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Why do you think it is that there are not many female members of CM?

Discussion in 'Female led relationships' started by L-u-c-y, Jul 26, 2017.

  1. cb1984
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    cb1984 Devoted servant to my Goddess TimidKeyHolder

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    My wife and I have talked about this recently, she has had the opportunity to talk to a number of ppl and seems to enjoy her time here overall as it has helped us in this adventure. She has attempted to talk to some of the other females, and what she has told me was that some have been good interactions @Mascara^Snake others were not great at all and seemed to be quite detrimental. Just throwing this out there but being negative about members can really put someone off, and down. Each of us seems to have our own way of playing and living this lifestyle. Luckily there are some here that have helped us out a lot, and we hope we have helped them or given them some enjoyment in return!
     
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  2. imasissytoo
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    imasissytoo Active Member

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    I'm going to add more Chat rooms or this site attract those types Compare a chat room or this site to a costume party. Most people (excuse me for generalizing) will act differently when face is masked and they think no one will know them. Many people who come here are wearing a MASK and would never approach you in public and talk dirty etc. Nor would they make racist slurs or slam you for your fetish in person. But the mask they wear here makes them "studs or tough guys or Adonis or god's gift to women. or the world. Women will get hit on by those types on the internet. Let me give you some advice-- Next time it happens SAY F off little boy. Bet it ends the conversation and you will feel sooo much better . Let us report all who offend us in some way and have them removed from CM instead of handling it yourself. .Eventually there will only be one person left in CM
     
  3. imasissytoo
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    imasissytoo Active Member

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    I'm on a roll---- to all those who say Let's make a women only chat forum or whatever . How the HELL will that be done? Anyone can create a name and gender to get in here.. If that person is sharp "he ' can talk to your wife as a women and women issues. Is CM going to require a ID like a driver's license or maybe a birth certificate notarized by the pope himself and bearing the seal of the queen mum before you can join? GOOD LUCK It is like the majority of people in here never belonged to any chat rooms-Like AOL, MS, Yahoo or any of the ones that are still alive. Stuff happens in chat rooms Deal with it !
     
  4. L-u-c-y
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    L-u-c-y CO-Owner of CM
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    I would love there to be more women here, but I'm not particularly interested in chatting to them privately, I'm not interested in chatting to anyone really. I don't see this as a "chat" site, I see it as a forum where people can post questions and start public discussions.
     
  5. LittleAndLockedJames
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    I found this site by accident. I have always liked strong women and I think a natural progression is to be totally submissive to one.

    Because my fantasy has become an obsession over time I was actively looking for similar, wanting to get advice from people who have and are walking the path I wish to choose.

    From reading on other sites it seems chastity is a male fetish which we can not easily talk about, maybe this reluctance prevents many ladies from researching the subject of chastity therefore not finding sites like CM.
     
  6. Pietje12
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    Pietje12 A champion was a contender who refused to give up.

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    Valid point. I like it when people advocate a positive perception of written words, we tend to do the opposite in many cases. Other people have initiated chats with me and all of them were respectful or genuinely interested. If the "being bothered" element is mentioned over and over again, it might become a selffulfilling prophecy. When I visit developing countries, the best way to avoid being chased is to be friendly, clear and confident and tell that you're not interested. Works all the time.

    On the other hand, women are a minority group and often have a partner who is also a member. I have no idea how often members initiate unwanted chats or send messages, but if it's really a lot, I can understand that it gets annoying. Secondly, it could lead to perceiving every message or chat as negative. However, the criticism about unwanted contacts is shared by many female members and drawing a line in the sand doesn't seem to help.

    I don't share your later posted views about reporting. What I meant was that if it's done in a respectful way it might help. Shaming, blaming or banning members doesn't IMHO. To use a personal example: I got a message from a moderator telling me that my avatar violated the mansion's policy. It was a very friendly message with a link to the rules and a question to upload a new one as the old one was deleted. It's not always about punishment, but about creating awareness.
     
