Wife Showing Subtle Interest…Advice Wanted

Discussion in 'Chastity and orgasm denial' started by Contained, Jan 18, 2022.

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  1. Contained
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    Contained Member

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    So my wife has just agreed to lock me from now until 6 week post baby until we can have sex again about 10 weeks total. She was reluctant because she does not like the cage (turn off) and she said it has only frustrated me in the past which becomes an annoyance to her. Any tips from those locked by their wives as to how to score pint with her at this stage and not mess up?
     
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  2. Nick1789
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    Nick1789 Active member

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    Sounds like you ask her to keep you locked and then you're annoying about it. Stop being an ass and let her do her thing and then maybe she'll be more interested, no?
     
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  3. Nick1789
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    Nick1789 Active member

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    It's like, the answer to 99 percent of the questions on here. I'm not trying to be an asshole or nothing just shooting straight.
     
  4. Contained
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    1, It’s hard to know what things to avoid when you’ve never been there before. 2, I’m not being an asshole to her, I am apparently coming on too strong or to frequently and it’s too much for her.

    Looking for genuine advice and discussion on how others have felt with thing during a rather large and drastic change to their sexual lifestyles that takes adjusting to rather than being told I’m in a bin of assholes who don’t know how to treat their wives right.
     
  5. Nick1789
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    Nick1789 Active member

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    Oh man. I never called you an ahole. I said I wasn't trying to be one if you read the quote you captured. Everything I said was sound. You're thinking too much.

    You said it yourself. She finds you annoying when locked. So stop doing that. Let her lead. There's a long ass thread from just the other day on the very topic. But I'm sure they'll be happy to repeat themselves.

    Now I'm being an asshole. Lol good luck.
     
  6. LesterBallard
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    LesterBallard Long term member

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    The key point here is when you say previously you have got frustrated and it becomes annoyance to your wife.

    Sounds like you have a new baby, which is going to be physically and emotionally tiring. Be honest: when you've been caged before, is your wife correct about your behaviour?

    And if she is right, even just a little bit right, is it fair to put that additional burden on her at this time?
     
  7. Nick1789
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    Nick1789 Active member

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    Exactly. Stop being an ass.
     
  8. Contained
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    Ok maybe I need to rephrase the question a little and provide some context. (Didn’t have a lot of time to write that original post and should have waited.)

    What are some ways that those of you who are locked by a spouse handle the changes in lifestyle and manage the newfound frustration and other feelings so that it dies not become a burden or annoyance on your spouse.

    Be real with me for a moment that this pinnacle moment that I’m talking about has no means to prep for. I’ve always been “in control” while self locking and now (the one other time that we tried too) I’m completely at the mercy of another to have an orgasm with 0 way out.

    There are new feelings and excitements and frustrations that go with this, and last time I tried confiding in my wife when I was excited or frustrated or experiencing something new and that overwhelmed her eventually leading to annoyance. (Not at all me saying “can I cum yet, can I cum now?” but rather sharing my state of mind with her regarding the experience.)

    I understand from the previous comments that one could become rude by nagging or allowing one’s mood to go south and put this on their spouse (I’m not perfect either), but I’m trying to get gain an understanding of how do I keep any and all of the emotions from overwhelming her as I get settled into this new normal.
     
  9. rwpLocked
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    rwpLocked Active member

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    Honest communication and respect.

    No games or manipulation, just let her know (as best you are able) what you are trying to get out of this, how it makes you feel, then be open to understanding how it makes her feel.

    You're looking for common ground on which to build, and you're looking to resolve the aspects that makes it a turn off for her. Enjoy the reality of chastity with your partner, and let go of the fantasy most interested men construct around the idea of chastity.

    Be patient, pay close attention to her feelings about it, and be willing to adjust your expectations as you go.
     
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  10. rwpLocked
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    rwpLocked Active member

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    With respect to overwhelming her by dumping all your emotions, and her getting annoyed.... maybe more listening and less talking sometimes.

    She's already expecting a baby, and may not want to deal with too much from you on this right now. Maybe time to dial it back with regular unlocks and work into full time wear at a pace you can both digest.

    For my KH and I it really became 24/7 when she realized it wasn't about servicing a fantasy of mine, it was an adjustment that made our relationship stronger and more functional.
     
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  11. SheMastersMyDomain
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    SheMastersMyDomain In continuous chastity since 1/1/19

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    Wow. I wish you luck in having your baby and getting back to sex in 6 weeks. I don’t know if you’ve already had previous kids, but after my wife’s two child births, it was much longer than that. We were both exhausted every day, and sex was pretty far from our minds. And at the beginning of chastity, I was much needier than I am now. Probably as you have described about yourself. I just went through COVID in my cage with no attention or intimate time for weeks, and it wasn’t fun in any way (and I’ve been caged for several years).

    My advice to you is to forgo this seeming “opportunity” to be caged during this period. It is destined for failure. She will have her hands full and not want to deal with the kink. You will not enjoy the experience during this stressful period. And it will just be more ammo for her to not want to do it in the future. So many reasons.

    Regardless of what you decide, I wish you luck either way. Enjoy the birth of your new baby. It’s an amazing experience.
     
