When things dont go as planned

Discussion in 'Female led relationships' started by Mistress Watchful, May 23, 2008.

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  1. Mistress Watchful
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    Mistress Watchful Dont believe the hype ;oP

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    (Or when Mistress Watchful goes into Domme overload and her pet throws a stroppy fit)

    Before posting I would like to say this happened a few hours ago, we are happily speaking to each other again, and communicating well

    After everything that has been going on lately my sexual requirements are peaking a little bit. Ive been surfing wonderful cuckolding sites and looking at far too many luscious photographs and getting increasingly hornier by the minute. This afternoon, I decided to seize the moment and have some fun,

    Wed had a lovely lunch, we were both feeling extremely horny and the house was child free (baby was zonked out in her nursery for once!). Everything was pretty much to hand, I was horny, my imagination was racing and I just felt like playing for my own pleasure.

    I had pet go to the bed and put on pretty pink panties and my favourite huge pink strap-on.

    I decided to play with a little teasing first, a light cropping (pet was not happy, but didnt safeword) and then ice yummy except pet starts calling hard-limit on ice. I was *not* impressed. I did something Im not proud of I over-rode the hard-limit. I didnt push it too much further, but in no way did I see running ice over his body and up to his balls and dripping cold water on him necessitate a hard limit.

    I chained him up, hands and feet, so he couldnt struggle. I played with the ice a little more, then I decided to relieve my horniness I rode the strap-on hard I got my juices flowing.. I sat over his hooded face and masturbated until I came, just letting him taste my fingers instead of my pussyI rode the strap-on till I came again and then I decided to release him

    I made him fuck me hard with the strap-on, cumming again, so hard, god I was loving every minute of this I made him go down on me in between times and he seemed desperately horny, so I asked if hed like a turn

    He answered yes, ditched the strap-on and started fucking me... I was so horny and dripping and ready to cum again and again. He asked permission to cum, I denied, saying I wanted to be fucked harder and faster, so he carried on and asked again, I denied, this time right up to the edge, he stopped, and started again this time sure I would let him cum, but I didnt I was loving the attention and the look on his face, but the next time I stopped him, he flipped out punched a pillow and got mad.

    I was upset, I realised I fucked up and misread signals and pushed it too far. I tried to cuddle him, but he wouldnt have any of it. Baby woke up, he dressed and went to see to her, and I went and cried and cried in the shower.

    Just when I truly thought Id got a grip on it, he seemed so mad at me. Told me that spanking and ice was ok as a punishment but I shouldnt just use them for my pleasure, and that he had every right to be upset at not being allowed to cum.

    Im a bit lost. Did I screw up? Did I overstep the mark? I thought I was doing what I was supposed to do, enjoying myself sexually, teasing him I wanted him to be begging for more, but instead he was angry and irritable.

    As I said, we have been speaking for the past couple of hours on what happened. Pet confessed he felt he was in the wrong, and Id done everything right and that others would be happy to be in his position.

    Im gutted. I feel like I should never have gone so far. I have no idea what Im doing and poor pet was at the receiving end.

    Well work through it, we always do.

    I wanted to post because I feel its important for people to see the fuck-ups and realise that it happens. I still need to think this all through and decide where this is going.

    I'd really like to hear from the Mistresses on this one, I need some reassurance.
     
  2. subbutstillaman
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    subbutstillaman Senior Member

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    Ill be short and sweet but had to reply. I just think sometimes all of us have insecurities and down periods. Hormone levels are stretched big time in a d/s relationship and this can tip anyone over the edge. Pet is a brave man with everything he has admitted and done with you and therefore maybe he deserved that strop. One thing you have to give him massive respect for is the fact he punched a pillow and WALKED away now that takes a big man.
     
  3. Loris1
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    Loris1 Junior Member

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    OMG It seems the two of you are working the psychodrama of a real sub domme relationship. Miss Watchful, you have a gift.
     
  4. Kinkish1
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    Kinkish1 Senior Member

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    I've been there numerous times and feel the frustration of you both, as I've been on both sides of the moment you described. Way back when, in order to meet kinky women it was big plus to be a switch or a Dom while engaging in kinky play. I always hoped that the woman would turn the tables on me and become fully Domme. Sometimes it worked, sometimes not. Anyhow, I know both sets of emotions and feel your pain.

