Wives and Girlfriends.

My wife joined after I introduced her to the idea of chastity. She also read some books that I suggested just so she could get an idea of the whole thing. It didn't take her long to see the benefits of my being locked for her. Taking the parts that she wanted, she developed her own dominant position in our relationship, without catering to the fantasy side of chastity.

Bottom line, coming on here is just not her thing.

 

if we look at the average age here it is well over 16 , if I'm not wrong ...

So even if you have taken on the role of KH , whether you as a women had the initiativ, or had been introduced. You have grown up in an environment where the woman does not go out on a forum and share their sexual experiences and desires. At least not if there is a little extra kinky ... But women will do that in the future, believe me ...

Women take on more and more , looking at porn , takes place in society and in 50 years they have probably at least half of management posts in the West.

In Sweden , it is now 39% women in the private sector and in middle management, it is ... 39 ! % female managers ... so give it one or two generations ...

My wife is social, the one people love to have around but she is born in an other culture, the first girl in the family that get an education... To take the step to talk with other people of chastity in this forum, that is a big step...

And... if she start to read about man in women cloth or saying they are not worthy having sex with a women... That will be over her limit... Today anyway. (No, I'm not against you people that like it... but for her, not now!)

 

A lot of it goes hand in hand. My locked boy and I never in a zillion years thought he would get a cock piercing, but guess what? He did....and it was to make his chastity device inescapable. Butt plugs are more to show a Mistresses Dominance over the chastised male, as it keeps him meek and subservient. As is masks and ball gags. Who says CD/TS community includes all of these things? It is mostly interspersed with a mixture of all of the above.

 

Thank you traveler for your thoroughly obscure and off the wall metaphorical explanaition.

 

I do not think transgender people who identify as female are the same thing as men joining the a mansion and pretending to be a woman at all. They are two completely different things. The men posting as transgender do so without trying to hide who they are. The same can be said with the transvestite members and to a degree also the sissies. Men pretending to be women are just that, posting with a fake account.

 

Lol
Omg people with fake profiles !

Xx Wendy

 

Awe, jasmic, I'm not that scary am I ? LOL!!!!!!!!!! Luckily, RP doesn't find me so terrifying I am very of the moment a lot of the time, and pretty much do what I want when I want sexually. We likes it that way

 

I don't think fake profiles are a problem in this instance. I really can't see that they would be immediately obvious or off-putting to potential new members.
I think it's "more the in your face" first impressions of some threads and images that can be quite repellent.

 

I think Steven Fry puts it very well when he says "You do not have a right not to be offended"
People will get offended by anything. Nobody has a right not to be offended.

The subject matter of this forum is people who wish to lock away their genitals. That's not normal.
The sorts of people who will choose to negate their primary sexual organs can be expected to be have all manner of kinks along side.
Hardly anyone has just one kink. We all have several. That's just how it is.

You cannot go into a sweetshop and expect it to only sell mint humbugs.

 

And yet, CM is known as the 'sissy site' online. How many male mods are not crossdressers? Chastity often takes a back seat to men going on about how they look or feel in women's clothing. Where are these "other" kinks? What sections are devoted to them? Where's the 'furries' area? The gay/lesbian area? The coprophile area? You suggested that we have a 'vanilla' section for wives. Why not a little less emphasis on one particular sub-section of chastity, instead of making it seem like it's a main requirement? It's no wonder that wives/girlfriends and casual couples are frightened away, or that it's a shock when women admit that they aren't interested in making their men dress up as "women". You can be in chastity and be manly. Honestly; it's like going into a transgender forum and trying to make it sound like they all have to be in chastity to 'get it right'.

I'm not interested in trying to stamp it out or remove it from CM; it has a place as an element of chastity that some people prefer. I don't think anyone has a problem with that concept. But there is a culture driven from above that turns people away. Maybe it will require some adjustment to the organizational structure of this forum in order to redress the balance and improve its image; that's fine too.

True; but you don't go into a sweetshop and expect to find that the staff are all such fans of mint humbugs, that customers think it's all they sell.

 

I am beginning to get very annoyed by the aggressive undercurrent in this thread and also distressed that I may have been part of the reason why one of my favorite members of this forum is now feeling that they are personally responsible for women not wanting to join the Mansion. The core of this thread was to discuss whether members like me who talk about their partner could get them to join. It then developed into a discussion about why some women find this site a bit disturbing. I am one of several who mentioned that there are elements of this site that do put more vanilla women off. Also nobody can claim not to have heard of the many women who refuse to join in with their partners who wish them to lock up their genitals.

