Wife Found my secret box!

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  1. lidman
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    lidman Active member

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    #1 lidman, Jan 3, 2011
    I love the fantasy of a wife finding the husband's porn and seeing what really turns him on and then making it a reality. Guess what happened this weekend. I hear my wife upstairs rearranging things as she moves our daughters' rooms around. But I hear her in the study, where I hide my box of porn labeled 'office'. I go upstairs and ask my wife how it's going and she says, "I found some interesting things in one of the boxes." It totally caught me off-guard. I didn't know what to say.

    In the box I have a collection of DVDs including big tit, strapon and femdom. Also in the box are 2 chastity belts I bought last year when she was out of town. I became interested in chastity last year and decided to buy the belts to see if it is something I would actually be into. I knew talking to my wife about it would probably never happen, but now this!

    She asked me "What is that thing?" I mumbled about it being something the guy wore as a control thing and that I got it last year and was going to throw it away. I told her she's not supposed to be snooping around. Our 2 yr old was playing in the room so the discussion went no further.

    The issue is she didnt find playboys or regular porn. She found chastity belts and I'm not sure she saw the DVDs. It's been a couple days and not a word has been spoken. I'm not sure what to do?
     
  2. Mark121
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    Mark121 Nobody of consequence

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    #2 Mark121, Jan 3, 2011
    When you say, "I knew talking to my wife about it would probably never happen", do you mean that you have talked to her about chastity, and she indicated that she isn't going to play along, or that you haven't even talked to her about it? Everybody has fantasies, and if you have not been open with her about what it is you want, you are denying her the opportunity to help make them come true for you. The best approach, IMHO, is to dedicate yourself to finding out what *her* fantasies are, and working to make them come true, without any thought for yourself. It is just human nature; when you give yourself to her, she will want to reciprocate.
     
  3. lidman
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    lidman Active member

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    #3 lidman, Jan 3, 2011
    Mark121,


    Thank you for your reply. We have never spoken about it. I am too much of a wimp to conjure up the courage. I did speak to her last year about what she likes in bed and what her fantasies are. She gave no response. I asked her a few times over a period of several times but she never gives any input. I did ask her about incorporating some toys and she was ok with it. She was very skeptical about the Hitachi Magic Wand that I had read about but quickly lost her doubts about 10 seconds after we plugged it in. That thing is amazing.

    Anyway, I have been trying to bring things along slowly but she doesn't seem to have any sexual drive. Seems odd with a 37 year old attractive woman. I would love to make her fantasies come true. And I have told her that. I said that I would be up for almost anything. Almost.
     
  4. Rita
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    Rita Long term member

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    #4 Rita, Jan 3, 2011
    Lidman
    Unless you are sure you want your fantasies to become reality disposing of all your porn stock asap and hoping she believed your explanation is probably your best option.

    But if I was in your wife's position I would try to find out a bit more about your DVDs and the "men's control thing" to see if they might appeal to me. If your fantasies interested me I would choose a more suitable time to raise the subject with a view to us trying the ones I liked.

    Rita

     
  5. lidman
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    lidman Active member

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    #5 lidman, Jan 3, 2011
    Rita,


    I would be interested in my wife using a strapon and locking me into a chastity belt for fun. I would love for her to be more dominant in the bedroom. It would be great! We did have a talk last year about spicing things up. I told her that she would never have to do anything she was not comfortable with. We have played with toys a bit and she has used a prostate massager on me. There were a couple of times where she orgsamed using the massager and then we stopped. She knew I hadn't come and I told her that it was ok and I would finish myself off in the bathroom. Just subconsciously letting her know that her pleasure is more important.

    She is very resistent to talking about her fantasies at all. Says she doesn't have any. Is that possible?

    Lidman
     
  6. Rita
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    Rita Long term member

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    #6 Rita, Jan 3, 2011
    Its possible or like a lot of women she doesn't want to admit them, either way just being dominant in the bedroom is a long way from 'vanilla' for many ladies without beginning to think about chastity devices or strap ons. With that in mind I would recommend taking things slowly and very gently. She may well like your fantasies given time but they are probably a long way out of her comfort zone at present.

    Rita

     
  7. lidman
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    lidman Active member

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    #7 lidman, Jan 3, 2011
    Rita,

    I think you are right. I'll keep going slow.

