Who's real? Who's not?

Discussion in 'Female led relationships' started by Addelle, Jan 9, 2021.

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  1. Addelle
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    Addelle New member

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    What should I look for in a mistress, or mistress\girlfriend when ahm looking for one? Recently (or should I say, in the past 3 years) I've been disappointed by these online mistresses and they countless "tributes" and zero meet ups and unfortunately, they got me good :( So How can I tell a genuine mistress from a golddigger?
     
  2. jemima
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    jemima maid for my Mistress

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    meet Her at a munch thingy or somewhere. They dont all wanting money but a lot dose but you has to do something for them that they want like cleaning or cooking and that.
     
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  3. Alana
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    Alana Active member

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    I'm terrible at relationships, ...so you probably want to ignore my advice anyway.

    ...but consider things from Her perspective,
    What exactly does she get out of it?

    Not all dominant women are going to want the same thing, but money or other gifts (if you can afford it) does not sound completely unreasonable for agreeing to be your "kink dispenser".

    ...Unfortunately, the internet is also full of scammers who prey on lonely people. A healthy dose of skepticism certainly seems appropriate when meeting someone who asks for money or gifts during your first conversation, or as a requirement to meet in person.

    A gathering of known to be kinky people is probably your best bet at finding what you are looking for. A local Munch is probably the most obvious, but if you live in an area that holds annual "pride" celebrations, that can also be a good place to meet someone new.
     
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  4. Ithacan
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    Ithacan Active member

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    I would avoid paying tributes for a first meeting, it just sets all the alarm bells going.
     
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  5. L-u-c-y
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    Staff Member Owner of Chastity Mansion Administrator Verified Female

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    If I were you I would stick to vanilla dating sites and see if you can spot women with dominant personalities. But even if you do they might not be into what you want.
     
  6. Wonderwomanssub
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    Wonderwomanssub Active member

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    I second this route
     
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  7. King Hippo
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    King Hippo Active member

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    If you are looking to date your Mistress you are probably better off dating someone first. Not sure if that is what you want though.
     
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  8. LockedPom
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    LockedPom Active member

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    Just go for vanilla dating. Plenty of kinky ladies out there. Don't forget that other relationship personal qualities are required!
     
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  9. Ormaz
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    Ormaz Member

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    Couldn't agree more. Vanilla girlfriends make the best keyholders!
     
  10. MRS.Lilith
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    The internet is full of fakes. If you want a real connection, go dating in the real world like the others here said before me.
    I met my sub through a mutual friend and we talked a lot before we started dating. Once we were comfortable enough talking to each other it became clear that we matched in the BDSM department too .
    Real life dating may give you some dissapointments, but it's worth the effort. I mean, me and my sub are married now.
     
  11. JenniferSometimes
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    JenniferSometimes New member

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    #11 JenniferSometimes, Jan 10, 2021
    Last edited: Jan 10, 2021
    For myself, the idea of engaging in a relationship with a woman using only a single thread to hold it together, like domination or any of its elements (e.g. keyholding) is like hoisting a sail using twine as the halyard. The arrangement will most likely fail before you get it securely in place, or not long after. If your objective is short-term, maybe you'll get enough wind in the sail to get you far enough along, and that'll be enough. It isn't for me.
    I do not seek a single line to establish my connection, nor separate the whole of a relationship from its individual strands. I have always needed a full-spectrum, genuine relationship that incorporates vanilla and even mundane filaments, interwoven with the kink, to form a strong and lasting connection on emotional, intellectual and physical levels.
    I suppose that explains my failed past relationships, but is also a tribute to the amazing women with whom I have had the privilege of falling madly in love. We chanced to meet at a vanilla event that also ignites passion within each of us. We therefore already had an initial bond over another important part of our lives. Through regular, honest communication, we have found many other shared loves, one of which is our passion for exploring our sexual fantasies. I consider myself extremely fortunate, but the fortune came after decades of sailing through seas of despair and heartache. I wish you fairer winds and following seas on your journey.
     
