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Why do we like cuckolding so much?

Discussion in 'The Boudoir' started by Lockedwithlove, Jan 27, 2017.

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Your feelings on living a cuckold relationships?

  1. I would try a cuckold relationship if she wanted it

    52 vote(s)
    57.8%
  2. I would never try a cuckold relationship

    10 vote(s)
    11.1%
  3. I wouldn't right now but who knows what the future holds

    10 vote(s)
    11.1%
  4. We are living a cuckold relationship

    18 vote(s)
    20.0%
  1. When thinking about male chastity so many topics come to mind. One topic that many of us enjoy discussing and debating is cuckolding. Now I think we'd all agree that cuckolding is mostly a male fantasy but when we can sift through all the BS there are several members here who appear to be in "credible" cuckold relationships proving to us it is real and possibly exists on a larger scale than we know.
    Sometimes I find myself fantasizing about living that kind of relationship. Then sometimes I think how it could easily be a relationship destroyer especially for couples who have never been swingers done wife swapping etc... Yet every once in a while I crave the thought of it, of course this it typically at my horniest points of chaste periods.

    As far as pleasing my mistress goes I am a very good lover, we've always had great sex that usually ended with my orgasm after giving her a couple. Now it usually ends with her orgasm and on her terms. Whats changed over the last 2 years as far as sex goes is that I have no say in the bedroom, I am guided by mistress to do solely what she wishes me to do. If I'm allowed to orgasm, 90% of the time she gives me a handjob and can now get me off very very quickly, in fact she's perfected the handjob. It's not that she doesn't like PIV sex but I'm starting to think she likes humiliating me by making me cum so fast. When she does allow me PIV I orgasm almost instantly and she just laughs about it. It's extremely frustrating because as much as I want it to last and enjoy my gift, deep down I like that my premature ejaculation makes me feel a bit pathetic and under her thumb. Knowing that other women would find my lasting ability or lack of, a complete joke.

    It's thoughts like these that draw me to the thought of cuckolding, the desire to see or to know that my mistress can get a good long hard fuck if she wants that. Sometimes I think back to when we used to make love for long periods of time and I miss that. Embracing each other, her large tits pressed against my chest, sweating together, the smell of sex and her pheromones in the air driving me wild as we're making love.
    I want to see her in the throes of sex like that again, being so loud and vocal, her skin glistening with perspiration from the exertion. Seeing a large cock stretch her and seeing the bliss on her face.

    Ironically cuckold porn was what first drew me to chastity because it's so taboo and erotic but I knew what I was viewing wasn't really real, just a created scene. I think what draws me to cuckolding now is the desire to live vicariously through my mistress's lover and watch him do what I'm no longer at the moment capable of or allowed to do for that matter. Then for me to lick her after they're all done. These are very mixed feelings for me that I love thinking about yet dislike the fact that it's such a turn on for me.

    If you occasionally have cuckold fantasies about your relationship, what do you think it is that draws you to want to see or know another man has been with your partner? Why do we like it so much?!?!?
     
    DoesasTold likes this.
  2. Humm
    I wonder how many actually are participants and how many just er think it might be a good idea .?

    Xx Wendy
     
  3. It was never a fantasy of mine and now that we are living it, it has no real resemblance to any fantasy scenario I've ever read. What happens in the bedroom between my Wife and her BF has stayed mostly between them. I have been surprised at my general lack of jealousy, but one thing that's definitely made a difference is that it's meant I'm able to self-lock with my Wife's knowledge and permission, and there are indications that once I get a new device (sans urethral tube), she may be more interested in participating in my lockups. So I have a pretty good incentive. :)

    The other aspect of this is that her having a boyfriend is the most publicly visible part of our situation. She's made no attempt to hide what she's doing, and we have introduced him to many of our close friends. I know this has caused some confusion just because people don't know what to make of it. This in turn has caused her to "out" me in some respects (mainly telling people about my desire for bondage), and that has been a little weird because I haven't been part of these conversations, only hearing about them from her afterwards. So what she tells them is not necessarily what I would tell them. And for some reason (probably because the natural assumption is that she's cheating on me), only one person (out of probably a dozen who know) has talked to me directly about it.

    Fortunately I trust her judgment about what to tell to whom; if it were up to me I'd probably just direct people to this site and tell them my user name so they'd get the whole story, but that would be majorly TMI for just about everyone.

