Wife turned off by chastity cages

Make your kink "pleasing her" it is what brought me to chastity. Look for my thread on adaptive fetishism you'll see what I mean.

 

She is more important to you than you chastity fetish? Great! What are her 3 favorite sexual fantasies or 3 locations she’d like to have sex? What was her favorite sexual encounter to date? Hottest book she’s ever read? Sexiest movie she’s ever scene? Favorite romantic gesture? She spent a year indulging your kink, I hope those questions are really easy for you to answer.

 

I agree!

 

Sorry to hear that. How's it going since?

 

We have spoken a bit since and she told me she doesn’t like it and it is turn off. She much prefers me not wearing it. So it is away in a box in the closet. Initially I was upset but to be honest, the stories on this site has made me think it is the right call. We are comfortably out of a dead bedroom for around 8 months. As much as I wanted to enjoy the kink side of it and the constant desire, I also really like having sex and orgasms,. If there is one almost universal truth on this site it is the inevitable progression to less and less PIV sex and orgasms with the long term guys seeing it almost or completely gone. I do not want that. At all. Yikes.

We went from having sex twice in 3 years to PIV 4-6 times a month and 4-5 nights a months of solely worshipping her. That in of itself it amazing. She really struggles to O. She gave up trying to get it to happen on her own years ago. Using a Hitachi will easily take 30-45min and make her sore. Previously she really didn’t like oral but I slowly got her comfortable last summer to the point she considers that almost mandatory. It took a lot of trial and error (and an amazing convo with a lesbian on Reddit who gave me some incredible tips, man am I in debt to her) to get my wife to O from oral. Sometimes it takes 30-40min, sometimes much less. But she is enjoying it more and more to the point that this past Monday I went to town for 1.5 hours and she had 6 incredible orgasms. I was in heaven. So was she, there was a tearful thank you spoken.

So for me the most important thing is fueling that fire to the point we are just fully comfortable enjoying sex often. Maybe someday I will get that fantasy stroked but it’s not like it doesn’t come with costs. Many times I was on the verge of quitting from extreme high and tight issues, trouble fitting comfortably in my suits and other issues. Even with that I do dream that someday she just says to me “where is that cage?” Oh well. Now if I could just figure a way to get her to restrain and spank me….

 

Good to hear. Hopefully, you've learned enough along the way with the cage that you can use the honor system to sustain the improved love life and stay focused on satisfying her.

 

If you ever figure this out, PLEASE PLEASE let me know... My wife has no interest in exploring kinks... she's willing to humor me... to a point... but as we get older that point is becoming smaller and smaller.

 

I think you've may have answered the question that I was about to ask, or maybe you haven't...

I was going to ask whether her objection was just do to with the physical appearance of you wearing the device, the sight looking overly mechanical or less manly to her; Or whether it is more primeval than that, her association of a real man being someone with high sexual drive, physical strength and the ability to penetrate and dominate his partner, all of which is nullified by you being in chastity.
If it's the latter, then that would be a more difficult cookie to crumble, but if it's the former, then you could try to keep the tease and denial aspects going without using the cage. If you want to enjoy whatever you end up doing together, then exactly what little things turn her on and turn her off needs to be found out. Once you find the aspects that she does like in common with you, then you're steering in the right direction again.

A thought occurs from how I first got into chastity.
Is she interested in bondage of any sort? That's an associated fetish that could gently lead back to chastity. After all, chastity using cages or belts is essentially genital bondage, a penis being just another limb to be restrained, isn't it?

 

I would ask if if she won't mind you wearing it during a "scene" night. Make sure this isn't done the majority of the time. A little vanilla master and servant play. Make the effort to set up candles in the room, treat her to a massage, etc. Maybe remove the cage for intercourse if you're both in the mood afterwards. Damn, you've only got one life. I've ended a relationship because a boring sex life was the last straw. Rock n roll. Order a huge strapon and when it arrives show it to her and tell her you're a masochistic that wants to be pegged bound up in chastity. She'll dig the fact you have a crazy and rare sexual appetite and that she might not find someone like you again. Get her to squeeze your balls hard when you're making love, she'll begin to love the control and how much your masochism turns you on.

 

Her objection is twofold- She doesn't care for how it looks, regardless of style. She also doesn't want to be in control of it. While she is 100% in charge in the bedroom (she says if we are having fun, what we are doing, when it's over etc), she doesn't want to be in charge of the key or when it comes on or off. And with her being off put seeing it and knowing it is there it is far safer for me to shelve it and ramp up our sex lives than force it in there. She also really likes my 'manliness' so maybe some of that could play into it.

Bondage? No. She isn't interested in anything really. We have talked about it several times, and even talking is tough- she hates discussing anything sexual. She does not have fantasies, desires or desire for that matter. She responds with an ok if she is willing but there is never a "I want to have sex" thought in her head. We used to play a lot more when the kids were much younger and went to bed earlier- she even pegged me and we would on rare occasions tie each other up. She actually got a kick out of me going down on her strap on. But that is all gone now, the chocolate fudge, whipped cream and sprinkle kinks have been washed off her vanilla ice cream. I will be patient though, even though it KILLS me.

 

She might try ashwaganda which has been known to help with stress and libido.

just a thought

 

spanking…
That’s the one thing my wife doesn’t mind

 

If the center of your attention is Mister PeePee, even when locked, why even bother locking it?! When are are you going to start thinking of doing something useful, like focusing on her?

 

I can't speak for OP but in my case my focus has always been 100% on my wife. Probably why chastity doesn't suit her, she doesn't see much of a difference in me because I have always considered her my world...

 

That would be completely unacceptable to me. My question to her if this was my situation, “how are we going to fix this? Because we ARE going fix our sex life.

 

Well you can't force sexual desire on someone. I believe my previous posts outlined what I am doing to restart things and see how everything progresses..

 

Force desire? No. Force conversations? Yes. First as a couple, then with a doctor to make sure she’s healthy and doesn’t have any health issues impacting her sexual desire. Next, off to a good sex therapist if there are no medical issues.

 

Like I said, we are working on it...