    All I can say is that you'll both experience those same emotions again. Probably a lot more than you'd like. It's kind of like playing poker. When you play for and win a small pot it feels good, but that feeling is nothing like the one you get when winning against the big boys for seriously big money. Even losing to great players is more rewarding than winning small, because you've at least learned something that will beat them next time.

    What you're doing is the same situation really. Going for the amazing feelings and satisfaction that D/s and BDSM delivers means your putting yourself out there for a big payoff or a big letdown.
    Big risk = big letdown or a big payoff.
    If you can take something instructive and positive from the less rewarding results that experience still makes you a winner.

    I'm not sure that makes any sense, but I hope so.

    Kinkish1
     
  5. Mistress Michelle
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    Mistress Michelle Magical Mistress

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    Dearest Mistress Watchfull,
    I happen to know all to well what you are feeling!! I have had the same type thing happen to Myself and My pet. I do not know why all this emotional crap should get mixed up in Our Domme heads, but it does. Trying to be the Domme, and enjoy Ourselfs, doing as We wish for Our pleasure, and then feel like shit when Our pets do not act the way they should. I do not think You went too far at all, but I do understand the guilty feelings afterwards. Did I go to far, should I have done that, maybe he dosent like that, I didnt mean to hurt him, blah blah blah...And for all you subs out there...This is the point where We think to Ourselves, Vanilla life is a whole hell of a lot easier!! So...I would suggest that..If you have a Mistress such as Mistress Watchful, or Myself, you had better shape up and suck it up or you may end up back in a vanilla life, because it is easier!! And, its true, being a Mistress is NOT easy, so stop trying to make Us turn it on and off like a spigot, its emotionally exausting!! There is absolutly NO excuse for Mistress Watchful to be in the bathroom crying after doing what She did. No Excuse whatsoever.
    Is Your new cage there yet? Lock him up for.....well a very long time!!!!!
    Mistress Michelle
     
  6. cumslave_2002
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    cumslave_2002 Ms. Shauna's Hubby

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    I couldn't agree more with you Mistress Michelle. Us sub's expect you women to turn on and off your dominant side like a light switch. When we want to play it's ok, but when we don't. Don't push us! Well being a sub to Mistress Colleen for some time, we to go thru that also. But when a man wants to play in this lifestyle and begs and pleads for his spouse to be a cruel Mistress, well he better think it thru. Because if you get her to respond and get into this lifestyle, you better be fully willing to accept her wishes and desires. It took me a long time to get Col to the point she would take full control of our sex life, and hell I didn't like it. But I also wanted to be dominanted! You can't have it both ways, if you trulely want to play this game, then you must be willing to accept whatever your Mistress wishes! It's not about your needs anymore, and if you want her to be happy and take that power and control, then your going to have to submit to it. I have force myself to change, because Col was in the same confused area. I was telling her one thing, but when it wasn't convieniant for me then I didn't want to play. I think now that I have come to realise and obey her at any whim, she has finally come to terms that she now fully incharge. By totally sunmitting to her, I have thru time changed my attitude and I am willing to accept whatever she wishes also. Not to mention six month in chastity and without any release gets your head into it also.LOL Anyway that my 2 cents, hope you Mistress Watchful can talk with your pet and find out what you two are both about and after that. It will make this type of a lifestyle much less confusing and nobody wants to go back to that damn boring vanila lifestyle once they have had a taste of this. LOL.:bigsmile:
    cumslave
     
  7. newsub4a
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    newsub4a Senior Member

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    i have to second what Mistress Michelle has said... and add a bit.

    Sounds like pet is forgetting his place. Don't mean to sound harsh, but it is a D/s relationship. In all honesty i have been where (i think) he is now. He is still having issues giving up control. It is a scary feeling and even now i sometimes have doubts, asking myself "Am i still a man?"

    The answer is "yes i am". Remember, being submissive is not about being weak or wimpy unless YOU (as the submissive) want it to be. The truth is, being submissive in a 24/7 relationship is hard work and often frustrating. It is about selfless sacrifice to your dom and about learning how to accept and live with your own kinks.

    Perhaps the hardest things i do, i do not because i want to, but because my Goddess wants me to do them.

