Wife Showing Subtle Interest…Advice Wanted

Discussion in 'Chastity and orgasm denial' started by Contained, Jan 18, 2022.

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  1. boo
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    boo Long term member

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    there is a slender chance that everyone is wrong, better hang on to that
     
  2. thongs911
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    thongs911 Junior Member

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    My advice, wrong time, wrong place.

    You will end up locked and ignored, she doesn't care about your dick right now. Focus on her bringing a baby into this world, and then on your new baby. She will likely end up hating the cage and not wanting to participate in future lockings.

    A cage on your cock is the most unimportant thing at this time.
     
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  3. Xileh
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    Xileh Happily Serving

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    I think you are on the right track. You are thinking about her needs first. Communicating with her that you would like to be locked up now, but are willing to wait until things get back to what ever your new normal will be, is likely to be appreciated by her. When the time is right for her, your consideration and patience should help.
     
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  4. Contained
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    Contained Member

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    I understand you points and appreciate them but I think I have a different goal in mind here than what is thought that I do. I’m not expecting to be played with or teased nor expecting any different attention from her than normal. The entire idea and goal for me being in chastity is to be locked, have her know that I’m locked and not cheating the lock while she is unable to have fun of her own, and go on about life as if it is not there.

    My goal in chastity with her is to wear a cage locked by her and be the best husband I can be. Without chastity I help around the house, I take care of the kids, and I don’t nag or harass her for sex. My goal being lock up is, you guessed it, help around the house, take care of the kids, and not nag her for sex or play. Same exact thing but I have a constant reminder that says to me that I have a wonderful woman who will be ready to be intimate again with me soon. A reminder to not bother her because with a new one in the house sex is going to be on her terms for a while.

    And yes I do hope that once things go back to “normal” she has a little fun with the cage and it becomes part of our intimate relationship, but that for her to decide and do as she wishes. For now I’m locking my self up, handing her the key and waiting patiently and lovingly for when she is ready on her time and on her terms. If this is not the heart of what chastity can be in marriage…
     
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  5. CabanaJack
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    CabanaJack Long term member

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    I think my wife has a similar "whatever" attitude towards my chastity. FWIW, I put together a "his mindset" document that provided her some highlights of what was going through my mind...
    • I'd strive to help around the house (which I already did, BTW)
    • Caring for her was a priority, including helping her have orgasms as desired
    • I'd wear a cage to help stay focused on her, and unlocking was her decision, not mine
    • I wouldn't surprise her by appearing naked when she didn't expect it
    • I'd assume nothing as far as any teasing I'd receive, and I'd never ask for it
    • I'd assume nothing as far as any orgasms I might experience, and I'd never ask for one
    I can't say this was a foolproof approach, but it did provide at least some communication on the subject and documented an understanding between us.
     
  6. Xileh
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    Xileh Happily Serving

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    @Contained this description is much clearer and sounds reasonable. I have heard of others doing this as well. Tell her exactly what you just wrote. Keep it simple. Be prepared to stick to it cold turkey. No whining!

    It is great to hear about a dad who really helps out! Keep us up to date.
     
  7. enslavedbyc
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    enslavedbyc Junior Member

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    Because you will be frustrated AGAIN, and even if you suck it up, she’ll read your body language and she will either ignore you (crummy experience for you), or she will be stressed out by trying to help you deal with being locked (totally unfair)” On the other hand of her position is, “I’m going to enjoy having you locked and I don’t care how difficult it is for you and you will not speak of it”, then good for her.
     
  8. Contained
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    Contained Member

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    So we just talked. She is totall on board. She actually asked me how I will handle it and if it would be too much. The agreement we came to was it it gets to be to much for me I am to simply tell her. We will not talk about it, she will not question it but rather the cage will come off. Then at any point after all I have to do is ask and she will relock me.

    not what a typical lock up would look like, but it’s a great start for us and maybe the beginning of our journey together.
     
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  9. true42
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    true42 Owned member

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    You might want to just write the rules down for yourself instead.

    She's got enough to deal with right now.

    Don't make your problems, her problems.
     
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  10. true42
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    true42 Owned member

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    That's very good news.

    Also, don't forget to enjoy having a new baby :)
     
  11. subrick
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    subrick Junior Member

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    Ok, so now that She decided to lock you up, you don't mention it again.

    You do EVERYTHING She asks you to do, and as much as you can think of that She wants you to do WITHOUT Her asking. Try to read Her mind. (OK...I remember my wife at that stage in her pregnancies and I could rarely get ANYTHING right. So the real test will be for you to accept that and NOT get upset. Just love Her.) EVERYTHING is about Her...until the baby comes. Then everything is about BOTH of them. You're on the bottom of the totem pole.

