?When should a fantasy become reality?

Discussion in 'Introductions' started by Mrblueballs, Nov 26, 2009.

  1. Mrblueballs
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    Mrblueballs Junior Member

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    :anim_39:Hello all.
    I am in a "vanilla sex" marriage. I have talked my Wife into using a dildo on me just a couple times in our 5 year marriage with little to no enthusiasm on her part. I love anal penetration! I have been secretly crossdressing and masterbating with dildos and other stuff since I was a kid. I don't know how to get her to embrace this let alone my fantasy of me being her locked-up sub sissy slut that she can make service her strap-on. She doesn't seem to like the strapon idea either(I bought one but she wont wear it). I think she is mostly scared of me turning gay. I have a very high sex drive and an overactive imagination that I don't know what to do with. I don't want to push too hard, but I think about this constantly. I guess my dilema is... when should a fantasy stay a fantasy, and when should it become reality?
    What things should I start with to warm her up to these ideas gradually?
    Does anyone have advice on how to get my wife interested in this lifestyle?

    (I am on this site to fantasize over your pics and stories, and to decide if and how to get my Wife to eventually embrace this.)
     
  2. Dumb1
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    Dumb1 senior member

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    thats such a difficult line to tread .i think most women would struggle with all of those things out of the blue and it may be that it will always remain a fantasy or if you are lucky maybe your wife will accept a little bit at a time and come to embrace your other self,but sometimes we just have to accept that things may have to stay in our minds only.:anim_39:
     
  3. Fantasee
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    Fantasee Member

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    I think that for a lot of women, it can be dififcult to think in other wayes, than the man beeing the active one when it comes to sex.

    Therefor the idea of a man in chastity belt is a lot easier, if she is presentet with the oppersit entrance to it.

    A man that becomes wery tuned in to her other needs, such as attension.

    Search the net for a womans story on why a chastitybelt works that way to.
     
  4. chastityslavejohn
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    chastityslavejohn Mistress Irianna's pet

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    She will not do what She does not want to do, what does not turn Her on nor what She is uncomfortable with. people change, but slowly.
     
  5. madamsboy
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    madamsboy Looking for a special female

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    very true.
    I was in the same situation as MBB a long time ago. I started out with using butt plugs which I explained to madam were enjoyable for me. Nowadays Madam can have an orgasm from taking me with a strapon. It has all just taken time to get to this point along with communication and pics.
     
  6. Jimi123
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    Jimi123 Senior Member

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    You might try taking one thing and working on that rather then try to toss in the whole 9 yards at once. Take the first point. You like being fucked with a strapon. She has done it a couple of times but doesn't seem that into it. Maybe you could encourage that by watching some adult videos where thats the main thing going on. Watching Bend Over Boyfriend 2 for example might get her excited about it and the more "mainstream" approach to it might help her do this without feeling too weirded out. There are whole piles of women fucking men with strapons that you could try watching with her.

    One thing you might want to do it appreciate what you have. Vanilla Sex and a happy marriage ain't all bad!
    :love0077:
     
  7. tomf_22033
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    tomf_22033 Active member

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    Mrblueballs,

    One thing you can do is search some of the posts here on how to encourage a partner into the lifestyle. If I'm not mistaken, Mistress Michelle and Mistress Watchful have posted their experiences and advice. I believe others have also.

    On the submissive side I can speak of my experiences and tell you that I have introduced a couple of partners to the joys of BDSM. The most important thing is to realize that you are talking about communication and trust issues. If you and your wife have a good relationship and can communicate openly and honestly then the job for you is to express your desires and needs in a way that is safe and caring to her. You've said things haven't done much for her, but you have indicated that she was willing to experiment and try things which is great. The most important thing is not to be one of the many guys who pushes the issue and demands that she do things she's not interested in. In other words, now that you know your wife won't freak out and is open minded, what you need to do is to find things that SHE would like and find fun and enjoyable and then SLOWLY introduce them. In other words, build up her comfort, confidence, and trust levels and you'll find what she likes, dislikes and is open to trying. Remember that as we try new things our likes and dislikes change and things that seemed "kinky" at one time become "normal".

    In my own case, there are several things that were previously hard limits that I've either experienced or want to do, or will do since I've grown more comfortable with BDSM.

    Good luck and realize that there are some great folks here who have "been there/done that" and are willing to help you if you ask.
     
