When is the right time to mention my cage?

Discussion in 'Chastity in vanilla life' started by BlueBallz, Nov 7, 2021.

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  1. BlueBallz
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    BlueBallz New member

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    Hello everyone,
    I have been posting in the journal section to a thread called “Before the beginning.” I have been self locking for the past week and abstaining from self pleasure for two (I think it’s been two weeks) in an effort to show my girlfriend the benefit that chastity could have on our relationship. I have been a much more attentive, affectionate, and loving boyfriend. When it came to sex I only focused on her, I felt no urge to cum the first time, or the second time, but she told me she wanted me to so I mentally let go, and kept going and eventually did. She was in complete ecstasy both times we had sex, and this past 4-5 days has been filled with an abundance of smiles and joy from her. She told me that I have been so much better and I’ve been making her feel cherished.

    I have not told her I lock up during the week when she’s gone, however she does know the reason for my behavior is that I abstain from self pleasure. She really appreciates it and really enjoys it, she has told me several times.

    I feel that here in another week or so I am going to be ready to tell her I have been locking up during the week. I’m waiting for the current mood drop to end, and for a new week of love and affection before I tell her “part of the reason I have been able to do this is chastity” but in different words.

    She already knows I have a cage, the last conversation I did everything wrong. I wore it without her knowledge and handed her the keys, with no real idea what I wanted her to do. She said I could do it, but she didn’t want anything to do with it.

    After a new week of intense love, affection and a newfound focus on her. I want to tell her about the cage. However I want to be ready. I am just going to mention it. I got a new cage from the one she knows about, so I have to say that somewhere in there.

    What should I say?

    How would you answer follow up questions like:
    Why do you like it so much?

    So this is why you’ve been acting so different? You want me to do this?

    Babe I already told you I don’t want to be a part of it! Can we just not talk about it anymore please?

    So you want me to change?

    What other questions or statements can I expect from her? Any help is greatly appreciated.
     
  2. tecolote
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    tecolote Active member

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    Hey, it's a minefield. I mean she already said that she doesn't want to participate, so it's a hard thing to sell.

    So maybe you are selling the new you. She has mentioned a positive change. So just be honest with her. Tell her that you are using the cage when she isn't around. Tell her that it helps you to be your new self. Tell her that it's still taking willpower. Tell her that you want to be this new guy for yourself and hopefully she enjoys it too. Don't try to push keys on her again. Just let her know that some of the change in you is a result of chastity.

    Don't expect her to jump at the chance to hold your keys though. She's made it clear that it makes her uncomfortable. So your goal isn't to have her participate anymore. That's later. Now, you just want her familiar and comfortable with the idea of the cage.

    So I suggest that you try to let her bring it up. Let her tell you again how much she likes the new you, then let her know that part of what helps you to be this new more attentive guy is avoiding pleasuring yourself, and that the cage is a part of that. That's it. If she seems.... OK, then ask her if she would like to read something about it. Have something ready for her to read. A book may be too much, but a website might be less intimidating because she can read it in less than an hour. Make sure you mention that whatever she might find on the net if she tries to find her own sources is a minefield of male fantasies. Obviously she can read whatever, but if she just does a search and finds other extreme stuff associated with chastity, she at least has it in mind that you aren't necessarily into whatever it is that she found. You don't want to be lumped in with any random chastity fantasy she might find, because a lot of them may be off-putting to her.

    That's all for now. Where it goes from there depends on how she responds to the idea and if she reads anything. I'd suggest letting her sit on that for a few weeks before bringing it up again. If you are lucky, she will be the one to bring it up, but don't count on it.
     
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  3. bondinchas
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    bondinchas Active member

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    Don't loose sight of the fact that this isn't about the cage.
    It isn't about the keys.
    It isn't about you.

    It's about her.
    Stop worrying about when to tell her you're wearing the cage.
    Concentrate on keeping her happy and making her life bliss.

    Don't deliberately hide it, but don't force it on her either
    She already knows you have the cage.
    She already knows you're being good for her.
    Do that and she'll either find out, or work it out, in her own time exactly how much benefit male chastity is for her.

    If you'd like her to become more controlling, more dominant, then you may find that's best done just by becoming less controlling and less dominant yourself. You can change you far easier than you can change her, and if you give her the space she'll appreciate and fill that dynamic without you having to force it. If you top from the bottom, it's less likely to happen.
     
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  4. JaySaysYes
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    JaySaysYes Level-4 Sarcasm Master, PhD in Google, Ace Pedant.

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    Seems like a great time for an experiment :)

    Next three months; Be caged as much as possible and NEVER ejaculate or orgasm. Do not mention the cage!

    Three months after; No cage, masturbate daily or as often as it takes your fancy.

    After that; Ask her which she prefered.

    if the first three months then clearly she likes you needy and horny.

    If the second three months she prefers you like a grunting neanderthal.

    Do it for the science :)
     
  5. bondinchas
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    bondinchas Active member

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    My money is on the second three months ending early!
     
