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Why do you think it is that there are not many female members of CM?

Discussion in 'Female led relationships' started by L-u-c-y (Partner), Jul 26, 2017.

  1. twitchy
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    twitchy New Member

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  2. Jbriton
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    Jbriton Member

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    1. Obviously it's a mostly male fantasy. The reality has plenty of female participants but id bet much of the CM list of people are in fantasy mode. In other words here to learn but not locked by a key holder.

    2. Id like more female participants, including my wife actually.

    3. I think there should be a key holder only section that is off limits for comments from non keyholders. Also, there should be a messages section for keyholders to publicly send messages as orders, rules, etc to be replied to ONLY by the locked male or other keyholders.
     
  3. Vinny
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    Vinny Locked up again. Starting year 6.

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    For those who did not get my sense of humor, I was not suggesting a real Keyholder site to discuss bingo, etc.. I forgot the smiley emoticon.
     
  4. manintyres
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    manintyres Junior Member

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    Damn and there was me soo looking forward to waiting their with my dabber in hand :)
     
  5. maid_carrie
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    maid_carrie Moderator
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    Too much innuendo there @manityres ;) back to the matter in ... the original, and pertinent, question :)
     
  6. L-u-c-y (Partner)
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    Maybe chastity mansion bingo would be a good idea to raise funds for the sites operational costs :)
     
  7. beck
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    beck Active Member

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    Well there goes that fantasy! hahaha JUST KIDDING :p

    Ok on a serious note... This forum, as is the case with most forums, is very subject matter specific. For those interested in chastity, they will find this place, and utilize as necessary. But because the subject matter is not just stumbled upon, it starts in an ego centric place.

    More women would be better. But personally I think CM is most useful as DIY tool kit, and unless your parts match, not much room for crossing the gender lines there. That being stated, more men need and should benefit from the opinions and perspective of women, except I'm afraid not much can be done to open the minds of already pig headed men, which likely make the majority of XY humans.

    What can be done? Great question. Even as adults we mostly behave like children and apparently need to be separated.
     
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  8. jemima
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    jemima maid for my Mistress

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    Has anybody count up how many Ladys am on here. i know lots :). some don't come on very often tho.
     
  9. LadyS
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    LadyS Lover of LOVE

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    I like the Mansion the way it is.
    I can read what I want to and not want to.


    And some wife DO like watching porn.
    That's how I found out about orgasm denial and chastity.
    And I watch it without my husband.
    :eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek:
     
  10. Catbond
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    Catbond Aka Professor Mittens, aka Fluffy.

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  11. CagedBySocks
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    CagedBySocks Active Member

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    1) It's a pretty niche kink, and it's male dominated. The pool of potential female members is small. From that pool you can only get those that want to talk about it, and know about the forum. Once they do register this place may not be for them, there are certainly cliques and rivalries on here that made my other half stop bothering with this place very quickly. Plus there are the creeps, of It was a woman I'd probably register as a man as it seems less hassle.


    2) Half the "females" on here are probably sad men bullshitting, I do think we need more.

    3) The locked could let their KHs know about the place. They could also invite people they know from other sites or clubs. The actual theme of the forum could expand (different branding perhaps) and not focus so heavily on chastity, that could well alienate current members though.
     
  12. femdomfan
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    femdomfan Member

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    The fetish is too strange and too new.
     
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  13. femdomfan
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    femdomfan Member

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    I would not like there to be more simply for the numbers sake. A small number with the passion for it is better. And I'm not sure you can encourage more. But I'm seeing this fetish more and more online - especially the concept of Female led relationships.
     
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  14. tomf_22033
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    tomf_22033 Active Member

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    About eight to ten years ago there were several very active female members here including the site founder. I don't know what happened but before the site changed ownership several of them left. And I know they weren't happy.

    I wasn't very involved here at that time, so I don't know the details. Nor do I really want to find out what they were. I only mention this as there was a larger active female presence here and something happened.

    The past can't be undone and there's no point in digging it up unless we can learn from it.

    I guess I'm curious if there are things that were being done before that aren't, or if whatever happened messed things up.

    Anyway, I agree that quantity isn't as important as quality. If a few ladies come here and get involved offering posts that help the site that's better than many who don't add anything IMHO.
     