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  7. Mascara^Snake
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    Mascara^Snake Ms Amanda

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    While you're all busy pontificating, here's an example of a message I received a moment ago from a new member.
    Do bear in mind that this was initial greeting and that there had been no communication prior to this. Screen Shot 2017-10-03 at 19.36.08.png .
     
  8. Nicoftime
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    Nicoftime The suspense is terrible...I hope it lasts

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    Ohhhh rick...I almost feel sorry for you.
     
  9. ineverknew
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    ineverknew Well-Known Member

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    I think the sad reality is there are a lot of disrespectful children in adult bodies. Their parents never raised them correctly.
     
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  10. Pietje12
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    Pietje12 A champion was a contender who refused to give up.

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    I'm sorry for you. This sucks.

    (If my replies are perceived as pontificating then I have work to do as it is the opposite of my intention. Sorry for that)
     
  11. filltee
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    filltee Junior Member

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    I apologise I did not express myself very well. My intention was to state that there is not much chastity related porn which I believe is because there is insufficient demand for it to date.

    I would also add theat there is perhaps not enough of a market for the porn makers to specifically target women as an potential audience as Mistress Lucy points out most wives on here and indeed women generally do not watch porn.

    It was not my intention to dwell in this digression from the main topic of the OP. Somehow I did .. I offer my apologies for that.

    BTW I would not particularly rate myself as even a light user of porn. I won't deny that I have watched it but have done so neither regularly or frequently.
     
  12. Breathe
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    Breathe Wife, Owner, Dom/me, and KH of _and_smile

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    @Jens (Partner) and @L-u-c-y (Partner):

    So, since I happen to meet all the basic criteria of members you are trying to recruit (new, female, KH) I'm going to take a deep breath or two after taking this all in before I try to make My response as clear as possible...

    If anyone plans to read Me here, you might want a few as well. It's good for your health, regardless.

    Great OP, by the way. I hope My suggestions and comments are useful in this endeavor, as I'd definitely enjoy seeing more women here.

    ---​

    :) Okay.

    I'm going to respond to some of these posts individually, and some of those responses may seem quite similar... But I hope that provides a clue in itself, while furthering My point in saying this up front:

    It seems while "trying to understand" one another and improve the site, many of the statements I read in this thread (and frankly, across the forum) encourage division over unity, judgement before empathy, assumption over inquiry, and contempt instead of compassion.

    That's counter-productive at best, people.

    Disclaimer: if you feel as if I'm being a dick in the responses below, I assure you that isn't My (biggest) intention. Also, everything I say after the quote may not be solely directed at you... usually moreso the collective 'you'... as in, all of us. Although some of it is. :D

    Honesty is the best way to go (and it sucks to hear sometimes). But maybe... just maybe that's one way this forum can come together as a true community.

    Or maybe I'm nuts for spending any time on this response. I suppose there's only one way to find out. :)

    That's sexist in an almost old fashioned way, which amuses Me to an extent but I can assure you... Yes. Some women really enjoy talking about sex.

    It's much more fun than the menses, after all. :rolleyes:

    I couldn't agree more that 'funky fringe' is important and should be preserved. As a budding geneticist, variation is one of the most important qualities we can hope for in a 'wild' species. This helps ensure survival while preventing the dilution of the gene pool, allowing that species to better adapt to evolving environments.

    That's not My opinion, that's science. :love:

    You can be kinky as hell and still respect those around you... there will always be judgement and hate. Even though it wasn't directed specifically at you, I can see why some of those comments would feel that way... but I'm glad to see you weren't scared away with this post, or others. Kudos.

    Maybe you're right about the majority, but as far as My situation, every point you made there is completely off-base. This is a common generalization and, I imagine, off-putting for those like Me that don't fit that mold you're oh-so-willing to bet on.

    I've been into kinky sex longer than I haven't been. I will likely be the bread winner once My formal education is finished. I brought up chastity, and not because he's a chronic masturbator that "can't stop".

    It almost seems like a kinky KH with her own sexual interests is made out to be some kind of unicorn, but I have a really hard time believing that... As I've yet to sprout any staffs from My forehead.