    There's also a very slight humiliation aspect of it for me, knowing that others are aware she's sleeping with someone else, but because it's becoming so normalized in our social life that's been pretty minimal. Honestly the biggest charge I regularly get from it is when I'm alone in my bed, (self) locked in my cage, and I know they're together in her bedroom. That tends to make my cage a bit tighter.
     
    locked17 and Lockedwithlove like this.
  4. What led the two of you down this path to begin with?
     
  5. You can read some details in my intro post in the Foyer, but long story short I hid my kinks/fetishes from her for a long, long, long time. When I finally came out to her a couple of years ago it opened up the door to a lot of conversations. At first it was about a crush she had on a friend of ours, and it's just kind of gone from there.

    I wasn't entirely surprised by any of it because when I first got together with her she was in a relationship and she/we didn't do a very good job of hiding it from her then-boyfriend. He didn't seem to mind, so he was either oblivious or kind of into it. Since we started down this road I've asked her whether that was a conscious thing between them and she says it wasn't, but they had both seen other people while they were together without ever talking about it. So I think the seeds were there for a long time, just waiting for spring to come. :)
     
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  6. Cuck stuff is something that would need so many things to be just right, the odds of it becoming a reality are almost nil. I haven't closed myself off to it entirely though.

    1. It would have to be an us thing not just her getting laid thing. I would have to be there, and there would be no sneaking around.

    2. It would be sex. Period. No long chats, knowing your friends, intimate time, just putting a large cock inside her, very well.

    3. I would still require the same amount of attention. Just because it's been decided that I don't orgasm much in chastity, doesn't mean I can be ignored.

    4. She's not into it, so I really don't have to worry, but if we did get into it, it would have to be because it was something she really wanted, not trying to do something she thinks I want..

    5. She is my mistress, I take orders from her, I won't be told what to do by some stranger. I am submissive to one person, and that is her.

    By the way the time all that would fall into place, it might not be fun for anyone. That being said, if she had the desire to fuck some huge cock, with all those conditions I would be ok.

    So I think playful taunts and teasing about it plenty for now.

    Why does this even cross our mind? Because there is nothing more submissive than letting another male fuck your woman. That's it. Add on that it's her idea, and it's officially time to turn in your man card. Willing to accept that is an act of total submission.
     
  7. I agree 100% except for the bit about turning in your man card. If you want that to be part of it, I'm sure it could be, but speaking personally it doesn't make me feel any less like a man.

    That's more of a quibble about wording in the end, though. It means turning in some kind of card for sure. Maybe your jealous man card?

    BTW, of the 5 conditions you listed above, what we're doing would satisfy all but #1 (assuming you mean actually being there during the physical part) and #2. And frankly, there's a tension between #1, #2 (the no intimacy time with him part) and #5. If you're present during the actual physical part, you will have a relationship with this person, and you don't know in advance what form that will take. Either he would stay strictly a sex partner (which may acquire a D/s dynamic of some sort) or you will have some degree of friendship with him. Or you will absent yourself completely from their relationship, which precludes #1.

    Sorry, I'm kind of blathering on. Anyway, it's definitely good to keep an open mind. One of the big surprises for me has been how unlike all my preconceptions this has been.
     
    Lockedwithlove likes this.
  8. Like I said, chances are very slim it would ever meet my narrow guidelines. And I never put it down, but it also would not be a boyfriend thing, casual hook up only. If a regular thing happened it would lead to intimacy.

    The man card wasn't really meant as a dig, more of you're not the alpha man anymore and can't pretend to be again.
     
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  9. Oh yeah, no offense taken :)

    Like I said, it was a minor quibble about wording.

    I think most men would want things more or less the same way as you describe. Probably why cuckolding seems to be much more in the fantasy realm than reality for most couples. We just kind of fell into doing it this way, and we're putting a lot of trust in each other, and communicating about it constantly. So far so good, and we'll see what's down the road.
     
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  10. As much as it's mainly a fantasy for most, I do believe it can be a loving gift, and a testament to their bond if communication and affection remain a constant.
     