OK, many of these women, my Wife included, become more used to all of this over time. But it is more often the husband who starts things by introducing the idea of chastity. What is wrong with the idea of having a place for a gentle introduction to the ideas of benefits of male chastity? I think it is a great idea. There is a lot of more vanilla advice out there, even advice for why to do this for religious people who might otherwise think this is all a sin. Give us somewhere to discuss with our wives and girlfriends reasons for doing this other than lock up my pathetic clitty I'm not worthy whaaaaaaa.

Some of you may know the reason I am wearing a chastity device is because of my Wife's reaction to my genital modification. If you are so against this idea of safe spaces I suppose we are fine with the idea of me changing my profile picture to a nice image of my split glans? Oh, no, that isn't fine is it, as we are told to make sure images are toned down so less kink aware members, primarily female, are less disturbed.

I think my final point is about fake profiles. I was simply pointing out that some of the more hysterical members of this forum, in my opinion, are men pretending to be women. Add the fact that other women have wondered whether they have to feminise/cuckold/dress up/whatever their partner as part of this chastity thing and a lot of those ideas are regularly discussed by the hysterical fake profile members, and you have one possible reason as to why more women are not members.

@Mascara^Snake had a response that was simply put, made sense and made me rethink my own position. @Wendygirl had a response that shut down discussion and made me feel foolish.

The idea of a gentle introduction area for vanilla wives has been made in a separate thread, but the subtext of how this has been done is malicious, aggressive and questioning the need. Nobody has said run the sissies out of Dodge but as has been pointed out we are known as the Sissy Place. Other forums completely ban any mention of sissification or pathetic boi clittys.

I honestly don't see what the problem is. We all know that some women find the idea of male chastity disturbing. We all know that there are many, many ways that chastity is used. We all know that the only right way to use chastity is the one that most suits the people in the chastity based relationship. We all know that some women get confused by the demands they perceive their partner is making of them, usually erroneously. We all know that given time and help many women come round to the idea and end up enjoying the chastity lifestyle and then truly take over. So what is wrong with the idea of helping with that process?

 

I for one was quite disturbed by the idea of chastity when it was first introduced to me (quite some time ago now) I was urged to join the site but had no interest in it. It was only later on after the relationship ended that I decided to have a second look here. Male chastity was something I needed to explore and understand since finding that it suited my nature and that I probably wasn't going to look back.
I know very well that when you first set foot in here it can be quite overwhelming.
During my long (and chequered history) here I've spent a great deal (if not most) of my time communicating one to one with new members, not to mention with those struggling to make sense of it all. I've even conducted (as some of you know) in house, one to one surveys based on members likes and dislikes. If I'm also flagging it as an issue then it's not out of malice, it's based on experience and observation coupled with a desire to make the site more accessible to the uninitiated. I will not be silenced by those wanting to stigmatise me or other members as gender or kink prejudiced or whatever you wish to call it.

Personally I happen to like mint humbugs, however I don't wish to see nothing else available on the shelves. (@Billus )

 

When you open a bar, you cannot control who are it's customers.
To some extent you can by choosing the location, and the decor, but once it's open you are left for your customers to choose you.

To some extent this place was set out with it's sections so as to provide a home for sissies - else why have a Powder Room at all?
Presumably to better serve it's customers.

So why does chastity attract (or develop in some) such a strong femmy element rather than, say, furries?
It should not be so hard to imagine why. Chastity doesnt involve cute animal cartoon characters, it involves the negation of ones primary sexual organ, and by extension the negation of ones manhood. It seems that an appropriation of femm (in a pastiche to be sure, but not one that should be seen as intended to be offensive) is what many find comfortable by way of a replacement of that manhood.
The idea shouldn't be so hard to grasp, even if it's found to be distasteful.

Many bars actively choose to have different rooms to better cater to the preferences of their differing clientel. Oh.....hang on....

 

SubVerity - I disagree that the practice of sensual chastity is a negation or a replacement of manhood, etc.

For many men, myself included, it is a powerful enhancement and bittersweet antagonism of my manhood. Such a process, when I choose to engage in it, only increases my experience of my libido and my inherent sense of my masculinity.