    Forget about sex. Caged or not, you're having a baby. That's the priority. Not your dick. ;)


    Your last posts suggests that you know that, so I think you've got a great shot at this. Don't mention the cage. Don't mention chastity. Don't mention sex. DON'T get ALL WHINY!!! Be Her man, pamper Her like you have NEVER pampered anyone in your life. I would suggest NOT taking off the cage and giving Her no reason to WANT you to take it off. Just man-up and do this for your Wife, and for your marriage and for your family.

    If you can do all that and keep your composure, I'm betting 6-8 weeks after the child is born, She will probably bring it up. Probably on a day She's been able to get some rest, after you've put the baby to bed, drawn Her a nice hot bath, maybe a little bit of wine, given Her a complete body massage...somewhere in that process, I bet She will bring up the topic of sex. When She does, you do WHATEVER SHE wants. If you don't get released, teased or anything, don't bring it up and don't get pouty. At this point, She will KNOW that you love Her, you changed for Her, and She will hopefully associate that with you being locked up.

    The rest after that...should be easy. But...be careful what you wish for! ;)

    Good Luck with your Wife, and Congratulations on the baby! :)

    ~subrick
     
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  12. Contained
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    Contained Member

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    Update:

    The cage I have I have worn on and off for a few years now and have used it for periods of longer than a week. A year ago probably I ordered the next ring size down as I had a testicle slip the device one day. Between then and now I’ve worn the device with the reduced ring no issues. Well my luck have it after about 4 days with my wife as my KH I had some skin not get along with the base ring to the point I could not even sleep. Lube, lotion, powder, balm… nothing was relieving this, so this morning I had to ask her to allow a release to see what’s going on and relieve the discomfort.

    She very willingly gave me the key which made me nervous. I took the cage and ring off and good thing I did. Skin and ring were not getting along and the ring was winning. I told her I had another larger ring I could go to for my body apparently was not adjusted to this ring enough yet. (I had dropped ring sizes years ago from my 1st to me 2nd size and had a similar issue but not as bad as this 3rd size was causing. Did not think anything of it with this one as I could wear 2 even 3 days without issue. ) She looked at the cage, looked at me and said something that surprised me. I was waiting for a mini scolding and an I told you so moment leading to her losing interest for good. But what came out of her mouth was “Just give it a few days to heal and then we can put it back on.” I was so relieved.

    We talked again later and she she said that part of the reason she has not been a fan of the cage in the past is worrying about things like this. I reassured her that it heals very well and my body has adjusted to something like this in the past and it may adjust to it more than one would think. I also said that I wanted to try again once it was better. She was fine with that and we both casually dropped the subject.

    So despite the unfortunate events things are still looking good and I’m just on the honor system a couple of days before we take another try at it.
     
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  13. Xileh
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    Xileh Happily Serving

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    Good for you both.

    Are you using silicone lube or baby gel (you must have that with twins!)?
     
  14. rwpLocked
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    rwpLocked Long term member

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    You might try looking closely at your base ring. Every Cage I've ever worn, from the original CB2K through my current MM devices have required that I sand and polish the base ring to remove tiny ridges, grooves, and burrs (from manufacturing and handling). For my skin this makes a big difference in preventing long term irritation.

    Once perfectly smooth I take care when it's off not to let the polished area contact the cage and I don't set it directly on counters or other surfaces that could cause scuffs or scratches.
     
  15. Nicoftime
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    Nicoftime The suspense is terrible...I hope it lasts

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    Congratulations by the way!

    As far as advice, I don’t think pregnancy or children are relevant, except that it should lower your expectations of any play, which you seem to understand. The reality of being caged without attention means being creative to keep yourself engaged. This can be difficult, yet I think it is a fun easy way that mimics real life a bit more realistically.

    I personally spend time in my own mind. I started a blog on Wordpress, told her about it(she gets a notification every time I post. There I share my feelings, thoughts, fantasies, sex dreams, concerns, triumphs, everything. I occupy myself thinking all this stuff, with all this sexual energy, I stay engaged and turned on, and she isn’t pestered.

    Another tool is using non sexual touch as a form of intimacy. For us, rubbing her feet is easy, drives me wild, and it doesn’t make her feel like she owes anything or needs to reciprocate. It can be as simple as kissing her neck for a few seconds and inhaling her scent. Brushing her hair over her ear caressing her cheek. WARNING!!! She doesn’t want to get an update on your dick leaking or see it leak. She doesn’t want to feel your cage poking around her butt all the time, and she doesn’t want to be constantly groped.

    In general, I have a rule about pestering. If I send a sexual comment, meme, gif, pic or whatever, and I don’t get a response that is equal or greater in content….that’s enough sharing for the day. If she were in the mood for sending a lewd comment or picture back, she would have done so.

    Have fun with it, and maybe it will be a great way to start a lifestyle. Good luck!
     
  16. madams-sissysub
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    Just do anything and everything you can for her and to please her, and to make her life easier and more enjoyable!
     
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