Will i lose interest, and if so, then what? (feminization and how far will it go)

Discussion in 'Female led relationships' started by imbriannagirl, Dec 7, 2008.

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  1. imbriannagirl
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    imbriannagirl Senior Member

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    Hello. :)

    As we are all on this journey, and are all at different but equal places, this is a question for us all. Those that are just beginning and have wondered the same thing, i would be interested to know what each of you has as a vision of where you will be in the future. In other words, what does your own particular vision of your feminization look like?

    For those that are much further along in their Journey, what did you feel and think about when you were just beginning, and what did it turn into? Are you where you thought you would be, or have you perhaps "found your real self" after years of denial as an example.

    Personally, i've been dressing since i was just 5, but it obviously kicked into overdrive when i hit puberty. The standard story of trying on my mother's clothing when no one was home is very typical for me when i was growing up, and at 39 i've certainly found my softer side and have long since stopped those purges.

    What i've been wondering lately, is how far my own feminization will go. What if i find that after Mistress sticks with changing me to her own needs, i am losing interest? On the flip side, what if i fall into it so fully that i decide to go extreme? (for "extreme", i mean things such as implants, hormones, public living, etc, etc)

    All my life, my deep desires always weilded such power over me, and i am weak before any woman who knows how to fully control that weakness.

    Looking forward to any comments or other questions anyone has. i'm especially curious to know what our Ladies' thoughts are on the subject.

    brianna :)
     
  2. candide
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    candide Member

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    imbriannagirl -- Lovely thread!

    I have no personal resonance with feminization but I'm different enough in my own way and I wonder where I'll end up if I follow my path. I too "am weak before any woman who knows how to fully control that weakness."

    It has become clear to me that there are many, many men who are pursuing their femininity as you are. I wish you the best.
     
  3. maid katrin
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    maid katrin chaste sissy maid

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    Dear brianna,

    that's a truly interesting question. Like you i have been dressing as long as i can remember and wanted to be a girl already as a little child. Even though my strong inclination to submissiveness and chastity came later (probably during or straight after puberty), they both are forming a unified whole with my desires to be a feminine person.
    When i recall my own development i was quite confused for a long time, not knowing who i am and where my journey will take me to. Today i am a submissive maid, i am in strict chastity and live as a female full time and i don't think about too much what else will come in my live. Of course, to make it perfect i dream to have a pair of fuller breasts and my clitty removed (and locked in a female belt, of course) but as i am utterly frightened of operations i am not sure whether i will be go as far as that. Nevertheless i am open for everything that takes me closer to be a woman.
    I can not imagine to lose interest when my Mistress would force me in a direction that suits Her needs and opinions that are not mine. Our interests in that matter are quite similar anyway. I don't know what would happen if She'd insist of me having a surgical breast augmentation or even to go the full monty ... probably i would comply and overcome my fears ...

    Hugs and kisses

    maid katrin
     
  4. Mistress Watchful
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    Mistress Watchful Dont believe the hype ;oP

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    Interesting :sign0087:

    I wonder if it's different because this is something that both you and maid katrin have *always* desired.

    I'm making huge assumptions here, but I don't think pet had these urges before it was introduced within the realms of chastity.

    We went through a period shortly after charlotte joined us when I got quite concerned that he wanted to take things a lot further than I did.

    These things develop over time though don't they.

    I think at the moment I would be happy to have a pretty, frilly sissy maid (almost just for show, massages, serving tea, etc) rather than a full time sissy, if that makes sense. I like the dress up novelty factor.

    But who knows where this will end up. I wonder what pet's agenda is!?
     
  5. Miss D
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    Miss D Expert In Femming

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    Lose Interest brianna?? I don't think so. Not in a million years.

    Whether being frilled is a gender identity compulsion or a sexual kink for you - really makes little difference. Time will tell whether you are frilled on ocassion - like an ornament - or if you will be dressed in woman's clothes full time. People and relationships change but brianna will always be captivated by her femming. That will not change...

    I believe as Mistress Watchful does - these things develop over time - whatever will happen won't occur over night. I'll bet if we asked brianna about her own motivation over a period of a few years - it would change. Isn't it likely her degree of femming will also?

    But she'll never lose interest... never...


    :party-096:
     
  6. candide
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    candide Member

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    But she'll never lose interest... never...

