but that is slowing down as well. I read a post earlier about someone who had been turned on by their wife taking over full financial control. I didn't leave a comment as I honestly have no understanding of how that is arousing. I have no beef with the poster, I just had nothing to add. I certInly don't see that as being something my Wife would want, it's far too much work.

I recently realised that somehow I had upset someone so much they had pressed the ignore button on me. I have no idea what I said that made them do it, but now I've realised that the way things go around here I'm more likely to be around long after they have quit, so who cares. Some people are welcome to leave.

 

Another way to possibly look at this is maybe some people have carried on with the lifestyle but just not on here .
It's possible that they either couldn't think of anything to better what they have already posted or once they gained more experience they didn't feel comfortable in sharing the intimate details of their "private lives" to people on the Internet anymore .

I've been on and off this site for a few years and there was a good few members who's wife/partner/keyholder wasn't members here and maybe it was the wife/partner/keyholder who didn't want them posting about their "private lives" on here either .

People come and go in all walks of BDSM lifestyle and as some people have already mentioned above in chastity the novelty can quickly wear off for some people and this being a website devoted to chastity it can be more noticeable compared to other "general kink websites" that cover every kink/fetish under the sun.

 

My thoughts on this are that real life gets messy sometimes and your mind wanders on to other subjects of more importance, eg,-finances,home,health, to list but a few,
That is not to say that I forget about chastity as I never do and I am pretty much locked 24/7, I just do not need to ramble on about the subject every day or every second day, We as couple do just tend to forget about it until she is interested in some play or I need to shave or have a shower free of the device and with the current device it really does not have to come off to keep clean.
A few years ago she told me it was getting on her nerves that I was never giving up talking about the subject and if I was not quieter about it she would give it up and not hold the keys anymore,
So I was quieter about it and we just got on with life, days or sometime weeks can go past without a mention of chastity between us, but and big but I never really forget about it, there is always something there to remind me.


,

 

We (my GF/keyholder and I) just discussed this the other day. Life goes on and ours has been hectic lately following me in a car accident recently....everything's fine but me in chastity has become a normal lifestyle thing and just as exciting and interesting as it has been, just not as dominant in our lives. We both still work, do the shopping and maintain our home and lives, I guess our interactive portion has been kinda sidelined. I'm still in my "snake" cage, I'm reminded of that every time I drop my pants, her?....not so much. WE both really really want to share this in person with someone else but we're not sure how to do it or who to trust.
We're going to the mall today, she wants me to wear some panties, especially around the house, I've NEVER worn women's panties or had a desire to be more feminine, just not my thing but this sounds like fun. I usually wear my favorite old jeans around the house just because I like the feeling of them, I'm now going to me naked or in panties more around here, We decided to return tp paying more attention to me being caged. Yes, I suppose this is all a fantasy and some people get bored with it without someone to share it with. I've been into it off and on for years, this time it's long term. I've always been submissive, I like the feeling of my cock locked up, I like seeing it and playing with it. This isn't the first time someone else has held my keys bit this is the longest and the most serious someone else has been about my chastity. People "come" and go.....me? I haven't cum in a long time and I guess my "sexual masochist" mode has kicked in....I love being teased and denied and someone else telling me when and/or if I can. Without that, yeah I guess it becomes less interesting and it becomes one of those "well it seemed like a good idea at the time" things people go looking for something else.
"HA HA HA.....You and he (referring to what's in my cage) ain't going no where!" she just said!!

 

i don't know where they goes. i liked corset jane and she don't come on here much now and my friend emily got fed up of it on here but i still chats to her.

 

I belong to a sports club and some other societies. In every case there is a hard core of really interested folk who sustain the whole thing while a large proportion just pass through. Often those with the loudest (temporary) presence fall in the latter category: they are there for "look at me" reasons and some have no deep commitment to the club/society. After making their presence felt they get bored and disappear. I have belonged to the sports club for over 25 years which probably shows I'm quite happy with the long-game and not into instant gratification: this probably explains while chastity appeals and I've been a member of the Mansion for 9 years. In my experience most worthwhile and interesting things in life aren't achieved overnight but after many years of effort and patience. TBH I think it is pretty easy to tell who on here is just "making it up" (we all like a bit of fantasy anyway). Or is a different gender from what they make out: men and women have such different approaches and mindsets I think it is difficult to pretend to be a woman if you are a man, it's known to be difficult for even great writers to do that successfully!

