Wife is playing along but says she "isn't really interested". Now what?

What I am about to say isn't the holy grail but it is what happened with my wife and I.

I didn't know anything about this stuff until we tried it. I thought it might be a good way to break our vicious cycle of...

-Me not giving her enough attention outside the bedroom and expecting her to reciprocate in the bedroom.
-Her ignoring me like it was a business relationship and her rolling her eyes like, oh so now that your penis is involved you have time for me... I am going to sleep.

My point is a had a legitimate reason to why I thought it might be a good idea to try, and we stuck to it since it has been working. If she said it was nonsense I wouldn't have cared and moved on though.

The biggest difference is you seem to have train wreck of a first experience with her and this because it was a fantasy of your's. Lemme tell you this, and please listen... This is not going to work unless she see some reason to doing it that are positive toward the relationship. I am not sure how you patch up what you did before but maybe you should start by asking her what she wants more out of the relationship in general first.

And maybe you can tell her you want to have more of an emotional connection with her and just see her happier. Chastity has a different dynamic in all relationships, none are the same.

Some couples use it for this, some couples use it for that... but all couples should use it to make their relationship better for both parties if they use it at all.

 

Sometimes you can be quite incisive Hippo.

 

Well, hippos do have rather large teeth.

 

In a perfect world, you would be able to set up a meeting between her and a keyholder that does understand what's in it for a keyholder. It's a bit of a risk though because if she doesn't hit it off with the keyholder, it will be easy to disregard her thoughts because she isn't the same type of person.

Maybe ask her to read https://femdomthinktank.blogspot.com/2020/12/guest-submission-chastity-as.html?m=1 as an alternative?

 

I'm kind of in a similar situation, in that my wife is playing along but at the moment, in a superficial way. For about one week each month, my wife is horny and seemingly into the chastity thing......to a degree.

Over the years, my wife and I have played with quite a few fetishes and many of them have centred around the cuckold fetish. So we've done the chastity, the feminization/panty wearing, SPH etc, and we have dabbled in CP a little too and all with a mixed bag of results.

The best of times was while our children were young and sending them to their grandparents regularly was a thing. They are at an age now where they no longer get excited to go to grandparents' houses and are more reluctant than anything. Add the whole corona virus thing into the mix, and the opportunity for adult fun becomes a scarcity.

I'm just past two months of being locked now after a very spontaneous suggestion by my wife that a get myself locked up for a while. I am treating this time very differently to previous periods of chastity, in that I am not saying boo to a goose! I'm not going to be saying what I want or what I like or what I think should happen because that is a sure fire way to have the chastity device removed and put away. No, this time, everything will be at my wife's will.

As I said at the top, for a week out of every month, my wife is into it. The teasing, the edging, the being in control, the dirty talk etc and that is the highlight for now and I accept this. The other three weeks, she is either totally disinterested or vaguely interested, in which case, she might grab a hold of the cage and give it a playful yank and with words like "MINE". While ever those moments occur, I take comfort from them. My wife could after all, pull the plug at any time.

The bottom line though is that I am not topping from the bottom. I've got what I want (partially) and kind of without trying and for that, I am really grateful. In terms of what you can do to nurture her mild interest? Play the long game and be patient. Tell her that if she is ready, you are ready to be locked 24 hours. Ask her for the key only for cleaning purposes. Get cleaned up and return the key to her promptly. I wouldn't say lavish her with attention, but certainly increase your attentiveness towards her and generally do more for her. This is likely to increase anyway with more and more time locked up.

Good luck with it all and remember to keep your expectations low. If she's not into it, you have to respect that.

 

I too am in the same boot. I was introduced to chastity many years ago before I met my wife. She was an older woman and very kinky. She had me tie up my cock and balls first and then told me that I was hers and put me in a cock cage. She never cuckolded me, but did make me pleasure some of her guy friends and the pleasured me. Fast forward 10 years. She died and I no longer had a key holder I self locked for years and had been in and out of relationships all failed when I brought out the subject of locking or when they would come over unannounced and I was locked up. My current wife was initially into the idea but we had a child. She has since grown cold to the idea but I have been locking my cock for 23 years. I am in my 50s now. I do not want to fuck up another relationship and I love her and the child but I am becoming more and more selfish about locking my cock. Just frustrated now. But you are not alone!