    I must agree. There... are lots of dick pics.

    However! :D as numerous people have said in this and several other threads, I think galleries are a great place keep things like this. We... are talking about lots of locked up genitals here, after all.

    Someone would have to work really hard to get offended by Joe(No)Blow's cock photos that aren't on a public stage.

    If the avatars are still a huge barrier, it seems quite simple to flesh out a FIRM (yet accepting and accounting for individuality) POLICY that members must agree to... maybe a line in the terms of service to make it even easier?

    Noncompliance with the avatar policy? You're warned. Further noncompliance or lack of explanation for an appeal? You're banned.

    Giving the chance to explain their choices (to more than one moderator) seems like a fair way to retain members that might make a 'racy' choice... As opposed to booting them to the curb for defiance.

    Perhaps, take a vote from the members you are striving to protect.

    Easy peasy.

    Maybe stop and think... are your actions based on the fact that you just might be uncomfortable with the kink they've displayed but it's not actually hurting anyone? Is booting them easier than attempting to understand the person they are?

    If the answer is yes, that doesn't mean it's right.

    I'm a fan of the KH board, in theory... but I suppose you'd need to decide if this is a 'female-only KH' site...

    Drawing on gender lines here could very well drive off some of our chaste female and male KH members. While they don't seem to be the desired demographic for the OP, no members should be ostracized... as the name and URL of this site make no mention of sex chromosomes.

    Also, no offense to Lucy or any mods, but leaving the decision on who makes the approved KH cut should certainly not be left to one person, no matter who they are.

    Think I've addressed this already but I'll say it again. Wrong x2.

    Also, I think you've got some really great experiences to share based off some posts I've read, but that doesn't make you an expert on literally everything.

    As a new member, if I had truly listened to your 'advice' in My first post about trust and chastity, or let it get to Me... I would have left this site, abandoned chastity, and never locked him.

    Food for thought.

    Well, damn. Guess I should have left out the kink and brought My crochet needles to chat instead. :D

    It's a bit sad to see the bickering so frequently, and I think your statement here could use a listen or two from many of us here.

    I actually landed in this thread after flipping through some old (and fanastic) posts here. More to you in a moment, as your lengthy post is one that made Me decide to contribute halfway through finishing this thread. :)

    I think your post posed many important questions. Even after reading only a handful of older posts, you can definitely feel the connection those members had.

    I'm quite baffled as to what happened as well. Partially from curiosity, but mostly to prevent it from happening again.

    Regardless... Even though I'm new, I'm definitely interested in helping the community come together through enjoyable discussion and growth. I'll keep doing My part if you do yours. :)

    Thanks for taking the time to post your thoughts. It was refreshing to see your commitment to CM.

    As always, wise words from you! Taking a moment to reread a post could make a huge difference. If you're not interested in a discussion, don't study it.

    Goes back to ostracizing the member base ... although I get your point here, I really do.

    But I like feeding him after he spills, and I like when he leaks.

    Since I enjoy those things, does that mean I should just shut up? Because it's clear I have nothing else of substance to contribute since I enjoy those "dirty" things?

    No. I shouldn't. And no. It isn't.

    It's impressively shallow sometimes, I'll agree.

    There were several suggestions about limiting chat functionality for new members. I've been on sites where this worked wonders in sorting the chaff with limited frustration.

    That reminds Me: an old forum I used to frequent (for women) had a 'naughty' section. You could only access said section after reaching a large number of posts... large enough that no one could just slip through the cracks with one liners to reach the quota.

    In addition, once they reached that number, all mods had to give unanimous approval - along with a password - to the 'distinguished' member.

    Perhaps this might be a solution for the 'secret' section?

    While I agree with that astute observation at the end there, I disagree with the former.

    I think it's safe to say locking cocks is exciting - or any other positive description that suits - for (female) KHs at least to some degree... otherwise we wouldn't do it.

    I thought about glazing over this one but I just couldn't... as this is literally the pot calling the kettle black.

    I have found many of your posts to be filled with snappy wit, wise prose, and intriguing points. Your writing style has a lovely lilt to it.