 

Some of us lurk much more than participate anymore.
Most of it is due to changes and friends leaving. Part of it is due to changes in life situations.

I know of a few former regulars who are gone. One I'm not sure of the details. Another is working crazy hours and career is a top priority. And yet another just isn't interested in the lifestyle anymore.

In my own case I pop in to see what's going on, I must say I miss my old friends, and the way CM used to feel more like a community. Now it seems like there are a lot of folks that are more interested in the devices rather than the relationships. Maybe I'm mistaken, or maybe I'm just not interested as I don't know many of the folks anymore.

In either case, it's not better or worse, just different and not was it was. Some are like me, and obviously some don't like it and left. And obviously many new folks like the site.

 

I am still here all the time but you are right, the "feel" of the site is so different now. There was never so much drama and bickering between members in years past. I can't even say how many times I have started typing a reply to a post, then deleted it because I didn't want to get sucked in to all the junk.

 

no offense @Nicoftime but i find your question quite humorous.

as with everything in life change inevitable and never remains the same. maybe understanding the wisdom of this fact comes with age or experience, but seriously change is never ending.

 

And sometimes it seems like months go by, and all you see are the same questions from new people who only seem more interested in getting their "rocks off" than being in the lifestyle. The are times I will log on and just check to see what has been happening and just log off. Other times, I'll log in a read the postings for two hours, make one reply, then log off.
But, I always come back to CM.

 

i, for one, got really busy. Still living and loving the life though!

 

My issue is response from other members. Seems I make replies, but there is seldom reciprocation from others.
New or old, it just gets nice to hear that someone read your stuff once a month at least.

 

I think reaching a point of stasis in the development of a chastity based relationship might have something to do with this fade of established members. The chastity side of my own relationship with Elle hasn't really changed much in the past several months, it is what it is and writing about something that doesn't change isn't interesting to write or read. Currently we are working on our FLR and once Elle is as comfortable with that as she is with the chastity there will not be much to write about.

I already find myself responding to posts like this much more than I do with writing my journal. I am still chaste, for months at a time, I still have incredible experiences with my Wife, but they tend to be repeats of previous events so less interesting. I am also getting to a point where new members interest me less as I have started to see patterns of involvement and repeated issues and questions that have already been covered in depth.

I am not planning on quitting yet but I am seeing my involvement reduce. I also have worries about how fragile my journals are, as the administrator is paying for this forum and could easily decide he too has had enough. I am thinking of copying the main posts out of the Mansion into a blog, but I am just too busy to do this just now.

 

I think it's very much as Jasmic says, and the reason they dont write "See you later - we're out of here" is that like Low, they're not. Many still drop in here and there to have a read, many are still in the lifestyle, and many dont really feel as if they've left anything. They just feel like posting less, and after a while that becomes not posting at all, and then into not logging in any more.
Amazingly, we still have over 10 new members a day most of whom are new to all this, with one or two who're long term players who've just found the place, or have just added chastity to their already well rounded life of kink.

 

I was really disappointed when @Caged Wolf recently announced he was leaving. He was one of the members who I admired the most. His story was similar in some ways to mine, and very different in others, but his struggle to come to terms with what he was attempting to do was very real. Reading his journal that had been compiled over several years helped me immensely. I can however understand why he quit and I think in his case real life issues got in the way of his enjoyment of the Mansion, and while his wife did take control of both the reigns of their relationship and of his access to sex he didn't feel he could go any further with chastity.

There have been other members who I became very fond of, in that weird internet friend you would never know in real life type of way. As each one reaches a point where they for whatever reason leave, it takes something of my own enjoyment when they go. It takes effort to make relationships online and I suppose I am less willing to put in the work that I did earlier on.