    I suspect Miss D is right.

    When I was younger, I would periodically throw out all my Femdom/SM stuff, and hope that my sexuality would "straighten" out so I would just a be a normal hetero guy.

    Never happened.
     
  7. PT109
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    PT109 Senior Member

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    I would have to agree with the others. It will never go away, but where it ends? That is the magic of your life. I have been amazed at the depth and breadth of my feminine side. I have never given up being a male. After all there are too many good things there too. I fell in love with the female form when I was very small. I can't even remember when. I dressed in my mother's lingerie as soon as I knew what it was. Like a lot of other men I went through periods when I denied myself the pleasure of dressing up. But this was more because it was making my life as a man more difficult and leaving me open to ridicule and disrespect. It didn't mean that I didn't still want to dress up. Eventually I decided to cultivate my feminine side more seriously. For the last 25 years (I'm now in my early 60's) I have maintained my own female clothing, panties, girdles, bras, nighties etc. and wear them whenever I feel like it. Of course this would have been difficult had I not married a wonderful, understanding and caring woman who lets me be me (my only complaint is that I don't get enough spankings tee hee).
    I am fascinated by the trans-sexuals who grow beautiful breasts and keep their genitals. For me this would be a perfect body. I will never go that far but I do admire those who do and thank them for the wonderful eye candy they provide when they post pictures or make videos.
    So I say, don't worry about knowing exactly what will eventually happen. No one knows the future and it wouldn't be nearly as much fun if we did. Just be yourself and take care of yourself and those you love.
     
  8. xcitex2
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    xcitex2 Back from the past!

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    Wow a thought provoking question it is. I would have never dreamt of a feminine side. For me chastity was ultimately about the huge release that comes in the end and the servitude of my wife in the mean time. Now with that being said on more than one occasion I have been made to wear hosiery and locking high heels. This has been very humiliating and erotic all at the same time. Perhaps I need to be made to wear it to accept it. I don't know that answer yet. I can say with pretty good certainty that I do not see me ever getting to the sissy maid side just because I doubt my wife would want it to go there. Now if I am wrong then since she holds the key that could change.
     
  9. Respectful
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    Respectful Chaste by choice

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    Bump

    Brianna,

    I just reread the whole thread and felt a bump was deserved. I hope you don't mind.

    Respectful :heart:
     
  10. sophia
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    sophia Senior Member

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    Thanks for the bump! Good reading. I have the same question: How far will it go?
    sophia
     
  11. Jimi123
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    Jimi123 Senior Member

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    Looking from the outside in and knowing a little about Transexuality from a couple of friends (who are) I wonder if this suggestion is in order. If you take the "erotic" out of this do you feel better "fem" then in male mode? Are you more comfortable in your skin when its dressed in female clothing? Are you missing the rest of being female? Asking these questions might be of value and in particular if you were to do so with a gender therapist. I'm not trying to say you need ever take it beyond what your doing but the comments about this starting at such a young age make me think this is way more then a "hobby" or a sexual fetish / kink.

    I think this is hard for some folks to seperate because its still about "sex" but in this case it might be more about the medical parts of sex and less about the erotic / fun / kink part of sex. *But thats not to say it can't be both.

    I'm sure that going down that path might be a bit scary. Its sure does more then change the M to F on your drivers license! But at least for the folks I know its made their lives much better and more complete and correct.

    If your ever under a lot of (what you think is) mental distress it might be simply GID Gender Identity Disorder. Its not very complicated. You have male parts and are wired female. Many m2f folks with GID go the whole route hormone therapy, gender reassignment surgery and have nice regular lives as women. Some don't go the whole route. They may simply take female hormones and take drugs to limit testosterone production. Because the testosterone reducing drugs are not super healthy to use long term some TS women opt for surgical castration (Orchiectomy) and go on female hormone therapy but don't go the full route of GRS (Surgery) Cost can become an issue as many insurance companies don't cover this well (or at all)

    Think about your options. The friends who have or are going down this route tell me the only thing they regret is not doing this sooner.

    - Jimi
     
  12. imbriannagirl
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    imbriannagirl Senior Member

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    Thank you Respectful for the "bump". It seems to have worked. LOL

    Hello Jimi. i'll answer your questions below.