  11. So many things HAVE to be right for this type of relationship I think.
    I think the biggest thing is honesty. She could run around behind your back and have affairs and hide it well and you don't find out for ages, and that I certainly would hate and would end the relationship immediately. However if she was open and honest and we spoke about it and there was no fear of her ruining the relationship then I'd be open to thinking about it.
    The biggest thing for me is honesty.
    It would hurt me more and destroy our relationship if she lied and was deceitful.
    Like they say "I'd rather be hurt by the truth than destroyed by a lie".
     
    Chas4us2, traveler, locked17 and 3 others like this.
  12. The list you laid out is exactly how I feel. I'm not a jealous person per se, I actually get kinda turned on if I know someone is flirting with my mistress or when she tells me she's been hit on. Like you, a lot of other elements would have to be in place and I would be very uncomfortable with a boyfriend type situation for her. Our relationship is very very strong but I don't like the prospect of love possibly kindling between the two and that's why it would purely have to be sex. Or if I were involved in the bedroom, that's the only place where the relationship could exist in a D/s type situation. Therefore I don't think it would be realistic for us. It's seems like the majority of the cuckolding couples on here that appear legit, the mistress/cuckoldress typically go out with their male partners alone and seem to have a separate relationship. Not true for all, but most.

    There is another member here and I wish I could remember his username but he had a great journal on his experience being cuckolded. The main difference was that the master was interested in both him and his wife (a little bit more him I think). But they started out as swingers so it wasn't foreign to him to have someone else with his wife and in the end it was just sex as this master didn't sound like he wanted to be chained down himself to any single situation. I'll see if I can find the blog to post it here it was a really good read.
     
  13. We have gone way past cuckolding being a mere fantasy. My husband was a natural cuckold and was from his high school days when a serious steady girlfriend lost her virginity to another guy. (!) I had always wanted a man who would accept that I was not the monogamy kind of girl. After a few failed relationships I met the man who would make my dreams of being non-monogamous in marriage come true, my future husband.

    I had other lovers all though our courtship and engagement. When we got married I tested my new husband's tolerance for my future extra-marital trysting by inviting a long-time male friend to join us for a few days on my honeymoon. Needless to say the bride was well satisfied. I adore my husband but I like sexual variety. This coupled with the fact that my husband has a less than average endowment were the initial reason that I could not be happy being faithful only to him. Early in our marriage he was almost sexually insatiable and even though he was kind of small, sex with him was intense and could even be fairly pleasurable at times.

    Eventually his intermittent problems with premature ejaculation became more and more frequent and I depended more and more on "outside" help to be satisfied sexually. So his submissive bent towards being sexually denied and cuckolded was a windfall for me. I am one of those many women who really needs occasional penetration to stay healthy and emotionally balanced. My husband is the one being sexually denied, not me! Eventually my husbands penis became less and less relevant to my sex life. And it came to be that my desires are now satisfied once or twice per week in the arms of another man and my husband's penis is almost totally irrelevant to me. My current lover is a "regular" and he and I get tested for STD's regularly, because I hate condoms so we make love "bareback". The cuckolding, the knowing that another man is regularly getting what he is being denied, is something that brings about exceptionally strong submissive feelings in my husband. It does so in many sexually submissive males. This is a big plus and one of the reasons that I would sexually deny and cuckold my husband even if he could perform like a stud. Works for us...may not work for you...
     
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  14. @LeadingLady@LeadingLady : again a good writing. I love the factional way you look at these things and reading your post gave me an unexpected sensational feeling in my cage, thank you for that. :rolleyes:
     
  15. I admitted to my Wife when we started all of this that I had serious fantasies about her having sex with other men. She is totally against it and is unlikely to change her mind. If she ever asked me if I was still ok with it I would say yes.

    I know for a fact she could never just fuck. She has to be emotionally involved to be interested in someone sexually. I am confident they wouldn't replace me completely as my Wife and I have a very strong relationship if it wasn't for one simple fact. The issue is she said that due to her core beliefs she would have to leave me if she had sex with someone else.
     
    Mastrovenice likes this.
  16. I once tried it with a girlfriend that I did not love because she basically just did it and stupid me did not recognize the faint taste of semen during oral sex. It spun out of control over a period of months and she started doing gang bangs. The last straw was asking my visiting friends to gang bang her and then dating one without telling me.

