Wife turned off by chastity cages

Talk, see if there is a middle ground, find out what her concerns are, explain what you want and why, and listen to what she wants and why.

 

@Lali's slave boy : If this happened to me I would just give my wife and hug and tell her, "I'm sorry you felt you needed to do this to make me happy, I love you."

Maybe you will start again later, maybe not... but it's not what is important.

 

The first thing you do is to thank her. First you thank her for playing along with your little game. Then you thank her for letting you know how she feels about. Then you let her know that she could have told you earlier, because you don't want her to do things that disgust her, and that she is your partner in life, and you want to be a good partner for her, too.

Then you say something like this: "Well, you played this game with me for a year. I'd like to know what game you'd enjoy." She may not want to answer that; don't be disappointed if she doesn't. The point is, you're her partner, and you're willing to explore her fantasies and (if you're lucky) her kinks.

Use this as a good excuse to work on your communication skills, and to reassure her that you are listening to what she says, and want to be involved with what she wants to do. You may have to give up (at least temporarily) on your dream of chastity, but listening and appreciating what she is telling you will hopefully put her mind in a better place, and help your relationship to grow.

 

And once all that is done… you just simply file for divorce. Find someone else. Putting your own needs first is what chastity is all about!

But more seriously, that’s awful. One of the biggest attractions of chastity for me is that my wife doesn’t do things that she doesn’t want to do. To think that could all be a show would be a little devastating.

Definitely work on that communication aspect. As much as she’s taken a year to tell you, there must also be a reason she felt she couldn’t. Two way.

 

There's definitely more to unpack here than we can see.

But I am now used to finding things out later that my wife disliked but never felt comfortable telling me before, so I totally empathize with his situation, and I hope that the advice I shared (taken from what little I've learned myself) will help him make his wife more comfortable to share her feelings sooner-rather-than-later.

 

Just my take on things (and life in general). If it really doesn't do it for her then it's pretty much a no go I would think. At least she tried, which is more than a lot of women would do. I can understand how you feel but if it doesn't work for both of you then there ain't much point. Sorry mate.

 

can't offer any better advice than this
other than consider what are you offering her
and what are you willing to offer her in future

 

I have no advice as I am in the same boat. We started the year with my wife agreeing to take the keys and be strict with me and for a week and a half she sort of was. But quickly I could tell she had zero desire to play the game. Finally about a week and a half ago I bluntly asked her and begged her to be honest. She told me it was a real turn off and had no interest. So my cage came off and I am back to square one...

 

I agree with this, but unfortunately she has the last say in this

 

Some women want sexually aggressive men. Not sexually abusive, but someone who will initiate everything and do all the work while being assertive about it. It kind of sounds like your wife might be that kind of woman. I'm sorry you've found such a strong incompatibility regarding your own desires. Others have said you should try to find middle ground, but I don't see that going anywhere if she thinks you're gay for wanting to play with chastity. That's a really strong negative indicator that I don't think will lead to any flexibility for middle ground.

 

I think this is great advice. Maybe Id word it a little less aggressively. She might be submissive herself. Like others have said communication is key. I have been with my partner for years and even now I sometimes struggle to broach topics I have in mind. If I pick the wrong time Ill get a completely different response to a different time when she is receptive. Like night and day sometimes. It may have just been a timing thing and you were being annoying. My Partner loves me but if I end up being too pesky she WILL swat me.

But yeah my partner likes me masculine, I am just under her control. She doesn't see me as any less masculine because she controls my cage. I make her life easier, she most certainly does not want to be in control over all aspects of our life indeed she wants me to look after her and make decisions that she would rather not.

She just decides when we have sex and when and how I get to cum, more recently that is normally pretty traditional, but that could change whenever she wants it to. We have been there before lol.

But if she ever said something like that to me I couldn't wear it, id feel stupid, even sometimes now I sometimes feel like an idiot for allowing my cock to be contained in a steel tube.

 

Yeah, I've gone through that a few times myself. Chastity definitely exposes my insecurities and vulnerabilities. It's usually a good thing that it does so, but every once in a while it's a bit overwhelming.

 

Ok i think a 1 1/2 then telling you her feelings on it was a little long. After sometime you may want to ask her if she always felt that way about you in chastity, and if so why did she not tell you earlier.

 

My wife isn’t really into the cage, so we’ve used it very little in the last year or so, but teasing and denial is a big part of our play. Maybe there’s a middle ground there?

 

Unfortunately we are who we are, especially sexually, if there is no way to have a compromise or middle ground, sex life, kinks, who you are and what gets you off can definitely make or break any relationship. Hopefully after some much needed talks you two can figure out a way to move forward where neither of you eventually resent one another for it.

 

There is a difference between chastity play and trying to be a spineless beta slave boy. She may never see you the same again and it may not be a recoverable relationship. If you want to save the relationship, you are going to have to do a 180 and don’t look back.

 

Abandon chastity and find out what sexual fantasies she wants to explore. She may like something you enjoy better than chastity. Don’t get stuck in your Kink!

 

Many men in chastity play the "knight in shining armour" role. If anything, they play it better when caged than when they're not. Can you play that role and convince her you're a better man for her when you're chastised?

"Forget and serve"...
You've been doing chastity for a while. One direction you could take is to continue with chastity, and the tease and denial or any other aspects that you enjoyed together, but now without the cage. If you try using the honour system, you'll still both get the benefits without the cage. You never know, once she really understands what chastity does for your relationship, in time the cage might come back out of the bottom drawer again.

 

The only thing I would like to add is... the "cage" is the least important part of male chastity... you could always do it without the device.

 

It sounds like she wants a partner, not a servant. She has made herself clear so don’t bring it back up EVER!

 

Maybe after a final talk where everything legitimately gets put all on the table from both of you, and nothing is left unsaid, if then she still hasn't changed her mind on the subject then at that point you need to decide what's more important to you. This Chasity thing or the person you chose to build a life with. If you choose her then obviously no more chastity, no talk about it in the future, no secretly wearing a cage when she's not around, no nothing. Bc the secret will hurt the relationship even more, especially when she thought you both had moved on from the topic. Chastity will be no more in your life, but if she is your key holder mistress queen etc then giving it up for her shouldn't be hard at all. But like I said you both need to talk and each of you need to say everything and get it all out, and then from there if it's one or the other of you love you wife and don't want to throw everything f you've built together away then the choice is obvious.

 

Only if she asks. It sounds like she doesn’t want a man that she can control in that way. Didn’t you guys have a cuckold experience a while back? Has that repeated itself and has there been anything that change from that?