  8. Mrblueballs
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    Mrblueballs Junior Member

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    Thank you.

    Thank you all so much for your advice. I think some of these ideas are going to be difficult to accomplish, but I am willing to do what I have to. My wife is Very conservative (as am I except for this one aspect) and has only done these things to try to make me happy. But if she isn't happy, neither am I. She has only watched porn with me once and has not taken me up on my offers to do it again. So warming her up with some strapon porn is going to be a huge step of its own. Her mentality is that she doesn't want to envolve anyone else in our sex life. So she isn't a fan of watching others do it, talking to others about it, or including anyone else in the act(s)... just the two of us and things (If I am lucky).

    I guess I will just have to go read some stories and gather up as much patience as I can to do this at a pace she can handle.

    Also, I am very greatful for my vanilla sex and relationship, it is just so hard to keep these desires/feelings bottled up. Chating with you all helps so much. Thank you again.

    MBB
     
  9. Burger_01
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    Burger_01 Chastity Geek

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    Hey MrBlueBalls,

    All of the above are great ideas, however.. perhaps if you expect her to indulge your fantasy, what you really should be doing is asking her about HER fantasies. Maybe she has dreams of doing something with/to you, but hasn't felt confident enough to broach the subject. It's also possible that she might be thinking of something that you'd enjoy.

    And even if she doesn't seem to share any interesting fantasies.. all is not lost, as conversations like this, although they are hard, are worthwhile. If you were going to be a locked up slave boy, then you need a level of communication with your partner that is on par with telekinesis!
     
  10. Jimi123
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    Jimi123 Senior Member

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    I think exploring what she might be into is indeed a very good idea. I thought a little bit more about my reply and thought maybe I should add this. You have a fantasy and want reality. Have you explored exactly what it is that you want? By that I mean you mentioned you wanted to be her sissy slut. Is it possible your craving a female / female relationship? If thats the real object I think its worth pondering if you have some deep feelings about being female / transexual. And this is or course difficult to deal with when your married to a person who thinks they are in a more conventional relationship.

    Before you lay anything like that on your wife maybe the best advise is to seek some help with a professional who deals with this type of thing. They can help evaluate whats going on and tell you if you should be pondering that or if this is just an interesting sexual kink. If you are really GID and do go forward with some form of transition? Well these same folks can also help you find a good way to communicate this with your wife. And for what its worth I know of a couple of couples that are happy together post transition.
     
  11. susie q
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    susie q Dear friend of the Mistress Michelle clan

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    Shew i can touch base on this one ..as i tryed with my now ex wife of 31 years had the same thoughts,desires and so forth and as hard as i tryed to convince her to feel that it wasn't crazy if you will ..she was very vanilla and never came around to it and trust me i spent alot of time and effort she went to the MAN thing and never could understand the fem side of me ..unfortunatly i know and understand that she never would have. I recently lost a great and wonderful relationship with a wonderful Mistress becouse my thoughts and desires we're kept inside of me for not expressing it correctly and all im saying dear friend is be very careful and don't expect greatness from your relationship if she as i read into this is never going to be as you would like it to ..love and hold what you do have and maybe it will get better .i sure hope it does for you and her :manga_champers:
     
  12. Mistress Watchful
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    Mistress Watchful Dont believe the hype ;oP

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    Lots of wonderful advice here!

    The ones I would pick up on are to ask your wife about her fantasies, and to figure out EXACTLY what you want. Do you want to serve? Do you just want to be denied and teased? Do you want bondage? Pain? Verbal humilation?

    It is important. I thought pet wanted to serve - turns out he's just a bratty sub who likes a lot of bondage. Lol!

    Also, have you thought of watching some films which have some light BDSM aspects in to start a conversation? I was actually watching an episode of Bones the other day which was based around the pony play fetish!

    It would be handy to look at the TV guide and check if there are any on soon, and maybe stumble across them "by accident"!
     
  13. madamsboy
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    madamsboy Looking for a special female

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    CSI has had several episodes dealing with all sorts of different kinks.
    several episodes had a character named "Lady Heather" as a bit player.

    that is a great idea IMO.
     
  14. Jimi123
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    Jimi123 Senior Member

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    There is a series called Sex Change Hospital which has the Surgeon doing the SRS/GRS operations who is a male to female Transexual. *And Pretty hot btw!
     
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