    If you take the "erotic" out of this do you feel better "fem" then in male mode?
    That's difficult to provide a yes or a no answer. Yes, i feel more comfortable... more "at ease" when feminine. i feel more calm, relaxed, and gentle in spirit. No, i'm naturally a comfy person, so when given the chance to be in male clothing, or sitting in a pair of shorts and nothing else... the shorts win hands down. However...

    i've noticed over the years, and most recently this past year under Mistress Jessica, that i am almost conditioned to feel that it's somehow more "appropriate" for me to be dressed properly. If i were raised as a girl in the 1950's, there were all manner of expectations placed on girls on how they should/shouldn't act, should/shouldn't speak, should/shouldn't think. i'm sure this is coming out all garbled... but *i* know what i'm thinking! LOL

    Let me try to explain from another perspective. Mistress expects me to always be girdled when i'm dressed. All proper ladies "should" wear proper foundation undergarments. Now, here's the twist to it all... being girdled by default means chastity, and just the simple act of almost being "bound" in my girdles (i know Mistress hates when i term it that way) causes arousal, overwhelming feminization, and yet deeper need to submit. When i'm fully dressed, i almost feel like it's somehow wrong for me to want to touch myself... or even to THINK about it. Yet, the desires are even greater given how controlled i am with being girdled (amongst other things).

    Remember what i said about it not being a "yes" or "no" answer?? i hope you're still with me. :)

    Are you more comfortable in your skin when its dressed in female clothing?
    i think this one can be answered simply. Yes, i do. Being feminine just seems to "fit" me better.

    Are you missing the rest of being female?
    When you say "the rest of being female", i assume you mean having breasts, wide hips, full bum, and all those secondary characteristics that Miss D recently blogged about on her blog (http://missds.blogspot.com)??? Yes, i wish i could have all those things, but is it practical? No. Would i honestly look even REMOTELY as beautiful as any genetic female would even if i had those things? Not likely. LOL

    i will say this though. i wish i could think more like females. When it comes to processing information, females have males beat without a doubt (i don't think i could handle the emotional overload they get though).

    i'm pretty sure i'm not a candidate for SRS, nor simply removing my testes. Then again, an ex-girlfriend has always told me that i will go the SRS route. i'm not sure if she's kidding.

    Would love to hear other's input.

    brianna :)
     
  13. Jimi123
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    Jimi123 Senior Member

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    I'm not a therapist but your answers make me wonder if you really should explore this further. The point you made about not looking good as a female is one that several TS people that I know have made when they started transition.

    The fact that Girdles and other women's clothing is not just some kind of masturbation "device" I think screams that this is not just for fun.

    Look - If your goal is to become a 19 year old supermodel? Well NO hormones or surgery is going to make you 19 again. As to how beautiful you might be that is a very complicated thing. Can you ever blend in as a women? So far the couple of people that I know do a good job. One was worried she was too tall. Then she walked into a restaurant with some natal females taller then her. *And all quite attractive. Can you look good? Well... I'm not into TS people for being TS but as a "woman" the two I know are very fine! ;-)

    Google Lynn Conway or Marci Bowers as a couple of examples. They are both (I think) very attractive and I think rather mainstream people who just had some medical problems with Gender. You might be just the same?

    If SRS etc don't freak you out and the idea of having secondary characteristics appeals to you I think you owe it to yourself to Google a GID therapist in your area and talk it out. It might end up that they say "Well your into a sexual fetish and are not really TS" but I suspect they will tell you something very different.

    Good luck!
     
  14. sophia
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    sophia Senior Member

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    Hello Brianna!

    I am with you all the way.
    Yes, definately much better. Can't help it. It's just the way things are. I even understand your point about girdles. I feel calm. Much more in harmony with myself and the world.

    I love it when we are making love and my wife is on top. I feel i am at the "receiving end". She "takes" me. I see the feminine neglig covering my breasts... feels so good.

    Yes. Wish i was younger... maybe hormones and surgery. If only my libido and orgasms could be guaranteed. Maybe everything will be corrected in the next life? I became a father when i was quite young. For me that stopped the idea of going further

    I think i live as good and as full as is practicly possible right now. I sleep every night in some kind of nightdress. When i go out i put on the "male uniform" and when i come home i change into something much better.
    I love my wife so this is the best way.

