Why Do Men Sexually Assault Women?

I don't think it's a simple one size fits all reason. people abuse one another for various reasons.

one is a power imbalance. it's much easier to abuse someone and get away with it if you are in a position of power (male or female)

I'm sure others will list many more reasons

 

It won't in the short term. The testosterone in the average male dictates that. When we have our female-led society, with males in chastity, it will change.

They do it because there is something hardwired in human beings to be aggressive. Over time it will evolve out of us, because we don't need aggression as hunter-gatherers any more, but you're talking many, many generations.

 

I agree with Lester. As I became older and my testosterone dwindled I became much more submissive and desired to be feminized. A female-led society may be generations away but we're headed in that direction and that is a good thing.

 

Men no, a few scumbags that have really big problems and no respect for anyone else

As always depends on the place, in my city as in everyone else there is a bad zone, if you enter only bad things will happen, if you walk alone and sexy there you know what will happen but where i live you can go with almost nothing on and you will arrive home fine, it is a good place and people here knows what it is wrong and what not

And the time is critical, during dayligth i doubt it happens, if is late in the night + sexy dressing + alcohol/drugs it is a big chance it will happen

For me that kind of person deserves a castration + penectomy (i dont beleive in death sentence) and it is a minority of all mens around the world, if it wasnt the case womens will be raped every day by thousands and thanks god is not

 

Aside from purging the male gender from the planet I don't see how it could ever stop, sad to say. Obviously being male and quite well built I don't feel the same way very often but I do remember what it was like being physically bullied by a bunch of older kids on a regular basis and being nervous of who I was going to run into around every corner. Not nice.

 

I wish I knew or understood the answer. I'm not interested in having sex with someone unless I know they want it to. I need to know they're enjoying themselves and getting pleasure out of the experiance or it wouldn't feel right for me.

 

This is about as good a question as asking why do women assault men, or why do men assault each other, and the simple answer is that such is human nature. The question is also highly insulting, as most men, at least in civilized countries, do not sexually assault women. And given how many men, for example law enforcement officers, actually die protecting the safety and rights of women, the too frequent attitude that most men are often but one thought away from raping someone achieves little more than alienating the men so insulted.

Do my words sound harsh? Well, the world itself is harsh, and grouping all men into a hazy blob of rapey barbarians will not make it safer. Do women get sexually assaulted? Yes, even in relatively safe places, such as those most of us here live in, and I'd love to see such crimes disappear. But shaming about half of humanity for the crimes of a minority is neither just nor sensible and it will not make those crimes disappear.

Men have way more reason to be afraid. They are the majority of combat deaths, majority of workplace deaths, majority of violent crime victims, majority of suicides... And while this doesn't in any way lessen the trauma any individual sexual assault can create, awareness of the fact might help to put things into perspective if we were to talk about statistics and solutions. Women are not the only ones on this planet who face various forms of violence, and men are not the sole source of it.

Ideas like locking all men into chastity or promoting rule of women are nothing but wishful thinking, and naive to boot. No chastity device is unbeatable, as we all know, and female rule is neither achievable nor desireable within at least the next decade.

So what working solutions would I suggest? Accept that the best you can do right now is improve your own chances of not getting assaulted and of defending yourself if you do get assaulted. Know the people around you, you're more likely to get assaulted by someone you know than by a stranger. Improve your situational awareness. Improve your self-esteem. Learn some self-defense and learn to appear willing to defend yourself. Arm yourself, be it with a firearm, a pepper spray or a particularly tough pen. Stop being afraid of becoming a victim and learn to consider yourself a victor and a survivor. And then you'll be safer yourself and in a much better position to help others who might be facing a similar danger.

 

I believe too that's it's hard wired, back even before cave men days and definitely before the politically correct brigade arrived. Men need to have sons and heirs and therefore have a primal instinct to spread their seed around as many potential partners as they can. Unfortunately some men still have a lot of that urge. Woman on the other hand want to have family and be cared for and loved and want to make themselves appealing to a mate, hence the eye make up, mascara, and heels.

Let me say it again, a lot of men have grown out of that instinct and are now very caring, but there's still a minority that think it is acceptable

 

The original post didn't actually specify that the statement was inclusive of all men. It also didn't specify anything about alienating men. It simply stated stated that women are feeling unsafe and on guard because they have been victims of sexual assult from men.

This may only be caused by a minority but we can't deny it is a problem (bigger than we would like to think) and so a perfectly valid question.

Everyone should have a right to feel safe but the actions of a few can make us feel vulnerable and scared.

