Why do you think it is that there are not many female members of CM?

Chief Goddess I would offer:

1. Most women who support chastity would only consent if the dynamic stayed secret. And generally I think females may be intimidated by 'dominant submissives' pontificating how they should act as the dominant. I would say that most females would engage in the fantasy element as part of a loving relationship and more likely see engaging within the site as voyeurism.
2. Of course, I am an advocate of female power and presence. We have much to offer and even more to direct.
3. A charter aimed at recognising the bravery a new female exhibits by venturing here and direction to males that they must remain respectful and subservient at all times, directed by the female.

 

1 When a man is in chastity it’s a big thing we think about a lot. Many of us want to share and in some ways look for stimulation, just a different sort of stimulation. Forums are a great way of meeting / encouraging / chatting /comparing

2 Yes

3 I think the changes you have made will help. Although keyholders are not going to think about chastity as much as the one who’s locked up, so they will always be outnumbered by the guys locked

 

What a ridiculously racist off topic comment, especially from a moderator, that is very disappointing, I clearly stated I did not want to tell people what to wear!

I said if it would be possible to have a hide picture button that would be nice.

 

I really hope you did not think I was trying to shame anyone, I really really really do not want to ruin the possibility of people having the avatars they want (within reason) and I do not think any more or less of people who have those avatars because of those avatars. For me, personally, it would just be easier if it wasn't in my face whilst I was researching the sexual lifestyle I have chosen to lead to get out of the sexual lifestyle I was leading. It is not even that bad, I am just saying it would be nice . I really wanted my post to bring positive discussion from a different point of view. I can not stress it enough I do not want to tell people what to wear or what to have as an avatar

 

@Caged1234 - I didnt mean you particularly, or at all (I dont think), unless of course you just happen to enjoy feelings of guilt and shame (some do) in which case fill your boots!

No - I meant those situations when someone starts a thread saying something like....

"I need your Help"
And then go on to tell us about how they crave cock to the extent that they cheat on their wife with guys, and how they wish they could stop.
And someone pipes up with how they think this guy is being so disrespectful and how he should be so ashamed etc.
Which is completely not what he needs to read. What he needs is support and acceptance, understanding if possible, and constructive ideas at how he might communicate his needs - or just to accept that he will never be able to share them in an acceptable way and that he might actually just be better off accepting and being happy with his infidelities.

Or

Someone comes on and starts a thread saying how much he loves serving his wife during her menses, and rather than posts saying what a wonderful guy he is for celebrating womanhood instead there are posts reinforcing the narrative that a natural process in women is somehow to be denigrated and cast as something to be feared and hated. A bizarre reaction but this one happened only quite recently.

We are a widely varied group of individuals here on CM, and we're here for a wide range of reasons. It's far to easy to assume that everyone is here to genuflect, bow and scrape to any female, mistress, KH, madame, dominant, etc, and that that should be the main narrative - but no matter how much the FLR dynamic is pushed on CM - it will always be first and foremost about people, their own real relationships, and their relationship with their sexual selves. And what a quagmire of self-doubt and recrimination that can be.

If someone's clearly sharing their insecurities how much better to reward them with kindness than with shame.

(Sorry to be banging a drum here)

 

That'd be an interesting stat to see! I imagine we can always use more growth.

I can see how quickly the post count can climb when you're inspired! As you just mentioned, there are years and years of great posts here... and that doesn't happen unless a forum is thriving. Your membership time dwarfs Mine, but I feel I should mention I've never seen chat empty since joining... even before spending a lot of time hanging out in there, Myself. So, it seems there are at least some members that are familiar with (and enjoy) using it.

Forum and chat can act as catalysts for one another.

I am beginning to understand, @Andrew K. It's unfortunate when dissonance can cause damage like that, when an attempt to understand one another can go so very far... I hope your concerns are considered and addressed accordingly.

I appreciate your reply, and can see the logic in most of what you're saying. I don't disagree that men are more populous on this type of site. However, it seems My original point didn't really land though, since you're still speaking of mythical beasts and making wide generalizations. Speaking of generalizations, the safest one I can dream up to present in this situation is:

Women, generally, don't like being stuffed into boxes. ​

Further, I think we can extrapolate that to include any sex or identity, and it would likely still apply. Except if, maybe... you're, like... I dunno. A box fetishist?

I can reiterate that yes - sites that enjoy close relationships among members often experience a strong mutualism between forum and chat. One might think you could even gain new members if chat had a friendly 'welcoming committee', of sorts!

I wholeheartedly agree with #1, as well as focusing on solutions. Everyone experiences different personal relationship dynamics... which is wonderful! However, if disdain is your thing, this next bit might not be intuitive at first.