    To Jimi:
    For me it is not. I don't get excited just by dressing in a skirt or girdle, no. If i am horny it feels better, more sexy, in a corset, stockings, high heels.
    On the other hand, it is fun. Much more so than male trousers!

    To be serious, this is a serious question, i think that if you have survived a couple of years with this mix of being both male/female you get a healthy distance to yourself preventing doing stupid things. When you accept your destiny, than you can start living. Why fight it when one can enjoy the best of both worlds?

    sophia
     
  15. iwearpanties
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    iwearpanties Member

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    wow this makes me wonder about my self ? ive been a long time panty wearing male frist wore ate age 7 or 8 been hooked since . ive been sub to Mistress'es and a few Male Dom types but not in a sexual way . how ever i do enjoy wearing and dressing but i dont seek too have a sex channge and become female . I truely enjoy being male / sub male in females clothes for all types of play and domination ect . im sure there are quite a few like me out there but i also know we all have diffrent likes needs and wants as sissies and submissives.
     
  16. Miss D
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    Miss D Expert In Femming

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    I like seeing honest and open discussion about gender. Aren't there just a zillion different viewpoints?

    But, the only viewpoint that really and truly counts is your own.

    Can a man be put in a dress and makeup and look pretty even if he doesn't look exactly like a genetic woman?

    Of course he can.

    Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. The point of femming is not necessarily to be passable in the sense of looking like a genetic woman. It's a little different - it's about being pretty just as you are. Enhancing secondary feminine sexual characteristics can be a part of that. It all comes down to what is practical and what image you wish to project. Curves in the right places and a glimpse of cleavage in a low neck dress is attractive and it doesn't require hormones or surgery. A gurl can look and be utterly feminine - so pretty - so elegant or so whorish - whatever she desires - and never take hormones or have surgery.

    It's an option that is not discussed that much. I will say that hormones do have a very calming effect but the price of loss of libido is not for everyone. There is absolutely nothing wrong with feeling sexual about your femming - it is a very, very good thing.

    One last comment - I hear over and over from gurls that they do not think they will be acceptable (passable) in everyday life dressed as a woman. It does not matter what you wear - it's the persona you project that makes the difference. Project your true persona - whatever that may be and you will be happier and more contented and those around you, they will be happier too. You can't be pleasing to yourself or anyone else if you are at war inside.

    Watch the movie Gran Torino - it's not just about a Korean war vet.
     
  17. sophia
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    sophia Senior Member

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    Miss D!
    I think you are right (again)!

    If we take that point of view, of course. What you say is that don't try to be a genetic woman, be a man imposing a woman?

    If i was to go out in public the solution is to exaggerate a little? Be a little sexier, a little hotter, a little more daring?
    I could live with that, thank you very much. The secret of success is to look like a sexy crossdresser! Fishnet stockings, corset, high heels. Or whatever. Yes of course!

    Thank you again. I mean it most sincere. It's easy. I do it at home in front of my wife so why not in public? The idea has crossed my mind to sooner or later go out in female clothing. Trying to look like a genetic woman is very difficult, but to look like a gurl.... Easy. "From whorish to elegant..."
    The simple solutions are often the best. :anim_37:

    sophia
     
  18. Jimi123
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    Jimi123 Senior Member

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    I guess what I'm trying to say is that some of the things that make up Chastity and femming (In some cases) might be just simple (If its EVER simple?) transexuality. The idea of locking away the penis or feeling that using it is "wrong" are often felt by Transexuals. They want to hide it, tuck it away etc.

    The reason some people don't transition is that they fear they will be seen as men in drag. The truth from what I've seen is that "men" who transition and do the whole route of hormones etc are pretty passable as women assuming they are the same age. As I said before no one has come up with a way to turn a 40 (or 50 etc) year old male and "convert" them into 19 year old supermodels. But these same people do (with help from Hormones, surgery etc) end up looking pretty much as they ought to as 40 or 50 year old women. Another comment I've seen a lot are TS people who resist transition because of family. I guess this is a value choice. Are the kids old enough to understand? Is this a change you can afford to avoid? I know it seems pretty radical to even consider but... I think its worth speaking to a therapist about it and discussing the possibility.

    On the other hand if this IS just an interesting sexual kink. Well that really is a truly different topic.
     
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