    After that I switched sides and cuckolded 3 men, one for 25 years. I liked that much better. The long term guy was a cuckold in his first marriage until as he told me, his wife resented that he was not as manly as the men she dated and did not lover her enough to want him all to himself like her friend's husbands did. Yet, he wanted to be a cuckold in his second marriage. This time he felt safer because his wife was in love with me and my wife so there was zero chance that she would run off with me like his first wife did. Plus I am sterile so bareback sex was how we did it every time.

    I was not a "bull", someone who just acts like a human dildo for the wife. I was a lover who entered into loving relationships with cuckoldresses. With the exception of the long term cuckoldress, the other two did not speak highly of their cucks unless they were talking to them on the phone. They made up stuff that we did to feed their cuck's fantasy version of cuckolding. Only once did I let a cuck watch and he freaked out early on and left, so never again. I also said no to two guys who approached me on vacation to have sex with their wives. I just never like it when the husband asked. Felt like I was going to be his sex puppet so that he could get off on what I did to his wife. Just my personal feelings.

    Given our non monogamous marriage and lifestyle we came into contact with a lot of married couples who were into cuckolding, wife sharing and similar. I even watched my best friend have sex with my wife after I had sex with his. My wife hated it because she was used to being made love to and not pounded into the mattress for 15 minutes. I do not let men or woman have sex with my wife unless I got something in return. It never turned me on to watch my wife have sex with another man nor did it make me jealous. The sex afterwards was very intense though.

    Technically my wife is a cuckquean because she arranged for me to have sex with her 3 girlfriends. She liked to watch or have sex with me afterwards. Kind of surprising to hear your wife ask her girlfriend if they would like to have sex with you out of the blue but those were the days when my wife was repressing her bisexuality. Speaking of that, the reasons why guys like cuckolding is headed by bisexuality, either known or repressed. I read a paper from a psychologist who dealt with cuckold couples. He said 60 percent of men were cucks to bisexuality. I have had sex with two men and tasted a lot of semen so I am not in the 100% straight man club. In fact I am what is called heteroflexible. I can be sexual with a man under the right conditions which are basically a few drinks and women keeping me aroused. When I am aroused I will do anything, and I do mean anything. Things that would gross most people out. :)

    Cuckold can work if it is done occasionally each year. If it becomes a regular weekly thing, the odds are that sooner or later the wife is going to start feeling like she is being used by her husband to satisfy his fetish. Cucks watch porn and read cuckold stories and thinking why wouldn't a wife want to have sex with other men without guilt. As we know, it is difficult to even get our wives to merely hold our keys. Wives have body and self confidence issues. They do not know if they are even as good as the men she would have sex with are used to. They will be nervous the first few times and not have an orgasm. Some of the bulls will not be able to perform, be drunk or stoned, not last long or feel that since they had sex with your wife she is now their girlfriend who they will pursue if you let them know where you live or your phone number/email address.

    Reality is different than the fantasy. You cannot control the actions of two people having sex. They are not going to be your puppet. What is surprising is that the cuckoldress often resents her cuck after awhile. She wants to have a private lover without having to tell her husband everything. She stops wanting to be watched. She falls in love despite any rules they have and get tired of a submissive man who is treating her like a sex object to get off on. As I said, if you do it occasionally you should be fine although we knew a couple where the wife learned what good sex could be like and started to date the first "bull" she had until she divorced her husband. .Many variables and just try to find a bull in real life. It can take half a year to do so. Most may think that getting a friend is the way to go but that is more dangerous because there will already be some sort of emotional bond between your wife and friend that could turn into love. One thing I learned the hard way is that friends do not think you are cool or lucky for having a wife that has sex with other guys. They may tell you that to your face but what they say behind your back is that you are not man enough for your wife and think negatively about you. I had two girlfriends cheat with my good friends so do not think you are safer with friends.

    Most of the cuckold couples we knew got divorced because of it. Just try to find very active cuckolds with very long marriages. They are as rare as hen's teeth. In my 40 years of sex with cuckoldresses and hot wives, I never came across another bull. Cuckolds yes, bulls no. I just want to impress the fact that the reality is not usually like the fantasy and most posts about it are fake. Who is OK with their wife going to a bar to meet a guy who just happens to have a big penis and the stamina to go for hours? More often than not, the wife will not even have an orgasm the first few times. I know that my wife did not. Too nervous, felt like she was treated as a slut and it was all over in 15 minutes and the guy's penis was the same size of mine which is a little above average back in those days.