If I was vanilla (imagine, if you will!), I would probably run and hide from chastity and never think twice about returning after seeing some of the unfiltered (and encouraged) male hatred and disgust that exists in some parts of this forum.

We can definitely do some work to rearrange what new members come into contact with first... but that's another post!

For #2, all I can say is... "story of My life!"

I'll be bringing up our chat about the vanilla theme later on, so stay tuned.

That said, you've got to understand that each and every one of us deals with our own triggers, in some way. We all have wires that lead to some type of response, a/sexual or not. You are your own internal control center, and no one is truly responsible for your actions except you. Yes we receive stimuli that we can't always control; this can be good or (really) bad, but our reaction to those stimuli is ultimately our own. Crosses and that, as @Nicoftime earnestly mentioned to you before. If you need to filter out certain elements in your life to heal, then choosing what improves your health is always the best option! You (or your KH) must determine what this means in terms of the content you access online.

I'll offer another viewpoint: maybe some members here are desperate for any glimpse of eye candy and this site is all they are allowed. They would probably be floored with complete sensory overload if they lived in the same place that you do... so you might just be stronger than you think! It's best not to let your weaknesses keep you from the rest of the world, since there's so much to explore.

Don't forget the grains of salt we discussed; they help everything taste a bit better.

I actually thought about that as I did My last proofread.

(... and now, upon proofreading this one! )

Judgement is not what I intended to offer, and I chose the words carefully in order to avoid that implication. We can always improve our skills, though! Rather, I aimed to provide some observations, an inquiry, and a compliment or two.

It's nice to find ties that bind. Even though CM's history is mostly a mystery to Me at this point, I can say that I'm glad you stuck around.

When a deserving thread begs to be properly razed, I look forward to seeing the color you leave behind.

I'm all for FLRs; I lead one, after all. With that said, I'm curious... this site is about chastity, not female-led relationships, or female superiority. The power is in the key, and keys are genderless.

Would the charter you propose be gender-inclusive, as to appeal to all KH/locked relationship flavors... and not dilute the power of the key(s)? I could certainly get behind something like that.

Keep making music, @SubVerity.

 

Hmm, I see the key as the central element and chastity as the genesis of the site, but clearly facilitates FLR and cuckolding. I guess the thread theme being 'why there are not many females.......', poses what could the site do to attract more females? Well I would offer; what ever makes the site more 'female friendly'! Maybe a line in the charter that promotes total respect for all females, could be a good start.

 

Agreed, we should definitely try to implement as many female-friendly practices as possible if we want to equalize the overwhelmingly skewed member gender ratio!

I asked you that question since a charter is, by definition, from the sovereign powers-that-be, and it would be addressed to all members of the site... male or female, and anything in between or outside! I think respect is pretty important to all.

 

It was the "within reason" addition that troubled me. Quite frankly, if you are that sensitive, perhaps it is unwise to venture on the internet at all.

 

Wise Counsel Mistress B. This little man appears troublesome and should consider his presence in the company of strong women. His self control is appalling and chooses to shift the emphasis of his failure to control himself to the strong female visuals on this site. Sad really.

 

...

 

I think that respect should be extended to all humans and animals by default. It's only after some exposure to a person can one determine if that respect is well placed.

I know the author of the above is very new here but to my reading, this post in my quote is not the sort that we need to see more of on the forum. The attempt to belittle and shame is obvious and quite distasteful. Perhaps the author should consider her own presence in the company of decent human beings.

 

I have shown the site to my wife but she feels that what we have does not need to be shared which is a shame! I think she could offer a lot of support personally

 

I have also shown the site to my GF and she has even read some posts, she actually helped me write the original post. Unfortunately now, her opinion has gone from "that would be nice if they could do these things", to "why would I join something when a suggestion is shot down so quickly". I really like a lot of the people I have met here, which is why I'm coming back, I was hoping that my GF could also build some relationships like I have so that she could discuss some of her problems/insecurities/experiences. (she was truly considering it as well). This is a real shame.

Damn Straight SubVerity, The variety is lovely here even that of @Mandynjack and her very strong opinions, I would suggest that she keep them to her own personal relationships though and stops directing her "attempt of control" onto members of the site who perhaps do not share her belief. Those who ask for it, though go your hardest :)


My GF is my goddess, I love her incomparably to anyone or thing else but outside of the bedroom we have an equal standing relationship, where we make decisions together, including those of this lifestyle. I am happy with this.

Mistress B, I believe we got off on the wrong foot, when I said "within reason" I was really just following the avatar warning of "don't be a dick". Maybe I should of made this clear. In our personal messages I also stated maybe having a hide avatar button could mean moderators do not even need to keep deleting accounts with dick pic or vagina avatars, because the person who is uncomfortable about that could hide it themselves. Which means I take back my "within reason" because actually if someone does choose to put a Dick Pick or a Vagina Pic up as their Avatar it does exactly what the avatar is meant to "defines the person who posted it", I will let you put 2 and 2 together there :).