    However, I've seen just as many posts, if not more, that bash other members relentlessly. I've seen you call CM disgusting, pointless, and a bore. If that's how you really feel, I am quite curious: what do you get out of the site?

    I ask because I'd like to understand. I think you were in chat when I first joined and I enjoyed the brief conversation. I know it bored you to discuss devices as they are old hat to you, but you welcomed Me anyway and I appreciated that.

    I don't think I've really had an opportunity to thank you for that since then, and now seems as good a time as any: thanks for welcoming Me here. I hope you understand My curiosity.

    If you've read anything I've written in this novel so far, you can understand why I was jumping for joy after reading this response! :+1:

    Generalizations can do more harm than good and we should maybe consider that more often to preserve and improve CM's future. Put the big, broad brushes away, and let's go get some new supplies! :)

    Happy to see the thread end on a positive note back then. Avoiding negativity may be our strongest tool to enrich this site and its member base. I think this is a great way to wrap up My response, too.

    ---​

    Phew! That was a doozy! Anyone still awake? :D

    I wrote all of this to hopefully renew a more positive conversation about some seemingly necessary changes for CM.

    I cared enough to write this because even after just a short time here... It's safe to say CM has had a beneficial impact on My and My husband's lives. No matter My sexual experience, I would have done so many things wrong going in blind.

    That initial beneficial impact, although it's only the start, helped us enter what I think will be a deeply satisfying, lifelong journey with chastity...

    And isn't that why we're here in the first place?
     
  13. Joroincharge
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    Joroincharge Lock em up - 24/7/365!!

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    Great post by Breathe. I agree with nearly all of it.

    Two points:
    1.We already have a policy of no dick pix on avatars. Though there had been quite a few backalong and there may well be a few still not picked up, especially in Members who've not posted for some time. If you or anybody sees any, report them!! :) But OK in galleries etc.
    2. It may be my imagination but I distinctly get the impression that there are a lot more new F joiners recently than had been, say, a year or so ago, certainly in the introductions. Don't know if Admin can check:. I don't see how I can as Mod though there may be a way I've not discovered.
     
  14. Joroincharge
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    Joroincharge Lock em up - 24/7/365!!

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    I'm with Lucy 100% on this one. I've been a Member 8+ years and have virtually never used the Chat. Though I have posted quite a bit over time...............
     
  15. Andrew K
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    Andrew K Well-Known Member

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    "I thought about glazing over this one but I just couldn't... as this is literally the pot calling the kettle black."

    Just to explain some of the above. There has been some less flattering history of how the site management has acted in the past. Appreciated members have more or less been driven to leave the site. Why she and some others (including me and my wife) were out of here for a year or so. I guess we hoped that things would change for the better, but maybe it hasn't to te extent one could have wished for. My wife, a sharp minded and experienced real life KH, is for example unlikely to return to the CM.
     
  16. danleft1
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    danleft1 Well-Known Member

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    Only commenting on the section that you spoke to me ... I think that you missed my point, because first of all yes you are VERY unique!

    I was speaking in general terms as related to whole world because the question was "Why do you think there are not many female members on CM". So let's remove the "female" from the question and replace it with male ... I would say because there are not that many men that are willing to have their dick locked up in comparision to those that are willing to mastubate looking at porn ... again a statement focused on the general public "norm"

    So to get back on topic, in general women are less "sexual" publicly and also more "reserved" when it comes to kink. This plays out all day every day even here .... with men stating "how do I tell my wife / KH I want to ____ " ... you never (well very rarely) see a women type "how to I tell my husband" because when it comes to sex the general statement is men will try anything especially if they are all horned up.

    I hate to break it to you, but "a kinky KH with her own sexual interests is made out to be some kind of unicorn" is in fact just that a unicorn. I would honestly think that you would know that and would own that fact that you are the Mythical Creature so many desire. Furthermore would also like to have any female KH be active here and that anything that can be done to encourage that should be.