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  15. RexVa
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    RexVa Well-Known Member

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    I guess I've grown numb to some of that, and we often play along, but my thoughts exactly.
     
  16. 11lives
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    11lives Sub, searching

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    Yes woman or yin. Like water suptle and powerfull yet many times hidden underneath the serface. But changing and shaping things. . Woman dont need to talk about what they already have ...
     
  17. tomf_22033
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    tomf_22033 Active Member

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    A few weeks ago I made a comment that this site lost the feel of being a community. I had suggested looking at old posts to see how the site has changed.

    I was told by the individual that I made the comment that they didn't have time to go look if I couldn't explain what I meant. As this site isn't my life I let it go, as I was a bit offended and didn't have the time or desire to put a lot of effort into so,etching where someone who claimed to chair wouldn't put some effort it.

    Seeing this thread go the way it has, reminded me of that conversation. Since the discussion I've had time to thing about a few things. I also went and looked at the what's new since the last time I logged in. And I went and looked at some of the old posts from the beginning of the site.

    What I realized is that as someone who joined this site not long after it was formed, it's changed and not in good ways. I now realize that most of the posts are ones I ignore. To be blunt I really don't care about them, and I done read them other than a skim to get them out of what's new. If I had an ability to mark posts I wouldn't even take the time to look at many.

    My comment that the site used to feel like a community, is hard to explain, but easy to see if one looks at old threads. People here made real friendships. We met each other. We planned events. And most importantly we cared about each other.

    I used to know many of the regular posters. And I had met several. Others became friends that I have spoken on the phone with, or became friends on other social media.

    Now, I'd be hard pressed to name a handful of the folks here. And I could only name a few that I actually know much about. Worse, I'd say none are more than online acquaintances.

    So yea, the dominance of discussion on cages, and male fantasy is too much. Yes it's an important part of the site, but it should only be a small part if folks really want a community. And the word community is a key. If this site is to evolve to something different it has to decide what it wants to be.

    Is it a site for guys to come to to talk about their cages how they can't find a keyholder and their wank fodder? Or is it a community of people who are on a journey together who care about each other?

    I'll be totally frank on something I don't like and it's the colors and site design. I don't know what it is but I find it ugly, unappealing and not inviting. Now I'm not female, I get the feeling it's not helping either.

    While the original design and updates over the years weren't great, something about the site now just makes me think brothel.

    Add an administrator who rarely visits and moderators who don't seem to do much to foster the changes needed to attract more women, and I don't see things improving any time soon.

    Now I know some will take this wrong as it's a bit harsh. And I guess I really don't care if I upset some folks as I don't see much loss here if I'm labeled in a negative way, I guess I just want to see if maybe we can stop talking and do some things to make some changes. In fact, maybe a few pissed off folks will get riled up and take action, if so, as I've said before as long as change is mostly good then great. Otherwise at some point I'll probably leave for a bit, then pop in occasionally to see how things evolve.

    Ideally, I won't have to do that, as I know there are a few folks who care. So maybe they'll step up and do things like start more meaningful discussions. Encourage the development of friendships. Invite people to the site. Maybe reach out to old members who have left, or people who pop in from time to time that aren't too involved.

    Go Ask Alice comes to mind as someone who I'd like to see more involved. I mention her as I know she's very knvolved in the lifestyle, is very active on other sites, but also has expressed the frustration from a female prospective of finding a partner that would make her happy.

    I'd also love to see someone like Mistress Watchful join the site. How many people would fly from Europe to travel the US to meet the users of the site? How many folks will get involved in events and sharing their journey? Now I'm not saying she's the person, nor that it needs to be one. But we need some bold women here who will step up and at least make some effort.

    I think there are a few here who can get the ball rolling. But it's not going to be easy. And it's going to take some effort to keep it rolling once it starts moving.

    So I'll challenge everyone that cares about this site to step up.

    I was going to say Invite people to come here. Especially women. But right now I doubt few would stay. So who knows someone like the ladies above that I've mentioned who would help us?

    More importantly who here is willing to do some hard work? Who's willing to commit to doing something?

    As I type this I know two women I'd invite here if the site was more of a community and they were have others who could mentor them. Help them feel comfortable and learn about things like female lead relationships, chastity and such.

    I know this is long and I hope I've offered a few ideas. I'll continue to think and maybe we all can work to come up with things to make positive changes here.
     