 

i started watching chastity porn, and couldn't understand why a guy would do that. so i did some research like thru this forum. after i had a better understanding of how it could benefit our marriage and not just me being into another kink, i talked to her about it. she, like me, couldn't understand why. so i let her do her own research. she was very skeptical, but was ok to at least check it out. i bought a cage, and we gave it a try. she had major guilt issues. it was on for a few days, then off for a few weeks. but as we went back and forth and the lock up periods got longer, she began to see the overall benefit of it. it wasn't til very recently that she said to me that she prefers me locked BUT she's not ready to make this a lifestyle. (personally i think she has more of a problem with the word lifestyle than chastity itself). either way, one day at a time. yeah i get off on this shit, even tho i'm not getting off. i was already an attentive husband, now i'm even more so. we had a very satisfying sex life, but now it's even better. point here is that you gotta take it slowly. those chastity captions where that hot looking wife/gf pulls out a cage and demands you wear it is just that - a caption - and has no basis in reality. and if it does, it's a very small portion of reality and not the norm.

enjoy the journey

 

I had a similar slow start experience like others have reported. Our first experience trying chastity was a complete disaster due to my fantasy seeking. It took a number of years to get past that first issue, but eventually my wife agreed to give it another try and I did basically what @NotInUse described and did everything possible to keep my fantasies under wraps and really focus on her needs.

I've been locked most of the time for well over a year now and my wife has become very comfortable with everything and there is no going back. My wife is now perfectly comfortable locking me up for weeks at a time and enjoying herself fully without any remorse.

 

I think you are putting too much on her rather than letting it evolve into what she wants. Keep it simple where the only rule is that you stay locked unless she wants it unlocked. If you can’t sleep all night with it on, keep a KitchenSafe timer lock (in addition to har anytime access keybox) that opens every morning areound 2 AM. You will have access if you get woke up but stay locked if you don’t need it.

At some point she will realize that she has a strong bartering chip when she needs it and over time she will use that chip more often especially as she sees how far you will go out of your way to make her happy.

Don’t EVER mention anything that implies that she can’t have sex with you whenever she wants and never say or do anything that implies that you don’t desire her sexually. Even if they don’t want sex now, there is nothing a most women want than to be “desired” by their partner.

 

I'm in a kind of similar situation and i can tell you that i'm not sure it will evolve. I currently self lock with her knowledge and if things are ok as they are it will not evolve, will just stay like they are. She doesn't participate at all and for her i may very well not wear the cage. It's no difference for her, only for me, i literally quitted masturbating and watching porn.

 

I suggest that you overwhelm Her with service and everything possible - when you are locked. Don't say anything about what you are doing. Hopefully, at some point She will relate Her pleasure to you being locked up. Then, like everything else, it's all up to Her!

 

She doesn't see a benefit to her locking you up. I'm not saying create one but for my wife and I, I would jerk off and not too long after she would want sex and I was "under performing".

We had tried chastity twice before just for "fun" and the cages were to heavy and would pinch me and be painful and she didn't like that and had no interest in it. Fast forward to performance issues and POOF "no more control of your dick lock it up, it's mine now. Order a plastic one or whatever you need because I am locking it up"

"Do I have a say? Is there a safeword?" lol and that's the day I knew I had fucked up...

 

Some partners will not be into it no matter what and you may have to learn how to live with that. If kink is super important to someone, they need to figure out compatibility early in the relationship.

Then again you could have a great and kinky relationship that turns into a room mate situation after menopause, illness or antidepressants.

 

If she does nothing, then you're right, nothing will evolve.
If you do nothing, then again, nothing will evolve.

One of you has to make the first change.
It doesn't have to be her.

 

Since i started wearing chastity two and half months ago i'm more attentive with her, took more chores, massaging, all the good stuff, basically i'm a better person. And she noticed that, said i'm so good with her and she keeps asking me if there is anything that she can do for me.

Well, i don't want to just say: I want you to turn into a domme. Doesn't seem the apropriate way, don't belive is even possible so i didn't gave an answer because she already knows i'm into femdom so she should have her answer.
If i were propose to hold the keys, i'll only add an additional "chore" to her and eventually i'll end up self locking again. Also thought about giving her something to read but i'm not sure is the right approach as some suggested in another topic.

PS: I want to apologise to the topic creator for pushing my story as the topic is about someone else and also thank the users who are trying to help us stranded with our wifes.

 

All you need do is say things like: "That's ok, I'm happy being able to do X for you", "Your happiness is my reward", "You deserve being looked after"...
You just need to continue doing all those little things for her, and love doing those things for her, so she will continue to appreciate and love what you do. Then it becomes your normal for both of you; Then she'll be sure that your chastity doesn't just help you make her happy, it's making you happy too. She's got to be convinced that you really have changed for the better, so It does take time, but as you say, she noticed, so it's not "no progress" is it?
When she is convinced, there won't be any going back!

 

I agree!