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  12. sonhee
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    sonhee Long term member

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    I agree with the previous poster. This is not a great time to lock up. You won't be having sex anytime soon, first because your wife needs time to heal, and second because you will (both) be tired and not in the mood for a couple of months. I have a 10 month old baby who still wakes up many times at night and in the evenings, so even now we don't really have a "reliable" time for sex. You'll just end up being locked and forgotten and hence frustrated, and then she will hate chastity even more.
     
  13. true42
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    true42 Owned member

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    It's tough.

    Being a guy and going without sex (and/or masturbation) sucks.

    But the brain is a powerful tool. If what you need is your wife's attention, then tell her that. Tell her that you starve for her attention. Make her feel wanted and desired and adorable and loved.

    But also, make some hard and fast rules for yourself, so that when you see some of those warning signs, that you already have a plan in place. Don't make her work hard for your chastity; you need to work hard to earn her trust in your chastity.

    Now, get to work.

    p.s. It's really the first week that is the toughest, I think. At some point, the hormones take over and you get into a nice place where it's enjoyable to remain ... hoping you can find that place.
     
  14. JaySaysYes
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    JaySaysYes Level-4 Sarcasm Master, PhD in Google, Ace Pedant.

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    Congratulations on soon being a father.

    She is having a baby and you want to think of sex and you being horny.

    My advice would be to pack the cage away and start looking after your wife properly instead of thinking about your dick.

    Your only task now is to ensure her life is the easiest it can be. Seriously. Focus on that, not your dick.

    If you must be caged then here's how to cope and how to make her life easier while you are caged;
    1. Never mention the cage
    2. Never mention being horny
    3. Never ask for release
    4. Never ask for sex
    5. No porn ever
    6. No reading about sex
    7. No thinking about sex
    8. When you feel horny do something nice for your wife (and new child)
    9. Repeat step 9
     
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  15. Contained
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    All, I genuinely appreciate the advice.

    My goal is to be locked and stay locked without asking for anything nor expecting any sort of teasing or attention. I want this time where we cannot be intimate at all to be the time I can prove to her that I can do this and not make it a job for her but a more passive thing that she engages as SHE chooses.

    I plan to talk with her and set some rules:
    -I’m not allowed to talk about my cage or chastity unless she brings it up
    -I am not allowed to ask to be released
    -She is not expected to do anything different with me in chastity (teasing, dressing up, playing)
    -I am not to show her the cage unless asked

    I figure with this rule set it is simply a chance for me to experience the power loss and learn to handle it and then once things are back to normal she can be more active as she chooses.
     
  16. Crowe
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    Crowe Long term member

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    I did the same in the beginning. Constantly telling her how hot and frustrated I was, and she, like your wife, would get annoyed with me. I had to learn to keep my mouth shut, give her the keys and do things at her pace. That was nearly a 2 year progression, and now she has no problem and actually wants me locked up, as long as I keep my mouth shut and don't overwhelm her.
     
  17. LockedPom
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    LockedPom Long term member

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    With a new baby, sex will probably be the last thing on your minds. Concentrate on being a supportive father and husband.
     
  18. Contained
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    I’m not using the opportunity of being locked as a chance at sexual play but quite the opposite. She has not and will not be able to or feeling up to sex of any sort for a bit. The point is and she and I talked about this is that she cannot be pleased and it would be fair and right for me to not be able to either. I could simply keep my hands off but will power only goes so far for me, so WE have agreed to use the cage and chastity as a way to help me keep my hands off. This way when that day comes we both will have abstained and it will be special for the both of us.

    This is not my stab of making a game while I cannot get sex or making her give me attention of one sort in place of another since she will not be able to participate.
     
  19. boo
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    boo Active member

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    i understand your uncertainty. Chastity is always a process based on quality communication. More than anything i'd worry about your timing. With a new baby i would think she would expect your full cooperation and undivided attention to both her needs and the needs of the child. Why not try self-locking to test your resolve while fully devoting your time and energy to your family. She needs you. Congradulations a new child is always a blessing. Best of luck
     
  20. enslavedbyc
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    enslavedbyc Junior Member

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    Worst time to experiment with chastity ever.
     
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  21. Contained
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    What is wrong about the two of us trying this before the kiddo arrives in a month?
     
  22. Xileh
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    Xileh Happily Serving

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    Yes, you are correct. If you choose to proceed during this time, you need to lock up, and shut up. Respectfully offered.

    Now may not be the time to introduce anything new. You are about to be challenged as never before. A baby is full of uncertainty, joy, and exhaustion. Focus on your wife, and new family. Don’t dilute this incredible joy with kink. Be a great dad and husband. You will find that quite rewarding - after you get a nap!
     
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  23. Contained
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    Thanks for the kind words.

    I’m just getting a little frustrated with all these comments about the baby and life changing as if I’m ignorant of what a new baby is like. I know I’m already a dad of twins. There is a lot of work with it. I do not expect her to take that on herself. I helped before and will again. In the meantime I simply want her locking me do she knows I’m going without just like her.
     
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  24. Xileh
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    Xileh Happily Serving

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    I think what is trying to be communicated, is when trying to introduce chastity or FLR, timing is everything. A tired partner is not going to be receptive. You may have better luck at a later date.
     
  25. Contained
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    I understand.

    I apologize I just was getting a little defensive.
    It’s difficult being I’ve been trying to get her interested for almost 5 years and now I have her saying yes and everyone is saying no. If life gets in the way in a few weeks I’ll talk with her and we will postpone. But I still have a number of weeks before we are at that point where we both feel we can handle it.
     
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