Yes I am a little bit sensitive in this regard, I am really sorry about that and I truly wish I was not (I am working on it). But just because I am a bit sensitive to visual stimulation, does that mean I cannot constructively contribute and gain insight from this brilliant resource?

I appreciate this @SubVerity thank you :)

Mandy I am sorry I wrote you the private message about removing your avatar, I was being stupid and trying to rile you up, it was insensitive of me and a "troll move" my sincerest apologies. I did also write this straight back to you when you responded to me. Let me make something clear, I do not want Breathe, Mandy or anyone else to remove their avatars. I promise, what I was putting forward was a suggestion and a suggestion only. It actually originally came from my GF when I asked her how we could make her more comfortable with joining the site (the original point of this thread, I might add). At the time I did not want to just use her as an excuse and make her seem like a prude because she was looking at joining and she didn't want to come across that way to start off with, so I did not bring her into that part of the conversation, maybe this was a mistake. This does not mean what I said about myself is not true I do have this problem but maybe people are jumping to conclusions a little too quickly. Me included, does it hurt anyone to have a make avatars smaller or hide avatars button?


Anyway enough bickering who cares!! I hope everyone is having a lovely Sunday ( or whatever day it is on your side of the world) stay happy, stay loving and stay locked :P

 

@Caged1234
Yes, I do feel that we may have gotten off on the wrong foot. Perhaps my use of the word burqa was a little too much but it was after wine o'clock and that may have been the cause. I do think that your suggestions about creating a button to turn off the graphics on the Mansion, just to prevent you and others like you, from misbehaving is rather selfish.
I would suggest another way of preventing you misbehaving...................... your wife or yourself could look for a more restrictive cage and perhaps pick one that includes internal spikes. I am assured that these spikes come in differing lengths and sharpness and so there is bound to be something that would help you.
With male chastity there has to be something that involves pleasure for the caged ones and for many that is tease and denial. Without this, chastity would never become more popular and the Mansion is a site which exists to promote chastity. I do hope that this clears up our misunderstanding.

 

I thought the idea of having a Hide Avatars and/or images button was a very good one - though mainly for the reasons of being able to browse the forum in more open places. Cafe's, trains, airports etc.

I'm surprised that wasn't the focus of the subsequent conversation tbh. His own reasons are his own very honest reasons - and he shouldn't be shat on for sharing them. If you dont want people being open and honest here then lets just pretend that we're all perfect and god how boring the place would be. Yay for conformity!

But back to the main conversation - a No Images option would be a huge boon to getting more 'vanilla' women here. Have it set as the default until a new member has 10 posts.

 

That's a brilliant idea it promotes involvement as well. Which could also weed out random new members who come here simply to wank off.

MB luckily I don't feel that your suggestion is necessary. I can proudly say I am doing just fine without spikes but thanks for your concern. I would say If people are coming to this site and looking at the images here to sate their tease and denial needs, I am firstly surprised and secondly slightly grossed out. (Maybe we are really getting to the cause of why there are not so many woman here after all) There are plenty of porn sites and if you want interaction, webcam sites to fulfill that need without needing to do it to people who are trying to build a community and enjoy learning about one another. I also think there is plenty of erotic stories here if people want to get down to specifics. Regardless no suggestion posted to a thread asking for suggestions should or could be regarded as selfish, for the simple reason that it is a suggestion not a demand.

 

You make it difficult for me to assess your actual intent regarding avatars. Your message to me was in fact a plea that was very personal to you and the trigger for your porn addiction. So professing more general intent to encourage more vanilla women feels a little diluted. That said, we all reflect and are entitled to change our minds. Benefit of the doubt is now offered to you.

His ambiguous messages are the reason that 'shat' fell. However, I think I've covered my final response to @Caged1234 . TBH, I don't think hiding avatars and 'covering up' are likely to garner more females here. As a woman, I'm more than capable of making up my own mind regarding which sites I contribute to and no amount of cocks and vaginas will influence that. It's body parts, get over it! Rich narratives and thought provoking dialogue get my juices going, plus a safe space to chat about the very odd fetish of men who wish and desire to be controlled and the very lovely ladies who love to oblige.

 

I get the feeling you believe that people visit to jerk off. Grossed out, wank fodder, tease needs, I understand you would rather not see a single thread of eroticism, why doesn’t really matter to me. So I hear ya, but the kind of site you are hoping for, is one I wouldn’t be apart of. Just because there may or may not be erotic bits and pieces on here, doesn’t mean we are chronically jerking off to it every chance we get, quite the opposite really, there are far better places to do that to. I humbly do not like the accusatory tone about the content or members intent here. I understand that you have an “addiction” and that everything must look like porn to you, but don’t be shocked when others are not quite as worried about seeing a bare bottom.