If I reflect on my own behavior I am also aware some of my own actions could be questionable and taken out of context. For example I do wonder if sometimes I come across as clingy and stalkerish when chating with a lady but I'm just trying to understand where our boundaries meet and make sure she is ok.

My intention would be to never make anyone feel uncomfortable but sometimes something small can have a totally different meaning from another perspective.

 

Lack of respect

 

You're right that the original post didn't explicitly include all men. However, indicating that anywhere might be unsafe, coupled with the very topic of this thread, is a pretty strong sign that all men are suspect, and some other posters expressed similar sentiments.

Yes, I'm being a bit irritable here, I know that, and my post was not intended as an attack on anyone. It is just that I am becoming more and more tired of seeing the same old flawed arguments and ideas over and over again, and therefore more inclined to be honest instead of polite.

Would it be possible for you to tell where I'm being biased, ill informed and naive?

As for being biased and ill informed, check the widely available statistics. Men *are* the majority of combat deaths, majority of violent crime victims, majority of workplace deaths and so on. They're also just as much victims of domestic violence as women are, even if the situation is less often reported. Fear of being sexually assaulted, while real and often reasonable, is not the same as the statistics-based risk of being assaulted or killed. Subjective fear of getting eaten by a shark is not the same as the actual probability of being eaten by a shark.

I'm not saying that women don't get assaulted. These things do happen and they're simply wrong. I'm saying that *everyone* is at risk, even if most men aren't rapists, as we don't live in a perfectly safe world and there's next to no chance of human nature changing anytime soon. We can't change the whole world or every violent human out there. What we can change is ourselves, the way we deal with our fears and the way we're prepared to confront danger. Ideas like locking up all men are no help at best and often reinforce the feelings that too many women have gone funny in the head. Sending all men into mines? Seriously? How would you feel if a man suggested sending all women into kitchens? See the hypocrisy?

And as for naivety, my other half has had to defend herself against a violent attack, even if it was not one of sexual nature, and if it wasn't for her training and for the weapon I now consider the most useful gift I ever gave her, she might have not been alive today. I've been in some dangerous situations myself. I know enough about how violent and dangerous the world can be.

 

Males who are sexual predators are basically on a power trip to convince themselves they are real men. Let's be honest, most men can physically overpower most women. So they assault women to make a statement about how manly they are. Sad situation that is perpetrated by a sad excuse for a man. If the roles were reversed that kind of a male would scream "foul" without end. To be a man is to first and foremost control one's behavior and not act inappropriately and victimize woman because one can.

 

When I thought about a response to this, I noticed the same was true for other arenas of thought. I'm not focusing on chromosomes, here.

I suppose one could ask this question about humanity at large... Why do people hurt people?

Jealousy. Insecurity. Fear. Regret. These are just a few reasons, all of which can culminate into acts of rage.

Essentially, I'd say there's a void (at the very least a big one, if not several others) found in any type of abuser. They try to fill this void by attaining 'power' via belittling, hurting, or disenfranchising others. Physically or mentally. Sexually or otherwise.

 

Breathe,
I agree with you about individual motivations for violence/crime.

As to why so many women fear/experience sexual violence.....

It's all about how we raise men. It's not actually about human nature or cavemen. They've determined that I think the Bonobo (could be wrong about the species) monkey is the one closest to humans in term of DNA. And they've studied Bonobos for over 30 years, they're an extremely sexual species.......and they don't rape. Seriously. The handful of times that it's happened, the male monkeys that committed rape were murdered by female Bonobos. So some anthropologists surmise that sexual aggression isn't at all a part of "human nature".

So where does it come from? Society, how we raise boys. At the dawn of time I firmly believe we lived in equal harmony at least for a few years. Some anthropologists believe that men revered women as goddesses because we seem to create babies out of thin air. Then, when humans figured out that sperm played a role, everything flipped. Obviously we'll never know the real answer, but for thousands of years, men kept firm control of women in every area of society. We've been treated as objects for thousands of years. We're called evil temptresses, we're the reason men get erections.....

And it's been proven that men DO see women as objects. There was a study where they did brain scans of men and women as they looked at pictures of the opposite sex. In the women's brains, areas of connection and communication lit up. In the men's brains, the areas of object identification and utility lit up. So men *literally* see us as objects.

Now, I am not saying it's male DNA that causes this. Not at all. It's how we raise boys to see and treat women. There's a fantastic book "Delusions of Gender" that shows a lot of what we think is "essentially" male or female behavior is bunk. It's not in our DNA, it's what we're taught as children.