    One you let the genie out of the bottle there is no putting it back. Based on the drama I saw you can end up with a wife who regrets violating her moral code or religious beliefs. She may hate it like my wife did and wish she never did it. Not all women like to act like a porn star. The cuck can get jealous because in his fantasy she only feels arousal but we cannot control jealousy most times. Once it is done, there is nothing you can do about it. It can be used as a weapon during future arguments. Most cucks are not prepared for the intimate stuff that often goes on like kissing and other intimate things rather than just raw sex. The intimate stuff evokes jealousy more than the sex act itself. You also have to be mentally prepared and able to control your emotions. Psychology today called cuckolding the fetish of intellectuals due to the heavy mental aspect of cuckolding and ability to not let it ruin a marriage. The best bet is to find a bull who understands the whole cuckolding thing but they are very rare, especially if you do not live in a big city. Most guys just want to have free sex with your wife and do not understand how to feed your fetish while doing it.

    Whenever you allow others into your marital bed you are entering a minefield with more mines than fields. The reasons for wanted to do are diverse but some of the more often mentioned are:

    - bisexual urges by the cuckold. Let's face it, eating a man's semen from your wife is still eating another man's semen and it is like having sex with the man by proxy.

    - Men are voyeuristic and want to see a live sex show where the star of the show goes home with him afterwards.

    - There is also something called the king complex. The fact that other men get a taste of what you have all the time and despite how good they are, she comes home to you, makes your wife more valuable in your eyes.

    - Sperm competition. It has been studied that men will thrust faster and and deeper after their mate has been with another guy. Their sperm count will also increase as measured. Some say that the head of a penis is perfectly shaped to scoop out the other man' semen to replace it with yours. Seems to be a genetic thing.

    - Some men get off on degrading their wives. You surely have seen women being used by men while wearing a leash and collar or tied down. It can also be just degrading if your wife is not into it.

    - Sexual humiliation. It is the ultimate sexual humiliation for a sexual submissive. That was my reason when I was 19. What better than to lock up the cuck's penis, deny him orgasms, rub his nose in it and even force him to do bi stuff, be feminized or whatever floats his submissive boat.

    Those are the reasons with the highest percentage of answers given by cuckold couples.

    Cuckolding is different than having a hot wife. That is like showing off your Ferrari so that they know what you have and the do not. There is also Stag play that does not involve any more of humiliation using with an alpha husband.

    Do not believe most of what you read online. Bet most who talk about cuckolding never even met a cuckold in real life. On line I have a 10" penis and had sex with 100 girls in one night. :) Porn caters to what is currently of interest to men so they crank out cuckold movies. Much of the so called amateur stuff is made to look like amateur but if you watch enough of it you will start to wonder why you are seeing a camera flash when the cuck is in bed with the bull. Who is filming them. I have seen so much cuckold porn that I will notice the same motel room being used over and over again by many couples. I see the same bedspread and usually professional lighting. Sometimes you can see men and women in the reflection of a mirror or picture on the wall if it is covered in glass.

    The worst are cuckold videos where whoever is making them has no idea of where to put a wedding ring. It will often be on the wrong hand or finger. The ring is the same one used by other amature wives. Most often the wedding band is plan and there is no engagement ring. Most married women I know have engagement rings. In one amature cuckold video the wedding ring was so big that it fell off the wife twice. They also forget to give the husband a wedding band. When you think of it, why would you post a video of your wife for all to see without getting paid to do so. Why are so many wives constantly brushing the hair from their faces so that they can be seen. Most seem scripted and are edited.

    So proceed with caution. I lost a girlfriend to it and my longtime cuckold husband lost is ex wife to it. Most of or friends divorced due to cuckolding. Rules are false security. At first the wife will follow them but as she gets used cuckolding she will either stay at the bull's place or stop allowing their cucks to watch because it inhibits them and the guy they are with. Just try to find a guy who is OK with you watching. Most guys will not do that. Basically I want to impress that cuckolding is better as a fantasy then a reality.