 

@Ganymede - true, that happens as well to all of us, but somehow it's the sensing and experience part that is different.
Funny that for some it enhances their sense of masculinity, yet for others it reduces it.

In fact the increased sense of masculinity you experience is almost a lost voice here on CM. It'd be great to hear more of it, though.....it's not very manly to talk about 'feelings' of things. Is that why it's not often expressed?

 

Because it is drowned out by those who support their own fetish at the expense of those other voices. People who are interested in chastity without the frilly bits (people in the mold of Tom Allen or Thumper, for example) are turned off by what they see here, and either don't sign up at all or don't come back if they do. Except for the hacking, the only part of CM that keeps 'normal' people around here instead of chasttyforums is the chat function.

And the fact that the mods who push for their own fetishes seem to think they are somehow superior to the hoi polloi that keep this site running at all. I've heard of members complaining about being interrogated by mods (the same names keep coming up), and I've experienced sniping backtalk myself in threads that were closed, but mods kept posting in to bitch about my attitude. I bring this up not because I care what they think of me, but to make the point that "other voices" are kept at arm's length by a small coterie, and any attempt to be more open is either shut down, or probably mocked in private (see @Jasmic68's comment above about being made to feel foolish. He deserves better than that).

 

Me and my girlfriend/keyholder are actively involved in the kink community in the real world and have many friends who's lifestyles are different from what society would call "main stream". Neither one of us had much knowledge about chastity when we started this and while we were familiar with some aspects of it, there were many questions. We did our searches and looked at probably all the same sites everyone does when starting out, some were informative, others not so much and some downright disturbing to both of us.

I would find sites that seems to be in line with what we were looking to do and are into, then I would send her a link so she could check them out herself. I stumbled across the mansion and found some very useful threads and information. Like many sites, I didn't relate with some of what I read, and other things seemed to be spot on. There is no question this site has a strong undercurrent of cross dressing, I sent her a link warning her about that so she didn't get worried thinking I may want to do this. (Not that there's anything wrong with it) because I know she isn't into it, and neither am I. She did take a look around and got some very useful information.

She wasn't disturbed by anything she read, much of it just didn't resonate with her and that's fine. I have much more time on my hands and I enjoy forums, I find them very useful for information and learning. While there are many threads I don't reply to or get involved with because of content, I don't mind the content is there, live and let live. I will also say that some of the best advise I read came from many who choose that lifestyle. I do wish that there were more alpha type males posting, or alpha male key holders posting so that perhaps if I got her to come back and look around again she may get involved and others like us could relate more but to be honest, I don't think she will. She has never been interested in social media or forums nor does she have the time to visit regularly.

What my point is with all this rambling is that when such a large part of the posting population are into that lifestyle those topics will always get the most attention. Is the site groomed to be that way, or do the moderators push that agenda? I don't know, I haven't been on here long enough to make a call on that yet, but it's clear that the majority of active members lean that way and I enjoy reading many of the topics even if it's not my kink.

Many women are freaked out about chastity at first, mine included and considering our sex life would be called "extreme" by many, I never would have thought she would be. Because of our lifestyle she was able to take what she needed and leave the rest. For those without exposure to alternative lifestyles, that may not be so easy and reading most of the popular content here could very easily scare many away.

I think adding a more vanilla type section as suggested in another thread is a good start, but without more members participating who do consider themselves to be "alpha" (myself included) who are not into cross dressing side of the lifestyle not much will change.

 

The original post on this thread was a perfectly reasonable question posted by @windrush , whom I have chatted to on occasions and found him to be a pleasant, polite gentleman who resides in a charming, idyllic part of the UK. He holidays to exotic parts of the world and I'm sure he would be appalled, as I am, at the way his thread has degenerated into a horrible slanging match.

To answer his question : I have spoken to a number of males at various times, who are involved in chastity, together with its associated kinks, and a good half of them have told me that their parteners have no idea of their fetish because they have kept it a secret from them.
The rest of them, that have informed their partners, have said that, mainly, their partners merely tolerated their fetish and didn't really play along with what they wanted. I suppose thats why they visited a pro dommes .
Now I'm sure that this is not the case for all and there are obviously some couples who both find enjoyment in chastity. However, I'm also sure that the same kind of figures will also apply to those who have joined The Mansion.

Whilst I sympathise with some of Amanda wishes, I cannot really imagine that there would be a great many wives or girlfriends clamouring to join this site and discuss their parteners fetishes with the females already on here. Also if we curbed the more outlandish threads, I feel the membership and those that visit us on a regular basis, would gradually diminish.