As for statistics.......1 in 3 women and girls are beaten and/or raped. Period. It's horrifying, and we're not running around beating and raping ourselves. We're abused, primarily, by men. I've studied this before so I can't grab the studies off the top of my head, but the numbers are real. Men are the vast majority of rapers-of-women, murderers-of-women, and beaters-of-women. A lot of the mass murderers in the US and Europe have left behind journals where they rail against women for refusing to date them. A girl in Massachusetts was shot to death last year because she turned a boy down for Prom. (In general, I think men are taught that sex is about power and domination. All those priests who abused young boys? I think men commit abuse against us and their own kind because they are taught how to dominate, not nurture)

I have so much to say on this, and I already know there will be some backlash, but I have a few more points.

You say "Not all men", well I have another phrase "Yes all women." Of course, not all men are dangerous. BUT YES, ALL WOMEN HAVE EXPERIENCED CREEPY/ABUSIVE BEHAVIOR AT THE HANDS OF A *MAN*. Ask any woman you know, I guarantee she has at least 1 story. So, that means that there are waaaay more bad men out there than you think. There are soooo many bad or inappropriate men out there that *every woman in the world feels afraid of men at some point*

Please think about the last 4 sentences seriously. Think about it for just five minutes, I beg you.

When the #MeToo hashtag went around Twitter and Facebook after Harvey Weinstein, one man posted "Every woman I'm friends with is using this hashtag. Wtf?" The problem is so vast mainly because all victims are shamed into silence. That's how scumbags get away with abusing so many people for so many years. We're told we 'asked for it' if we come forward, so why pile shame on top of abuse??


Lastly (for now), You say that women should take self-defense and get pepper spray. Here's my question-why would you give someone a bullet proof vest instead of taking bullets out of all guns? No, I'm not saying to castrate or kill all men. It's about how we RAISE BOYS. Boys are decent, pure, and good, and if we raise them to be better, they will do better. I firmly believe that we could eradicate sexual violence in a single generation if we started teaching our boys differently. And we don't even need a woman Pope to do it.

 

You're not even willing to listen, are you?

My other half might have DIED if it wasn't for her willingness and ability to use lethal force to defend herself. We live in one of the safest countries on Earth yet she's had to fight for her life.

You saying that brute force is not the solution is nothing but a sign you're wiling to let your wishes distort your perceptions of reality.

Sure, force is not the whole solution. But as an old saying goes, it is better to be a warrior in a garden than to be a gardener in a battle.

 

I think the idea of brute force being the only solution is crazy and the way it has been suggested doesn't solve the problem.

I don't think I would feel much safer from attack just because I know self defense and have a weapon. It may improve my chances but things can still go wrong. I'd prefer to prevent such attacks ever happening than be called to put such knowledge to the test. I also don't believe in making someone else responsible when they aren't the one with the problem.

If brute force is the only solution to prevent such attacks then it sounds like everyone should be locked up in isolation so they can't commit a crime.

I'd like to think that approach is a bit extreme and think identifying and solving the cause of attacks would be a better way to go.

So why would some end up sexually assulting someone?

I believe it's based on an in built desire to feel love. But they don't know what it means or how to make this happen.

As previously mentioned some believe power is the solution and take what they desire using any means necessary. Others I believe are fueled by fear. Fear of not knowing what to do, they stumble make mistakes get embarrassed, feel ashamed panic get caught in the rush and then snowball into the assault. The rush becomes addictive and so they end up trapped following the same path blinded to the fact it is wrong.

There may be other triggers also. It's learning how to prevent and conquer those.

 

A major issue is that some men have a too strong sense of general entitlement. This comes from disfunctional upbringing and poor nurturing and cuts across society at all economic levels. One manifestation is in misogynistic attitudes to women; my understanding is that this is a massive problem in India right now. An Indian female friend said to me she does not feel safe returning to visit family. This has been allowed to become severe by cultural apathy. Proper respect for women for their wonderful qualities is something that can indeed be learned by young boys. Indeed the learning of empathy by children towards others generally is so important. As a boy/young man think what it is like to be weaker physically and/or more vulnerable in all aspects of life and act accordingly, not by taking advantage of your power but by being a nice human being and making that person feel comfortable and secure.

 

Maybe thats where some of us got our differences from then and ended up being more submissive/ i for one certainly was not brought up to be aggresive in either a physical or sexual way.

 

I know I’ll never feel at easy knowing miss is coming back home late from work. As to why I’d say it has a lot to do with education and the surroundings of the being growing up. We tend to replicate what we’ve been seeing since newborns, if that thing is violence then they’ll just perpetuate it.
Ans some other times they’re just jerks, it’s that simple