    One more reason guys want it. Arousal and jealousy produce the same effects to your body. Only the circumstances you experience them determines if it is arousal or jealousy. Men watch cuckolding online and masturbate to it until they associated it with arousal and of course there is nothing to be jealous about watching someone else's fake wife having sex with another guy. When it does happen many report what is called cuck angst. That is a mixture of arousal and jealousy which you need to be able to mentally handle. I get aroused thinking about my wife cuckolding me but after 47 years of sexual fetishes I pretty much know what is best left as a fantasy.
     
  17. I will add that the sad reality is that like any other well established personal kink or fetish, one can loose one's partner/wife/husband either to the fallout from the exploration of the kink OR to the sublimation of the kink for the 'good' of the relationship. Such sublimation rarely works and can foster great resentment and eventual acting out to satisfy those urges.
     
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    Cuckolding seems to be an increasingly visible male sexual fantasy nowadays, it’s certainly mentioned more here than it was a few years ago.

    I have to say that if that were put to me as something that my partner wanted to try, it would be the beginning of the end.

    That he would want to watch me having sex with another man for his own sexual gratification is as @Vinny@Vinny said like watching a porn movie and going home with the star, that is exactly how I see it.

    Ladies for the most part expect a monogamous relationship, even when part of the fetish scene where there are other options available.

    The thought that goes through my head about cuckolding is being with someone else being fucked – because let’s face it, they are not your intimate life partner – whilst your intimate life partner is watching and getting aroused is a death knell for a relationship the majority of the time.

    Why would you want the person you love and adore to be treated like a sex slave for your titillation? Be warned gentlemen, if you bring this up to your partner, it will be in the back of her mind for ever more, questioning why you would want to pimp her out to someone else so you get a sexual kick out of it.

    Is it worth it for a fantasy that we all know very seldom happens in real life?
     
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  19. @Vinny@Vinny
    Well written and much of what you say holds true on many levels. The fantasy is always better than reality because of one main component...control. You can control the outcome in your fantasy. You are injecting your thoughts and actions into the characters in the fantasy. So it is easy to get wrapped up in idea of it.

    Women often associate sex with love and usually can't separate the two. They have a need of intimacy in sex. It's always easy fir the cuck to view just the fucking and done, but in reality you've hit it on the head. Women like / need the courting, they develop feelings for the bull.
    The single biggest issue I've had is that the bull gets the open and carefree - sexually charged version of your wife/gf. The bulls do not have to deal with the bullshit side, bills, obligations, running the household...I call it ..well.."Life".
    So the resentment comes from the wife in that she begins to associate you with the shitty side of things...the only conversations you end up having are over crap. Eventually those produce arguments at which point you become villianized and her feelings of feeling good and carefree sex become connected to the bull. This begins to build resentment. I've dabbled in this play a few times in my life and it usually revolves around being sexuall humiliated and ultimately feminized to the point of being more female than male, but real life doesn't work that way.. I have a career the requires me to be a stable me and that tends to fuck things up a good bit.

    I applaud you for your post as it hits on many of the myths of how a cuckold relationship fails to reach reality.

    I also agree that it can be managed as an occasional kink, but with my mindset it always leads to becoming a consuming thought which is often difficult to put the brakes on.
    I'd love to find a Mistress that is sadistic enough to actually gets turned on by humiliating her partner(me) and is turned on by tease and denial/ chastity to the nth degree while appreciating the fact that not many men would allow her to openly have sex with other men, but remains devoted and in love with her. Add in that she'd also get turned on by changing me into a shemale with a limp penis that would solidify her reason to fuck other men and force me to sexually satisfy men while she watches....
    I know that those Mistresses are a dime a dozen....NOT..lol. She really exists...on the internet and if it's on the internet it must be real...
     
  20. My wife knows that I have the cuckold fantasy desire, and she knows I would submit to her in this way if desired. However, this is not something that she really wants presently, although I noticed recently she now has the ability to tease me about it ever so subtly, especially given she just lost ten pounds. Perhaps her self confidence is growing. So, she is aware of my desire to submit to her to the fullest extent if it were her desire and it made her happy to go down that road. I don't see it happening anytime soon though, if ever, and that's fine to.
     
  21. My Mistress and I are in a FLR, when we were first dating Miss was the dominant partner and explained FLR to me, once I accepted this - really not a big change for me, Miss made it clear that she would see other guys and that it was "just sex" of course this was not a choice on my part, just information for me. I never had hear of an FLR or of cuckolding previously and frankly didn't know about alternative lifestyles so this was all new to me.