    Some of the things we play with are cuckolding and now needles, nether of which i enjoy all that much (but i do enjoy the fantasy of them both). The play will continue because Goddess enjoys them and i enjoy pleasing Goddess!

    As to punching the pillow in frustration... If you want your marriage to last that has to stop. Communication is important in any relationship, but in a D/s one it is even more critical. TALK, TALK, TALK! Perhaps the too of you should set up a "time out" word for use during sessions (not a safe word).

    On the issue of safe words... Personally we do not use them in our lifestyle, we prefer to play under R.A.C.K. (we do use SSC when playing with others however). The one Key thing with safe words is don't ignore them! That is perhaps the only "bad" thing you did Mistress Watchful, but i am in no place to judge your actions as i was not there. However, if pet uses the safe word too freely then he is simply using a cop out and not really fulfilling his role.

    Hope i did not come off to harsh, as that was not my intent. It wounds like you are both trying to define your relationship and that is not easy to do. We had a hard time ourselves and in fact continue to change and modify how we interact. There really is no "right way" to live a D/s lifestyle. You just have to find a way that works!
     
  8. Mistress Watchful
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    Mistress Watchful Dont believe the hype ;oP

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    Thank you all. :smile:

    It's a lovely new day (and a very busy one!) but we appear to be over our hurdle. I decided I wasn't going to let this put me off and go and hide (which I usually do) so when I woke up horny this morning I demanded a pussy licking... and when naughty little pet tried to do the "if I lick hard and fast this will be over quickly" I calmly suggested that he better get his act together.

    This he did, I had a wonderfully powerful orgasm and feel back in my rightful place!

    I agree with everything Mistress Michelle had to say, it is so darn easier to be vanilla, and I'm so tempted to go back there sometimes! Hopefully I won't be crying in the shower too frequently, but hell those emotions get really strong during playtimes don't they!?

    newsub... I completely agree that I overstepped the mark with the ice. In my defence he never used his proper safeword, he just said "thats a limit now". In hindsight I should have checked back in and asked for clarification. I never expected myself to "not listen"... and I do apologise to pet for that.

    Kinkish, you are also right. I love your analogy, it rings bells with my "gambling" side... You do have to risk it all. It also reminded me of a rollercoaster I went on a couple of weeks ago with my eldest daughter... I was SO scared but SO desperate to ride it, and it was freaking awesome! You just have to risk how you're going to feel (and if you're going to throw up!) Lol

    Thank you also cumslave for letting us see that this is a phase that appears to be fairly common. I'm glad you've managed to work through it.

    What is often lacking here on the site is the time inbetween. It's easy to forget that pet and I have been together overnight now and had plenty of hours to chat here and there, and we do. Our levels of communication are what make this work.

    pet has apologised so many times about being a brat and being selfish, and that I'm keeping up my end of the bargain and he needs to pull his socks up!

    I'm glad we are delving a bit further now before the device arrives (in the next week or so Mistress Michelle) because otherwise I may have thought that the device was the cause of the stress.

    Thank you all for sharing.
     
  9. pantyprincess
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    pantyprincess Member

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    Mistress Watchful, back in my vanilla days I was quit often very selfish when it came to sex. It was often about me. What spurred my wife to really take hold of the D/S, and chastity was turning the tables and making it all about her.

    This was her one condition when we started on this journey. She has kept to this. Any sex or play time we engage in is focused on her pleasure. Any attention directed towards me only comes after she is satisfied. Mistress even demands this during any teasing and denial play time, she conducts these sessions solely for her enjoyment, not mine.

    I would not have thought this possible years ago but, Mistress feels that I am a much better lover and husband due to my focused attention to her. While my release only comes a few times each year, we both feel that our time together is even better than 20 years ago.

    Continue to insist on your pleasure first.
     
  10. Loris1
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    Loris1 Junior Member

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    I second this opinion
     
  11. allfullup
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    allfullup Free Member (for now)

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    A ruined orgasm can be a fairly distressing experience, especially if it's not a common experience for him or if he's stopped at just the right moment in just the wrong way. Added to high hormone levels and existing emotional stresses of parenthood and otherwise it could be quite a crushing blow for the poor dear.
     