  18. Jasmic68
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    Jasmic68 living in interesting times

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    To me chastity has very little to do with my particular device and even less to do with my penis, but something @tomf_22033@tomf_22033 just said really chimed. For some members the device and their locked penis seem to be of utmost importance. I understand that when you start it isn't easy, it takes time to get used to wearing a device, and sometimes it is uncomfortable. Trying to find the right size is almost impossible. But if all you write about is your device and how horny it makes you feel it leaves me bored and uninterested.

    I try to make my journal and various comments more about the changing dynamic of my relationship with my Wife. And I agree also, for the Mansion to improve the sense of community needs to be improved. I'm not sure I would ever be in a position to meet anyone in real life but in the right situation I would certainly think about it.
     
  19. L-u-c-y (Partner)
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    A lot of points there. On the brothel subject I've never understood why it was named Chastity Mansion, it does remind me of a country mansion brothel full of sissies tottering about.
     
  20. tomf_22033
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    tomf_22033 Active Member

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    I believe that was the reasoner something similar, but I may be mistaken.
     
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  21. danleft1
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    danleft1 Well-Known Member

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    I guess I would say that "everyone starts somewhere", meaning that in the begging stages of anything there is a "window looker" stage that always gets contorted into something that pleases the window looker. At some point the looker either joins the "group" and takes on a bit more of the normal practices (if such a thing exists) or disappears. So with chastity being a more common / main stream kink that is incorporated in sex role play you should expect more lookers that are interested in the role play and not the lifestyle. I would also guess that women are more interested in the lifestyle version of chastity and not very interested in the kink / role play version (as a general statement, obviously there are exceptions to everything). So again I would guess that if you tried to quantify where women interact here on the forum you would find that they are involved in threads discussing the lifestyle and NOT the role play. I would even go so far as to say that the people that stay around for years are also participating in lifestyle threads mostly and not very much on the role play threads (again these are general statements knowing there are exceptions for everything).

    If I had to do something to "help" the forum, not just add more traffic, I would first try to split the forum (the threads and layout not the people) into "fantasy" and "lifestyle" (or what ever words get across the point that one area is for role play and the other is for people living it daily) ... these two ideals have different wants and needs, and when they are continually being mixed together you end up with no one really getting the community feel.

    I will end with ... you know that there are 4 themes to choose from ... I personally use Red Mansion, but you can choose from Bliss / Red Mansion / Old Red Design / Xenith ... I do not care for the latest version (Bliss)
     
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  22. L-u-c-y (Partner)
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    That's a good point, I was thinking the same thing this morning. There could be a "Chastity as a sex game" forum.
     
  23. Jasmic68
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    Jasmic68 living in interesting times

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    The problem with the idea of splitting the forum into a fantasy and a lifestyle section is you would still get lots of people posting fantasy in the lifestyle section, claiming that it is true.
     
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  24. danleft1
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    danleft1 Well-Known Member

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    Of course that goes without saying ... but it would allow the conversation to be steered in a more "correct" fashion ... think of it this way ... the forum is already divided into areas, and that is the "norm", all I'm suggesting is a restructuring of the way the forum is currently divided so that there is more threads that are on the topics (role play verses lifestyle) that the user feels are relevant to them ... and just like happens now when a thread is off topic for the area it gets moved to the correct area.

    Maybe the word split was the wrong word ... maybe I should have said ... the forum should be restructured / reorganized into 3 top categories ... Role Play / Lifestyle / The Mall & Tech Updates.

    And while I'm sure that I will get a ton of people disagreeing with me, there should be a paid membership area ... a very small fee, like $15 a single person and $20 a couple a year ... but that paid membership area would end up being the "real" place that the community exists and will feel like many are trying / hoping to achieve, it would be there. A paid area allows for the quick flash in the pan role play people to interact free with others of that mind set, while the true members of the community that seek it for long term lifestyle have an area to feel comfortable in ... and get benefits like posting photos that don't need moderators to approve and not be limited to 5 images (or what ever it is) / and it pays for a quality server and maybe someone to be monitoring the site daily or at least weekly.
     
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  25. L-u-c-y (Partner)
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    I think the number of photos is limited to 25. Most moderators seem to check the site daily. I think a paid area would need something more, but I don't know what.