    Lidman
     
  8. Mark121
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    Mark121 Nobody of consequence

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    #8 Mark121, Jan 4, 2011
    Think of it as being like growing a Bonzai tree. You don't make it to be a certain way; you encourage it to grow in a direction you would like.
     
  9. Rita
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    Rita Long term member

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    #9 Rita, Jan 4, 2011
    Lidman

    If you are sure you want to try anal play make sure you have an enema first and remember there is no such thing as too much lube. To encourage your wife you might want to google "bend over boyfriend" and see if there are some tame links that you can show her.

    But bearing in mind once the Genie is out of the bottle you may not be able to replace it you may want to try a solo toy in private first.

    Rita
     
  10. Celtic Queen
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    Celtic Queen Senior Member

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    #10 Celtic Queen, Jan 4, 2011
    I'd say that if you have a difficult time discussing at this early stage, introducing chastity as a kink is going to be very difficult in any kind of sexual way. If you are serious about trying it out, then I would suggest the route of gentle non obvious service ie - helping round the house, foot massage, general all round good husband behaviour as if you were trying to woo her all over again. As to hearing "I'll just finish myself off in the bathroom", she is unlikely to think you are a caring lover putting her needs before your own by the way. She'll probably assume that you are merely replaying all those DVDs in your head.

    Rethink your approach as you risk really turning her off permanently. Rather than it being about sex, make it about the relationship and what it is going to mean for her. The usual benefits of chastity for women are largely non sexual - a more attentive husband, less pressure to have sex on demand, you having more focus on her. You can't steer where this goes either. If she gets into strap on sex, great for both of you. If not, well, it was never going to happen anyway.

    Chastity is about wanting what you have, not getting what you want.
     
  11. Mistress Watchful
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    Mistress Watchful Dont believe the hype ;oP

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    #11 Mistress Watchful, Jan 5, 2011
    Re: finding porn... I'm a woman with a reasonably open mind (LOL) but when I found porn on pet's computer a couple of years ago it broke my heart and pushed me into quite a dark and miserable place for a good while.

    Celtic Queen is completely right when she says take it slow and make it less about sex and more about servitude. This will help build your wife's confidence and you may be surprised at what she comes up with.
     
  12. lidman
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    lidman Active member

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    #12 lidman, Jan 5, 2011
    Celtic Queen and Mistress Watchful,

    Thank you very much for the input. It's great to be able to get a woman's side. My wife and I did have a couple talks about 5 months ago about rekindling our bedroom activities. With 3 young kids, sex has been virtually non-existent for several years. I told her I wanted to try some new things and spice things up and have some fun together. I asked her if she had any fantasies or things she would like to do and couldn't come up with anything. She looked a little concerned about what I was talking about, so I gave her ideas like massages, toys, different positions and anything she could think of. We had used vibrators on her for the past year so that was nothing new. I also made it very clear on several occasions that she never had to do anything she wasn't comfortable with. This is meant to bring us closer and have some fun.

    So when she asked me what I wanted I said that one thing that turns me on is seeing her in sexy outfits. For example, the German Beer Garden girl has always been a fantasy of mine, or tight shirts or a tiny bikini. Things she wouldn't wear out but would be great in the bedroom. On my birthday, she surprised me with the German Beer Girl outfit. It was awesome!

    So I have been taking it slow and was going to feel her out as we went along, but the chastity belt discovery was not in the plans. I'm not sure if she found the DVDs because they are super-wrapped in a couple of folders in the box. I think she may have stopped when she saw the chastity belt but I'm not sure. We haven't talked about it since and are supposed to have our first romantic night tonight since a few months ago.

    Should I bring it up or just let it go for now? I have more to write but feel like I'm getting long winded.

    Thank you,

    Lidman
     
  13. Celtic Queen
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    Celtic Queen Senior Member

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    #13 Celtic Queen, Jan 5, 2011
    I'd let it go for now. If she has seen it, she obviously doesn't want to discuss or doesn't realise what it is. If she hasnt seen it, well, no harm done. Move forward as per the suggestions above and resist making it all about sex. Chastity isnt purely a "bedroom activity" - it will fundementally alter your relationship. You have been warned :)
     
  14. Mistress Watchful
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    Mistress Watchful Dont believe the hype ;oP

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    #14 Mistress Watchful, Jan 6, 2011
    Again I'm with CQ... keep being the best you can, attentive, helpful, romantic and PATIENT!