  12. newsub4a
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    newsub4a Senior Member

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    Excellent advice! My Goddess has found the same thing to be true. Fortunately for me She also feels that a healthy prostate is very important so I normally get at least one ruined orgasm a week. Sometimes that is worse than NO orgasm though! :squigglemouth:

    True, but just remind charlotte that this is about YOUR pleasure, not his and it pleases YOU to ruin his orgasms. This makes it easier for me to deal with them.
     
  13. ptathuk
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    ptathuk Member

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    I love this site. The wisdom just leaps off the pages. :bigsmile:

    Dear Mistress Watchful,
    Edge play is about finding those boundaries. The route is an emotional roller coaster, complete with disorientating corkscrews. There is always risk in the search. When you play within the known boundaries, do you find it less exciting? (Does everyone else, here?) Is it like a drug for you - you want more, to get your fix?

    Placed in this context Pet's behaviour is atrocious. He realises this. Wisdom! :smile: I would be mortified, if I made a partner cry, (assuming she didn't want to.) Sounds like you've both learned somthing.

    Cross-referncing with another thread: I hope you realise you are so 'good enough'. In fact, you're bl**dy fantastic. :wink:

    Success in find more edges to your play
    ptathuk
     
  14. Mistress Watchful
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    Mistress Watchful Dont believe the hype ;oP

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    Awww... thank you! :angel:

    I'm not yet, but hopefully I will be one day!
     
  15. Mistress Featherhawk
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    Mistress Featherhawk Mistress Featherhawk

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    Mistress Watchful....

    To err is human, and we are all human. No relationship is perfect. I struggle all the time with knowing whether I am doing it correctly, or if I am considering both mine and my subs feelings. We have a tough situation in our household, as we have to turn it on, and then off, on and then off and that is very frustration at times to just get your mind to click like that is very difficult. So I can see where you are coming from.

    I just try to learn as much as I can, then apply a little at a time what is best suited for us. It doesn't always work perfect, but most of the time it is so very Erotic, it does not matter. Just enjoy the moments.
     
  16. Ladynsniffer
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    Ladynsniffer Essentially a eunuch

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    It's too late to go vanilla...

    Ms. Watchful...reading this post and your post about your frustration over failed chastity was painful because I really felt bad for you and your situation. But, I must say...once you enter in to the FemDomme lifestyle...and include chastity play and cuckolding...there really is no going back to vanilla. You will spend every moment thinking about, and fantasizing about, those wonderful FemDomme moments until you absolutely can't stand it...and suddenly you are back in the lifestyle. I will admit you are in a weird situation. School, children, and many other responsibilities will interfere with even the most "rock solid" marriage. Life just gets in the way.

    Solutions? Communication, experience, and time. Luckily you are both young and have time to develop the FemDomme relationship that works for both of you.

    Communication is key. Everytime an issue like this comes up - you both must express your needs from the relationship. But, NOT DURING SEX! You cannot allow him to "top from the bottom" or manipulate you (damn, and I am so fucking good at this...I can really hurt my wife's feelings...which is why I have learned never ever to top from the bottom). He should have a "time out" and be given the opportunity to express his needs (and ONLY during this time out). If you are the FemDomme... everything is always done "your" way (except when it violates safety).

    The sub must understand (and he may have to come to this conclusion on his own...which in some cases is too late) that while he may win his immediate need by using your emotional bond with him to get his way...the result has consequences. A woman loses some of her emotional commitment each and every time this happens. A woman may avoid sex or BD/sm sex as a way of avoiding emotional conflict. A woman may seek the positive regard she needs from someone else. My point is that a sub is in a VERY weak position in his relationship to his Domme...and every time he tries to manipulate his Domme through anger, jealousy, whining, moody behavior, or whatever...he breaks down the relationship little by little until there is nothing left. She either agrees to be his "love" robot or she revolts and takes the marriage or maybe just herself in a different direction. Usually the sub is the total loser from this consequence.

    Experience: Well, every relationship has its little flare-ups because we are not mind-readers. That's why a "time out" for communication is important.

    It's true! Vanilla is so much easier...and so less satisfying.

    Good luck! marcus
     
  17. newsub4a
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    newsub4a Senior Member

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    What a great post and so very true! i have learned much the same things on my short journey into bdsm.
     
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