    To end I will say ... I challenge you to go to any "Adult Site" (other than women seeking women) and find that there are anywhere near a 50 / 50 split of Men to Women ... Men ALWAYS heavily outway women in this area as members. So the goal here at CM would be to even that out ... for every locked male there be a KH female
     
  17. jemima
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    jemima maid for my Mistress

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    well i think theres lots more Ladies on here now than there was once. some dont stop very long tho and thats a shame.
     
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  18. SubVerity
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    SubVerity Still the mansion's fairy godmother. ;)

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    I used to think it would be better if that were the case, but it's not. And then I changed my mind about it.

    If you had the ability to take stats from the mini-chat feature you would see there's far more action in private one to one chat than there is public posting on the forum. We have many many members with no profiles and zero posts who are regular readers, feel they know everyone, and are perfectly happy to chat in private.
    There are well known members regularly spending whole evenings in private chat and even those with many thousands of posts will still spend far more time chatting than they actually do posting.

    So this is not 'just' a forum. A huge part, possibly even the major part, of it's goings on go-on in private.

    I used to think this was a shame, but actually it's great. It's great that members have the opportunity to build real friendships, make personal connections, share even more intimately than they do already in public etc. This makes the community here even stronger than it would be if it really were 'just a forum'.
     
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  19. _and_smile
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    _and_smile Husband, pet and locked by Breathe.

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    I haven't been on this site for very long and I'm not nearly as active as my wife. However, I do read a lot of posts and threads.

    A lot of the responses on this thread seem to be centralized around one common complaint. That complaint seems to generalize the entire male population as having all the same needs, wants, kinks, fetishes and approaches towards women on the site. The fact is, not all the men here act in this manner. I'd be hard-pressed to believe any individual on this site has communicated with even half of the population on a one on one basis. This makes it hard to digest the idea that all the men are all the same. This happens on most sex-oriented sites. I've visited many of them over the time I've spent interacting online. Generalizing and complaining about the problem is the main focus. When the main focus should be what the OP is actually after. A solution.

    1. As said numerous times, men will always outnumber women on sites involving anything sexual. I also don't think there are a lot of female members because I think the male population on this site is being painted as the most grotesque semblance of a human being that's been mass produced.
    Yes-there are an abundance of men that act in the ways so often described. But it's certainly not all of them and if you give the impression it IS all of them...why on Earth would any female who could quite possibly differ in her thoughts, opinions, kinks and desires towards men, women and chastity want to hop on a wagon with a collective that she shares no interests or similarities with? My wife doesn't share the mentality that all men act the same way and are only out to get themselves off via random women on a site. Or else we wouldn't be married. She also doesn't believe that men= shit and are only meant to serve and are otherwise useless. If that's the type of message people want to put out across the site...you aren't going to have many women gravitate to it. It works the same way on the other end of the spectrum. If all people see is an open invite to message any woman they please with the expectation they'll feed into their fantasies, women who are familiar with online forums aren't going to want to join and newcomers, curious about the lifestyle and looking for somewhere to begin are going to scare off quickly. I emphasize this matter because it seems to be what one of the main issues is; the interaction with other users. As well as thinking the content of the site (journal posts, forum posts, etc) is disgusting, repulsive or inappropriate. For that argument I think the problem is the individual complaining about it.

    2. I'd like to see more females because more females mean more diverse points of view and interests on this site because I know my Wife struggles to find like-minded females to talk to. To learn from and to communicate with about similar interests. I know there are a few. I know She's mingled with a few but I think, for the most part, Her interactions are mostly with the boys.

    3. Referring to my point regarding member interaction in response to question number 1, a possible solution for this is taking away the ability to message whoever one wants whenever one wants. There was a complaint about someone here receiving an uninvited, disrespectful opening message from a random user. The solution for this seems simple to me; take away the uninvited part. Approved requests to communicate privately will give the recipient the option of using their own judgement. You can tell a lot about a person’s profile. You can tell a lot by a person not having a profile. You can see their activity. If they aren't active and that's something that makes you apprehensive towards communicating...then don't. Put the choice in the recipient’s corner. Referring to my point regarding content; don't read it! You don't HAVE to look at threads or posts you don't want to. Don't be an idiot and start bashing it after you made the choice yourself to look at it. Just don't look at it.