    It's not easy, but it's worth it.
     
  15. lidman
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    lidman Active member

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    #15 lidman, Jan 6, 2011
    Thank you ladies. Nothing happened last night. I'm curious to see what happens during our next sexual encounter. I will keep you posted. I truly do appreciate the feedback; it is very helpful.


    Llidman
     
  16. lidman
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    lidman Active member

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    #16 lidman, Jan 10, 2011
    Friday came and went without sex and I couldn't take it anymore. Before bed I had to relive myself of the pressure. Of course, Saturday my wife asks if I want to have some fun and of course I said yes, but didn't really want to. It takes a few days without release to build up my desire. Anyway, there was no discussion of the belt she found. We used her magic wand for a couple of orgasms for her. With a condom on, I can't come, so it was off to the bathroom to finish myself off.

    I need a vasectomy and a chastity belt and the I will be all set! My big problem is that I am an excessive masturbator which decreases my desire for relations with my wife. When I force myself to go a few days, I can't stop thinking about her! She has no idea how much power she would have if she locked me up!
     
  17. glupe
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    glupe Ex member

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    #17 glupe, Jan 11, 2011
    Maybe you should talk to her about it in a place where you can have a nice quiet night out to discuss it. Make sure you know what the benefits will be for her, and what they will be for you as a couple, before you talk. Keeping secrets and not talking about it just make things fester. Might as well be out in the open about your fantasies and ask what hers are. There are things my wife would like to see happen that will not ever happen and things I would like to see happen that will not either. Knowing what they are makes it easier to find ones that we can agree on.
     
  18. Mistress Watchful
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    Mistress Watchful Dont believe the hype ;oP

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    #18 Mistress Watchful, Jan 11, 2011
    Yes, there it is, in black and white!

    You can see exactly why you need this. You must have been disappointed at not being able to give your wife all she wanted on Saturday.

    Chastity without a device can be difficult, but try to change your mindset. Next time you want to "relieve the pressure" remind yourself it's no longer all about you... it's all about HER! :)
     
  19. lidman
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    lidman Active member

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    #19 lidman, Jan 11, 2011
    MIstress,

    I was extremely disappointed. She was asking me to have some fun and all I could think in my mine was that I really didn't. I have to release at least once a week per doctor's orders. I had a problem a couple of years ago and he stated for the health of my prostate I should ejaculate at least once or twice a week. I held out as long as I could. If I was in chastity and she knows I need to release, she could control what day of the week it happens. Whether it happens with her or on my own.

    I think I may have a talk with her about getting on the same schedule. Should I say anything about how it is hard for me not to masturbate and wait? I get too horny and can't stop myself? I usually masturbate at least once a day but recently have tried to hold back. When I masturbate, I really don't want to have anything to do with her. I know it's all about her, but I can't seem to control myself. My emotions and feelings are all over the place!!!!

    Thank you again for your expertise. It is very much appreciated.

    Lidman
     
  20. MistressC
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    MistressC Junior Member

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    #20 MistressC, Jan 12, 2011
    Why don't you try writing your feelings in a letter? It's clear that neither of you are all that comfortable bringing up the subject, and putting it down on paper will give you time to think carefully about what you want to say and how to say it, and also, since it's all there in black and white, there'll be no chickening out at the last minute ;)

    Be gentle in the letter and stress that you want to try chastity to become a better husband to her, not to satisfy your own fantasies. I think a lot of women have no idea how often their men masturbate, nor understand the effect this has on their relationship. Explain the differences it would make and what would be involved from her side (namely holding your key and, hopefully, encouraging you to focus your energy on her). Stress that everything will be on her terms and if she doesn't like it you can stop anytime. At this stage don't go any further than suggesting you are locked, and she hold your key. This is a big thing for a vanilla woman so be careful not to scare her off the whole idea by going too far too soon.

    Then leave the letter with her at a time when she has some quiet time to read and digest it, and let her talk to you about it as and when she wants to.

    You know your wife better than anyone else, so of course use your own judgement above all on this one. But I do agree with glupe that keeping this hidden will only cause it to fester.
     
  21. Mistress Watchful
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    Mistress Watchful Dont believe the hype ;oP

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    #21 Mistress Watchful, Jan 13, 2011
    Excellent advice.

    You appear to be able to write very well and explain yourself, and I'm sure most women appreciate how much effort it takes for a man to put his feelings down on paper.
     