That being said, an option to turn graphics off would be nice for those looking at this site while others are around you in public...or for whatever reason, would be nice. It should be an option, but not a default setting or a mode you would have to earn your way out of.

 

This is exactly not the point I was trying to make.... I was trying to say that some new members/visitors come here to "get themselves off" and "getting off", as far as I am aware, is not the main point of the site , sure there are threads for that but the fact that some people have been propositioned when it was not called for, seems to have made some people uncomfortable. I also only say this because of comments made previously on this thread and one weird message I received at some point. NO I absolutely do not want to take away any of the erotic material, (how many times do I have to say this) I am sorry for that misunderstanding. As people have previously stated, "if something triggers me I should keep away from it" and I do keep away from "triggers" quite successfully, thank you . I have zero problems with people who want to show their stuff, write their stuff or share some more raunchy details about their relationship. That is an important part of this forum and I think it is excellent that it is possible to do that and feel safe from judgment for doing so. I think people may be getting all up in arms because they believe I am suggesting removing peoples liberties but the fact remains it was only a suggestion and adding the option to hide or show avatars is doing exactly the opposite of removing choices, it is adding them. I hope that makes a bit more sense. I am carrying my cross the best way I know how @Nicoftime

We all seem a bit guilty of changing our minds on this topic, I thought adding the option to be able to hide avatars (or show them) would help bring more vanilla woman because my GF said that it would be a good option.It also had the added bonus that for me personally, as I would feel a little more comfortable when reading through threads, that is all I was trying to say. I understand that my PM to you @Mandynjack may have distorted this picture which is why I apologized .

Do we need to have a hide Avatar Button? most people probably do not but without trying to sound dramatic. We build disability ramps so people in wheel chairs can access material and services that everyone else does, we don't get angry at them for their ramp taking up too much space because it does nothing to hinder those who can walk with ease. What harm does a button giving the option to hide the avatar do to the main population of the site if it is not a complicated process? (please do not take this as me comparing myself to a disabled person, the sentence is meant to make a point nothing more)

Happy posting everyone

 

I'm right with @Mandynjack in enjoying the richer, more earthy and juicy pleasures, don't get me wrong. Nor do I imagine that all women are shrinking wall-flowers, or even dear, sweet, innocent things, and I would also like it for this place to be able to entertain as rude a kink, or conversation as any forward thinking adult might devise.

But I also know that not all do - and it is in the spirit of inclusion that I would argue that it would be good to have a way of at least turning all images off, or possibly presenting the site as text only which would probably be easier do.

Would I want topics of conversation similarly filtered? Personally no. I think if you are a shrinking wall-flower, then a place that has honest and open discussion of sexuality is not the place for you.

 

Totally agree and a forum like this should not filter conversation/text, (certain levels of vulgarity aimed at other members perhaps should be filtered but only in extreme cases and the decision should be made by more than one moderator). I do believe one persons opinion of vulgarity differs from another's. I am still an adult (if some have been wondering) and I am capable of making my own choices being active here right now is one of them, not reading, looking at content that might trigger me is another.

In the end I think after some heavy debating, I think we have come to an understanding of what I meant in the original post lol much love to all

 

You make a very good point. For someone to see an Avatar in public could be embarrassing. An option to control this would be good for some people. I personally only come here when at home but we need to do things to make the site more attractive and less offensive while in public. Good Point

 

Specifically ... the mobile version should drop the Avatars ....

All you have to do to see the responsive mobile version is grab your browser window and make it narrow ... you will see the different layouts as the size gets smaller ... The red heels image is GREATLY affected by this (so for all those that don't like the Red Heels look at the site on a very wide screen I don't even see them) ...

 

Ok - here I go now!

Don't know why I never found this thread before, but now that I found it, I just thought: omg 8 pages, I can't read all of them as I'm old already (so: sorry if I missed a few hints)!

Being as blunt as I usually am: the main answer to Lucy's first question is:....
(please Moderators, think about the possibilities of installing some drum-roll-sound! )
because there are not as many girls locked-up (as far as I know)!
As the usual Dom/Sub-rate already isn't equal (and I don't even want to think about Dommes harrassing people by running around pedestrian areas, shouting: "I am dominant, please chose me!"), this introduction seems already to be fixed for wifes/spouses or such. (And: yes; I love to let my brain wander about females in chastity trying to be the opposite of a Sissy - and about whatever that might be! - please guess names for that).

To cut it short: This isn't the place to show an equilibrated mirror of society!