  12. LockedNick
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    You have had some good advice here.

    The internet is full of scammers, fantasists and con artists. It’s easy to meet and talk to people online but it’s harder to find success and harder to filter out the ones who are into it just for money.

    The best kinky relationships I’ve had have all started out vanilla after a real world meeting - through work, in bars, mutual friends. The huge advantage of that is that you have a foundation - friendship, trust, attraction and things in common - outside the kink world. If you have a connection like that, the chances are that you’re both already emotionally invested in each other and you are already meeting in real life and know she’s not just after a tribute.

    In my experience most people are willing to try most things to please a partner. I’m not into ears or armpits but had a partner who loved having hers licked and played with. I willingly tried it to please her and she was so into it that I got into it and ended up getting some fulfilment out of it. In relationships since then I’ve not been remotely interested in ears or pits but I’ve tried other things they liked and would try pretty much anything within reason.

    So with this foundation you can probably start to introduce each other’s kinks once you’ve established that trust. There are very few truly vanilla people I’ve met but many who were very hesitant to openly admit their kinks. In many of my relationships me ‘going first’ and admitting one or two of mine and not being hung up about it helped them tell me something of theirs.

    If you are sub then the chances are you are naturally attracted to dominant personalities. So the chances are there is already a natural tendency in the relationship for slight submission on your part in vanilla life. This was always the case with me in the relationships that lasted. But they only came about with real life or vanilla dating sites.

    To answer your question the best way to tell genuine from fake is to have a foundation of trust and common interests outside the kink world before you fully introduce kink.
     
  13. Mistress Julie
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    I dont think it is an instant fix. Yes Im sure there are gold diggers out there..... But in real life you do need to get to know someone and be sure its the road you both want to travel together for all the right reasons.
    I know its a human trait to have it all as soon as possible, but there the problems start.
    You want it so bad you cant see the wood for the trees. And to the gold diggers you unfortunately leave yourself wide open.
    Just be yourself, dont be obsessed about finding a Mistress. Start a relationship. And above all.....talk.......let your feelings be know without pressurizing. Because thats the one thing that will destroy any relationship.
    In my long relationship I ask for nothing, but get showered with gifts from my sub husband.
    Why....Because "He loves me"
     
  14. Pretty Monnica
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    Pretty Monnica 24/7365 chastized sissy in an FLR.

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    Yup. Date, have fun, engage, learn. If you approach pretty much any online Domme, you do have to get that for them, it's a job and a way to make money. They specialize in getting money out of you, because that's how they make a living. It's not a scam, it's just the gravity of creating an online persona to try to make money.

    It seems like a relationship is what you are after, and I am sorry to hear that this has been an expensive way for you to find this out. Remember, the best kinky relationships were relationships first, kinky second. Peruse dating sites and look for ladies with more of an Alpha personality, and be very upfront with them if you do have a connection after 3 or 4 dates. A word to the wise, however, I wouldnt let them know that you paid money in looking for this, because I understand it, but most females wouldnt handle it right away. As you get to delve a bit deeper into it, should you find a suitor, come clean with them, and explain "I was willing to pay, because I am 'that' into this type of stuff."

    Its information that can come out later, rather than sooner. Very best of luck. The problem is that there are a ton of submissives, and a limited supply of Dommes out there. Be that person who treats a lady like just that, be honest, be faithful, and the kink is never far behind. Shortcuts, simply do not work, or can be found for the right price.

    Real love is free.
     
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  15. LockedPom
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    LockedPom Active member

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    Another thing to remember is that the majority of both male and females prefer to be sexually submissive. Thus you may need to be prepared to switch in a kinky relationship.
     
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  16. steviepie
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    steviepie Owned by the One True Goddess

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    Shouldn't subs try to learn to enjoy what their dommes enjoy?
     
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