  22. lidman
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    lidman Active member

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    #22 lidman, Jan 13, 2011
    Mistress C and Mistress Watchful,

    Writing it down is probably the smartest thing but something that also scares me very much. I always tell people never write something you don't want someone else to see. I can just see her forgetting to throw it away and having someone find it! I think over the next few weeks I'm going to try to find a time to talk to her. Not about chastity unless she brings up 'the box' or I find the conversation is going well enough. Problem is, if I have masturbated within a day or 2 of the talk, I won't truly express my feelings. And I have a problem with controlling myself. I did it again last night! I feel like such a loser. I think I need to go to MA(masturbators anonymous)!!!!
     
  23. Joroincharge
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    Joroincharge Lock em up - 24/7/365!!

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    #23 Joroincharge, Jan 14, 2011
    This is true. But if you include in what you write down that what you most want is what SHE desires, and that you feel that this is a way she can hold 'all the cards' it can help.

    Give the the confidence to have you by the berries if she wants, and see where it leads...

    But BCWYWF..

    Joro

     
  24. lidman
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    lidman Active member

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    #24 lidman, Jan 20, 2011
    Well, I had a nice talk with my wife last night. I explained to her my feelings over the past year. I'm not sure if I mentioned this already but last year I had talked to her about spicing things up in the bedroom. I could tell my talk scared her a bit not knowing what I was talking about. So I just explained to her that everything I was doing was to strengthen our marriage and to make her happier. Many people we know are divorced or separated and I wanted to make sure that didn't happen to us.

    I mentioned how I was trying to help with the kids and around the house to take the load off of her. I also told her that when I was researching ways to improve things in the bedroom I came across the Hitachi Magic Wand. The reviews were extremely positive. I bought this to improve her experience. When we tried it a few months ago she was skeptical. That went away after using it about 20 seconds. She is a firm believer now! She mentioned that she felt bad that I didn't really feel anything from the vibration. I said that just seeing her increased pleasure was a huge turn on for me.

    I then went into masturbation. We averaged sex 1-2 a year for several years. I told her that I masturbate daily and sometimes more. After doing so, I do not have any sexual interest for a few days. I said I have been trying to refrain from masturbating so much but it is very hard to do so. I was getting ready to say that is why I bought the chastity belt when she broke in and started talking about everything I had said up to that point. Very positive stuff, but I was not able to talk about chastity.

    She mentioned the strapless strapon I bought for us to use and she admitted that is something she had to work up to. She doesnt like seeing any brown stuff come out. I told her I read that I am supposed to 'flush' myself out before doing that to make it cleaner. Not sure if I'm right about that. I also reminded her that she doesn't have to do anything she doesnt want to and to let me know if she is ever ready to try it.

    All in all it was a very positive talk. No, I didn't get to talk about chastity; I just didn't think it would flow with the conversation. I didn't want to push it. It probably sounds silly but this was an extremely hard thing for me to do. I was petrified! Not sure where to go from here, but I feel like it was a good start.

    I would like to hear any thoughts or suggestions.

    Thank you for listening(or reading).
     
  25. glupe
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    glupe Ex member

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    #25 glupe, Jan 21, 2011
    Sounds like you are doing great. You have time to get to the rest. Starting the conversation was the hard part. If you are discussing strap-ons, you are a good way down the road where chastity will not sound very odd at all. You are married and have time to explore. Take your time. Let the conversations flow as you can but don't push anything. If you get a chance to go on a date and the conversation dries up a bit, might be a time to say something about checking into how to fix the masturbation problem that you talked about before and you found some interesting ideas... You are buying toys to fill needs. Not sure many women need a lot of prodding to be in control of their husbands sex life. Some of the benefits like back rubs, orgasms to spare, etc... along with the choice to have or not to have sex each night with a partner who is motivated to try and get a release... It shouldn't be too hard of a sell.

    Congrats on getting it started, that took some guts. BTW, you may want to look into how you can find ways to fulfill some of the needs that she has also. The way I started getting my wife turned towards going down this road was partially through finding button toys. They are english toys that are remote controlled and do not make any noticeable noise. They have them for her and for him. She loved when we started off by going on a date with her having some drinks and me being able to zap her during dinner and the movie. After that, she started zapping me on dates, and loves watching me squirm in public. Once she got used to having the power to make me squirm, chastity just made it more fun...
     
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