  6. madams-sissysub
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    this is perfect advice!
     
  7. Turma
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    Turma Active member

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    Rule 42: If you don't know what you want, don't expect others to sense what you want.

    You will have ideas about what she should experience together with you and these ideas you will have to tell her willy-nilly.

    Do you want her to "only" keep chaste and tease and deny? Should it be a training to concentrate more on the backdoor as the primary sex organ?

    Should it be that she "only" controls your orgasms or that she can determine when she wants to be satisfied?

    Does clothing, material play a role? Verbal education or should she take complete control in real terms(TPE) or softer than FLR?

    Should she be strict or rather sensitive?

    Should she force you to do things that you don't necessarily consider nogo, but also don't necessarily like?

    There are so many possibilities and without that you embellish and talk about it, it will be nothing.

    So let the dust settle and then talk about it calmly and any term she is not familiar with will be clarified immediately and fully so that she gets a picture of what you would like to experience.

    After! She can decide whether she wants to go this way or not.
     
  8. Casemagnum72
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    Casemagnum72 Member

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    Please keep us posted. I find myself in a similar situation.:):lock:
    Self lock at times without my low libido wifes knowledge.
     
  9. Mistress Jules
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    Mistress Jules Professional Dominatrix and Owner of Lockit
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    Be warned, ladies who find out that this lovely new attentive you - that makes them feel like a princess who has found her prince charming - is actually nothing of the sort, will be very cross.

    To think that your partner has finally realised that the things that make you feel loved and cherished are more sensual and less sexual is a lovely thought.

    To then find out that actually he has not been doing this for your benefit but for his own sexual gratification is very hurtful. Many ladies can feel very hurt by such a charade.

    Be careful what you wish for
     
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  10. Drews
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    Drews Active member

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    You may have had the conversation but having a very vanilla wife I will still share my thoughts. I would give it a little longer without saying anything while self locking so she can continue to see the difference. When you bring it up, in know way say this is for her and she should lock you. Unless she is a hidden dominatrix it will fail miserably. During a close moment I would start a conversation and say I have a confession. I know your feelings about the cage but when you were away I have been wearing it. It takes away the temptation of masturbating that is very difficult to control. I have tried without it but sometimes the temptation is so strong I still do it and then get upset with myself. When I wear the cage it makes me the person I want to be. I feel less selfish and think about you more and I really like the feeling. I admit that there have been times I got the keys and almost ruined it for when we got to see each other. I know your feeling about it but it really helps me. Someday I hope you would take the keys and at least try to make it easier for me. I would then just probably let it go for a while and let her think about it. If she asks, let her know it comes off whenever she asks no questions asked by you. My wife was concerned about an escape plan if something went wrong. I use a cheap brass padlock. She made me break it off with a screwdriver in front of her. Basically have her do this for you (at this point it really is anyway) . She needs to figure it out on her own what benefits her from the cage. My wife locks me 24/7 and says it is for us both. I do not think she would ever do it just for herself. Good luck!
     
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  11. Tracker1
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    Tracker1 Member

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    So I was in this situation. My wife is super vanilla, and believe me, I knew this well. So when I introduced the idea of chastity I did not mention sex at all. I sold it as a way of dealing with my obesity. I was weighed once a week. If I had lost at least a pound the cage came off for a night. If my weight was constant the cage stayed on. If I gained a pound or more I got spanked. My wife was 100% on board with this objective (and so was I). (I had no trouble at all with teasing.) I reached my -- our -- target practically overnight! I then extended it to exercise, which she was also enthusiastic about. And chastity did miracles in that context as well. So when I started to talk about what other ends it might serve it was on a foundation of successes she cared about.
     
  12. Nicoftime
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    Nicoftime The suspense is terrible...I hope it lasts

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    There are two ways for her to get on board. One is a manipulative jerk way, the other is the honest way. Manipulative way I believe has a higher probability of success along with a higher probability of resentment. The honest way has a greater outlook that she will want to participate, and also has the possibility of absolutely nothing changing.

    Manipulative. You stop wearing the cage you jerk off with reckless abandon, and willfully make it known the helpful and super affectionate fella is gone. When she confronts you with what the heck is going on, you explain that without the cage you can’t really be that person. That you tried to self lock but couldn’t really keep it up without help keeping yourself from cheating it. She may reluctantly take the keys, there ya go you got yourself a kh. You also have a partner that thinks her worth is tied to your sex drive. She’s not going to understand the hormone and chemistry involved in your brain that makes being horny such a good partner. She will think you only care about being horny. If this is all you want, go for it.

    The honest way is to ask her for a favor. That her controlling you sexually really turns you on, and it’s not the same when you self lock. That it would mean a lot if she would hold the keys for you and let you unlock only when she wants to be intimate. She will probably do you the favor because she loves you, it requires little of her, and you are opening up to her. If she says no though, you can toss that cage in the back of the drawer.

    I suggest honesty, but hey that’s just me.
     
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