    If everyone does a little more to understand one another and accept that we're all different and enjoy/detest different things, I think a more accepting and inviting welcome mat will appear for everyone. Everyone includes women. Pair that with some unfortunate barriers for users that DO fit the mold and other solutions that previous posters have brought forth and I think the chances are stronger of drawing in women.
     
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  20. Caged1234
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    Caged1234 Active Member

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    So a few things I have observed in my short time here.

    There is a good level of sensitivity towards Dick Pic avatars which is great but there should be more sensitivity to naked woman as well. (roll out the abuse). I have discussed this quite extensively now and I think there should be a simple solution. Clearly the woman of the site shouldn't be told what to wear or what to show (within reason) but people who are sensitive to these images should be able to hide the avatars they find offensive or triggering. I do not come to this site to get off I have a GF for that and I would assume she would have the same opinion. I know that I am not the only person who started this because of a porn addiction and as innocent as they may be, they do trigger that in me. I know that people will say "its an adult site what do you expect" but it is not a porn site, what it is, is a really valuable resource for people to discuss this lifestyle, game or whatever you want to call it.
    In the chat we discussed the Idea of simply having a hide avatar option which would solve this. Maybe there are not many people who have this issue but I for one do, if it attracts more members why not add this little bit of code.

    The other thing I wanted to add is my GF is on the edge of joining but said she is basically expecting someone to overstep certain borders and make sexist / inappropriate comments which would make her feel uncomfortable if it was sent to her privately. There should be a really simple solution to this, such as a request to chat button where unless your advances are welcome you simply cannot message someone who has not approved it. It is as Lucy said a forum after all and people should have the choice to just communicate openly in the forum and then decide from there whether they are interested in talking to the person privately or not.

    Being positive to others is also important, just because my view is different to yours does not mean you need to be an ass about it, we are all experimenting on one level or another and are on slightly different roads, enjoying a similar but not the same kink, Respect That! we are lucky to have a place to share our experiances and learn from others, bullying should definitely not be an option. (unless the person being bullied is a willing participant ;) )
     
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  21. thefemdecided
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    thefemdecided Well-Known Member

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    If it's a new thread, from a name I don't recognise, I have to read it, not till I have read it am I able to decide whether or not it is utter tripe
     
  22. SubVerity
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    SubVerity Still the mansion's fairy godmother. ;)

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    Being positive to others used to be held in huge respect by the original owner of the Mansion.

    Sadly it's no longer held in the same regard by the current owner/s and is one of the reasons I felt I should step down as a moderator. Everyone here shares stuff that 'vanilla' society doesnt generally deem appropriate for public discussion - and as such they may well be being utterly brave in posting, and sharing their souls in the one place they feel able to, so it's all the more important that we support each other. Even if what they're talking about is not 'chastity' and even if it 'triggers' you. At least allow it to exist without shaming.

    If we can't do that as a minimum then we're really not very decent or kind people.

    Chastity Mansion, no matter who owns it, needs to be a refuge for decent and kind people.
     
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  23. _and_smile
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    _and_smile Husband, pet and locked by Breathe.

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    Good point. I should have been more specific. What I meant was not initially looking into threads or postings that one would already assume or know would be upsetting with regard to their personal views.
     
  24. Mistress B
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    Mistress B Mistress B

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    Gosh @Breathe that reply was vinny-like in it's epic proportions. I agree with most of your comments and well done in taking so much of your time replying to other members comments.

    @Caged1234 Do you want us all to wear a burqa ???
     
  25. Mascara^Snake
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    Mascara^Snake Ms Amanda

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    Thank you @Breathe for your almost positive judgement of me.
    I come here because I have friends whom I like to communicate with.
    Sometimes I browse in and get caught up with the postings and threads in the forum.
    Hopefully that helps to satisfy your curiosity.
    And I do apprciate your thanks for the welcome.

    You can carry on with your glazing now.