Apologies once again to Windrush.

 

@Mistress B
I hope that my posts in this thread did not give the impression that I think that the more outrageous posts in the mansion should be controlled or removed. I am currently reading through 15 pages of the most outlandish story I have discovered since finding the mansion, the journal of Tina, formerly known as the cuckold Jamie. The things described are way outside of my experience of chastity and I am sure would terrify many partners if they thought that is what was expected of them. I am thoroughly engrossed in the developments and eagerly working my through the posts.

I think it is sad so many men feel forced to keep this lifestyle secret from their partners. I also understand why they do so. Like me they must have read so many accounts of men who have tried to include their wives and girlfriends only to be rejected. I have read at least one account of a wife who left her husband thinking he was a complete freak. Many others have partners who at best are indifferent and uninterested in having anything to do with chastity.

I honestly don't think there are queues of women clamoring to join the mansion but I do like the idea of a safe area for any prospective female members to have a softer introduction to the world of male chastity.

 

Or in other words, "Some of us are not interested in change or bringing in new people. Shut up and stop rocking the boat".

I find that @Mistress B's use of anecdotal experience to be, like many similar examples, not really worthwhile. Selection bias plays a huge role in these instances. She speaks to a small group (unless she surveys dozens of members or more), but of course, leaves out the (possibly) larger number who don't stick around long enough to be interviewed. It's like going to a church and asking for views on atheism; you'll not get many votes in favour of it.

I was speaking to a member yesterday and used the metaphor of an iceberg. Many people sign up here and post that they have an interest in chastity and want to involve their wife or girlfriend, but are either afraid to broach the subject or don't know how. Those women are the real driving force behind this site; the men involved are only the tip of this iceberg that we see when they post. The women are the focal point for the men, but they remain unseen; hidden. Silent. No effort is made to bring these women on board, when in fact they are what the fuss is all about for these men.

The fact that at the bottom of this site are pages of men seeking keyholders is an indication that chastity is best as a joint activity; one being locked and another controlling (to one degree or another) the locking. The mansion is like a counseling service, but only one gender is encouraged to attend sessions. And the therapy is almost always "dress up like a sissy and grovel". That works for some, fine. It doesn't work for everyone, but attitudes like the one above stifle discussion. This is a forum and thus, we all express our thoughts. Whining about how threads "degenerate" is code for "you are speaking in a manner I disapprove of". So what? Shall we all just submit our posts to the mod team for pre-approval before being allowed to post? I disagree with almost every word of @Mistress B's post, but I support her right to express her opinion. Why does she want to censor anyone she does not agree with?

This is the thinking that prevents women and couples from finding a home here. Note that nobody, nobody at all, is calling for banning or removing the more 'outlandish' posts or thoughts from CM. But there is a mentality at work that does not want 'vanilla' women or people without a particular fetish, to have a voice here. It is the result of petty minds and paranoia. As I've suggested before, it may require a reshuffle of the management structure in order to remove this obstacle. My anecdotal experience is that this would be a well-received idea.

 

I do not know if you want the voice a very member, but I will give you an example that I found strange.

Being new to chastity, one thing that we noticed was a lot more pre-cum while locked up. We looked this up here and saw that it was normal and regular, so we were relieved. However, on most of the conversations here, it ended up saying something like: make him wear panties and a pad (you have no idea how long it took to understand that idiom, why could you not just say pantyliner!). This is something that is of no interest to us (we aren't into cross dressing) but on all conversations, it suggests that cross dressing is the only solution. We are still interested in a solution for this if anyone can make a suggestion.

There are many such threads where members suggest the solution to the chastity issue is crossdressing. This would be no problem if there were many other suggestions, but crossdressing is the dominant form of response to a lot of general enquiries.

So to conclude, we took the view that this site was a crossdressing and chastity forum and we read it for the chastity elements. But all throughout conversations on the site there are very frequent suggestions that crossdressing is the solution the questions raised.

I hope that this is ok to post.

 

I am sorry but the first line should have said:

I do not know if you want the voice a very new member, but I will give you an example that I found strange.

 

Thank you for your input. You're just the kind of person we are discussing, really.

Yes, leaking pre-cum is normal when you're aroused, so no worries there. You might try a small folded piece of toilet paper in your underwear.